| | | WARNING: If you don't like hearing the weak-willed complaints of someone in the throes of illness, COMPLETELY disregard this journal! Consider yourself warned! Otherwise, join the pity party and keep on readin'!
Nnngh ... soooo ... daaaamn ... SIIIIICK! >_< In the span of three days, I've gone from feeling "symptomy but functional" to "OMG kill me now".
Went to check on my stepdad on Thursday in the hospital, recouping from wrist surgery and, in retrospect ... that wasn't a good idea. I'm nearing "that" time of the month and when that happens ... well ... I have the frail useless immune system of a quarian. T_T Sure enough, there was a guy sniffling and coughing at the far side of the waiting room and despite my best efforts to avoid catching the airborne germies, by Friday night, I was full-blown SICK. Raw throat, running nose, chills, weakness in the limbs, you name it. Then yesterday, the rawness of the throat relented only to be replaced by REALLY horrific wet coughing. The kind where you taste pennies after every coughing fit. Urgh. >_< And then around 6am this morning, I get a new symptom ... an inner ear infection. Wow. I haven't had an ear infection since I was 13. WTF? O_O So yeah ... doctor's appointment at 4pm today so I can start on antibiotics. Joy. >_>
This really pisses me off because I already lost a week of class last week due to my stepdad's fun forays into the Wonderful World of Surgeries and take a wild guess who got stationed to pet care duties while mom was looking after him, hrm? Yeah. =P So looks like I'm going to miss even MORE class until this infection clears, my cough subsides, and I start getting my voice back. I sound like an 80-year-old chain smoker right now. *sigh*
So all in all ... the phrase "Monday sucks" has sorta upped the ante this week. Fuuuuuck. >.<;; | | |
| | | So yeah, ARE there any?
Cuz quite frankly, I'm slowly starting to get sick and tired of joining random games with random idiots who either get off on yelling constantly/angrily into their mics or who do absolutely nothing except stand there and drool. If I join about 13ish L4D2 games, I can safely say that only about 1 or two of those will be with enjoyable/decent people. I ... don't like them odds. XD
So if anyone knows of any furry Steam Groups--particularly those who play Left 4 Dead 2--I'd love to know. =3 | | |
| | | A most curious meme, but was fun to do. XD
----
Your Boy Side
[x] You love hoodies.
[x] You love jeans.
[ ] Dogs are better than cats.
[ ] It's hilarious when people get hurt.
[x] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture. -- It is when the person your with is a girl.
[ ] Sad movies suck.
[ ] You own an X-Box.
[ ] Played with Hotwheels cars as a kid.
[ ] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[x] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
[ ] You watch sports on TV.
[x] Gory movies are cool.
[ ] You go to your dad for advice.
[x] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[ ] You like going to football games.
[ ] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[x] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[x] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[ ] Sports are fun.
[x] Talk with food in your mouth.
[ ] Wear boxers.
Total = 9 Points
Your Girl Side
[x] You wear lip gloss.
[x] You love to shop.
[x] You wear eyeliner.
[x] You have some of the same shirts in different colors.
[x] You wear the color pink.
[x] Go to your mom for advice.
[ ] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[x] You like hanging out at the mall.
[x] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[x] You like wearing jewelry.
[ ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[ ] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[ ] You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance.
[x] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed, and put on make-up and accessories.
[x] You smile a lot more than you should.
[x] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[x] You care about what you look like.
[x] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[x] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[x] You wear girl underwear.
[ ] Used to play with dolls as little kid. (pokemon toys??)
[ ] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[ ] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored.
Total = 16 points
---- SOMETHIN COOL ----
Your Herm Side
[x] You are a furry
[ ] You are a hyper
[ ] You are many peoples' masturbation fantasy
[ ] Your dick is a ZZ. Yes. Breast measurements for your cock. It's that bulky.
[ ] You are actually a sad lonely man
[ ] You are actually a sad lonely virgin
[ ] You are actually in your mothers' basement my room down here to get away from my bro. I've been wanting this room for years.
[ ] You have dicknipples
[ ] You think other herms are hot
[ ] You claim you're getting a sex change IRL someday (but you're lying)
[ ] You masturbate hourly
[ ] You make journals on FA begging for donations/fanart regularly
[ ] Your have more kinks than IQ points
Total = 1 Point
REAL Herm Side
[ ] You wear your genitalia like a badge (not AS one.. ow)
[ ] You have starred in a/many furry cartoon(s)/comic(s)/image(s) of an adult nature
[ ] You have piercings or nonsensical shit like hair/fur tattoos
[ ] In a majority of images depicting you, you are nude
[ ] You are a trap
[ ] You boast incredible sexual prowess with little to no proof to back up your claims
[ ] If it moves, it's fuckable. If it doesn't move, it's fuckable.
