S.P.E.W.

Extract from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

by J.K. Rowling

‘What’s in the box?’ he asked, pointing at it.

‘Funny you should ask,’ said Hermione, with a nasty look at Ron. She took off the lid, and showed them the contents.

Inside were about fifty badges, all of different colours, but all bearing the same letters: S.P.E.W.

‘“Spew”?’ said Harry, picking up a badge and looking at it. ‘What’s this about?’

‘Not spew,’ said Hermione impatiently. ‘It’s S – P – E – W. Stands for the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare.’

‘Never heard of it,’ said Ron.

‘Well, of course you haven’t,’ said Hermione briskly, ‘I’ve only just started it.’

‘Yeah?’ said Ron in mild surprise. ‘How many members have you got?’

‘Well – if you two join – three,’ said Hermione.

‘And you think we want to walk around wearing badges saying “spew”, do you?’ said Ron.

‘S – P – E – W!’ said Hermione hotly. ‘I was going to put Stop the Outrageous Abuse of Our Fellow Magical Creatures and Campaign for a Change in Their Legal Status – but it wouldn’t fit. So that’s the heading of our manifesto.’

She brandished the sheaf of parchment at them.

‘I’ve been researching it thoroughly in the library. Elf enslavement goes back centuries. I can’t believe no one’s done anything about it before now.’

‘Hermione – open your ears,’ said Ron loudly. ‘They. Like. It. They like being enslaved!’

‘Our short-term aims,’ said Hermione, speaking even more loudly than Ron, and acting as though she hadn’t heard a word, ‘are to secure house-elves fair wages and working conditions. Our long-term aims include changing the law about non-wand-use, and trying to get an elf into the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, because they’re shockingly under-represented.’

‘And how do we do all this?’ Harry asked.

‘We start by recruiting members,’ said Hermione happily. ‘I thought two Sickles to join – that buys a badge – and the proceeds can fund our leaflet campaign. You’re treasurer, Ron – I’ve got you a collecting tin upstairs – and Harry, you’re secretary, so you might want to write down everything I’m saying now, as a record of our first meeting.’

There was a pause in which Hermione beamed at the pair of them, and Harry sat, torn between exasperation at Hermione, and amusement at the look on Ron’s face.