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Olivia Pope

Golly, it sounds like every other day or so we learn that special counsel Robert Mueller, who is leading the wide-ranging investigation into possible collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia, and also obstruction of justice into the investigation by President Babyhands, has hired literally the best lawyer in the world.

We were perusing Twitter this week and saw this:

Ooh, ‘sciting! Ahmad is an A.U.S.A. for the EDVA (what, do you not know these abbreviations yet? God, do you even watch “Scandal”? Fine, it stands for Assistant U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia), and yes, she kicks terrorist ass! Wonder why Mueller needs her for the Trump-Russia scandal investigation. Has Trump been PALLING AROUND WITH TERRORISTS? It should be noted, of course, that the EDVA is one of the (two? three? fifty eleventy?) districts where a grand jury has been impaneled, and it’s been issuing subpoenas all over the place. Anyway, you should read the New Yorker profile about Ahmad, because she is a badass.

A few weeks ago, when Newt Gingrich was bitching about how UNFAIR! it is that Mueller is hiring actual good lawyers (not that we imagine Newtie has stopped bitching, but he must be screaming his complaints directly into Callista’s helmet hair, thus muffling his shrill lamentations), we flagged a GQ piece that noted Mueller’s growing team included “men and women responsible for bringing down Nixon, Enron and the Mafia.” Oh and recent hire Michael Dreeben was called “quite possibly the best criminal appellate lawyer in America” by the Lawfare blog.

The Washington Post has a new piece about what a dream team it really is. On top of Dreeben, there’s James Quarles, alluded to above as part of the team that boned Richard Nixon. There’s Andrew Goldstein, who “headed the public corruption unit in the U.S. Attorney’s Office in the Southern District of New York.” He used to work for fired U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara! Trump hates Preet Bharara! There’s Andrew Weissmann, who runs the fraud division at the Justice Department. Journalist Yashar Ali noted on Twitter that Weissmann is “known for persuading for witnesses to flip.” There are lots of others too! They are all one million percent better than the team of incompetent goons willing to represent a client as pathetic and embarrassing as Donald J. Trump.

GQ calls this team the “Suicide Squad (if Suicide Squad didn’t suck).” Vox says “Mueller’s legal team is full of pros. Trump’s team makes typos.” (Apparently Vox is your rhyming dad, murdering you with #DadPuns right now.)

Of course, part of what’s been chapping the frank and beans of Newticles of Gingrich, even more than the general competence and intelligence of the people Mueller is putting on his payroll, is that some of Mueller’s lawyers have donated to Democrats, up to and including Email Pol Pot Rodham Clinton. How is that even fair????? STOMP STOMP WHINE COMPLAIN! Of course, Newt Gingrich can go fuck himself, unless he’s concerned about how noted Democratic donor Jamie Gorelick is the lawyer that Prince Jared and Ivanka, Duchess of Grift-ingtonshire, have chosen to represent them. Or, maybe this will tickle Newt Gingrich’s memory buds better: how they fired the first special prosecutor for Bill Clinton when that special prosecutor said Whitewater wasn’t a crime, and replaced him with Very Republican Ken Starr, who promised to find a crime and find one he did.

Anyway, we just wonder why Robert Mueller is putting together literally the best lawyers in the known universe for his Trump-Russia investigation. Is it just because he is a snob and only likes to hang out with the most brilliantest sexxxxiest lawyers in America? Or is it because this Trump-Russia shit is yooooooger than anything we could have ever imagined? Who can say! But if yr Wonkette was a bettin’ man, we’d guess it’s the second thing.

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  • bookish

    IntelBrief. The Soufan Center.

    PRESIDENT TRUMP AT THE G20

    Bottom Line Up Front:

    • On July 7, U.S. President Trump meets with leaders at the G20 meeting in Hamburg, Germany to include a meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

    • While much attention is given to meeting minutiae, important strategic trends are being solidified without the U.S.

    • On July 6, the EU and Japan signed a massive trade deal, the likes of which the U.S. now openly disdains.

    • It is difficult to overstate the difference between the U.S. and the EU’s outlook and methods for solving future challenges.

    Protests at the annual gathering of the Group of 20 (G20) are nothing new, nor are the host of contentious issues among the world’s largest economies. While the meetings now underway in Hamburg have been met with large and even violent public protests, the more consequential conflict is emerging between the U.S. and other G20 members, including long-time U.S. allies in the EU. There is a great deal of deserved attention focused on President Trump’s bilateral meetings with several world leaders—most significantly with Russian President Vladimir Putin. President Trump’s first meeting with Putin since taking office will be held amidst an unprecedented investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 U.S. election, and the Trump administration’s persistent downplaying of Russia’s attack on U.S. democracy.