[ ] You wish there was a filter so you didn't have to view clean art on FA
[x] A majority of images on your faves list feature your fetishes
[x] A majority of images on your faves list have visible genitalia
[ ] You have spent a stupid amount of money on commissions of your character - usually bonking with other peoples' characters
[ ] You have lost count of how many characters your character has bonked and are unsure how they fit into your character's tormented past
[ ] You have made your avatar dance on SecondLife for linden/items
[ ] You have offered sexual favors on SecondLife for linden/items
[ ] Your character has features clearly ripped off from anime - especially Naruto
[ ] Your character has magic powers. This explains why it is never knocked unconscious when blood rushes to it's massive genitals.
[ ] Your character has dragon blood mixed in, somewhere back along it's bloodline.
[ ] Your character has vampire blood mixed in, somewhere back along it's bloodline.
[ ] Your character has demon blood mixed in, somewhere back along it's bloodline.
[ ] Your character has angel blood mixed in, somewhere back along it's bloodline.
[ ] Your character has were blood mixed in, somewhere back along it's bloodline.
[ ] There are spikes/stripes/patterns/bright colours on your character's exposed skin - especially noticeable on the genitals
[ ] While your character is almost always nude, it simple MUST have it's accessories/piercings at all times, no exceptions.
Total = 2 Points
----
I admit I'm actually kinda disappointed that I had more girl points than boy points. =P | | |
| | | 1. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
There IS a particular lovely lady on my list I'd still like the chance to with... ^_^ But as far as males go, I'm monogamous.
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
All three, please!
3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
I'm a lefty in all things ... except the bed. My side is the right-hand one. XD
4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Nah.
5. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Many times!
6. Do you watch/read pornography?
Browse my favorites and then ask me that again. >_>
7. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
If it's my mate, I like him to be the aggressor. But if my prey of choice is female, I'm DEFINITELY the dominate one. >=3
8. Do you love someone on your blogroll?
On my WHAT now? Is that a euphemism? o_O
9. Would you choose love or money?
Love, for sure.
10. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
Biting, pretend rape, and anal.
11. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
Never. That's a very hard line to cross with me, as I'm willing to go pretty far. XD
12. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
In a jacuzzi in the middle of the night.
13. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
In the backseat of a car, AC off, in the dead heat of summer, broad daylight, in the parking lot of a local park.
14. Have you ever been caught having sex?
Almost, once.
15. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
Not my thing.
16. Ever been picked up in a bar?
If someone ever tried to, I'd politely decline. =P
17. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Being fully bisexual, yes to the kissing. But still haven't had the pleasure of going all the way ... yet.
18. Had sex in a movie theater?
No, but I did do some heavy-duty groping. ^_~
20. Had sex in a bathroom?
My home bathroom, yes.
21. Have you ever had sex at work?
Nooooooo. XD
22. Bought something from an adult store?
Several times!
23. Do you own any sex toys?
I do, indeed! ^_~
24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
I did a lot of "interesting" things in my younger days. Let's put it that way. >_>
25. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
No, cuz I don't call out names during sex. I dunno, just something I rarely do. XD
26. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
If we're talking about it counting as cheating, yes. If we're talking about losing virginity, no.
27. What's your favorite sexual position?
Doggystyle! >=D
28. What's your favorite sex act?
The list of what I DON'T like is a helluva lot shorter than the things I DO like. The only things that are off the menu are anything involving the consumption of bodily waste, couple-swapping, anything involving more than 1 male partner, excessive pain, mutilation, torture, and asphyxiation/oxygen deprivation. Beyond those ... I'm game! ^.^
29. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
No and unless it's with a pile of females, liable to never happen.
30. Tag anyone?
EVERYBODDEH! XD | | |
| | | After recent events, some long-spent soul searching, and deep thinking ... I've decided that my New Year's resolution will be to stop standing up for people, with the exception of my own personal friends and family. I'm doing this for two main reasons:
Firstly, because it's making me look like an ass and a troll. I wish to be labeled as NEITHER of these. I want to become known within the fandom, yes, but for POSITIVE reasons. Or else I'll pretty much guarantee that I'll never get another art commission for as long as I live. Even more than that, I can't stand the idea of people calling me a troll. I hate, hate, hate, HATE trolls. If I ever met in person any of the trolls I have come across in my travels across the internet, I would probably knock several teeth out of their heads without the slightest bit of provocation. I think trolls are bullies, cowards, and insecure douchebags who are too socially inept and emotionally stunted to know how to express themselves online with any amount of genuine self-esteem and common decency. I try my hardest to be friendly, compassionate, and outgoing but especially lately, people are only catching me at these negative moments. I'm tired of it.
