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A place for introverts to [gather](http://heyluchie.tumblr.com/post/53461087106/my-comic-introversion-is-finished-please-go-to) and chat. [Or not](http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/062808/your-personality-type.gif). We can [just](http://d1xenuxjgcz4dx.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/quiet3-01-e1448327587928.png) be [quiet](http://www.happyjar.com/comic/quiet) and [withdrawn](http://i.imgur.com/9P9mM.png) if we want[.](http://i.imgur.com/TvGkZ.jpg)
Any Confident Introverts?
I noticed a lot of posts on this subreddit involve people with lots of social anxiety. Personally, I am very confident and can hold a conversation with just about anyone before my batteries run out of juice. I think pretty highly of myself and enjoy being around friends, I just avoid people because I don’t want to talk to them. It’s not that talking would make me nervous, it’s just that I don’t have anything to say to most people. Is anyone else like this or am I alone on this one?
Yep! Right here 👋
I've heard the term "sociable hermits" used for us & I think that's pretty damn accurate! My brother and sister are both more extroverted than I, but they both have told me I thrive far more than they do in social settings.
I still prefer to be alone, but I can rock both worlds :)
i think i might be the same. but during christmas i had so many people around me all the time, that in january i needed to spent a whole week as allone as i could. so now i'm not sure :D
Hello there, fellow confident introvert!
I'm pretty much the same. I can chat with anyone and when I'm in a social situation, I actually feel the need to make conversation if the room has gone quiet.
But people are usually not that interesting... I love having long conversations (preferably one on one) when it's about something cool and fascinating, but if we're gonna be talking about who's fucking who, or which celebrity is doing what, I prefer to be alone in my room reading or watching a movie or fucking staring at the ceiling with my own thoughts.
I partially agree with you. If I am talking with someone about something I like or am interested in, then long conversations are just fine - and sometimes quite fun and enjoyable - but if it is mostly small talk, then I don't talk.
Where I disagree with you is if the room has gone quiet, I am ok with that and don't necessarily feel the need to talk. Most of the time the other people I'm with will either feel awkward and leave or start a new conversation. However I can enjoy the "awkward" silence just fine.
It's that awkward silence that I can't stand hahaha but if it's only me and someone else, and we're comfortable with each other, it's not gonna be an awkward silence :)
Exactly, the whole "awkward silence" is only awkward if you make it that way. It could just be known as taking a breather in conversations to chill, or as I like to call it 'cool downs'.
I actually feel the need to make conversation if the room has gone quiet.
I definitely relate to this. I don't have social anxiety, but awkward silences make me extremely uncomfortable. If I feel one coming on then I'll start talking to keep the conversation going. Which is funny to think about since I used to be the quiet guy who created awkward silences.
Hey there. I’m like you. I’m confident around people and can initiate and hold conversations. But I am still an introvert, so human interaction is like a gym workout for me...I can do it, have to do it, and do it well, but it will eventually tire me out. I will need alone time to recover from the social exhaustion after a party, for example.
Exactly! Like I can do the social interaction thing well but then it makes people think “wow we’re really connecting” when I’m really just trying to get the night over with haha
I do “connecting” pretty well, but I have a running timer per person. 15 min max mingling per person, and 4 hours max presence at a party. After that, I’m just exhausted. In very long parties, I’ve been known to hide in washrooms and behind potted plants.
Here. I actually don't mind talking to people...but I almost never start conversations because I sort of have this "Well, if they wanna talk to me..." Attitude that I know comes off as a bit snotty. But I'll say "Good Morning" and "Good Night" to people, unless I REALLY don't like them! Heh.
Yeah even when I try and start the conversation/friendship it often ends up being disappointing or boring lol. And I'm thinking "why did I do this to myself?"
Yea. I think I confuse my housemate because I am in no way shy nor do I lack confidence, can hold a conversation but I’m extremely quiet. She just assumes I don’t like her. I tried convincing her I don’t and attempted to explain my introverted tendencies but she didn’t believe me. Whatever, not my problem.
I do fine with people - but when I am done - I am done. I need to recharge. For me, my “social anxiety” kicks in when I am forced to socialize.
I’m not, but I know some. I envy you and them ;) In seriousness, I think social anxiety or awkwardness is a common but not essential thing to develop as an introvert. It all depends on the person and all their complexities.
According to my psychologist I am a very sociable introvert. I am confident overall and can hold topics and small talk to about anyone, I just don't actively enjoy doing it after a threshold, when I need to regress to my comfortable alone space and reflect. I am not able to properly learn or absorb anything 100% when I'm in social mode. People just generally tire me.
