The first thing you need to do... if you can, get your money back for the con/plane tickets, whatsoever. Your health is the most important thing.

Second... get help from your family. Seriously. you need it. I've been in, and am kind of in the same position as you mentally at the moment. GET HELP. Family, friends, anyone. Beg for the help. You need to get help.

That's all I can say... just get help.. please.

i cant, money wise at least, i was driving to both so i'd love $500+ worth of paid for things, or just spend the $50 for gas, plus i dont want to punish my mate and my friends just because i back out :(

as for family i dont have any, and ive told my friends.. i just dont think they care, or if they do, they dont want to talk about it with me

i just feel all alone man..

If your mate and friends feel punished because you're doing what you need to get healthy, then they're selfish.

Codeine, trust me. I've been in this position before. I've been right at the bottom of the coil. I've been on the precipice of jumping. Trust me. It will get better.

Your health is the most important thing in the world. I'm sorry you have no family. Try and reach out to people.... seriously, people will help if you ask for it. I don't know where you live, but there are organisations that can help you. PLEASE reach out to them.

they wouldnt get mad at me, tthey would understand, and they arent bad people, not at all

but they are HUGE plans to just drop, and $50 isnt going to kill me and i mean shit, they might make me cheer up

but droppping them will make ME feel like trash

Your mate and friends. You think highly of them. Ask them for help. Tell them you NEED help. They will help you. Please. I'm in a similar position with anxiety, and I'm only just starting to recover. Please. GET HELP.

You're not alone Codeine. We're all here to support you in any way we can. The art can wait until things have settled, so don't feel like you have to keep cranking it out to please us.

I don't really know what to tell you, cause I doubt there's any magic words that will make you feel instantly better, but I'll try to help any way I can. Just don't think you're all alone or that people don't care, cause you couldn't be further from the truth.

Stole the words right out of me. =^.^=

One thing I can say...biting the bullet is never the right option. Think about it...for one, you fuck up any chance of a bright future by basically ragequitting and deleting life. Then, anyone alive who cares about you (And there ARE those who do, please don't try and deny it) will be completely and utterly devastated. Some may even feel guilty, feeling like they could've done something to help you...which will most likely lead to their own suicidal thoughts. I'm still dumb as shit when it comes to the adult world, but I do know that suicide is never the answer. There's always a light at the tunnel, and I'm sure as hell that you'll find it. People here are wonderful, those that can help in any way normally do. Just don't give up...please. :C

Go to a doctor, call a helpline, there are many many many systems in place currently to help people who feel suicidal or don't know what to do, I understand if you're iffy about pills or whatever else, so was I, but if you're in a really bad situation they're worth it. If your friends don't care then they're not friends or they think you're just stressed out, a lot of people do not understand mental health issues and are more likely to ignore it or blame it on some secondary aspect such as workload or seasonal changes. Depression [not sadness, being depressed is not being sad] is mainly caused hormonal and chemical imbalances in your brain and suicidal thoughts likewise stem from this issue, your own situation being bad just reinforces them.

I myself am suicidal and have been dealing with depression since I was 13, family and friends always blamed it on my lack of friends or going outside or whatever else they could think of, no one considers that maybe being depressed stood in the way of those things. I went to a doctor when I was 17 for attempted suicide and since taking medication my life has improved quite a bit, though it is not perfect, and I can safely say that I am way more happy taking 2 pills each morning in comparison to thinking about the best way to kill myself without leaving a mess.

Get help, issue refunds where applicable, get refunds if you can and you need the money, if you're stressed because of work because you need more money to cover frivolous spending [aka anything not essential] the easiest solution is to not spend that money.

I'm sure your mate would rather you spend money on your health instead of a convention.

Rosey is here in any way she can be :<

 dwaggie is right, dude. pardon my rudeness, but being healthy mentally & emotionally is more important than some stupid con & concert. You have friends. You have a mate. Go to them for help. They're with you for a reason, man. Not just to stand there n' look all pretty n' fabulous, k?