Secondly, I'm tired of getting hurt because of sticking my neck out for people. It gets worse when I don't even get a proper opportunity to defend my stance, as is sometimes the case. And it gets even WORSE when I -do- goof up, -genuinely- want to apologize, and STILL get my head bitten off. And for what? Most of the people I've taken shit for haven't even acknowledged me or thanked me in any way, so why am I doing it? What the HELL am I accomplishing? Well ... I know the answer to the first question, but not the second. I do it because I've always been that way, ever since I was little. I'd see a classmate getting bullied and I'd step right in to help, whether I was friends with them or not. People rarely did the same for me, but I still kept doing it anyway. I was COMPELLED to do it. Because something about seeing someone getting knocked down would echo in my mind and take me back to the moments where -I- was the victim, which was VERY often (as a point of reference, almost EVERY single friend of mine in middle school turned on me and traveling from class to class was a gauntlet of anonymous people shouting insults and laughing at me as I passed) ... and how it felt to be treated that way. And also how good it felt when someone stood up for me. So I just couldn't let it go. Just couldn't stand by and do nothing. And it's a compulsive habit that has followed me to this very day, 24 years later. But I'm sick of it ... it's becoming a burden and a chore, taking all this on, by my own choice. Carrying other people's problems on my shoulders. Many times for people I don't even know and don't know me. It's starting to take its toll ... and this last stint was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm done.
I will NEVER shake my loyalty towards those I consider friends. And I will ALWAYS be aggressively protective of my family. But hold my neck out for the guillotine's blade on behalf of someone I don't even know? Never again. It just isn't worth it. | | |
| | | Yep, more silly furry stuff happened. Erased all this, but not gonna delete the journal entry, itself, so conversations can remain as they are.
Beyond that, nothin' to see here, folks. Have an awesome New Year. <3 | | |
| | | Yay, Christmas! Yay, Hanukkah! Whatever feathers yer cap, go out there and ENJOY eet! Woooot!!
*atomic glomp to all friends, watches, and watchers* | | |
| | | If you have 00-10 ... write [I'm a goody-goody]
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I got a ticket to Hell]
[ ] smoked
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[x] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] had sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn
[x] bought porn
[ ] tried drugs
TOTAL SO FAR: 8
[x] taken painkillers
[ ] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[x] snuck out of the house
[x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[x] wished someone to die
[x] seen someone die
TOTAL SO FAR: 17
[x] missed curfew
[x] stayed out all night
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[x] been to a therapist
[ ] received a ticket
[ ] been to rehab
[ ] dyed your hair
[x] been in an accident
[x] been to a club
[x] been to a bar
TOTAL SO FAR: 24
[ ] been to a wild party
[ ] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[ ] had a spring break in Florida
[ ] sniffed anything
[x] wore black nail polish
[x] wore arm bands
[x] wore t-shirts with band names
[ ] listened to rap
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD
TOTAL SO FAR: 28
[x] dressed gothic
[x] dressed girly
[x] dressed punk
[x] dressed grunge
[ ] stole something
[ ] been too drunk to remember anything
[x] blacked out
[x] fainted
[x] had a crush on a neighbor
TOTAL SO FAR: 35
[x] had a crush on a friend
[x] been to a concert
[x] dry-humped someone; been dry humped
[ ] been called a slut
[x] called someone a slut
[ ] installed speakers in a car
[ ] broken a mirror
[ ] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
[ ] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush
TOTAL SO FAR: 39
[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper
[x] seen an R-rated movie
[x] cruised the mall
[x] skipped school
[ ] had surgery
[x] had an injury
[ ] gone to court
[ ] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
[x] caught something on fire
[x] lied about your age
TOTAL SO FAR: 45
[ ] owned/rented an apartment/house
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence
[ ] made out with someone who had a GF/BF
[ ] got in trouble with the police
[x] talked to a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[x] kissed a stranger
[x] rode in the car with a stranger
[x] been harassed
[x] been verbally harassed
TOTAL SO FAR: 51
[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair
[ ] been called a bad influence
[ ] drank and drove
[x] prank-called someone
[ ] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex
[x] cheated on a test
TOTAL: 58 | | |
| | | After grinding and questing for an entire year, I have FINALLY hit level 24! RL leveling be slow, yo. >_>
But yeah. HAPPY BIRFDAY TO MEEEEEEEE!!! | | |
| | I'm such a tool. >_>;; THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: Syn Eusi (My first WoW character and the name kinda "stuck" ever since XD) Carina (My real name--USE IT AT YER OWN PERIL! >=O) THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE HAD: LassiaLaguna Synwolf85 TauraheKnight THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES Finished my school project Checked my FA messages Played Dragon Age Origins for like the 5th time >_>;; THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: My art My singing My sense of humor THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: My weight My self-esteem My habit of procrastinating T_T THREE PARTS OF YOUR ORIGINS: Born in Miami Cuban-American family Hate the weather here THREE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF: Roaches Deep Water Scary Screaming Face Internet Pranks (don't laugh! >_<) THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW: Yellow Orange and White Tie-Dye T-Shirt Brown Pajama Pants Dark Blue Crocs (shuddup, they're comfortable! XD) THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: Food Sex Sleep THREE IMPORTANT OBJECTS: My computer My cell phone My glasses (being able to see is nice >_>) THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS: Evanescence Nickelback Within Temptation THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY: Cuddling my kitty-cats Playing WoW Drawing THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT: Rihanna - Disturbia Lady Gaga - Poker Face Lady Gaga - Love Game THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS: Save up enough cash to get a partial from LV Sell some commissions Do some public fursuiting THREE THINGS YOU REGRET: Getting myself fat at 18 (binge eating/depression if bad for you, m'kay? >_>) Not going out more Giving up on things too easily THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP: A healthy sexual relationship Communication Complete comfort and safety THREE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU'VE GIVEN TO THE WORLD: Errr ... I dunno about for the WORLD ... but I always try my best to put a smile on the faces of everyone I meet. How beneficial that's been to the world, as a whole, can't say I know for sure. TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: I have a deep-rooted fear of ending relationships. Sometimes I fantasize about being male. My left leg is shorter than my right leg by about 6 inches. THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN A PERSON YOU LIKE: Hair Soft skin Pleasant scent (doesn't necessarily hafta be perfume/cologne) THREE EMOTIONAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN IN A PERSON YOU LIKE: Compassion Humor Trustworthiness THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO: Dive off high places Deal with fanatically-religious people Watch scat porn without gagging THREE THINGS YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST: 90's cartoons My action figure collection Being a kid THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE: A copy of Left 4 Dead 2 Enough money to buy 3 fursuits Moar gift art *hint-hint, nudge-nudge* >_> THREE REASONS WHY YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE: A supportive family My love of animals My dedication to my art THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES: Gaming Drawing Chatting with friends THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW: Buy Left 4 Dead 2 Get enough money to commission my first fursuit GET OUT MORE OFTEN, OMG!! THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING: Game Designer Fursuit Maker 3D Animator THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR HOLIDAY: Ireland British Isles Trinidad/Tobago THREE CARTOON CHARACTERS: Scar (Lion King) Steele (Balto) Man Bat (Batman Animated Series) THREE BOY’S NAMES: Tweedle Dee Tweedle Dum Optimus Prime THREE GIRL'S NAMES: Eenie Meenie Broken Condom THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: Visit all the places I want to go for a holiday/vacation Visit a wolf sanctuary Meet large wild animal (lion, tiger, hyena, etc.) face to face and live to tell about it THREE PEOPLE TO TAG  CardboardCastles  sanurapanthress  Jrogenshin | | |
| | | A - Age: 23
B - Bed size: Queen
C - Chore you hate: Anything that involves cleaning at floor-level. Really hurts my lower back and knees. >_<
D - Dog's name: Sally. But everybody always calls her Sally-wally. ^.^
E - Essential "Start Your Day" item: My glasses. XD
F - Favorite color(s): Blue, black, blue, gray, blue, silver, blue, purple ... and did I mention blue? ^.^;;
G - Gold or Silver: See above answer. ^_~
H - Height: 5'5"
I - Instruments you play: I know how to play a lil' bit of piano but I mostly just sing.
J - Job title: Full-time Student and Furry Artist
K - Kids: Only my kitties and my dog, and that's the way I like it. ^_^
L - Liquor, Beer or Wine: Of the three, I prefer wine, unless there's sangria being served. In which case, holyshitgetouttamywayomgpourmethreecupsrightnowbeforeIhurtyou!!! >_>
M - Mom's name: Lucy. =3
N - Nicknames: I go by my main fursona's name more often than not, so folks just tend to call me Syn. =3
O - Outie or Innie: TOTAL innie! In more ways than one. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* ^_~
P - Pet Peeve: Bullies. Can't. Stand. Bullies. >=P
Q - Quote from a movie: "Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid." - Jack Sparrow
R - Right or left handed: I'm one of them rare lefties you heard tales of as a wee child. XD
S - Sibling(s): Only a 12 year old half-sister who lives in Orlando. She's awesome. ^_^
T- Time to get up: If I'm up earlier than noon, that's surprising. X3
U - Underwear: That's for me to know, and you not to find out. ^.^;;
V - Vegetable you dislike: Cauliflower. Baaaaaaarf! >.<
W - What makes you run late: Acute miscalculation of time or a lack of ability to prepare for the eventuality of obstacles. >_>
X - X-rays you've had: My right ankle. Several, in fact. When I tore it back in July of last year, both doctors I went to see did an X-ray to see if there were any hairline fractures. There were none, though. But I HAVE broken 3 bones in my lifetime: my tailbone and my right pinky toe twice. I was an dumb kid. >_>
Y - Yummy food you make: Soy and garlic seared chicken breast thinly sliced over a bed of creamy chicken ramen noodles. I lurv cooking and inventing new recipes. =D
Z - Zoo favorite: African Wild Dog exhibit. They remind me of my dead-sexy Pooky-wooky-kins. <3
Okies! Your turn peoplez! ^_^ | | |
| | | Given what happened recently, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get much enjoyment out of this year's Halloween ... but by god, I was wrong. Yesterday night was one of the most healing experiences I've ever had; my first experience with fursuiting. I'm addicted. For those 3 hours, I felt as free and unhindered as I've ever been. Sure, I was sweating like a pig. Sure, I was utterly exhausted and sore by the end of it. And sure, I'm a groaning moaning tangle of cramped muscles today ... but y'know what? IT WAS WORTH ... EVERY ... MOMENT. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
All the reactions I got at the mall and all the fun interactions I had? I'll never forget it. It really helped me "escape myself", for lack of a better wording. All the lingering pain and trauma ... the crushing weight of that grief ... it came away completely that night. And deep down, I think Daisy would have hated it if her passing had ruined our chance at having a nice holiday. She would have wanted us smiling, playing, and having fun. It's what she was all about. I don't want to be mopey, listless, and depressed every time I think about her. I want to be happy, and SHARE happiness with others. I want to make her proud of me. In EVERY aspect of my life; not just my new love of fursuiting. I want to honor her memory with success and accomplishment.