I feel the same way. Doing those things is not my default mode but I feel like I can flip a switch and handle pretty much anything. I lose energy fast when I do that though so by the end of the day I want to sleep through tomorrow.
Used to be extremely socially anxious but went through some life changing therapy. I can now proudly say I am very confident in my own skin and can hold a fulfilling conversation with nearly everyone I meet.
Did you have to use medicines or just therapy helped you to get rid of anxiety?
I’ve been using meds long before therapy and it never made any significant change. still am on the same meds I was before so I can’t really say..I’m sure it helps in some aspects but therapy was definitely the missing piece for me
Sounds a lot like me.
Because of the type of work I do, I've been conditioned to be confident and function in high energy environments. Conversation can be a struggle when the topic is fluff and there's a handful of people standing around yapping and parroting the standard talking points. I prefer conversations that require more brain cycles. Whether it's one-on-one or a small group, if the topic is thought-provoking, I'm all in. Then, I need to retreat and recharge.
Yep! This is exactly me. My job in essence is to be the “face” of our team and I take it in stride. Suuuuper charismatic at work, so people hardly know just how drained I feel the second I start heading home. I also hate smalltalk, which seems to be a common trend with many introverts, so anywhere I can avoid it I do.
Without sounding harsh, I don’t like wasting my breath because I know the toll it takes on me?
Yes me! People actually might think I’m a socialite because I am “great” at conversations. Not really great but I’m an empath so I can feel and I intuitively know what people want to hear, and often I will say these things to keep peace in the air. It’s a learned bad habit. But I am actually very confident too and I talk well with strangers, no anxiety, only a bit of fatigue after talking.
People tend to think I’m a lot more confident than I actually am, if that counts. I think I’m just really efficient at hiding my vulnerabilities and good at talking to people, but I don’t prefer it.
When I was younger and in school most of my classmates mistook my introversion for bitchiness.
Same here, completely introverted yet I was a Marine and I did yell at people. I also worked for the schools and gave informational classes about the military to high school students for many years, I can make up some bull to talk to anyone, anywhere but I’d rather not, it is work and it does tire you out.
I’m married and have found my introvert wife who is the only person I talk to these days.
Have an upvote Mr. Marine man
Edit: Or woman. No assuming gender or sexuality here.
Yeah same, really dont identify with most of the posts on here, seems like people have other things than just being an introvert going on
I'm pretty confident, though i'm really bad at socializing! Doesnt stop me from trying tho. I'm actually practicing that aspect, but i'm honestly happy with myself right now. Recently went to the cinema alone and I plan to do so again in Valentine's Day. Treat myself, y'know?
I think being happy with yourself is step one to being more confident. Good luck to you in your future social endeavors.
Hello! I don’t have problems speaking up in a group of people and letting my opinions known when needed. In public, I love doing my own thing especially when people don’t know me anyway. But after too much socializing and dealing with people throughout the entire week, I get tired and retreat.
I'm with you there. I work in relationship management, am very confident, almost to a fault.
Saying that, I identify wholeheartedly as an introvert. On a Friday, when friends want to go for drinks after work, all I want is to go home & play Xbox, then wake up fresh on Saturday morning & paint or screw around with other projects.
Social interaction tied into things is great fun for me (eg: being social at work, sports, etc), however I am repulsed by setting up entire activities purely for social activity. Bars without sport/gambling, nightclubs, etc are all my nightmare.
My kriptonite is when you are in one room with everyone and nobody is doing anything besides talking. If there is something going on, I can focus on and talk about that but if there’s nothing, my shelf life is short. Hard mode is when there’s no dog.
Yeah I'm actually fine with social situations and I'll talk to anyone about anything. It's just that my batteries run down suuuuuuper fast. The more people in the room, the faster I'm out of juice and planning my escape.
i don't have particular problems in speaking, but the bigger problem for me is the actual acting. the initiative is the hardest to do. that's when my anxiety starts to show up
I feel that. If I catch myself being nervous to talk to someone I push that feeling aside and force myself to do it anyways. That beginning really can be the hardest part though.
I’m a great empath and great at conversations... people are often shocked when I have to admit that I went and read on my phone because I needed a break from the party/event whatever. I may be good at it, but I still have a bit of social anxiety sometimes because I don’t like to participate all the time, especially after I’m already burnt out and just want to be alone.
Absolutely! I think people often think of introversion and social anxiety as one and the same but that is far from the truth. While I think that introverts are certainly more likely to suffer from social anxiety than extroverts, there is definitely a distinction that needs to be made between the two.
