When it comes to your body, it’s important that you have the facts. It’s not doing your sexual health or self-understanding any favors to keep you in the dark.
With that sentiment in mind, we’re here to lay it all out for you when it comes to anal sex.
It's important that we talk about all kinds of sex because not everyone is having, or wants to have "penis in the vagina sex." If you do have "penis in the vagina" sex and are curious about something else, or are finding that type of sex is not for you, you'd just like to explore other options, it's helpful to know the facts. Even if you do learn more and decide anal sex is not something you'd like to try, it doesn't hurt to have the information.
If you're not comfortable reading about anal sex, that's perfectly OK too. We have plenty of other articles around a variety of issues and wellness. Feel free to click out if you'd like! No pressure at all.
Obviously there is a lot of stuff on the internet about anal (we don’t suggest you Google it right now), but most of what you’ll find is either porn or advice for experienced sexual persons looking to try something new. What about the teenagers? What about the LGBTQ young people who need to know about this for their sexual health?
I have got you covered. Without all the run-of-the-mill hoopla, here is the lowdown on everything you need to know about butt stuff, no matter who you are, whom you’re having sex with, or who you want to have sex with.
This is anal 101, for teens, beginners, and all inquisitive folk.
The anus is full of nerve endings that, for some, feel awesome when stimulated.
Why anal?
Anal sex, though often stigmatized and shamed, is a perfectly natural way to engage in sexual activity. People have been having anal sex since the dawn of humanity. Seriously, it's been documented back to the Ancient Greeks and then some. So, if you’re a little worried about trying it, or are having trouble understanding the appeal, just know that it isn’t weird or gross.
The anus is full of nerve endings that, for some, feel awesome when stimulated. The opening of the butt hole is where the nerves are most condensed, so you don’t have to put anything that far up there (if you don’t want to) for it to feel good.
That being said, anal (like all sex acts) is not universally enjoyed by everyone, and that’s totally OK. You should do what you feel comfortable with and what feels pleasurable for you. There is no wrong way to experience sexuality and no way is better than any other.
The appeal of anal when you have a prostate
For those of you with prostates, being on the receiving end of anal sex can be a great experience.
First of all: What is a prostate? The prostate is a gland around the top of the bladder that produces prostate fluid, one of the main elements of semen. It is located just inside the rectum and can be reached with a toy, fingers, or penis. It feels like a solid, small bulge.
It feels good to have the prostate stimulated. This is one of the reasons receiving anal sex when you have a prostate can be very enjoyable. You can even have a prostate induced orgasm!
The appeal of anal when you do not have a prostate
Just because you have a vagina does not mean anal is off limits. Many vagina owners love anal play. You don’t need to have a prostate to enjoy anal sex. For those without a prostate, having your anus stimulated can still be great — remember all those nerve endings are still in the fold here.
It is often described as a feeling of fullness which can be delightful.
The anus is not as malleable as a vagina, which has the ability to accommodate an infant’s head by design. The anus is very tight, and the feeling of having something in your rectal area is unique. It is often described as a feeling of fullness which can be delightful.
How to ask your partner if they're ready to try anal
Whether you are planning to give or receive anal sex, a conversation must take place beforehand. Enthusiastic consent is necessary for both parties to enjoy the experience.
Asking for anal can be a bit daunting, no matter who you are. Have a one-on-one with your partner and let them know that this is something you want to try. Be honest about your feelings about it. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to discuss anything openly. Everyone wants to have a good experience. If they are into it, go ahead and get started.
Start slow, seriously
Here is the real deal. You can’t just decide you’re going to start having anal one day and then go for it, anchors away!
Nope. Not a great idea. You need to start slowly. The anus is a muscle that needs to be worked up to having larger objects inserted. Start with finger or a small (I do mean v small) butt plug and either warm yourself up or have a partner help. To do this, lube up your finger or toy and gently massage the anus. As you feel more aroused and comfortable, work the object inside. Gently move it around to loosen up the area.
Never put any toy up your butt that does not have a flared base. You do not want to lose anything up there, the rectum is expansive. No, you cannot just “poop it out.”
When you do have anal sex, go slowly.
When you do have anal sex, go slowly. Regular communication with your partner will keep things level. If something hurts, say so and stop. Take a breather. Be sure to relax as much as possible. If you tense up, it will make things much more difficult and therefore, less fun.
Lube is a must
Lube is absolutely required, as are condoms. There is no risk of pregnancy during anal sex, but safe sex is non-negotiable nonetheless.
When it comes to lube, silicone-based lubes are easier for anal sex, as they are slippier and tend to stay on longer. The problem? Some silicone lubes corrodes latex due to a high oil content, which can cause condoms to break. Google the silicone lube you're looking to use before trying it with condoms.
Likewise, stay clear of all oil-based lubes as these too can damage the integrity of a latex condom. When in doubt, go for a water-based, unscented, unflavored lubricant if you're unsure about the lube you're using.
Lube is essential for comfortable (and safe) anal sex. The anus does not naturally lubricate the way a vagina does. If you want to have a good experience, the more lube the better.
This goes without saying, but you absolutely must use protection every single time you engage in anal sex. Condoms are not optional. They are mandatory. STIs widespread and abundant. Protect yourself.
Yes, there might be some poop
Forgive me for waiting until the very end of this piece to get to this burning question, but I wanted you to know the benefits and positives when it comes to anal. Because there are many!
Yes, you will come in contact with some minor fecal matter.
I want to personally assure you that that you will not poop on anyone during anal sex. Sure, there are horror stories, but aren’t there always?
That being said, yes, you will come in contact with some minor fecal matter. You are entering a butt hole. It is where poop comes out. Expecting to do anal play and see zero poop isn’t particularly realistic. It’s NOT a big deal. Everyone poops. Everyone has a butt.
Anal sex and anal stimulation can be awesome and if you want to give it a go, you do that. More power to you.
Gigi Engle is a writer and sex educator in NYC.
This article has been updated to include the importance of using protection during anal sex.