Last night was more than just a fun time trying something new. More than just a great holiday evening. It was a chance to heal and a chance to learn a valuable lesson. Life is precious. LIVE IT. And for her ... I fully intend to. Love you, Daisy. | | |
| | | (I truly wish to apologize in advance for some of the things this entry is going to contain. Please understand that I am truly broken inside right now and I need to vent because I'm having a difficult time coping with today's events. The loss of an animal is as deep and painful as the loss of a human being. I especially apologize to anyone religious. PLEASE don't take anything I say in pain an anger as a judgment of my character ... I'm not in a good way right now...)
A part of me has died today. Truly and deeply died. One of our beloved cats was killed by a car today ... by my mother by accident as she returned from the grocery store. It was ... quick ... but the way I had to see her ... to even remember it makes me feel like I'm going insane. This can't be real. I feel like I'm caught in a horrific nightmare and I'm bound to wake up ... but the images in my head are so vivid and horrible ... my mother is a broken husk of a human being right now. We loved Daisy with all our hearts ... twice that cat survived a collision with a car ... blind in one eye ... and couldn't even meow, but her heart and spirit were of a lioness. Regal and proud ... but so dear and gentle. All she ever wanted was to be pet and cuddled and held ... and even if she couldn't speak, she would purr and look up at you and you'd know, You'd just KNOW how much she adored you. To think that the last time I saw her sweet face ... that it wasn't even alive ... I can barely hold myself together. Sometimes I feel like I can't even breathe. I feel truly and utterly lost.
I hate whatever powers of creation that be right now ... what kind of a god or divine being could let such a beautiful spirit meet its end under the car wheel of those that adored her above all else ... What kind of higher being would allow such a cruel, horrible thing to happen...? We would sooner die than hurt Daisy. WHY did it end this way...? It was NEVER supposed to end this way ... IT ISN'T FAIR! I LOVED HER, YOU RAT BASTARD! YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM US YOU SELFISH FUCK!!! YOU MADE MY MOTHER -KILL- AN ANIMAL SHE LOVED LIKE HER OWN DAUGHTER!!!! I loved her ... we ALL loved her ... and you made us have to watch her die ... you made us have to BURY her ... how could you...? Why would you do this to us...? Why did you feel we deserved this...? I hate you ... I hate you so much right now ... I don't think I can ever forgive you for hurting us this way ... you had no right to do this to us ... your name is POISON in my mouth...
I feel so hollow right now ... all I have left inside me right now is hate and SO much pain ... pain I have to suppress right now, because I just can't cope with it right now. It crushes me and shatters my core. This is as functional as I've been able to be since ... it happened. If I let myself feel right now, I'll be back to screaming, crying, vomiting, and passing out ... I HAVE to keep blocking these memories ... I HAVE to belief that I'm not really here ... I'm watching all this happen to someone else ... it isn't me ... it isn't me ... everything is going to be fine again. I HAVE to believe this, or I feel like I'm going to go insane ... please God, Spirits, ANYTHING ... I need the strength to hold on. To be there for my mom whose hurting to ... to be able to care for all our other animals ... I have to be the rock for so many people right now. I need the power and the courage to do it because right now ... I feel tiny and helpless... | | |
| | | Now, it says that they have to be "original works" ... MY question is that if one were to upload a capella versions of EXISTING songs, sung by the submitter, would that be a violation of the "original works" thing or would that be kosher?
I ask because singing is one of my other hobbies and I haven't really been able to cuz I caught a REALLY bad flu about a month and a half ago and my cough literally JUST finally went away completely a few days ago. So I can FINALLY sing again without sounding like utter crap and I'm fiddling with the idea of maybe singing a few of my favorite songs just for the hell of it for you guys to hear.
If it DOES go against the submission rules for music, I could prolly just do it on YouTube, though I'd really rather not. People tend to be assholes with comments on there. T_T Then again, could just disable comments and just "submit" the video in the form of a picture with a link to it in the description. Where there's a will, there's a way!