    The Trump administration’s preference for bilateral ‘deals’ stands in stark contrast to America’s post-WWII strategy of strengthening its international position through multilateral pacts with critical allies. More specifically, President Trump’s belief that fervent nationalism is the best way to address global issues is anathema to the EU’s deliberate, long-term disavowal of nationalism as the basis for foreign and security policy. The difference between the U.S. and its allies now covers nearly every aspect of global challenges, from trade and climate change, to human rights and security challenges. Amidst previous spikes in security concerns—from the Cold War to 9-11 and after—the U.S. has stressed a multilateral approach based on the strength of foundational ideals. The Trump administration’s apparent desire to bring that approach to an end is likely to confound the administration’s efforts to tackle global challenges that simply defy unilateral solutions.

    The growing chasm between the U.S. and its allies is evident in agreements among several G20 powers that exclude the U.S. Prior to the summit, Germany and China declared their intent to increase cooperation around a host of issues, highlighting the growing willingness of key U.S. allies—especially in the absence of American leadership—to move closer to one of America’s primary geopolitical competitors. On July 6, Japan and the EU solidified a trade agreement that accounts for nearly 40 percent of global trade. The impact of such massive decisions on global issues being made either without the U.S., or in spite of it, will likely have seismic long-term consequences for U.S. relevance in international affairs.

    In his speech in Poland on July 6, President Trump framed issues such as immigration and terrorism—again conflating the two different issues—as existential threats to ‘the West.’ President Trump explicitly stated his belief that ‘the fundamental question of our time is whether the West has the will to survive.’ He went on to rhetorically ask whether ‘the West’ has ‘the confidence in our values to defend them at any cost? Do we have enough respect for our citizens to protect our borders? Do we have the desire and the courage to preserve our civilization in the face of those who would subvert and destroy it?’

    While the President expressed a steadfast desire to defend ‘Western’ borders, he made no attempt to clearly define a shared set of democratic values among Western countries, likely raising further doubts among America’s allies over the U.S. commitment to democratic values as the basis for Western alliances. Previous U.S. administrations had viewed U.S. and ‘Western’ ideals as the source of their greatest strength, something to defend by expanding—not restricting—their reach and appeal. The concept of the U.S. and ‘the West’ as espoused by the Trump administration—as one that requires a bunker mentality that de-emphasizes shared democratic values—is largely at odds with the viewpoint of America’s allies. As the gap in worldviews between the U.S. and its allies continues to grow, the Trump administration’s ability to exercise leadership abroad in the service of U.S. national interests is likely to diminish.

    • puredog

      This is all so fucked.

    • proudgrampa

      Please, Europe, PLEASE don’t hate us…

    • Oblios_Cap

      Well to be sure, nationalism has almost destroyed the world a few times. Intelligent people tend to think it’s a bad thing.

      • BigCSouthside

        Nationalism is one of the single stupidest concepts I can think of.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Nationalism has its uses…but it also has its drawbacks.

    • nightmoth

      All those “U.S. OUT of the U.N” yahoos are cackling into their snuff-stained beards this morning, whooping “this is even better!”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      More specifically, President Trump’s belief that fervent nationalism is the best way to address global issues is anathema to the EU’s deliberate, long-term disavowal of nationalism as the basis for foreign and security policy.

      Yeah, the EU members do have a bit of experience with the downsides of fervent nationalism.

  • proudgrampa

    WOW. That Zainab is HAWT.

    With eyes like that staring at me, I would confess to ANYTHING!

  • Joe Beese

    Well, hello, Zainab Ahmad!

    • proudgrampa

      I saw her first!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      HAWT

  • h4rr4r

    I am rather scared that this panel will prove treason but the house will refuse to impeach.

    • DrBigHead

      Given the current configuration of the House, I would say your fear is a dead certainty.

      • h4rr4r

        I am hopeful that the 2018 election will fix this.

    • miss_grundy

      When treason is proved, people will be howling that he be thrown out, even if his stupid followers take to the streets because there are more of us than of them. We will beat them everywhere we go.

  • Pinkham’s Law
  • Vincent Ricola

    Any day that includes Newt Gingrich crying about something is a good day for America.