I also think that social anxiety is something we can learn to overcome whereas introversion will always be a part of who we are. I personally dealt with a lot of social anxiety through high school and most of college, but now feel much more confident in social situations. I totally agree that there are a lot of people I just don't really have anything to say to which I used to allow perpetuate that feeling of anxiousness.
I think it is really just about coming to terms with who we are and realizing there is no reason to feel pressured to engage in meaningless conversations (small talk) just because everyone else around us is.
This is me. I have half a mind to leave this sub because I'm so tired of the mix up of introversion and social anxiety. I'm a damn good public speaker and I know there's a time and place to make myself network and be social. It pays off to push yourself outside of what you're comfortable with, especially if you know you just have to suck it up for a few hours and then you get to both recharge, and have the benefit socially/professionally that comes with putting yourself out there.
Edit: finger slipped and submitted too soon
Me!
I am very confident, I’m a really good public speaker, I’ve been a VP at three different companies. I’d walk into new clients acting as if I owned the place.
I can talk to anyone about anything. Someone said to me once “You’ve never met a stranger, have you?”
And I have to be alone every day for hours. I hate parties. If I have to be in a large group I will stand in the corner. My idea of a good time is going to bed early with a good book.
Most people don't believe me when I say I am an introvert because when I socialize I can be outgoing. The only times I get really quiet and withdrawn is when I haven't had enough alone time and I'm feeling exhausted.
Yup, I've been trying to tell people you can be an introvert and not have social anxiety or poor social skills. I'm right there with ya just trying to find some solitude.
Yes! I actually have really bad verbal diarrhea. I'll often say things that people find weird or disturbing, because I'll always find some way to either make things deep/philosophical or weird/dark/gross. Small talk is something I just really struggle to engage with, but at the end of the day it all exhausts me. Some candles, my bed, a good book and my thoughts is the best place.
Yep. I have confident social skills. People are usually surprised to find out I’m introverted. I can be social, and I can do it well, I just prefer not to.
For me, there is no simple way to answer this. I'm not confident 24/7, but am also not anxious. It also depends on people I am with and many different factors, including the phase in life. Throughout years my opinion on myself has changed. But I definitely don't "think about myself highly", which sucks. I realize that it's something I have to work on. What is your secret? To me it feels like I always need reasons to "love myself" and I think it's bullshit I have to learn and love myself regardless. Plus I have the kind of personality that is never satisfied with any of my achievements and tends to ignore the good stuff. I think most of people are like this but I feel like I'm kinda way too pessimistic and insecure about myself.
I started going to the gym last year and that helped tremendously. I think being comfortable with who you are and how you look is important but there’s a lot more to it. What helped me the most was realizing that I was the only one standing in my way when it came to being confident or less shy. The other part is learning to care less about what other people think about you. The last advice I can give you is if there’s something you don’t like about yourself, change it. You are the only person that can do that.
I often try to be really confident. I *try*. I should't try to be confident. It always creates arkward situations. I would much rather preffer to keep quiet and listen, That would be nice
I think faking confidence leads to gaining confidence. That “fake it til you make it” like has more truth behind it than you think. It helped tremendously when I was growing up.
Sounds somewhat familiar. I don't have any troubles taking contact to people but I am normally quite silent because I don't have anything sensible to say. To an extent I would be able to talk for the sake of talking but many times it is so consuming and gives me nothing. However, I do like to talk when it is not about filling empty space. For example when in my work or voluntary work some practical things need to be discussed. Or when I play one video game and constantly need to communicate with team what's happening. These somehow do not consume me the same way as "free form" socialization.
Yeah I'm confident with myself, enjoy my life and hobbies, and have been told I'm very charismatic, etc., i just don't enjoy being around people
Give me dogs any day over strangers is what I say.
My default mode is almost nothing like how I act around other people. That’s why social events exhaust the hell out of me. All the extroverts just suck the life out of me.
It’s a weird combination to be incredibly introverted but also be good with people. I haven’t figured it out yet.
Yes. I think it is because we are confident individualists. We are confident with who we are; in what we do and like; our strengths and our weaknesses; where we need to improve; our values, beliefs and principles etc.
That’s me! I can talk to people and hang out with friends and I’m confident. But my energy gets really low if I have too much social interaction. I always need that day to recover.
Yeah I'm not a very outgoing person, but being around people does not fill me with anxiety.
I also spent a long time developing my conversation skills so that I can actually talk to people instead of just being quiet and awkward. It's a nice skill to be able to pull out when needed.