But srsly, if anyone knows the answer to that, you'd be mah hero. | | |
| | | The cold finally came to Miami! IT CAAAAAAAAME!!! *cackles like a maniac* | | |
| | | So yeah, my mom commissioned me to design a "mascot" for her chair massage business in a local mattress store in Dolphin Mall, so I designed her a cute little Chinese dragon with blue body, green belly, purple claws and markings, orange horns and pink mane and tail tuft. Basically, she wanted me to use most of the colors found on a confetti-like border she plans on using. I like how she turned out, but I can't for the life of me come up with a good Chinese name for her. If anyone knows enough Chinese to help me name her or has some good resources where I can find something appropriate, I'd really appreciate it. | | |
| | Srsly ... LatinVixen needs to start practicing moar, if she expects to ever reach this caliber of fursuiting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Om9uXTernc4 (Insert your own epic soundtrack; WMG hath struck again T_T) I'm ... speechless. XD | | |
| | Since I first heard about Diego's little stint about bad-talking well-established fursuit-makers like LatinVixen and Scribblefox, it REALLY rubbed my fur the wrong way for a NUMBER of reasons. I really tried to stay tight-lipped about this, as I didn't actually WITNESS the exchange of words first-hand ... but given the increasing amount of Diego-trolling against Trigger ever since the incident, I -really- need to toss in my two cents. If you wish to make a name for yourself in the fandom, establish a fursuit-making style, and build up some clients, NO ONE is stopping you. You just have to put yourself out there and practice, practice, practice. LV and Scribble were once "newbies" like all the other "amateur" fursuit-makers trying to take the first step. You think there weren't more talented furs out there that intimidated THEM at the time? Well, it didn't stop them and look where they are now. Getting paid to do something they LOVE. And then here comes High And Mighty Diego decreeing from on high that anyone who succeeds in this manner is a sell-out and and only in it for the fame and attention. Blaming THEM for the insecurities of other fursuit-makers. Umm ... HUH??? To hold someone personally responsible for the self-esteem of others is nothing short of ludicrous! Oh, but it gets better. Apparently, Diego comes from a planet where if you say something blatantly offensive and toss out non-constructive criticism NOBODY gets mad. Well, guess what, DeeDee--this is Earth. Down here, we tend to get a tad upset when you go around throwing nasty rude statements like that. Word has it he's a professional troll. I believe it. He's so professional, he trolled well-established fursuit-makers as a whole without his even being aware of it! Now THAT is talent! Now what -I- want to know is where Diego gets off thinking that he's the innocent victim in all this. What he did is, essentially, punch a pitbull in the nose and then acted TOTALLY shocked when it bit the living hell out of him. When you do things--especially BAD things--there are consequences. It happening over the Magical World of Internetz doesn't change that. My guess? He was one of those kids who would put his hand on a hot stove and wonder afterward why he got burnt. Now what I -did- witness was Trigger giving this little worm what for. IMO? Trig handled it VERY well, all things considered. The levels of crude, rude, and vile I would have sunk down to had it been me would have made even the hardest of e-thugs blush. So MAJOR kudos to Trig for keeping it so light-hearted and managing to find his bullshittery amusing. Post for post, Trig only swung when Diego swung. And by the rules of engagement, that's called "self-defense". Diego got everything he deserved and asked for. For fluff's sake, he THREATENED Trig via note. Over a tongue-lashing on the internet. WTF??? Since then, it apparently hasn't ended. Even blocking Diego on FA didn't work, because he's now harassing Trig on LJ. Enough's enough I say. This bratty little child needs to sit on his hands for a few weeks and just stop typing. STOP. TYPING. Every time his paws hit the keyboard, he digs a deeper hole. This is stupid and immature. It's going on 2 weeks since it all went down and he's still accosting Trig. It REALLY needs to stop. Because for being SO upset that Trig supposedly "made him troll again", he sure seems eager to keep doing it without provocation. That's right, DeeDee. Nobody's pushing your buttons and yet you're STILL punching that pitbull in the nose. You're gonna get bit again. Much to Trig's continued amusement, I'm sure. >=3 TL;DR: Diego's a dumb flea-bitten doodoo head that needs to unplug his keyboard until he grows up and can handle the internet without being an utter heel. EDIT: Hrmm ... I just noticed something VERY interesting. For having such strong opinions on Scribblefox's work ethics and integrity, he sure doesn't have any qualms about faving a photo of one of his creations: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2911267 A bit two-faced if you ask me. Perhaps all this is just an elaborate textbook case of sour grapes? =/ | | |
| | Lovingly plucked from  's journal. *Are you a furry? Absolutely. *If you have a Spouse/SO - Is he/she a furry too? My mate likes furry characters, and I even designed a fursona for him, but he doesn't really consider himself a full-fledged furry. More of a "furry supporter". *How long have you been in the community? ACTIVELY in the community? Since I was about 13. But I've been obsessed with anthro animals for literally as long as I can remember, LONG before I knew what "furry" was. *How did you find furry? It was a slow progressive journey for me actually. From the Lion King fandom, to the Bloody Roar fandom and from there, it just sorta snowballed. The more I learned about the furry fandom, the more I knew it was what I've been looking for all along.