  • mardam422

    Please, the second thing, pretty please!1

  • Wild Cat

    Hope the sick sad mobbed-up fucker who stole HRC’s presidency and Garland’s seat gets goulashed:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fa2309366786f0ecbc85f3843b0c31d87fe31972e05837f4dfa7e95f44e084f5.jpg

  • Ryan Denniston

    “and it’s been issuing subpoenas all over the place”

    Helicoptering them in even.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I can hear the Trumpsters now – “She’s a moolsin out to get Trump”. Those morans are so predictable.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Trumpsters aren’t too bright. They’ll confuse her with Huma and complain because someone sleeping with Hillary shouldn’t be a part of Mueller’s team.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    This is TEASING, Evan!! Mueller’s getting us all worked up, rreal slow-like, and it’s gonna take MONTHS. But then, when we finally can’t hold out anymore and BLOW our collective LOADS, it’s gonna be the biggest, hottest Mt. Vesuvius-scale mind-crushing prosecutorial orgasm evar!!!

    Ahem. I mean, best of luck, Mr. Mueller and Ms. Ahmad. {tips hat}. Cheerio.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Speaking of which, it’s after 4 in Germany. Time for Donnie’s big date night!

      • Oblios_Cap

        I’ll bet Melon’s glad she’s stuck in a hotel. She must have made her own reservations.

  • Crystalclear12

    So, is she going hold the cross Trump gets nailed to or does she get to use the hammer?

  • ManchuCandidate

    I feel kind of discombobulated. Cheering for lawyers? Yes, cheer for lawyers.

    What strange days we live in.

  • Crystalclear12

    Enough with the casting announcements! Get this summer Blockbuster in the can already!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Patience, Grasshopper. It took a bit over two years from Watergate burglary to Tricky Dick’s last AF One wheels up.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Sentencing expert or GTFO!

  • Finnibar87

    I am warning you people against too early exuberance!

    Let the ass kicking commence.

    • nightmoth

      When I hear music, I’ve gotta DANCE!!

  • BigCSouthside

    I wouldn’t call this suicide squad. This is The Avengers.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And Donald is Loki about to get tossed around by the Hulk.

    • Doug Langley

      Now that you mention it, she does look like Diana Rigg.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Dat face. That’s the face of “I sustain myself on the souls of evil men.”

    • Finnibar87

      You just know that one was righteous as fuck from the day she was born.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        She held hearings on equal slide time for girls at the local park as a toddler.

        • Finnibar87

          Born to kick ass and take names for the integrity of it.

    • DrBigHead

      Reminds me of my sister-in-law. 4’10” tall. Could walk into a biker bar in the middle of a brawl and be in charge within 5 minutes.

      There are some women you just don’t screw with.

  • Suttree

    This is exciting. The New Yorker article is really good. This is winners look like. Unlike the losing losers that Team Turnip has. How will they do anything if they can’t settle out of court with no admission of wrong-doing?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Michael Cohen. Definitely out of his league with this crowd.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    That’s one heck of a roster Mueller’s put together – lots of heavy hitters. Against the third-stringers Donnie Two Scoops is fielding, this is gonna be gruesome.

    • Finnibar87

      Bloodbath.

    • Bebecca

      You mean the team that didn’t even think to book a hotel at a world event, that team?

      • Iron Monkey

        When you can’t get any of the little things right, the big things get totally fucked up. Not an accident that ideological purity is more important than competence in Bannon White House.

      • cmd resistor

        So where DID they end up? I read that Melania couldn’t get out of wherever it is to go on the tour for wives, which was supposed to include a trip so some climate change museum or something.

        • Bebecca

          Motel 6 Hamburg.
          He ended up at some congressional quarters away from his staff. The staff was probably very relieved about that.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      But gruesome in the bestest, most beautiful way!

  • memzilla Ω

    I have a dream that this investigation is going to be so thorough, so researched, so connect-the-dotted, so meticulous, and so far-reaching that it will irretrievably and forevermore taint the entire Rethuglican apparatus as a bunch of venal fuckwits who knowingly collaborated with our worst enemy for power and money and anybody who voted or plans to vote for ANY of them can rightfully be called a traitor to America.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I would like to buy shares in your dream, Memz.

    • Ωbjectifier

      “I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land.”

    • DrBigHead

      It can’t be too meticulous, though. If it gets complicated, the Repubs won’t be able to understand it.

    • laineypc

      Like facts and evidence matter anymore. Republicans will attempt to delegitimize everything all the way down. They already are with the criticisms of Mueller’s lawyers donating to Dems.

  • Oblios_Cap
    • Bobathonic

      That sucks.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Literally.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Dammit, we can never have nice things anymore.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Evolution in motion.

    • Finnibar87

      Trump calls for a ban on blowjobs until he can figure out what’s going on.

      His research will involve a lot of blowjobs for himself.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Whoever that is better keep a barf bucket handy. Gold-plated, I would suppose.

      • NastyBossetti

        The thought of that is so repulsive that I may never have any kind of sex ever again.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        He is now giving one to vlad as a pilot case.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That sucks! But seriously. I tell ya, if all the STI’s get to be superbugs, people are going to start carrying their STI test results around and showing them to prospective partners as casually as you would show people your Facebook page.