I know we don't really know each other, but I'm just like you & Dwaggie. I've been in this position before...in fact, I still am. But family (which I am sorry for you not having one) has always been there for me, and your friends n' mate can be there for you, too. You won't sound selfish if you call off the plans. If they get mad at you, then THEY are the selfish ones. please, dude...get help

I third . If you're that messed up, your LIFE is more damned important than a stupid con, which in your condition will not be pleasant and more anxiety ridden than it should be.

GET. HELP. It's out there.

I agree with  dwaggie as well. Your mental health is way more important than going to a con and a concert. Going to those places will only make you feel even worse, from what you've told us, so there'd be no point in going there. And your friends will understand that.

Depression sure sucks ass (suffering from it my self, and not really getting any help cause: "its just to get over" people tell me (yeah cause its just like a cold).
If you need someone to talk to feel free to drop me a line, least one can do is listen and while everyone is different talking about it can help.

Go have fun.

Overwhelmed is exactly the state a vacation is for.
I sincerely hope you'd sooner ditch furry bullshit than end your life over this dumb place with it's dumb people and their hyperbolic bullshit. It aint worth it bae.

PLEASE dont do anything to harm yourself, Codeine..

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Its never.. EVER worth it.

Life WILL get better, it always does. Dont give up.

You have my skype. You're more than welcome to call me if you need to talk. I'll always do what I can for you.

Having fun is the part where you're living your life the way it was supposed to be.
You can't skip that part, you live for that.
When I feel sad I listen to music, maybe it can help.
You ever heard Aurelio Voltaire? He wrote a nice song about those kind of thoughts, it's called "feathery wings".

You owe people shit? They can eat a fat dick and choke on it, your health's more important than their whining

Drop them and bail? No. Tell them they gotta fucking wait.

You're stressed and scared? They should shut the hell up if that's the case.

Drawing for you? Do that shit if it makes you feel better. If they don't like it, too bad, not their life.

Concert and con? Go to that shit, hang with friends, kiss your mate, run around screaming at the top of your lungs that you're having a blast and end the day collapsed on a bed moaning in sore agony cuz you moved so god damned much your entire body hurts then get up the next day and do that shit again.

Guilt about not working? Fuck that Codeine, you deserve a break and you deserve to enjoy yourself sometimes. You gotta work AND you gotta play.

So when you start trying to not work and that guilt shows up and you start thinking "Maybe I should be working...", you tell that feeling to fuck right off because it's not the end of the world if some asshole on the internet has to wait another day or two for art.

Your life and your health is more important than any picture.

I love you voj, I really do.

You're great <:')

Creeped on you on Skype if you ever wanna shoot the shit or something iunno

I'm bad with these situations cuz I know what it's like to be on your end but I don't know what I want people to say to me so I'm like :'3

Righto, kitty. I've been thinking about whether to reply or not, but the fact that it seems every furry had depression or similar swayed it for me. Hopefully this helps you, or someone else reading. It's been a long day so this may be blunt - but it's truly meant to help. I'm more than happy to talk about my experiences if you'd like.

I've been suffering (like every one else that's posted) from mid-grade depression on and off probably since I was a teenager. Not the export-grade kind, but bad enough you wonder why you bother to do anything. Want a reason to keep struggling?

You've got 5000 watchers, 52,000 favourites. I think you might have a few fans on here that like what you do. In any community there are the assholes that need to be controlled - there are two ways of doing that if they're giving you a hard time over things:
-Fuck them off. Seriously. Refund their money, delete their messages without reading them, shoot them from behind grassy knoll, whatever you need to do.
- Leave the community, whether temporarily or permanently. Your health is a lot more important than a few more commissioned pictures. Just ask your mate what they'd rather have to hold at night.

