Britney Is Dead

Britney Is Dead
Britney Spears 1981-1998
Clues in Britney's Lyrics
Clues in NSYNC's Lyrics
 
Yes, it's sad, but true.
 
Our beloved pop tart, Britney Spears, has been dead for about five years now. And a massive conspiracy on behalf of the music industry has kept this fact from her ever-diminishing legion of fans for just as long. But I've uncovered the truth. The one we've been calling Britney may be not a girl and not yet a woman, but she is an imposter. And I have the evidence to prove it.

Let me start at the beginning:
Britney had just wrapped up her first album, "Baby One More Time" and had recently completed filming the video for the title track. The record label knew that they had a major hit on their hands. Britney had also just begun a relationship with NSYNC vocalist Justin Timberlake, and they promised to be the hottest couple on the music scene.

But then, only two days after the filming of the "Baby One More Time" video, Britney, only sixteen and not yet licensed to drive, borrowed her mother's car to go joyriding. With Justin in the passenger seat, Britney lost control of the car. Britney was decapitated in the accident. Justin was severely burned, received massive head injuries, and has since been in a coma. He is not expected to recover.

Britney's sudden death left her label with two options:
1) Shelve the album and video.
Problem: They'd already invested much time and money in Britney's career, and would take a huge loss if they didn't release the material.
2) Release them as being the final work of a once-promising-but-now-dead teenage singer.
Problem: It's a known fact that teenagers in the late 90's did not listen to dead people (just look at how poorly Janis Joplin and Jim Groce have done in the teenage market lately)
Let's face it, neither option was acceptable. So one of the geniuses at the record label came up with an even better idea. Replace Britney with a look-alike and continue her career!
The heads of the label immediately headed to the nearest shopping mall and found quite a few girls who resembled Britney. They settled on a girl named Britney Shears, whose uncle Billy Shears had replaced Paul McCartney after his death in 1966.
But there were two problems:
1) Britney Shears had a noticably larger chest than Britney Spears. The label handled this by starting a rumor that Britney had gotten a boob-job.
2) Also, Britney Shears had no discernable talent. But so far, no one's really noticed.
Of course, another problem concerned Justin Timberlake. How does a comatose singer remain in a really hot band (other than just doing really mellow music)? But it was easily solvable. Justin has been replaced at various times with members of the Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, LFO and O-Town. No one has noticed the difference, since they all look and sound alike anyways. In fact, most of the popular boy-bands of the day are comprised of only about twelve different individuals altogether.

Britney Spears Before the accident	Britney Spears After the accident	Britney Shears The Look-Alike (Notice the larger chest Hard not to notice, isn't it?)

Click here to see clues in Britney's Lyrics
Click here to see clues in NSYNC's lyrics
Now including Justin's solo album, "Justified"!

Clues In Britney's Videos
Okay, I haven't actually seen all of her videos (I'm more a VH1 guy than an MTV guy). But those that I have seen are riddled with clues about Britney's being dead. Here are some examples.
In "Sometimes" (the first performance by Britney Shears), Britney is wearing white and watching a young man from afar, fantasizing about doing some choreographed dance moves with him. This is clearly a reference to Britney being in Heaven and watching over her beau, Justin.
In "Lucky", Britney plays two roles. That of some sort of supernatural being (visible only to the viewer), and that of an unhappy pop star who the supernatural being is watching over. Obviously, this is a reference to the two Britneys: Britney Spears: now dead, and Britney Shears: now a pop star.
In "Stronger", there's a part near the end where Britney is driving a car. It spins out of control, and then we see Britney standing in front of the stopped car. This is a reference to the car accident which ended her life.

Backwards messages:
If your CD player has the ability to play songs backwards, you can hear these messages for yourself!
1) In the second chorus of "Oops! I did it again", you can clearly hear a disembodied voice saying "Oops! I just got decapitated in a car accident!"
2) In the talking at the beginning of "Satisfaction", a voice says, "Britney is dead, girl, like, Ohmigawd!"
3) In the fade-out at the end of "Lucky", you can hear Bob Dole's voice saying "Turn me on, dead girl."

