Hey it's Rizzy


I apologize for my understanding of English not being the best, and I've worked with Nick Monroe (@nickmon1112) to make this post explaining things a bit more clearly (he ghostwrote it). Right off the bat I want to let you all know I'm discontinuing the lewd drawings I did on my Patreon, moving forward. It's a tough choice for me to make. I've had this Patreon since 2013/2014 as a side income. I did NOT expect to be relying on that as my safety net after I lost my job last year (2017). I'm grateful for the support and visibility people like Appabend have given it and my work. They've helped build me up. But I personally don't agree with it as a primary source of income, nor am I proud of the fact I found myself in that spot.

For people who don't know me, I'm Rizzy and I make art speedpaint videos on YouTube. [CHANNEL]

I've been doing art for as long as I can remember! The past decade, at the very least. I never wanted to be an internet artist but for the sake of my mom's health and my family, I am.

You probably first heard of me because of the #PrideMonth comic I posted on June 3rd 2018. This one. https://twitter.com/rizzydraws/status/1003328648789688320

That got a lot of attention. For better and worse.

When it comes to the drama of these past few weeks, there's a lot to unpack. First and foremost, the person (and their group who raided my Discord/harassed my Twitter) that came after me online DID threaten me and make a photoshop image blackmailing me. In a personal attack that manipulated my country's particular political/religious situation. But when it comes to me getting "doxed," that depends on your definition of the term. There's no official definition that's overall accepted by a majority.

I have found out after the fact that the person/people who harassed me did NOT have my address. That it was all just a prank. I wasn't thinking about that at the time. I had gotten stressed and worried because an associate of my family's warned my parents about this Discord raid/Twitter attack. Let me back up a bit and explain: When I first saw that photoshop image on Twitter I thought it was just some sick joke, and retweeted it out of sheer bewilderment. But a friend of my extended family's who keeps an eye on me online saw that and warned my parents. They told me to unretweet it. The following night we all sat down and talked about the potential risks I was facing online. They were really worried. The tension it created was fuel for my paranoia. So much that I drowned in it and tried to kill myself.

Now this is another point where people are confused. My family initially told you all one thing, when the actual mixture of what I drank was something else. It was insecticide (Baygon) and soap water. What my family ASSUMED I drank was detergent because they found a torn open package of that on the floor when I was unconscious. It wouldn't surprise me if they searched Google for what they thought were my symptoms and assumed the worst.

My family posted several update tweets in the timeframe I was at the hospital. While my family has my best interests at heart and try to help take care of me, I'm sorry for any additional panic they caused with their tweeting while I was away. A long time ago I gave my parents the unlock code for my phone. As far as I can piece together, they apparently passed that on to other relatives during that time period. While my parents don't keep in touch with my online activities as much, my cousins DEFINITELY do.

The bottom line here is everybody panicked. Me, my family, and the people helping me fundraise. My suicide attempt screwed everything up and I'm left with deep regret at that fact. Beyond the questions I have as to why that troll and his Discord gang attacked me (they weren't some SJW or 4chan person but that's besides the point).

I should take the time to explain my fundraising too. I want to be as transparent as possibly can with all that.

On top of my Patreon, there have been a few times where my family has been in dire straits and needed money. Around November 2015 I had started a fundraising page to buy a replacement laptop PC for work stuff. But *at that same time* my Mom needed money for medicine treatments (to take care of what our healthcare did not cover). So at this point in life I turned to my friends to help cover the money my Mom needed. They gave me cash. That money went straight to my Mom.

Because these events happened so close together, there was this assumption I was bullshitting about my Mom and lied about that in order to get more money for my PC. This is not what happened at all. Unfortunately this rumor mill spiraled over the past few years that some people get the impression I'm a scammer.

The reality is my family's situation is desperate. Back in October/November 2017 when our house was targeted by religious fanatics, we had to get out of that area quick (we have moved *twice* because of this sort of real-life religious harassment mob problem). My dad was freaking out and he didn't want to ask for financial help from our relatives. My family has struggled with money for years ever since Dad was laid off in an effort by his company to cut retirement benefits to people. So he turned to me for a quick buck. Out of desperation I made a funding page, but that campaign failed because I'm someone who is *also* too proud to ask for money. At the time it didn't feel right to beg random strangers for help in a pinch like that.

But that brings us to my situation now. I want to be free from the homophobic mobs that run rampant in my country. My fundraising goal now is something for my long-term well-being and future in life.

I want to be happy. I'm trying to find a safe place for me and my boyfriend. Here in the short-term, but with your help we want to go abroad to a more stable country for our long-term. A place where I can be with my boyfriend, and marry him. We planned this back in late 2017 and early 2018.

The initial goal had been set at $26,000 (USD) to cover:
- Get passport ✔
- Get visa
- Get plane ticket
- Get lawyer

And a place to stay initially. Of course. The USA was always the plan (some people think I want to go to Canada? Nope!). With the passport out of the way, next up was the visa. Roughly 90% of that (estimating) is for lawyers and my asylum case. We set it up on GoFundMe but moved it to GoGetFunding because GoFundMe doesn't support Indonesia.

I had two of my friends running the fundraiser page. My parents told them to shut it down after my suicide attempt for privacy reasons. They didn't want my situation getting more complicated at that time. I have struggled with suicidal threats/thoughts in the past (I did threaten to commit suicide in end of 2017/early 2018), and it has cost me quite a few friends along the way. I got frustrated with the lack of updates and they were too preoccupied One of which is among the people who say I'm a scammer, and are under the impression I use that as a scare tactic. My family contacted the person who recently accused me of scamming. They called him and offered the chance to hold onto the crowdfunding money to make sure there's accountability.

He refused. "I no longer wish to have business with Riz," they said. Hopefully that gives you an idea of the drama rift I'm dealing with, there. But that, along with the other crowdfunding things I mentioned earlier, serve as a backdrop for confusion to you all that I have (hopefully) cleared up.

At the end of the day, I tried to kill myself because I was overwhelmed with my situation, and I felt alone. I'm not a perfect person. I made the mistake of relying too much on other people and it ended up making my situation more complicated. But even so, when word got around about my suicide attempt, it was amazing to see how much love and support the community poured out for my recovery.

Thank you all. Especially to GamingAndPandas and Shoe0nHead.

I fully admit that I've been disorganized, and will work on improving that in the future. Consider that my promise to you all. It's a hard balance to strike. My goal of becoming more self-empowered is only possible with the awesome power of the art community and internet supporting me along the way. But I look forward to going on that journey together.

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