    • PubOption

      Clap, clap, clap.

  • elviouslyqueer

    To repeat, because I can never say it enough times:

    I am going to enjoy the living shit out of watching that obese orange ferret being physically dragged, kicking and screaming, out of the White House, placed in a straitjacket, fitted with many, many shackles, shoved into the back of a police van, and whisked away to the nearest Federal penitentiary.

    • Finnibar87

      Me, I shall not rest until the entire Trump crime family is stripped of all its wealth.

      As well as the shackles thing.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Exiled to a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Oh no no. A squalid 80-square foot 10th floor walkup in the South Bronx.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            With no running water, and no AC.

          • elviouslyqueer

            And the absolute shittiest landlord in the entire universe. One that makes Jared look like fucking Mother Teresa.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Great! Now I’m imagining Jared fucking Mother Teresa!

          • puredog

            Fucking Mother Teresa will be the name of my new band.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Fucking Mother Teresa in the Ass if your genre is punk.

          • Longstreet63

            A fitting Hell for both of them.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            IDK, getting fucked by a Jewish man seems every nun’s dream.

          • calliecallie

            Jerry, I just spit craisins on my keyboard in response to that.

          • The mens room at Yankee Stadium?

          • elviouslyqueer

            The men’s room at the subway station under Yankee Stadium, more like.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            And every neighbor is either ‘Messican’, ‘moose limb’ or ‘uppity Ni**ers’.
            And this walkup actually does have an elevator but the cables were chewed through by all the rats and the motor is clogged with cockroaches and the slumlord will not fix it.

        • DrBigHead

          I would like to see each of them hold down a real job. One where they have to punch a time clock.

          • jesterpunk

            Make them all work at Carl Jr’s for minimum wage with the CEO telling them if they want more money they will be replaced by robots.

        • coozledad

          And handed a nine pound steel, and told “Get breaking it.”

        • miss_grundy

          One that is used for target practice by Kim Jong Un?

      • BigCSouthside

        I’m with you. I want the entire family destroyed for generations, so much so that Barron, Tiffany and the grandkids have their names changed out of shame

        • John Thorstensen

          Steve Bennett!

      • Bebecca

        First step, they need to be humiliated on the international stage. bigly.

        • NastyBossetti

          I’m not sure they’re capable of feeling humiliation. If they were, they’d die of humiliation every day of their lives.

          • Bebecca

            Good point. Anyone who can lie like he does and not be embarrassed when called out probably cannot be humiliated. Except he seemed humiliated by his inauguration crowd size. Maybe it was some other emotion that we just don’t get.

          • laineypc

            Perpetual state of self-gaslighting.

        • dlemex

          He is already doing that now. Sadly it is also humiliating the entire country.

      • Longstreet63

        Yes, of course. They’ll end up in a cell next to the Bushes…

    • Stulexington

      Can we get him a muzzle so we don’t have to listen to him mangle the English language?

    • Marceline

      I’m more interested in the people who enabled him: Sessions, McConnell, Ryan, Chaffetz, etc… Trump’s always been a mob thug. These people are supposed to be elected representatives and patriots. They’ve made a mockery of the Constitution and spit on every value this country stands for. They aided and abetted a coup.

      • cmd resistor

        So Chaffetz is now on the FOX payroll, right? Will he just be one of those yapping pundits?

        • bigjericho

          I’m just so relieved he landed on his feet. I was worried sick about him!

          See, things have a way of working out!!1!

          • cmd resistor

            The same feet he had surgery on?

          • bigjericho

            It’s a miracle! A miracle, I tells ya!!

            HALLELUJAH and ALLAHU AKBAR!

      • Susie Lochary

        Oh man how I despise me some Paul Ryan!

    • Wild Cat

      It’s a nice fantasy, but observing this shit since Watergate, they’ll all walk.

      • Marceline

        Didn’t a bunch of people go to jail after Watergate?

        • Suttree

          Around 50 people IIRC.

        • Wild Cat

          Couple of years. One has a radio show and millions of listeners and tons of $$$; the other makes billions in the name of Jesus. And because the Constitution is a slaver’s parchment, the offending power gets to retain office.

          • Marceline

            I’ll take a couple of years of jail.

            My hope isn’t really about jail time. I want RICO charges for asset forfeiture.

          • Wild Cat

            I’ll settle for short-term personal eliminationism of these traitors and terrorists and long-term elimination of the Republican Party, which has been a farce since 1876.

          • dlemex

            Assumes facts not in evidence… assets? He’ll forfeit more bad paper than the housing bubble did.

