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It came to my attention earlier this week that Avery (Tiny Goat) has been lying and revising events surrounding a deeply traumatic night last year. I will not stay silent about the falsehoods they have been spreading. They have been lying and warping the truth, and I refuse.
Last year, Avery, Ryan, and I stayed at my apartment to celebrate my birthday. Their partner dipped out after dinner, so the three of us ended up drinking and having brownies with some of their leftover indica before going to bed.
The three of us all fell asleep in the same bed together. Ryan was on the outside of the bed, Avery was in the middle, and I was up against the back corner.
I woke up later to Avery engaging in sexual contact with me in my sleep. I didn't know what was going on, I was embarrassed, and I didn't want to upset them. When I reciprocated, they quickly left the room. Nothing made any sense.
In Avery's own words afterward, they admitted to groping me in their sleep. I had no idea how to reconcile it otherwise, so I trusted what they said and tried to accept it. I was apologetic and tried to validate their experiences but stood by the fact that they initiated contact.pic.twitter.com/VajRpk4wFR
That night never felt right. I would talk about it regularly to Ryan in private; despite trying to smooth things over in the moment, I woke up feeling violated and was told despite my insistence that we "couldn't determine who initiated" since I had panicked and reciprocated.pic.twitter.com/zxbtNFnVhc
After an entire year, I spent an evening with two friends who both had long histories with Avery. I discussed that night and how it felt to be violated like that, and they told me their own stories. Their experiences were vastly different, but they had also been hurt/pressured.
I will not share their stories here (that is their choice, not mine), but the night gave me enough confidence to privately start to collect my thoughts in a meaningful way for the first time. I didn't name names, because I wanted to trust that it was still worth resolving.pic.twitter.com/XI5J3F8JTp
A trusted friend came forward shortly afterward with a private vent tweet from Avery, explicitly naming me as the irrefutable aggressor that night, saying that they'd "never forgive me" for "moments where they did stuff to me while I was drunk." Their entire story had changed.pic.twitter.com/f39J7ImTcQ
The story that they have been spreading has removed references to their own actions and completely reversed the roles that I have stood by the moment when they left me and Ryan in the room.pic.twitter.com/IECvXIPCAj
As I spoke about their revisions in private, I was pointed toward others who have experienced the same actions from them. Although details varied, Avery would initiate unwanted contact in multiple cases, often in the form of soft pressuring, and revise the story as they saw fit.pic.twitter.com/5guPFJx25T
Even further, Avery has a history using sleep sex as justification for their actions. This is (for obvious reasons) not a part of the narrative that they have spread recently, but it was a part of their original excuse to my face. In revising that night, they have omitted this.pic.twitter.com/UKuh6mJt4M
Given the above, Avery is lying about that night. If their pattern of sleep sex was real, our conversations would have reflected this. The fact that they hid it from me before that night, feigned shock during, and erased any reference after means that it was a convenient excuse.
They have flipped the order of events, omitted their own actions that they admitted to doing, and are now claiming to "know" what happened after angling for murky confusion beforehand. Looking back on our chats, I was under no impression that they were asleep in that moment.
In no uncertain terms, I have stood by what I said then and will continue to stand by it: Avery initiated contact with me in my sleep. Everything else seems to be intentionally obfuscative. The only stories, justifications, and only contexts that have changed are Avery's.
When I confronted them about their revisionism privately, they told me that there was a deeper "pattern" that "proved everything" about their story. They became fixated on it and tried to spin it multiple ways.
I'll start with their furthest, easiest reaches first. These actions above were listed as "manipulative." I will also include my responses, as I don't see too much additional commentary as necessary. They were were frighteningly transparent in their need to create patterns.pic.twitter.com/kXUH57PClg
As a quick aside, I didn't even know how to wrangle their dog; I would have ask for them to move them. I also never needed to unplug anything. They almost always had slots available on a power strip next to their desk. There was no basis for any of those claims.
Their other claim is, however, another story that they have chosen to revise. In mid-November, Ryan and I drove down to visit Avery at their old apartment. Their partner was again out for the weekend, and we dropped in to spend the night together.
Avery had previously requested hypnosis kink-play a different weekend when we were hanging out, and I asked them if they were ready that week. When they said "no," I reassuringly let them know that we could always do it some other time, and they once again bolted off.
Once again, I was completely bewildered in the moment. As we discussed later, they told me that the way I tried to shift gears away while letting them know we were always welcome to do it later made them feel uncomfortable; that it reminded them of a more immediate pressure.
It was an uncomfortable miscommunication. I asked them if they felt unsafe; they said no, but I still didn't want to continue engaging with them if my actions could be interpreted that way. I asked to cut off all forms of romantic physical affection instead.pic.twitter.com/MIrLGM0Q9E
If this was the end of the story, I would still call it a miscommunication. It still feels that way. However, Avery approached me with a new story when they started accusing me of "patterns;" they tweaked the story just enough to make the situation look much less like a mistake.pic.twitter.com/06mIEFY0rU
In blunt terms, they want to revise history to fit a convenient narrative that absolves them of the first night by painting a picture of aggression. They want to project maliciousness to hide their own actions.
They are clearly set on perpetuating that narrative. When I told them, in no uncertain terms, that we had never even discussed me completely missing them saying no once, let alone *twice*, they doubled down and chose to gaslight. "Not remembering that just means you didn't hear."pic.twitter.com/Cm9sAFmpQo
I refuse to let them continue lying and manipulating surrounding events to obfuscate what they did to me in my sleep: actions that I have stood by and known, that they have used in excuses to others and myself, then omitted in private, surrounding that first night.
If Avery is going to quietly project the events of that night, erase their own actions, repurpose everything for themselves, and gaslight me to my face, then I won't be silent. You can't "revise" the truth.pic.twitter.com/Rtm7jxcENX
These revisionist streaks have, again, been reported by other parties. There is a name for this: DARVO tactics. Deflection, attacking, and reversing victim order. It is utilized so the party in question always appears innocent by reversing the story.pic.twitter.com/vyL1gxqWfm
Avery's deflection (who could this have been?) has been flipped in private to accuse me directly. My recollection of those nights have never changed, and our conversations following them reflect that. Their "sleep" was a convenient deflection until it could be safely omitted.
I'm not sure how to go from here. The chatlogs from those nights bounce back and forth between us validating each other. However, since I have confronted them on the above inconsistencies, they have blocked me and made it clear that "mutual understanding" is not possible.
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