There are no clues in this picture.
I'm just including it because I think it's kinda hot!


Contact Me
Please note that this site is intended as a joke.
To the best of my knowledge, Britney and Justin are alive and well.
Here are some more of my humor sites:
King David's Ponderables
What I've Learned From The Movies
You Might Be Addicted To AOL If...
Religious Jokes
You Might Be A Michigander If...
And a site about interesting (and possibly even true!) facts:
Stuff You Didn't Know

Britney Is Dead
Clues In Her Lyrics

Go Back to Britney Is Dead
 
Clues to Britney's untimely death occur in most songs on her second and third albums. The following are actual quotes from songs on these albums:

OOPS I DID IT AGAIN:
 
OOPS I DID IT AGAIN

"To lose all my senses, that is just so typically me" - now that she is dead, she has lost all of her senses.
"Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways" - she is acknowledging that she should have driven more carefully
Also, there's a dialogue piece in the middle of the song which is a clear reference to the movie "Titanic", a film about a disaster in which nearly 1500 people died. Yet another death reference.

STRONGER

"My loneliness ain't killing me no more" - why is her loneliness no longer killing her? Because she's dead!
"Here I go, on my own, I don't need nobody, better off alone" - she is going alone to the grave. Also, the line "I don't need nobody" could be "I don't need no body", a reference to her having been decapitated.

DON'T GO KNOCKING ON MY DOOR

The title is self-explanitory. No point knocking on her door, because she's not home, but in the grave.
"You and I, we're like so bye-bye" - Britney's dead, Justin's in a coma. They're both pretty darned 'bye-bye'

SATISFACTION

Okay, obviously this song was written long before Britney's death (about seventeen years before her birth for that matter. God, I'm old!), but the label's decision to use this song was in response to Britney's death.
"When I'm driving in my car and that man comes on the radio/He's telling me more and more about some useless information" - The information she heard on her car radio did her no good, since she died soon after hearing it.

DON'T LET ME BE THE LAST TO KNOW

"I've been waiting so long it hurts" - Britney is waiting for Justin to join her on 'the other side'
"I wanna feel the way you feel" - She longs to be alive with Justin, even if it means being in a coma.

LUCKY

"The world is spinning" - the last sensation Britney had during the accident.
"There's no one there to wake her up" - Britney can't come back from the dead

ONE KISS FROM YOU

"I see the road laid out in front of me" - As her severed head went through the windshield, the road ahead of her was the last thing she saw.
"And when you hold me in your arms, you make me whole" - Why does Britney need to be made whole? Because she's in two pieces.
"I don't wanna hear my time will come/When it feels like it's already here" - An obvious reference to her death.

WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

"Where are you now, you gotta let me know/Oh baby, so I can let you go" - Britney is crying out from the grave, wondering if Justin survived the accident or not

CAN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME

"If only I could trade the fancy cars for a chance today" - She wishes she hadn't gotten into her mom's fancy car, so that she'd have a chance to live today.
"I have been through changes" - being decapitated is a major change.

DEAR DIARY

"It scares me 'cause I never felt this way" - Well, she's never been dead before
"I could hardly breathe" - her neck was severed

BRITNEY:
 
I'M A SLAVE 4 U
"I won't deny it, I'm not trying to hide it" - Her replacement is trying to admit the truth about Britney's death.

OVERPROTECTED
"I believe in taking chances" - She was 'taking a chance' in joyriding the night she died.
I don't need nobody tellin me just what I wanna what I what what I'm gonna do about my destiny" - She has no destiny for anyone to tell her about, since she's dead.

LONELY
"Why you screwing with my head?" - This is what Britney was wondering when the police picked her severed head up off the road.

I'M NOT A GIRL, NOT YET A WOMAN
"Now I know life doesn't always go my way" - Obviously.

