Update: Just finished the Prisoner of Azkaban

k1717k · 2017-12-18T19:07:18+00:00

I don't feel happy because the man who said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, left unexpectedly. The scenes in the movies remind me of him, what we had, it reminds me of the pain I'm experiencing and how it has been like hell on Earth. He caused me so much pain and suffering so when I see those things that remind me of him, that pain is amplified.

I know it's going to take time. It's just... ugh... the worst thing I've ever felt. Thank you so much for your support.

k1717k · 2017-12-18T16:42:11+00:00

I have been trying so hard to focus on the moment, the present, but since I am in so much pain, it's hard not to look ahead at the future. I try to imagine the time when I am healed from this so naturally, it's difficult not to think about being married and having kids in addition to that. I will continue to focus on myself like I have been and try my best to keep my head up even on the most difficult days. Thank you so much.

k1717k · 2017-12-18T16:39:49+00:00

I was in a few relationships before him, but he was my first TRUE love, yes. I have only gone one day without crying so far, and like you said, crying until I am absolutely exhausted is the only thing I can do sometimes. Thank you. I haven't given up and I am trying my absolute hardest to move forward from this. I have such a different outlook on life now and I feel like a completely different person than before. Thank you again for your positive words.

k1717k · 2017-12-18T16:34:27+00:00

He wasn't my only source of happiness and I didn't rely on him. We actually gave each other more time apart than time together. The fact that he told me many times that he felt the same way, he had me truly believe that he wanted a future with me as I did with him. It was like both of our minds were set and that was it. Once my mind was set on having a future with him, I was completely blindsided and devastated when he told me the exact opposite only a few days after talking about having children one day.

Thank you for helping me realize how fresh this all still is. I guess it feels like it has been a lot longer, especially knowing how fast he was over it all. I need to remember that 2, 3, even 4 months isn't a long time to get over someone you truly loved with all of your heart.

k1717k · 2017-12-18T16:27:19+00:00

This brought a tear to my eye, thank you. I am also a young, intelligent, successful, and independent woman and I hate how this has made me feel like the opposite of that. Thank you for sharing your story and for the positive insight. I am delighted to hear that you are now happy and doing well. I wish you the best of luck with everything else in your future. Thank you again.

k1717k · 2017-12-18T16:24:04+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and insight, friend.

k1717k · 2017-12-18T16:18:10+00:00

I have been doing things like that. I just feel like it's never going to end.

He did lie to me. He lied straight to my face about watching porn, he was looking up other girls on Facebook. I know he meant a lot of the things he said at the time, but I also feel like he lied about it for the last few months. He was telling me what I wanted to hear rather than being honest with me. When he left me, he did it over email and shut off his phone and ignored me for an entire day. He never talked me about how he was feeling before then, therefore, he was lying about his feelings and emotions for quite some time, those kinds of things don't change overnight.

k1717k · 2017-12-18T16:11:39+00:00

The fact that I can't even watch intimate scenes in movies without feeling terrified. I can't think about a relationship or getting to know someone else without feeling sick to my stomach. I am terrified to try and trust someone again. He lied to me and he used me while talking about our future together (what he wanted in our house, about our kids, etc.) I try to imagine getting to know a new guy and I just start crying out of fear. He has caused me the worst pain I have ever experienced and I don't think I will ever be able to shake that feeling.

k1717k · 2017-12-18T16:03:32+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, friend.

k1717k · 2017-12-18T16:01:48+00:00

It does help hearing that other people have felt this same way and they managed to overcome it. I just don't know how they managed to do so. I don't want to date for quite some time, I can't see it happening at all to be honest. But that's not what I want. I have always dreamed of getting married and having children, but that dream has now become a fear and I don't know how to change that perspective.

k1717k · 2017-12-18T15:57:57+00:00

My therapist is a very nice woman. She has been very supportive and having that extra support from someone else has been nice. However, her suggestions are mostly find a new hobby, get out to meet new friends, try exercising, all of her suggestions are things I am doing, have tried, or have already read about online. I know therapists aren't supposed to give direct advice or help, but I didn't feel like the $25 a week was worth it. I could tell my mom the same things I told her and my mom would have the same suggestions/response.

The relationship was about 2 years. Two months doesn't seem very long to me either, but looking even further ahead, I can't see myself coming out from this darkness. The mental and emotional abuse this has caused me was too much. Additionally, I think about how he was completely over me after only one week, it hurts so bad. I put 150% in, he put much less than that, he ended up leaving happily, and I was left permanently abused and traumatized.

k1717k · 2017-12-17T07:51:37+00:00

He's a cheagle! (Beagle Chihuahua mix)

k1717k · 2017-12-15T13:06:38+00:00

I sincerely thank you for your kind words, friend.

Writing has definitely helped me when the feelings are too overwhelming. Reading has also been my main coping mechanism. It is both relaxing and distracts my mind when I'm feeling down.

As you mentioned, I have been attempting to embrace the pain, rather than pushing it away. Pain like this can't be ignored or pushed away, it's too intense and too deep. I honestly feel so traumatized from this experience and this healing process is going to take me a very long time.

I never imagined how helpful it would be to hear from people on here. Sometimes hearing positive words of encouragement, even from a complete stranger, gets me through a tough moment. Thank you again.

hugs

k1717k · 2017-12-15T13:01:05+00:00

Check out Amazon! I bought all of my books off of there for only a few dollars each!

k1717k · 2017-12-15T00:20:41+00:00

Yes, I have read that this book is most people's least favorite. I tried to ignore that and read it without those preconceived notions, but I found that I do agree with them. As I said, I still loved the book! I just liked the first one better.

I found Gilderoy to be much more.... obnoxious in the book than in the movie. Funny, but I think obnoxious is the right word to describe it. In the movie, he definitely acted like a know it all, but the book further created his cockiness, especially with his confidence in his appearance. I liked his character in the book better because of how much emphasis was put into his attitude and behavior. In my opinion, the depiction of his character was created more clearly in the book than in the movie, if that makes sense.

I'm excited! I'm on chapter 2 right now. I can't wait to see the differences that lie ahead!

k1717k · 2017-12-14T21:26:50+00:00

Would you mind telling me the price or price range that you paid for it? I'm trying to stay below $40k, if possible. The main things I want are the heated seats, touch screen radio, Bluetooth, and most likely the 3.73 gearing. I'm trying to shop around and see if it would cheaper to custom build one this way or try to find one on a lot with all of these features. I've only seen Rubicons with the 3.73, so I need to figure out the price difference to custom building a Sport with that gearing.

k1717k · 2017-12-12T16:02:34+00:00

Feel free to message me at anytime if you need someone to talk to. You aren't alone, friend. I know how terrible it feels to go through this.

k1717k · 2017-12-12T12:39:34+00:00

I am having a tough morning today as well. I've moved a few steps back the past few days. I'm 2 months in and it feels like this pain will never go away. You're not alone, friend.

k1717k

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