There's a few bits of advice I can give from the last few years that have helped me a lot. These aren't instant fixes, but on average your days will be better. I'm making some assumptions here, so if they're not helpful to you maybe they will be to another fur reading this.
- Remove whatever is in your life that's stressing you out, however you can. This requires a plan and usually help from someone close - but try and work through the reasons you're getting wound up.
- I saw you were in the texas furs group, so I'm assuming you're located there. I checked the weather for Houston - it looks pretty good to me. Get your fuzzy ass outside and go for a run. I don't mean a short walk around the block, I mean a full-on maximum heart-rate, sweating, panting, I'm-going-to-die-if-I-don't-stop run with whatever music it takes to get you angry. This is the ONE thing I had control over that I knew would help my mood and turn me into something like calm and reasonable. It was truly amazing what a hard run and workout did for me. The only problem? It's the hardest thing in the world to do when you're down, because it feels like the worst idea in the world. You need someone to drag you out by the mane and make you do it. I don't know what kind of fitness levels you have, but increasing your fitness and getting outside isn't a bad thing.
https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au.....n-and-exercise
- Monitor your sleep. I don't sleep well, but some days I slept worse than others. I use an app on my phone to track how many times I rolled over and tried to correlate that to what I did the day before. Bad things: sugar, caffeine, screen time just before bed. Good things: exercise, good diet, fresh air.
- Start a project. For YOU. Not someone's commissions. You've already said that the one thing you enjoy is art, so shut the world away for half an hour a day and do something for you. I found the biggest problem I had (and reading your journal, it seems like you might too) is feeling like I wasn't in control of my life. Well, here's something you are in control of. Take some time, when you feel you can, and do something that you want to do. Go to the con - fuck the idiots that say their pawing material is more important than your health. Go with your mate and have a good time.
-The biggest thing for me that I've found is to have a purpose in life - my depression is at it's worst when I'm stuck in a rut at my job, being both stressed and bored (I don't recommend it...), and have nothing to look forward to. Come up with a reasonable plan - and do your damndest to stick to it. Your con and concert seem to fit the bill here, but what comes after that? You mentioned your ID for work - that's something that's probably a huge thing you need to get sorted so you can move forward. Work towards your plan, then go and do it. Achieve what you wanted to. That's something that felt really good when I managed it.
- That achieving thing? Do something you want to do, every day. A 10-minute scribble in a notebook, going outside to watch a sunset, send an email you've been needing to send, whatever. You won't manage this every day, don't beat yourself up over it, but do your best.
- Diet. My diet wasn't good. Take the time to cook something relatively healthy. For starters, it gives you that project I was talking about. You don't feed a race car fuel that you found in a rusty drum in the back of Uncle Jim's shed, so consider if your diet could be better. This really does help.
- I don't know if you have pets, but if you don't and could look after one for it's lifetime, I'd strongly recommend getting one from the local shelter. My dogs sometimes were the only things that kept me sane or could make me smile. When you see your dog is worried about you, it reminds you that you're their world, their life, their everything. It reminds you that you're important, and you've probably saved the fuzzy critter's life. That, and fuzzy cuddles are awesome.
- Cut out the drinking. I never drank much, but if I have two beers, I'll be snarling for 3 days. It's not worth it.

Want to know how I found out I had depression? I was camping with my mate and two best friends over Christmas 2014, having a couple of quiet drinks with a campfire going after two big weeks of offroad driving, the sun going down and an amazing view over the trees and the valley. Everyone else was amazed.

I felt nothing. Absolutely god-damn nothing. Numb, like the world was monochrome.

Want to know something else? It does get better too, if you work at it. You'll have days when you go backwards, but if you're given to it, keep a journal and rate each day with a score. Look back through it and you'll see how far you've come.

I went camping with the same group this last christmas, and I actually enjoyed it - despite what the trip threw at us.

Here's one more reason to keep struggling: a random aussie wolf cared enough to write this wall of text even though he should've been in bed and his alarm is going to go off in 5 hours.

I'm happy to talk about this further, if you'd like.

Muzzle up. You'll make it.

Alyaerin.

