>>2683303Nice work!
>Tobari AddictionPage 02, let's make Tobari's line "Do you want some cocoa" to communicate the distance better
Page 05, in the last bubble, let's get rid of either "Kana," or the comma after "cute"
Page 06:
>If people don't match each other, are they not allowed to date?Also, let's go with "She isn't, is she..." instead of "No, she isn't..."
Page 08: Let's add a comma after "even yesterday"
Page 10: The second ellipses is missing a period in the second panel
Page 11: Let's remove "start to" in the third panel; too wordy
Page 18: panel 4, "Oh wow... I'm so turned on right now..."
Also, the ボソ... sfx is (murmur...)
Page 19: Let's replace "Well," with a chuckle ("Fufu," or "Hehe,"). Also, "I'm gonna make" instead of "I'll be making".
Hopefully that should be the last of the corrections/revisions.
Feel free to upload to Recent Releases/dynasty/mangadex/exhentai (or I guess anybody else could do it). Regarding ordering, I'd recommend going in publication order
>>2669782 since all of these new ones have some link to "So many firsts".