Yeah I think I fit that category I'm just dont like being all that socialable and prefer solitude so when people see me do just fine in conversation or not be shy which they assume at first it makes them unsure if I hate them or not lmao.
Like my man I just have nothing add to group conversation nor want too
Like my guy I’m petting your dog because I think he’s cute not because I’m tryin to avoid you nothin
I'm socially anxious because i don't interact alot with people and so my 'social game' isn't so good. I can accept my social anxiety, but sometimes i feel like i need to work on it.
I would not consider myself super confident , but i can have conversation with anyone without getting nervous . It is just in groups I realise I keep silent because my head goes blank.. I am not sure why
I don’t do too well in groups either. It’s the strangest thing though when you’re in a group that genuinely wants to hear what you have to say. Like the topic will shift to Overwatch or something and all of a sudden my entire mood changes.
I'm a fairly confident, outgoing-introvert. I have friends that I do things with but sometimes they're busy with their own families. I have no problem going to a bar, restaurant, movie, concert, etc. alone and meeting strangers. I went and got scuba certified by myself so I could pick up a new hobby/skill and meet some peeps. But I 100% value my alone time.
I guess that could be me. I'm an officer in my town's volunteer fire department, do fire prevention classes, I'm also one of our union shop stewards at work, I do new employee training. I counteract my short fuse for social interaction by putting myself in positions where I'm VERY involved in the official parts of the social situations. I emcee our dinners and holiday parties, lead meetings, teach classes, introduce guest speakers, and then I go home and recover alone for two days. I enjoy it while I'm in the moment, but quickly become exhausted by the effort.
for me it depends on the day. If that day i had an anxiety attack i will avoid most people including my parents and sister when i get home. i won't raise my hand in class and i will probably just go to my room and go on reddit and listen to horror stories [which strangely calm my nerves] or go on youtube and do homework. When my nerves calm i might go out with friends. i am usually paranoid ever since myself and friends were attacked by a group of travellers [we are friendly enough now] but being from a small town in ireland theres not much to do. when were bored we just smoke or drink. i know right, edgy teenagers drnking and talking about their problems. sorry for giving you a day in my life
I’m sorry to hear about the traveler incident. I’ve only ever had one anxiety attack personally and it felt like my brain shut down for a good 5-10 minutes. What causes your anxiety attacks usually?
I'd say I'm pretty confident. Few people have been really surprised I'm an introvert (I like to party :P)
You described me on a closer level than anyone else that I've ever met. Glad to know I'm not the only one like this.
Right here! I don't really seek out conversation, if I'm at say a bar or restaurant by myself I'll usually keep to myself, but if somebody wants to chat then I'll chat for sure.
Oddly enough I'm also an outside sales person, a huge portion of my career is based around starting conversations with strangers, but when I get home I'll usually need a nap before I even turn the tv or music on.
Yeah. I'm super confident, I just don't really like to be with people.
I have no problems with sitting at the table of people I don't know and striking a conversation.
Yup! I actually LOVE meeting new people, learning about them, and talking about myself lol. I don't mind public speaking at all. I'm not really shy.
But, still 100% to the core an introvert.
I’m confident in who I am and in my abilities (while being realistic that there are more things I don’t know than do) but just like my quiet. I can lead large group meetings effectively but then like to go home and sit in the dark for a while.
Hello, I partially relate to you. I am pretty confident while engaging in a one-on-one conversation but I somehow get anxious when it comes to interacting with more than two people at once. Anyone else feel the same?
Isolation mostly. I developed fibromyalgia and became hyper sensitive and way less capable. Not being able to move much and not wanting to trouble anyone. There wasn’t much place else to go but deeper into my head. Confidence has taken time to gain back. However this experience has brought me greater empathy and humility. It’s harder to be a perfectionist when the struggle for normal functioning is the new norm for perfection. I’ve learned many heart lessons but now I have to do my best to get out into the world. Perhaps all the time in my head I’ll have something to share that may help someone. I’m always longing for this. And think that besides my family it is the reason that I still tick. Time will tell how it goes. I remain hopeful because the alternative is pointless.
I'm confident in social situations. Feel pretty relaxed when having to communicate with people. But I just enjoy being around the people I want to be around. Somehow I'm introverted in the eyes of society :D.
Yes! I have to interact with lots of people at my job and give presentations often (being an engineer isn't the loner job some people think it is). I love speaking to big groups of people, it gives me a thrill or a rush of sorts. But as far as socializing goes I just can't take much before I'm drained by people. I spend a lot of free time alone and it's my choice.