I truly care so much that you wrote all this out for me, and you know what? Running sounds amazing right now. I may not be able to run from everything but maybe a nice long jog will make it feel like I am♡

I would love to reply more but posting back another wall of text will be hard from my phone, if you have a Skype feel free to add me
Lostmelody11

I don't have Skype, but if you'd like to talk more message me and I'll send my email, much easier than notes here.

So, a question. I don't need an answer, but you need to think about it. Whats your plan for today? What are you going to do for YOU today? Did you get out for that jog, or have it planned for the next few hours?

I've always enjoyed running, I find it quite primal running at night, but im lucky enough to live in a good neighbourhood where you can run outside and the weather is good pretty much every day of the year.

There's a lot of furs here that care, just remember that. I hope I helped in some small way.

Alyaerin.

Msg me,

i have similar issues in my life and have been in places similar to yours, though maybe not as dark, but close enough to fully understand exactly what your expressing here.

I might be able to give you insight with the help i received, You seem like a brilliant person and that maybe you just need someone to help point you in a direction. I am not a therapist or a psychologist; i am a person who had issues and fought them and i am winning. So as a survivor, a pathfinder, i would happily offer what i know.

Lostmelody11 is my Skype

If you ever want to talk, figure things out, vent out your frustrations, you come to me. I've been RIGHT where you are, even tried once (hard thing to admit even now), but I ended up making it. Maybe I can help before you go as far as I did.

You can get through this.

I agree with what the others have said. I've been depressed and suicidal for many years. You need to take a break and relax. Have sometime to yourself for a few days.

Tell the people that are bugging you that you've come into a rough spot but will try to finish the commission ASAP.

I know how tight money can be and when I'm not at work I'm drawing to try to pay rent. It's rough but I promise it'll get better. Just hang in there and take a few days off.

Suicide won't ever make anything better, things can and will get better but you HAVE to work at it, Ask many people for advice, ask family and friends for suggestions, Do things during down time and stressed out times to keep your mind occupied, pick up meditation or do some sort of hobby, I've learned from experience the one thing you don't want to do when stressed out is just sit there freaking out because its not going to help, you need to get off your butt and at least do something to distract yourself long enough to calm down and think things out logically so you can learn some stress relief habits for when its bad.

I'm broke as shit with maybe $20 in my wallet.

How much can I give to help you out?

Ditto to: Suicide is not the answer; Do the con and the concert, enjoy your time; If working on art is making you feel unwell then stop, commissions can wait; like drawing yourself? Then fucking draw yourself over and over.

I used to suffer from suicidal tendencies, it will not fix a thing. I felt 10x worse after an attempt I made on my life then I ever did before. Your life is yours, so go live it. Enjoy living because it happens literally once. If people are giving you shit cause you can't return a digital drawing to them at a schedule of their choosing then well fuck them. You can wait years for a picture and you wont lose much. But losing time and be able to live your life has a much heavier tole.

Like  Dwaggie said, GET HELP. You do not and should not go through thisalone. Your close friends, family, your just friends, your mate, just people... (I mean hell look how many people offered help here?) are there to support you. Use that support because no one should do this alone.

Like above, it will get better. But for now priorities: YOUR health and YOUR happiness are top, do what makes you happy, fuck people who tell you you should do something that doesn't. At the point you feel confident to try again. Start getting back into the rhythm of things. And if it happens again there is no shame in pausing or taking a break.

I may be in the waiting list but I am a person before a customer and want you to take the time you need to get back up to snuff.

If you feel like you need help; note me here, add me on skype (stickygr3nad3), or telegram (@Lyxer)

I hope you start feeling better real soon, but on your own accord.

If you work on your day off, you're not taking a day off. You really need them, just a day where you don't do anything stressful or anything you don't want to, it will help clear your head and It will really help your productivity overall if you can lower your stress level. I used to never take days off for some of the same reasons, and started feeling similarly after a while. Getting outside and going for a hike really does a lot for me.
Whatever path you take, I really hope you start to feel better soon.