          • ken_kukec

            Think the Rooskies’ll turn over the safety-deposit box with the pee tape?

          • Crank Tango

            Slaver’s Parchment!

            New band name!

    • eastcoastlib

      Can he tweet from prison?

      • Susie Lochary

        Can the orange blob pardon himself? Ford pardoned Nixon so I’m not entirely sure how that works.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Needs moar tasers!

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I’d settle for seeing him in a tattered gray bathrobe with a lamp, a ping pong paddle, an ashtray and a chair in his hands while he laments the fact that he’s broke and the dog hates him.

      • Pilotshark

        and no country he can call home!

    • calliecallie

      And Bannon. Please, take Bannon too!

  • miss_grundy

    I love, love, love that Mr. Mueller is putting together a legal Justice League that will kick Dolt 45’s ass. He wouldn’t be going all out if he hadn’t already found proof that could kick this creature out of the White House.

    • Susie Lochary

      Meanwhile, Trumpy’s legal dream team is headed by an idiot that either can’t spell or correct typos and a known charlatan who used to go on a televangelist (TBN) show and fleece gullible old evangelicals of their last dime. I loved watching TBN for the entertainment — A white haired, lizard faced blob and his deliciously tacky, trucker Barbie wife would sing, preach and praise the almighty dollar on an equally garish stage of red velvet and gilded gold furniture. Many times, Jay Sekulow sat on that same velvet faux Victorian sofa next to fake-ass Jan Crouch and conned future Trump voters with his fancy elitist education and law degree. He offered an air of legitimacy to the shit show that the rubes just ate up. Not all cynics are con artists but all con artists are cynical. And calculating.

  • Wild Cat

    So will President Pence go down the usual choir-boy/hair-shirt/Jesus-dildo/bug-crushing/soiled-diaper scandal and give us President Ryan or will Ryan go down first when it’s discovered that every BTK victims’ unfound remains are stuffed in his special ‘Atals Shrugged’ signed edition?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      They’ve all taken money from shady Russians – I’m hoping every last one of them goes down, and that it takes just long enough that after 2018 we have President Pelosi. Then again, I also hope I’m going to wake up thin one of these days.

      • Wild Cat

        I’ve a hot date with ScarJo tonight; then I’m off to Monacco for a weekend of gambling; on Monday, Mick and I are going to update “Gimme Shelter” in my studio on 57th Street.

        Hope you’re well, Good_Gawd.

      • dlemex

        I’ll just be happy when I wake up from this never-ending alternate universe nightmare to where our first woman president has just been reelected with a majority senate and house.

  • Randy Riddle

    “…we flagged a GQ piece that noted Mueller’s growing team included “men and women responsible for bringing down Nixon, Enron and the Mafia.”

    Now that he’s added a lawyer that brings down terrorists to the list, this could turn into a new “Law and Order” franchise.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Special presidents unit?

    • John Thorstensen

      Obligatory: “Chonk chonk!”

    • ken_kukec

      New? They already did “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit” for sex offenders like Pres. Pussgrab.

  • Marceline

    I’m constantly wavering between having faith in Mueller’s team and trying not to get whisked away by conspiracy theorists online. I see anti-Trump people on Twitter saying things that give me hope and I have to fight my confirmation bias but then you look at the team being assembled and I know that this is hard core but I also know this kind of investigation is going to take a long time.

    Anyway I’m not making sense. I just hope the hammer comes down hard.

  • CeeQ

    It could take a while but I look forward to justice being served to the Orange fucker and his crew of traitors.

  • eastcoastlib

    It’s going to take some time but when it’s all said and done, people are going to jail. I’m looking at you and your grifter offspring Mike Flynn.

    • Longstreet63

      What you mean to say, of course, is “Blanket Presidential Pardons for everyone!”

  • Nockular cavity

    “he must be screaming his complaints directly into Callista’s helmet hair, thus muffling his shrill lamentations)”

    It’s sound-absorbing? I highly doubt it. I’m sure that that hair has the acoustic properties of a stainless steel sphere.

    • Me not sure

      FUCK…UCK…UCK…UCK!…Oinnnng.

    • ken_kukec

      It’s deceptively stuffed with baffles.

      • dlemex

        She doesn’t want to listen to him either.

      • Longstreet63

        It’s to channel the overload from the Element Zero power core, of course, but it works the same way.

  • Me not sure

    I would vote to convict just to keep her from giving me that “don’t fuck with me, stupid” look.

    • unionthuggery

      I like that look.

      • Doug Langley

        That look says “I eat creeps like you for breakfast”.

        • Me not sure

          Dig in, sister.