I’ll say. I thought I’d get 3 or 4 replies but this post blew up. It’s cool to hear from so many different people.
Me too. And it’s not anxiety but just exhaustion after being in a social setting too long!
Yessir! Had an interview today where the company culture for interviewing is basically swinging you're dick around for half an hour. I went in, interviewed with 3 people, engaged them all, I think I did pretty well and expect to get an offer. Now, I'm at home by myself for the night and just going to chill. Introversion can be an ally.
Here! I regularly present in front of hundreds of high powered individuals with grace and poise. I manage staff in the dozens and am a constant eccentric weirdo. People never believe me when I tell them I'm an introvert. 2-3 years later, if I've allowed them to be upgraded to friends outside of work status, they find out that I am indeed a hardcore introvert that essentially pours all his energy into being sociable at the office with zero energy left over afterwards.
It's something I'm working quite hard on, and I'm getting there. I have had mild social anxiety for as long as I remember. And big parties still freaks me out. But I'm getting more confident as I keep getting to know myself better.
I'm confident in my own well being.
I wouldn't say I'm great at conversation. I don't have many friends and none that I'd consider close. I don't like events I perceive to focus primarily on socialization. I never seek out socialization. People always come to my cubicle to talk, and I think I usually tire of the conversation before they do. I rarely enjoy conversation.
I just don't really care. And I don't really care that I don't care. I don't really know what it's like to feel lonely. I'm very content in my own company, though I do have an (introverted) wife to keep me grounded.
I don't think I'm good at socializing because I don't practice. And I don't practice because I almost always enjoy my own company more. I've grown to accept that and am confident in my ability to live as such.
Introvert+Confident likely falls into the Johnny Carson category: He was a master conversationalist, yet once the cameras were off, he was a total recluse, which was very hard to do considering he was famous and in LA.
btw this is a great question! with a slight twist: I'm (a) Introverted; (b) Confident, and (c) must remember to maintain eye contact. I think the latter is an atypical social condition because I'll naturally look away - so I purposely tell myself to lock in contact.
I’ve actually heard of plenty of celebrities that are like that such as Bo Burnham, Markiplier, and a few others. I think it’s super cool how they can be so entertaining despite the fact that they are introverts by nature.
Went to a convention earlier this month. Spent the entire weekend talking to other fans, finding random people to spend time with and hang out, and just getting a full con experience. At one point, I saw some actors tables that had no lines for a while, so I walked right over to them and spend an hour talking to them about life and everything haha. It was honestly the best experience I ever had. Did I need to recharge after? BOY, YOU KNOW IT.
You have the time of your life and then feel like you need to hibernate for a week. I know that feeling.
Yeah, I organised a party last week, and ignored all my messages for days after that, because I was exhausted.
I am confident if we are talking about a subject that I am familiar with.
Sometimes there just isn’t much to say. I wouldn’t necessarily call that being an introvert. I’d say being an introvert is not saying much when in fact you have a lot to say.
I rarely hold anything back when I want to talk to someone. I’m pretty sure being an introvert means socializing exhausts you while extroverts gain energy through socializing.
Confident? Introvert? My god, can those words even be in the same sentence?
Yep. Though it depends on the situation.
If I'm at work selling wine, I can talk all day about that shit.
But if I'm at the pool hall shooting some racks? Please, for the love of god, give me some fucking peace and quiet.
I trained myself to have good social skills and confidence through PUA and the redpill community. However, I'm still at a disadvantage being an introvert. I hate that I was born like this. If I wasn't I'd have friends and a girlfrined probably.
I have no idea how to word this gently but I think it needs to be said regardless because it's obvious this is on your mind.
I would do well to look into furthering your confidence and social skills outside of those communities. By and large, these are places that are toxically sexist and entitled and their outlook on the world is just... poison. If you're looking for friendship or a relationship, there is hope for you, but there are better channels to follow to get to that point, and I think the first step is distancing yourself from these negative communities.
I have hope for you and wish you well.
Being introverted does not necessarily correlate to having social skills or lack thereof. Furthermore, having friends and a girlfriend does not necessarily equate to life fulfillment. Sounds like you might be seeking validation through others instead of appreciating who you are. I can relate because I've gone through similar phases of seeking happiness through superficial friendships and romances. It wasn't until I became content with who I was and worked on areas where my social skills were lacking that I developed a level of confidence that the rest flowed naturally. I'm happily married, very small and intimate circle of friends, and I no longer appraise myself on relatively meaningless things like how many women I've had or how large my social circle is.
Introversion is not a disadvantage and its likely not the single thing that's holding you back.