*What's your reason for furry (what interested you to get into the community)? It's a way to express myself artistically. Not just drawing, mind you, but roleplaying and writing, as well. It's just such a fascinatingly diverse sandbox to run around in. Whatever your cup a tea, you're bound to find it as a fur. That's what I love so much about it. You don't have to fit into any one specific niche to feel like you belong. Very comforting. ^_^ *What's Furry to you? It's often said, "Ask 30 different furries what 'furry' means to them, and you'll get 30 different answers." It's true, though. To me, furry is having an appreciation or kinship of/with anthro animals. *If someone found out you're a furry and asked you about it how would you respond? "Don't let the negative propaganda and controversial hype scare you. Most of us are just as friendly and normal as any other person you'd meet. Every fandom has its bad eggs. But you just pick them out and don't let them spoil the omelet for you, that's all."
*What are your favorite aspects of our community? The art, the cons, the fursuits, the community. These are what MAKE the fandom for me. *Do you use any furry terms? (i.e. yiff, paws, murr?) I only use the terms "yiff/yiffy" and paws online or when in the company of those who DO use the terms in everyday speech. I -am-, however, guilty of using the the word "murr" in daily life. Though most commonly as a replacement of "Huh?" or "What?" *What do you wish furry was NOT associated with? Much as I ADORE well-drawn furry porn, I -do- wish there was slightly less of it. Because it DOES make it easy for non-furs to think that the fandom is ONLY about porn, since it's so abundant and readily-available.
*How strongly do you feel about someone bashing the community as a whole? I take it VERY personally, and will fight to the DEATH defending it. I refuse to be aggressive or disrespectful about it, though, because that's just furthering the negative representation we already have so much of. I do, however, try to correct and explain to people what furryism is REALLY about in as calm and passive a manner as possible. Easy as it would be to tear the hateful furry-bashers a new asshole (and BELIEVE me, I really would if I could), it just proves them right about us. And I don't want that happening. But there ARE limits. I'm only willing to take so much disrespect before they start getting some right back. But I'll NEVER stoop to their level. You can put someone in their place without sullying yourself.
*How strongly do you feel about anyone bashing you yourself for your interest based on the media's aspect of what furry is? See the above question. I will, however, add to that the above question by saying that just because certain publicized aspects of the fandom are true DOESN'T mean that the media hasn't greatly exaggerated them. The media thrives on sensationalism and people who buy into that kind of hype hook, line, and sinker are complete idiots, IMO. *We all know furries have alot of sexual aspects in this fandom, What's your opinion on it? Snuff, scat, watersports, and vore dooooon't really do it for me. >_>;; Beyond that, I'm pretty willing to experiment and learn new things. That's NOT an invitation, I just mean show me some cool kinky art and I'm not gonna go "eww, no way!" Personal *What is/are your fursona(s)? A gray wolf with blue eyes and a black mane. She has a few distinct markings in various shades of gray, white, and black. She's my primary fursona, but I do have other characters to whom I relate to and consider personifications of other facets of my personality. One of which is male. =3 *Do you have any fetishes that pertain to the fandom? Like I said before. Beyond snuff, scat, watersports, and vore, I can find anything else arousing if presented in the right way. ^_^ *If you could magically morph into your fursona would you? IN A HEARTBEAT! *Do you believe you have a spirit animal? Beyond a doubt. I actually even found out that I was a wolf in one of my previous lives. But that's a story for another time. ^_~
*What other fanbases/groups are you a part of? Beyond being a diehard fur, I'm also a gamerchick. My favorites being Bloody Roar, Soul Reaver, EverQuest, World of Warcraft, Warcraft 3, Warhammer Online, Dungeons & Dragons Online, Left 4 Dead, Team Fortress, and Dawn of War, Guilty Gear X, and BlazBlue.