      • Rotisserie Teal

        Me too.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Ivanka, Duchess of Grift-ingtonshire

    When did Tundra Twat abdicate?

    • ken_kukec

      Halfway through her reign.

      • Rotisserie Teal

        Bravo {opera clap}

  • MynameisBlarney
  • armed_bears

    I am sure Ms. Ahmad is qualified. Now the hard part: Can she be convinced to depose these clowns in a sleeveless dress?

  • Claire

    Apparently Felix Sater has flipped, too: https://thinkprogress.org/amp/p/99e4ebe9a1ad

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Felix Sater? Sounds like a dinner for Jewish cats who can’t spell… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1c09c787332e92720705967b5a6a6e3cdbc847904f1a0fd0994bd264c5c947f7.jpg

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Do they serve Seder cheese?

      • President in Exile Firefly

        I’m gonna pass over your comment.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Shofar as I can tell, you are right.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      My first question was: Did Donnie go into business with Felix before or after Felix flipped and ratted out everyone he knew to avoid jail?

      Answer: After.

      Way to go with the extreme vetting, Donnie. Don’t be surprised when Felix flips on you.

      • Claire

        Right? I mean, I don’t know the history but from the article it looks like Felix is a human pancake. I guess Trump’s tradition of hiring the best people is a longstanding one.

  • Longstreet63

    See, the Trumpers look at her and say “She’s an Ay-Rab and must recuse herself cuz Muslim/Not Muslim Ban”*

    I look at her and say “Do you have any pictures of her involving high heeled boots? ”

    *Just like that Mexican judge that Trump totally got fired while winning his case because Wall.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Could be Mueller hired Ahmad–an Arab prosecutor who loves jailing terrorists–just to make wingnut heads assplode, and I see that as a good sign….

  • Run2Live

    Per the New Yorker article:
    “Ahmad is an Assistant United States Attorney with the Eastern District of New York.”
    Not Virginia. (EDVA) Unless they transferred her.

  • Spurning Beer

    I read that New Yorker article on Zainab Ahmad a few weeks ago. It made me glad I’m not a terrorist. Anymore.

  • Covfefe

    Why are all these high profile lawyers wolves/sharks willing to leave their secure Civil Service jobs just to chase geese? Or do they smell something?

    • Longstreet63

      Probably the only job in the Trump Administration that isn’t a career killer.

      • Lori

        Being civil service in the age of Trump shouldn’t hurt anyone’s career. Taking a political appointment is the thing that creates a stink that won’t wash off.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Doesn’t that pic look like a still from a movie about an ass-kicking Arab-American prosecutress that’s about to have a record-breaking opening weekend?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      “In a world…”

      • Boscoe

        I miss the “in a world” guy… all they could find to replace him is that BROOOOOOOOMMMMM noise from Inception. Sad. :(

    • Mormos

      no, it look like a still from goddamn wonder woman.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        Pretty much the same thing….

  • NastyBossetti

    Her gaze in that photo makes me feel so stupid and inferior.

    • John Thorstensen

      Compared to her, practically all of us actually are stupid and inferior.

      • Boscoe

        I tend to feel that way most of the time anyway, but that pic DOES kind of focus it into lazer clarity…

  • azeyote

    i hope they go all Game of Thrones walk of shame on Trump and his gang of traitors – Nixon got off easy and he wasn’t even working with Pee Hookers –

    • Lori

      I am totally serious when I say that this needs to happen. If Mueller can manage to get tRump indicted a huge group of people (like Women’s March huge) need to show up in front of the court and shame him, complete with bell. There should be satellite shamings in every major US city.

      • But not naked dear god not that.

        I’m happy to throw some mud though.

        • Lori

          No! No nakedness!

    • Flashman

      And none of this post-impeachment pardoning so we all can heal bullshit, either. This motherfucker should do hard time, to his dying day.

  • schmannity

    Zaineb Ahmad. I’ll have two helpings of the delicious Radical Islamist Terrorism irony.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Of course, part of what’s been chapping the frank and beans of Newticles of Gingrich, even more than the general competence and intelligence of the people Mueller is putting on his payroll, is that some of Mueller’s lawyers have donated to Democrats, up to and including Email Pol Pot Rodham Clinton. How is that even fair?????

    Their last best hope long-term post-Donald survival plan is to delegitimize the investigators. I guess when you’ve got nothing else, attacking the messenger is a classic strategy…

    /FFS

    • Covfefe

      Letting lawyers who make campaign contributions to Democrats is like letting a Mexican judge preside over the Trump University case.

  • Beowoof14

    No wonder Trumpie and his minions are out trying to find ways to discredit the media. Rachel’s report last night on efforts to sabotage her credibility was telling on how low they are willing to go. CNN and Vice were already caught this way and it helps fuel Trump’s bullshit claim that the media is fake news.

