regular gem

the totally real amazon employeesTM

I can assure you I am a real person! I am currently tweeting from the top of a ladder retrieving some books to fulfil an order! I suppose you would rather the world be completely devoid of all printed knowledge!?!?!!???? WWJD: What would Jeff Do?

Ah yes! I am also a hooman, with hooman limbs and hair! 100% real and not fake. I eat hooman foods like bread and egg.

Sounds delicious! Wow you're making me hungry. too bad it's 9 hours till my next break Oh well back to my job which I love!

why is it nine hours til your next break? most states require two 15-minute breaks (paid) during each eight-hour shift.

Hi! I enjoy all my hobbies very happily on my Amazon paycheck! I resent your implication that Amazon is anything short of the one true Savior of mankind! It is a wonderous, nay, perfect work environment and in no way represents the ultimate failure of late stage capitalism!!!

I'm happy to see it confirmed that satire is still alive and kicking.

I’m depressed to see that so many people don’t get satire...

Ah yes, my standards for a good job definitely include 'well lit' 'clean' and 'above minimum wage if you take into account benefits'.

Hey remember when Amazon hired neo-Nazis in Germany to guard their largely immigrant workforce in the lead-up to Christmas? That was also quite normal.

I'm mad this isn't just a B plot from Arrested Development.

Kara also says we see you when you're sleeping, and use Alexa to determine when you're awake and at your peak to order more tomatos from EatFresh, and we know about the bodies Tom, we heard you raise your voice over the phone while sitting in the living room etc etc

Hell naw I ain't getting Alexa in my house.