LET ME BE
"Tell me 'Go Slow' - This is my flow" - Justin urged her to slow down, but she refused, thus causing the accident.

BOMBASTIC LOVE
"I gotta make sure that quickness won't stop me again" - Her replacement will be sure to drive slower.
"everything is still the same and you don't even know my name" - Justin's still in his coma, thus he doesn't know her name

NSYNC (AND JUSTIN SOLO) CLUES ABOUT BRITNEY'S DEATH AND JUSTIN'S COMATOSE CONDITION
 
Go back to Britney Is Dead 
 
NSYNC also decided to use references to Britney's death and Justin's comatose condition in their music. Here are a few examples of their hidden messages:

NSYNC
 
BYE BYE BYE
This song is Justin's message to Britney. He is saying bye bye bye to her because she is dead.

"It might sound crazy, But it ain't no lie" - The truth about Britney's death and Justin's comatose condition certainly does sound crazy, but NSYNC is admitting here that it isn't a lie.

"I'm checkin' out, I'm signin' off/Don't wanna be the loser and I've had enough" - Justin knows that he'll never recover from his coma, and considers welcoming his oncoming death.

IT'S GONNA BE ME
"You might've been hurt, babe, That ain't no lie" - Britney certainly was hurt in her accident.

SPACE COWBOY
"Is this the beginning or beginning of the end?" - Will Justin recover (begin his life again) or die (end his life)?
"See I've got my eyes on the skies, The heavenly bodies up high" - Justin facing the possibility of death and going on to Heaven.
"And you can either be scared or get prepared" - Justin both fearing and preparing to die.

JUST GOT PAID
"Jump in my ride/Radio rockin'/Hottest jam/Feel the rhythm/Pump up the sound" - The situation in the car just before the accident.

IT MAKES ME ILL
"It makes me ill cause you used to be my girl/Used to be (my girl) used to be my girl yeahhh/It makes me ill (ooh) cause you used to be my girl (c'mon)/My girl/So baby come back to me (baby...)" - Britney used to be his girl, but now she's dead and his comatose condition is like an illness to him. He wished he could have her alive again.

THIS I PROMISE YOU
"Without you in my life baby/I just wouldn't be living at all" - Justin considers giving up his life since Britney is dead.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED
"Even the good guys get burned" - Justin was horribly burned in the car accident.

I'LL BE GOOD FOR YOU
"I know you're hearts anticipating/And my love is on your mind/Well don't you worry/I won't keep you waiting" - Justin promising to join Britney on the other side soon.
"Cause if you want me to/I'll sacrifice my world for you" - To be with Britney means to leave this world behind.

THE GAME IS OVER
"Invincible is what you think you are" - Britney didn't realize the danger she faced in driving too fast.

GIRLFRIEND
"Does the man even know you're alive?" - Is Justin, in his comatose state, aware that Britney has died?

GONE
"Wishing I could touch your face, but the truth remains - you're gone" - Pretty obvious, wouldn't you say?

TELL ME TELL ME BABY
"You're my baby, but to be honest there's just one thing - a part that is missing" - Namely, Britney's head.

JUSTIN SOLO
 
SENORITA
"And no longer will you ever have to cry" - dead people don't have to cry.
"It feels like something's heating up, can I leave with you?" - As Justin was on fire after the car accident, he considered dying along with Britney.

NOTHIN' ELSE
"You're out of this world" - And in the next.
"I've been asking everybody what they think (Yeah, yeah) But I don't know why because they don't know you" - They don't know her, because she's dead!

(AND SHE SAID) TAKE ME NOW
The title refers to Britney asking God to take her just before she died.
"I'm hot just like an oven" - another reference to the fire that horribly burned Justin

NEVER AGAIN
"My heart may never mend, and you'll never get to love me, again" - Justin might never recover, and Britney, being dead, can't love him.

Also, on the cover of the "No Strings Attached" album, you can see that Justin is being held up by wires (the same wires hold him up in the video for "Bye Bye Bye"). This is because Justin is still in a coma and incapable of moving on his own.