    • Daniel Mann

      The Trumpistas messed with the wrong person. Rachel is well-past wicked-smart.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Watching Rachel right now. May I say she is one sharp person? She didn’t fall for this, and I doubt that the dream team of lawyers will either. However, I am feeling like this is shark week, and there’s blood in the water.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Eventually, the various NATO ICs will let something very interesting slip.

      Donald will go to jail, and will die in a cell.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        From your mouth to FSM’s ears.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Ramen.

        • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

          Parmesan be upon him

      • kareemachan

        A Madoff kind of scenario would be nice… especially the part where they took most of his assets. His wife had to turn over all assets but $2.5 million – and whined about it. Poor dear. Melanoma could probably find some other rich bastard to prostitute herself with, tho.

        Lulz.

      • bewareofme

        One of my passwords is $45diesinprison …. not giving it up until that happens.

        • Flashman

          Dibs on the website and the band name.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Not being a Constitutional scholar or anything, can the President pardon treason?

      • ImGoingBacon

        Especially if he keeps bashing the IC. Holy fuck, he’s taunting them, not realizing what kind of shit they could let loose if he sneezed the wrong way.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Team Trump is bleeding out their wherevers.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      I know Rachel has shown this to Mueller.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    The thought of a presidential candidate colluding with an unfriendly government to throw an election, then winning that election, is horrifying. The fact that it was (maybe, we’ll see) trump, and he’s fixin’ to go down in flames for it, makes it a little easier.

  • Not gonna lie, that *IS* a very sexxxxxy lawyer. Astute observation, Evan!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    2 thoughts: (1) Lots of prosecutors go a long time without losing at trial, because the rules are stacked in their favor and they have the unfettered ability to dismiss any case they might lose; (2) Christopher Darden was one of them.

    • Boscoe

      But not a lot of prosecutors have taken down presidents, mafia and terrorists, so…

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Still haven’t.

        • Boscoe

          rofl okaaay…

  • Persistent Demme

    Well, look who’s hiring “all the best people!”

    • Boscoe

      It’s as if he’s just trying to make Drumph look bad at this point…

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Like Drumpf needs help with that.

        • Boscoe

          It *IS* kind of “punching down” for Mueller, I admit. ;)

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Seriously… to do that, just hand him a microphone, step back, and wait.

    • sadboy

      Oh, the delicious irony. I, for one, am getting very thirsty for some RWNJ tears.

    • ImGoingBacon

      What did it take to bring these people on board? Seriously, did the conversation go ‘I want you to be on the team to investigate Don… I’m in!!!’

  • sadboy

    I want a girl with a short skirt
    And a long, loooong
    History of prosecuting terrorists and corrupt officials

    • President in Exile Firefly

      As long as she’s going the distance!

      • catnmus

        And stores her subpoenas in a ziploc bag in the freezer.

  • Lurkylu

    This impeachment is taking too long. But as Malcom Nance said on the newsie show yesterday “the woodchipper of justice grinds slowly”…… he’s my fave.

    • kareemachan

      Remember, it took about two years to get things done with Nixon.

      • Daniel Mann

        I’m an old. I was around during Watergate. Russiagate is moving along much faster than Watergate.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          I, too, also and as well remember the drip, drip, drip of Watergate. This is more of a steady flow of bad news for 45.

      • Alan

        This won’t take that long. I think.

    • bewareofme

      I have a now-not-so-secret crush on Malcom Nance and Jeremy Bash ( yes I know they are both Rs and don’t care about that.) I get that tingly feeling when they appear on my teevee. Ooooh la la!!

      • khanurik

        I’m thinking you need an extra “OOO” or two or maybe an extra “la” for Mr. Nance. Who knew an R could just be a bad-ass professional dude.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Wouldn’t it be nice if we could have reasonable conversations with Rs and debate ideas and policy instead of listening to shrieking EMAILVAGHAZI ZOMG

      • Lurkylu

        because i have gone completely insane — i have an all out lady boner for Ana Navarro, Malcom Nance and heck, even Rick Wilson. Anyone who will rail against the GOP now is in my spank bank

      • NellCote71

        Oh, me too. Malcolm Nance has that presence and kind of voice that you just know he would carry you through the fires of hell in his manly arms.

    • 1captainhooker1

      Six years passed from the beginning of the Whitewater investigation to the impeachment of Bill Clinton. This is an all out sprint by comparison.

      • Lurkylu

        i admit i am way too excited for things to fall into place. what i want to know is — where do you even start with this? there are a dozen seperate huge scandals–interconnected yes–but all requiring a thorough investigation. It could take 20 years to fully unravel. i dont see how Trump can physically last another year…he is one Breitbarf story away from an aneurysm.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And as Preet Bharara said on The Daily Show, “Justice can’t be binged-watched.”

