The Parents of Mixed-Race Children Must Understand THIS Vital Fact
It is difficult raising children in a world that is centered around hate and division. It is a far greater challenge raising a mixed race child in a society that was built on inferiority.
Many mixed race children have to deal with serious identity issues that can follow them well into adulthood. The constant battle between seeking refuge within a racial group while still maintaining a true sense of self is perilous.
These kids evolve into adulthood with virtually no clue surrounding their unique culture. They may take on the charisma or traits of their dominant race, but there is always something there that sets them apart.
There is a great beauty in being bi-racial and it’s so unfortunate that finding that beauty is not met without a challenge.
They will no doubt go to school and begin to notice their racial difference between their classmates. Sure, the United States is a melting pot of beautiful cultures; filled with various skin tones, hair textures, and eye colors.
However, when you peer through the prism of a bi-racial child’s eyes, you will understand the battle they face. Children from a set background have the advantage of knowing their culture. They have customs and traditions that shape their confidence. Likely, they may have a large community of kids just like them in their neighborhood or places of worship.
Bi-racial children often times feel that they must choose one culture over the other. A child of African American and Caucasian decent specifically may feel uncomfortable around Caucasian children or vice versa.
Although technically they are apart of that race, there is still an unspoken divide that makes them feel like an outcast.
Parents of mixed race kids have a huge responsibility to instill a sense of self-worth and self-confidence within their children. There first has to be a sense of truth within the home that makes the child comfortable bringing race up.
Taking the attitude of being “color blind” will not help your child grow. In fact, it will only confuse them more when they have to identify racial discrimination.
I was raised in a household where a clearly discriminatory situation was clouded with excuses other than race. My parents felt that protecting me from this outlook would help me to not pin everybody I encounter as a racist.
While this is a grand mentality in a perfect world, sadly, I gave many people passes when in reality they should have been called out for their actions. Children crave reality. Their innocence is just a placeholder for an entire world of curiosity.
“I don’t have prejudice against myself. I’m not on the white man’s side, or the black man’s side. I’m on God’s side — the one who create me and cause me to come from black and white.”
– Bob Marley
They notice more than we realize and it is imperative that they understand how the world works. Educating them on what prejudice is and how to handle a situation of discrimination will better equip them to face reality.
African American parents also need to understand that just because their child may not look traditionally Black to them, this does not mean that the world will not identify them as a minority race.
Mixed race children are just as susceptible to discrimination. It is quite belittling when a child tells their parent about a situation that was clearly inappropriate and the parent brushes it off with the words, “they didn’t mean it in that way,” or, “they don’t know what you are.”
I specifically direct this essay to black and white couples only because I can speak from a personal perspective on the matter. This is a tricky combination because the child is not just a mixture of two polar opposites culture wise, they are also a mix of two races that have a history of hatred for the other.
The Caucasian parent has the responsibility of demonstrating an unbiased view of all African-Americans- not just those in their family. Partaking in honest talks considering race, culture and American history will increase your child’s respect for you.
They likely won’t feel the paranoia of believing that all white people are racists. Rather, they will see a prime example of two different races co-existing peacefully.
The African-American parent has the most important role in this relationship because the child will likely try to find a commonality with you. Encourage this. Don’t overexpose your differences; thus creating a divide between your culture and theirs.
I struggle with an insatiable sense of seeking approval from those on my black side because quite frankly, our experiences are similar. It is very disheartening when those you feel a commonality with disregard your experiences and place you in yet another separate box.
Creating a sense of understanding and unity will instill a great sense of self-awareness within your child. They no longer feel the burden of having to choose a side. Rather, they find comfort in their own skin within the presence of all races.
I was raised under the mentality that choosing one race above the other was not an option. My mother spoke very highly of my fathers family and vice versa. Sure, times were different and they sadly did not have all of the resources available now to educate them on understanding how I was feeling. Granted, they did the best they could.
With more and more mixed race children being born, the conversation of identity needs to be brought to the forefront. Yes, your children will go through experimental phases, but they are trying to find themselves just like any other child.
Own it.
Allow them that time to find where they fit in.
The challenge is present; there is no doubt about that. But, through love, positive reinforcement and honesty, your child will grow naturally into self-acceptance.
