all i want for christmas is to pay my rent [i need help...]    

By codeine, a year ago
I'm writing this with the help of a friend since i'm not very good at communicating how i feel .


These past few months have been really hard, and at every turn new challenges keep popping up and knocking me back to where i started , and these past few weeks it feels like the pressure on my chest is just getting worse and worse. The depression is creeping back, the stress is making my ulcers act up , and i cant even make myself try and care that i'm about to miss all my payments cause all i want to do is take a week off and not be ripping my hair out working on these 14 hour streams everyday .

But i've got $1000 worth of bills to pay in 5 days and my account it at -$15.73 ...

i hate asking cause i feel like i don't deserve the help - but i really need it...

I wanna try and offer something in return but i can't even muster the will to turn on my ipad ...much less draw.. my creativity is at an all time low and thinking about it makes me sick..

if any of y'all would like to help - anything helps. Think of it as like a tip , even $1 helps.

remember to send it as friends and family so it doesn't ask for shipping info // sorry //

my paypal is , please let me know if you send anything so i can thank you personally , you cant note me if you wanna stay private


thank you all for even remotely considering / reading - im going to be doing my best to work twards fixing my mental health so that this doesnt occur again.. im sorry
13 comments

User replies

  zepompom

#link     Posted: a year ago

 
  princevaxis

#link     Posted: a year ago

 
I am empathetic to your struggles. Truly I am. For about 3 years I was wholly incapable of paying my bills, had to sell things I truly wish I still had just to make ends meet even half way. I couldn't find a job cause no academic education. I couldn't get my own business up and running cause I needed investment money. My mate had broken things off with me and I was left with 1 room and two homophobic room mates. I was sincerely half-way done packing my bags and going home to my parents in Denmark. I was - that close to giving up.

And then I decided that giving up was not an option. Went out with my resumes, and instead of simply dropping the resume off and walking away, I stayed, sometimes for 4 hours, just sitting there, until the manager/owner came out and talked to me right there. A toy store for kids finally gave up, said that my determination alone was enough to at least give me a chance. I got a minimum wage job, earned enough to make ends meet and put a couple triple digits in the bank account for my self-employment. After 9 months of this, I had the bare-boned basic amount I'd need to at least take off a little bit.

At this time, my mate had had a massive change of heart and had started talking to me online again, like we used to years ago. We agreed to go on a date and that old spark lit things right back up. We're now together again.
I merged my business with hers in the long run, and I'm now making more than enough(started getting art, check my gallery) to make ends meet, and then some. I'm happy, loved, financially secure with plenty in savings and the future looks epic.

My point is...You can get through shitty times just fine without asking for hand-outs and sacrifice your pride and/or reputation by asking for hand-outs from strangers online.

Clearly, if you've got $1000 worth of bills, but less than 16 bucks in your account by the time it's time to pay bills? Something about your lifestyle and/or daily/weekly/monthly/annual expenses needs a serious overhaul. If and when you change those, and things are still not adequate, I'd seriously contemplate backpeddling your artwork from a full-time business, to naught but a hobby, and begin working on a resume and finding a job to work as life-support until you have the money/means/mental fortitude to tackle such a responsibility. If a break from the reality of self-employment life is too stressful/overwhelming to handle at this particular moment in your life, then don't consider it a defeat; consider it a tactical retreat to fight another day.

One thing is for sure though: You can't rely on online donations/handouts to get you through troubled times; if you don't fix the underlying problem, you'll be in this situation again later down the road, guaranteed.

As a final note, let me point out that this is not me trying to be an arrogant snot hole who tries to patronize someone with bigger monetary problems than his own. This is someone who doesn't know you, with prior experience in this exact situation, trying his best to help you in a way that will solve your problem permanently, rather than solve it temporarily.

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." - Anne Isabella Richie, 19th C.
  codeine

#link     Posted: a year ago

 
I wholeheartedly agree, honestly it irks me to ever have to come to this, much less now when things were getting better.

"Clearly, if you've got $1000 worth of bills, but less than 16 bucks in your account by the time it's time to pay bills"

To this point, i would have been fine had my mate an I not had just gone through a separation , reemerging our finances and bills after just having split them set us back, really far back, and due to me making more than him i working overtime to help him cover a $800 car bill 2 days ago , leaving me way way way over worked from 15 days straight of 14 hour streams that after paying that bill for him, my insurance, and my prescriptions im left will -$15 and normally enough time to recover and make it back- if i could make myself . but with the amount of time i have there's no way for me to be able to force myself to stream AND finish the backlog i have blocked out for this week.

So im left with 2 options , ask for some help if anyone wants to ,, or sell some stuff. I dont have a ton of things "worth" anything, besides when ive got from my gandma, and i dont want to sell the few things of hers that were left. So i went with the first option first , and if need be , while i dont want to, things are just things, im sure a roof over my head is more important than her ring, but i wanna try at least first
  wesleyfoxx

#link     Posted: a year ago

 
If it helps, please don't worry about working on the stuff for me until you're in a stable position to do so.
  princevaxis

#link     Posted: a year ago

 
^ What Wesley said.
To make things easier, I think everyone whom they owe money to right now, should just sit back, take a chill pill, and let them get this rough patch smoothed out.

Think of it this way: A stressed artist does less nice work. Let Codeine get back on track and I can guarantee you on behalf of them that your art will be that much better for it. Don't you agree, Code?
  codeine

#link     Posted: a year ago

 
i definitely do.
  robert26194

#link     Posted: a year ago

 
FALendAHand FALendAHand
This is a group to help artists who are in financial need. Maybe they can help you too^^
  kadenshadows

#link     Posted: a year ago

 
I wish I could help...I've been in a similar situation, though not quite as bad, and I know how easy it seems to just..give up. I just moved across the country, though, and have literally nothing left over. I'm rooting for you, if that helps at all!

Just wanted to express my support.
  darkbossman

#link     Posted: a year ago

 
I sent a bit your way. It's not much, but I hope it helps.
  kintuse

#link     Posted: a year ago

 
I'd like to help, Code.. I know it's been rough to even look at a screen, but I'm begging. Let me talk to you.. I want to do what I can for you and not just with words alone. Please.
  redwishy

#link     Posted: a year ago

 
I'll send a little! hopefully enough to get you out of the minus at least ;-;

Hang in there!
  Comment hidden by its owner
  worldswithin

#link     Posted: a year ago

 
College debts be damned. I'll send something your way today. Hope it gets there in time.