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I'm touch starved
I'm doing some introspection and I realized I'm touch starved. I figured there was something wrong when I met up with this guy and we had a nice time -- things got steamy and we made out in the back of my car and when he hugged me I froze and I asked him to hug me again and I kept asking him to hug me tighter.
Now, I can't get my mind off of him and Im starting to come on too strong I believe.
A lot of the guys I've hooked up with have seemed like they really soaked up the physical contact. I don't think we realize how lonely we get sometimes.
Same - sometimes it’s off-putting, sometimes I give generously —
Beautifully said. It's so easy to go through the day-to-day hugging family and friends. When you actually hug someone you're attracted to, you forget how different and mind-blowing that connection feels.
This. I’ve realized recently how much I enjoy that intimate side of some hookups/one night stands. Cuddling, exchanging warmth, etc. Pheromones. Oxytocin. It’s wonderful.
I didnt realise I was a hug person until this big sexy dude I was super into hugged me so tightly that I went to this magically place and didn’t want him to ever let go.
I swear my BF gives the best hugs, I had to tell him “I didn’t know a person could be my favorite place in the world”
Today is a great day. Tomorrow looks good too. And the next day. Just pick a day! If you’re sure it’s the right person, then it’s always a good day - life is too short to waste on getting it perfect when it stops you getting it done.
I told mine to marry me jokingly and he said "no, at least not now"
People always told me I give the best hugs. I thought it was a fake compliment but your words have ended my paranoia about it. Thanks.
It's nice to know people really value this.
It's nice to know how sometimes, a stranger on the internet's voice can put out paranoias to rest.
Keep on hugging! 🤗
I relate to this so much. The last time i got a hug was 2 years ago and it was the best feeling i've ever had in my entire life. Now im just back being depressed.
Not trying to set the mood off but we're most likely very far from each other 😅
Honest question: are people in your friend circle anti-hug? Human contact is a well-documented basic need (obviously with a stupidly small amount of exceptions), so unless all of your friends or family are in that group...it might be worth it to just ask a friend for a hug?
It's not the same as getting a hug from a partner (still hoping I get one of those types of hugs at least once before I die), but it might help.
I need a hug so bad:( I wish someone would hug me tight everyday.
Sincere hugging is one of the best things in the world. I’m sorry you’re touched starved. If I were near you I’d suggest meeting up and just hugging and cuddling. I hope you find people to do that with. They’re out there and you’re not the only one.
Gurrrrl, I’m touch starved and I have a bf. We all feel it. I feel you.
Reddit made held.it into a link and I thought it must be some new Silicon Valley hug startup
Well, that's kinda adorable.
I noticed you saying these things yesterday. Why are you still bothering this guy for being feminine? It's like you're in some sort of downward spin and spewing as much shade as you can. Trying to bring people down to your level, I guess. Misery loves company. Try cultivating some self love instead. Take time to figure out why you're being an asshole. What's missing that you need? Fix your shit. We all deserve better from you, you included.
He’s a right-wing neo-nazi nutjob that hates fems.
I’m just pointing out his hypocrisy.
Now the question is, why do you care so much?
Too many dudes aren't down for cuddling after. They'll be plenty lovey-dovey during foreplay and sex but as soon as they bust it's like "Yeah I gotta go, I got an appointment soon." Like really? You can't stick around for an episode of Parks & Rec or Always Sunny?
I'm not looking for a committed relationship but damn, some guys make me feel like I'm just a mouth/ass.
I'd be down - but if you aren't hosting it's difficult to feel out if this is wanted or not by your partner unless it's mentioned explicitly.
I guess I should be more forward... but also, I thought it was "common courtesy". Like I always help with the sheets or make a sammich or something, not just "hey thanks for the cumswallow, see you maybe".
I didn't know this was a thing but I guess I am one too...
You’re not alone bro. Ended up cuddling with a straight friend who was the same. Wasn’t sexual at all, just comforting.
I totally get this! Sometimes you only realize it when it’s gone on for too long. I’ve also found massage to be a nice way to get a good dose of touch :)
Me too. When I finally get on a date once a year I hug the guy to death and he's so weirded out.
Straight girl but I identify with this, and I combat it by getting a monthly massage.
I definitely know that feeling. It's almost like reverting back to that youthful first cuddle with someone you really like. But it makes for some really nice moments, even if they are fleeting.
I’d like to have that first cuddle please! Never had that sadly :(
It's not touch-it's intimacy.
That's the ugly side of hookup culture. At the end of the day, you're left feeling hollow and alone.
I'm a little horrified that real intimacy is so unfamiliar to people. :(
I think everyone understands this. I think this is the biggest challenge for the gay community right now - how to build better connections
This made super nostalgic for the app cuddlr. It was never well used in my area (or any area, it seems), but a grindr-style app just for cuddles is something I want so bad.
I don't. I haven't been able to find another app like that, anyway. I just posted over in r/cuddlebuddies, but I guess that sub isn't super active.
I think I'm too, but I discovered it with a stranger on the bus. Can we hug each other?
you can be upfront and honest and say that you're touch starved like all the gays out there and really liked that hug. authenticity is the key these days on social media and assuming that you're assuming he's going to ghost you soon (not necessarily the case), you have nothing to lose. all the best for now and for future men.
I have learned that a hug Is one of the best things you can give another person. And get from another person. Never be afraid to hug.
I wish I was more attractive. There's a lot of guys I would just hug to satiate both of our needs her physical contact but I'm not pretty enough for them to be interested. Of course I guess if I was better-looking I wouldn't have so much for a problem finding intimate contact..
Before I started dating, and even still now with my boyfriend I had a lot of really I would think innocent fantasies. A lot of it was just holding hands, cuddling, or hugging my guy. Gay guys are definitely touched starved especially those that came out later. A lot of us don't get those more innocent teenage moments so many of our straight peers get.
Touch is a very basic thing many people take for granted.
I came from a very touchy geeky family. Lots of hugs and kisses. Parents rubbing our heads or backs. Holding our hands.
I had a relationship in my early 20’s that he gaslighted me and made me think I was crazy! But I realized some people require and like different levels of touch.
My current best friend where I live is not a touchy person at all. Lost both parents in childhood. He tolerates my hugs. He doesn’t verbally say “I love you”, but is through his actions I know he cares.
When I have lived all by myself, I have gotten depressed when I would go months without any type of loving or tender touch.
I have made it a point to develop a close knit group of friends who are affectionate. Many gays have been cut off from family and don’t get some of the affection they otherwise would get.
I also make it a point at poignant moments, to hug my friends a little longer. I saw a PBS science show that said the “bonding” or “love hormone” oxytocin is released at about 15 seconds. So I try to hold onto friends and loved ones for at least 15 seconds sometimes just to make sure the chemical reaction triggers.
Lastly, I must say NYE I got an amazing hug. One of my friends is a big lumberjack looking straight guy. He was rolling his balls off, but all of the sudden he just wrapped his arms around me and gave me a great big long bear hug. True, unconditional, unadulterated loved is one of the best things in the world. It was even better when his girlfriend grabs me from behind and I’m sandwiched between them. I just soaked it all in!
Make “true affection” one of your goals for 2019. Both giving and receiving. It is a miracle how such a simple thing can make a HUGE difference!