To anyone who arrived here after being directed here by a specific individual:
I'm sorry, but I'm through enabling this person and giving them the satisfaction of getting a rise out of me. No matter how frustrated I become, no matter how discouraged I feel ... I need to keep it off anywhere that he might see.
How soon I forget that it only further encourages him. Apologies mean nothing. Pleading means nothing. Surrender means nothing. All he knows is the hate, and the obsession, and the suffering. He will NEVER let go, he will NEVER see it end. But I'm not like him anymore. I -can- let go. HAVE let go for 10 long months. I have no reason to claw open those wounds again. And neither should he.
I apologize to all those who were coming here, expecting something else, but I made a grave mistake last night, and I let my emotional over-sensitivity from the last few weeks break down my defenses. The original contents of this journal have been saved and stored in an offline location on my computer, for my own personal keeping. This journal slot, however, will remain intact. Solely because I know that he is forever compelled to link towards ANYTHING I have ever said that he feels is worth dissecting and insulting. Because he knows no other way.
You blatantly spit in my face for trying to help you and the people who you put through hell for no damned reason. You make light of something terrible and painful just to selfishly get attention, even if it hurts and frightens innocent bystanders.
I'm sorry, but get the hell out. I've been dealing with this person for well over a year and a half and I've already paid for my sins a million times over, working day in and day out to become a better person. Yet even the strongest person buckles under enough pressure. I'm strong, but I still bleed when I'm cut.
I never want you anywhere near my page again. EVER.
Let me rephrase that, you're unwelcome on my page, but that DOESN'T make you anonymous, BlueEyedCy . I'm of the belief that people need to be held accountable of the things they say and do and on MY page? Hidden comments don't fly with me, sir. If you say something on my page, they're no backtracking afterwards and changing your mind.
He still can't get the hell over it? And I thought I held ridiculous grudges.
le sigh. *hugs* Feel better, yo. :C Hopefully he'll actually continue on with that life he likes to claim he has and just stop wallowing in shit that's waaaaaaaaaaay in the past.
I know it sounds like I'm drama promoting, but I don't delete journals, unless they directly violate site policy, damage someone directly, or any other similar reasons. Just because I have "poster's regret" doesn't change the fact that I said it. Deleting it isn't going to make it so that I never wrote it.
The same way I hold others accountable for the things they do wrong, I hold myself equally accountable. And part of accountability is owning up to said mistakes. I've made quite a few regrettable journals here over the years, but I keep them where they are, because they're reminders of what I've done that can be learned from. I gain nothing by submitting to cowardice and deleting them.
I've learned a lot from some of the much older "bad" journals I've written. And I feel that similarly-speaking, this journal and the one before it will teach similar lessons, further down the road.
But I have already contacted the admins about the block-evasion issue, and it's my sincere hope it will be dealt with properly. I honestly have LESS that zero interest in having ANYMORE contact with that person ever again. It's been over a year of drama with him (with total and complete silence on my end towards him until now) and it's done nothing to take the wind from his sails. Sometimes I'm convinced he'll NEVER leave me be, no matter how I try to move on.
But thank you for the concern and advice, I really do honestly appreciate honest well-intended feedback. That's not a brush off, I really mean it. Thanks. =3
But I'm not going to let it get under my skin again. Not after how long I was able to stave him off. I'm never letting him put me through all this again. He can think a feel WHATEVER the hell he wants about me, I already did all I can to end all this. He doesn't WANT my apologies. All he wants his war. And he won't get it. EVER again.
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BlueEyedCy