*Anthro/Feral, Therian or Kemonomimi (Not a furry, just a human with animal ears and a tail)? Anthro/Feral all the way. *Are you a fursuiter? If yes, how many do you own? If No, do you ever plan on being a suiter? I don't have any fursuits YET ... but I'm hoping that once my financial situation improves, I'll finally be able to have fursuits for each of my fursonas. That's the goal anyway. ^.^;; *How many of your friends are furry? I've recently had the pleasure of meeting and befriending quite a few local furs at a local anime/furry convention called Chibi-Pa but I also have quite a few furry friends online. ^_^ *How many pets do you own, if any? I only have one cat that's actually MINE ... but between my mom's two cats, her dog, my grandparents' dog, and our colony of 9 cats (not to mention of of said cats had 6 kittens about 8 months ago whom we're still raising and caring for until we can find them homes) ... there are more animals on our property than people, for sure. I do hope to adopt one of the 6 kittens as a brother or sister for my kitty, Velcro, sometime this month but not sure which one yet. Oh and mind you ... this is not including the 3 dogs we have rescued and fostered within the past 7 months and already found homes for. As you can see, I come from an entire family of animal-lovers. ^_~ *Aside from furry what other interests do you have? Like I said, I are gamerchick. I go click-click, pew-pew, vshoosh, kaboom! And stuff. Yeah. >_> Though I also used to play Dungeons & Dragons a long time ago which I'd LOVE to be able to get back into someday. I miss my gnoll ranger. ;_; *Are you confident enough in yourself to say that you're a fur, no matter what the media says? Hell yes! I declare it proudly from the rooftops. I am furry! Hear me howl! And anyone who doesn't like it, can pucker up to my fuzzy behind. >=3 Meetups *Do you attend any cons? If no, would you attend any cons? If yes, which cons have you been to? This year was literally my first year ever being able to attend anything even REMOTELY furry and that was the Furricane Shelter area of the Chibi-Pa anime con in West Palm Beach, FL. I will finally be able to attend AC next year, though, as I have so financial assistance ready to help me with that come 2010. So needless to say, I'm VERY excited about that. >^.^< *Do you go to local meetups(bowling, public outings...etc)? None yet, though I'd definitely love to someday. Furries always know how to have fun. =D *Have you ever attended a furry party? If no, would you attend one? No, but that sounds awesome. I'd LOVE to go to one. Online *Have you ever met up with a fur you talked to online? None yet. I imagine I'll be meeting quite a few once I go to AC next year, though! ^_^ *What furry websites do you attend? FA and DA, though I don't think DA really counts, as it's not exclusively furry. I do frequent a few furry forums, as well, though. *What non furry websites do you frequent? Hoo, so many! WoWHead,com ... Thotbott.com ... MMO-Champion.com ... the WoW official site ... the WoW Armory ... oodles of WoW-related blogs and unofficial forums ... as you can see, I'm a ginormous WoW nerd. XD *Has the fandom done anything for you that you're thankful for? Has it taught you anything or brought you anything you treasure greatly? I'm IMMENSELY grateful to the furry fandom. I've had good times, I've had bad times ... but all in all, I wouldn't trade ANY of it for the world. My times among furries have been among the best, hands-down. =D | | |
| | | Weird shit happens at 5am in the morning on the MMO-Champion forums. Had to copy/save this convo as it made me laugh until I cried. Sorry for not also saving who said what, but each line is by somebody different, not a reply. I think that's actually part of what it was so funny, come to think of it. X3
Skinning a bear should aggro every bears in a 40 yard radius. It makes sense, you are actually skinning their best friend.
--
You know male bears will typically kill baby bears if they aren't their offspring in order to put the mother into heat again. Not really very kind creatures or care much about 'feelings'.
--
Zebra's also trample the crap out of babies that aren't their own,
then the mother leaves the heard to take care of her dying baby and gets killed by lions - everytime.
I saw it on the discovery channel.
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Pandas also eat their partners then mate with their own babies
then they leave the herd to mate with lions - everytime.
I saw it on discovery channel.
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Pandas are also too lazy to reproduce and are a pointless species to try and save.
I saw it on Discovery Channel.
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Pandas can also kick your ass and stomp the shit out of you.
Then you leave the herd and get eaten by Zebras - everytime.
I saw it on discovery channel.
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Panda's are the Chuck Norris of the Animal Kingdom.
Moonfire is Chuck Norris' Weakness though, and therefore, Panda's have a weakness to extreme moonlight meaning they're really really bad at being vampires.
I saw it on the Discovery Chanel.
--
Pandas also aren't afraid of moonlight, they love the burning sensation when it fries their skin.
They'll then leave the herd and become Solo Vamps and get killed by werewolves - always.
I saw it on the Discovery channel.
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| | | Oof, life's been kinda kickin' my ass as of late and has taken some of my arting juice away from meh. Rest assured, though, that the last couple days has been a literal TORRENT of artwork. Talk about backed up. +_+ If my inking pen (and my hand, for that matter) manages to survive it all, there's gonna be a HUUUUUGE load of submissions in the near future.
So I'm not dead ... yet! The new class I'm taking and some personal non-WoW related (OMG, is that even POSSIBLE) projects have been greedily devouring all my attention as of late. But I'm definitely gonna make a bigger effort to be around more, if only to showcase what I've been working on ... not to mention I still have those pics from Chibi-Pa I hafta submit. >_>;;
So ... umm ... yeah ... it's 3am and I have class this evening. What th' FRACK am I still doing being awake, damnit?! XD
~ Synhowl
Current Mood: Brain-fried
Eating: Chocolate & Caramel Crunch 'n' Munch
Drinking: Bottle of Water
Listening To: Lady GaGa - Love Game
Thinking About: Why the cat decided to shed all over my pillow instead of my mate's... >_>
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CardboardCastles
sanurapanthress
Jrogenshin