  • NorthernSaber

    Trump came into office and immediately began attacking America’s free press and its IC, a textbook preemptive strike against the revelations he and his equally compromised cabal knew would eventually come out. Had a Democrat ever done this (especially if the Dem had connections to Russia) the GOP would have convened impeachment hearings by now.
    Wonder what new set of instructions Putin gave his asset today?

    • Walter Wellstone

      Putin: Get on your knees while I unzip my pants, beotch.
      Donald: OK.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Thank you sir, may I have another!

        https://youtu.be/qdFLPn30dvQ

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        “He likes me, he really likes me! Look!”

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      REXXON was supposedly elected to be the “babysitter” so he would have gotten his marching orders as well. Twofer.

  • FauxAntocles

    If looks could kill…

  • Walter Wellstone

    Oh snap! A woman lawyer with a muslin name. Them snowflakes gonna get triggered…

  • Swampgas_Man

    Yeah, it’s taking a long time and they’re not tweeting everything they find. This isn’t going to be a case where the prosecutor says, “Of COURSE he’s guilty,” and doesn’t bother to build a bulletproof case. The only surprise will be when the legal guillotine finally comes down.

    • Watergate was 26 months from break in to resignation. This will be equally as long if not longer. Meanwhile, the Ol’ Pussy Grabber and pals will be grabbing with both hands because this Congress won’t be checking and balancing his dumbass until they have to, i.e. smoking gun or their re-election going down the tubes with him.

      • NellCote71

        And I suspect this investigation is a lot more complicated than Watergate. Is it treason? Collusion? Money laundering? Influence peddling? So many crimes, so little time.

  • Boscoe

    I have to admit, when I saw the headline was about Muller hiring another lawyer for his team, I was NOT expecting a pic like that. Refreshing change from lumpy old white guys is refreshing.

    • Susie Lochary

      She’s smart and looks like Penelope Cruz!

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I want to see her and Amal Clooney together.

        • NellCote71

          Oh, yeah. In a threesome with George.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I for one welcome our new prosecutorial overlords.

    • Totally off topic, but is that a Steelers throw-back jersey with the word “impeach” photoshopped over the player’s name? Was that Pope or Nix? Anywho, cool.

      Oh, man, I just realized that you could get any name put on a jersey, so did you or someone in the internet universe get it with impeach on it? That would be cool.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It’s real. I confess I stole the idea from some genius on the interwebs, but I got some shady outfit to do it, because the No Fun League would not let me use “Impeach” as the player’s name. Shortly after my interaction with this shady outfit, my credit card number and data were in hackers’ hands. DO NOT TRY AT HOME!!
        Oh, and thanks. :thumb

        • While I don’t like it that you’re CC and other data were in the hands of hackers, I love the jersey! Totally cool. Thank you for your bravery in dealing with shady outfits because it totally made my day.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            The thing is, the bumblebee part breathes nicely. You can wear it. The numbers are thick and don’t breathe at all. And there were numbers on the front and back. I had to remove the 45 from the front or it would be impossible to wear except in the winter. But, yeah, it’s taken me a few years to warm up to the bumblebee jersey, but I’m ready for my next pro-democracy march.
            Peace out, fellow human.

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          I have a prepaid debit card I use for all my shady deals. Just deposit the amount of the transaction, order and forget.

  • KnaveOfSwords

    Wonder why Mueller needs her for the Trump-Russia scandal investigation! Has Trump been PALLING AROUND WITH TERRORISTS?

    Remember how Trump accused Bamz and H-Rod of founding Daesh? And how literally every single thing he’s ever accused them of has turned out to be true of him?

    • VirginiaWackelpudding

      He did hold the Saudi Orb. Only the big donors get to do that.

      • FlownΩver

        Otherwise totally unfamiliar with big balls.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Ooh. Did David Green at Hobby Lobby get to hold it after giving ISIS 1.6 million ameros?

        • VirginiaWackelpudding

          No. He was more comfortable with a warm field melon like he uses at home.

  • susan_g

    “I’m your worst fuckin’ nightmare. I’m a Pakistani-American WOMAN with a subpoena.”

  • iceweasels

    Well this seems like a sensible choice if this is about Trump money laundering for the Russian mafia, which is certainly what I think it is.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I think that’s definitely part of it.

    • My guess is RICO case that includes money laundering, obstruction, witness tampering, etc which has applications to war on terror.

      • iceweasels

        Mos def. Russian mob is definitely involved in arming terrorists, among many other things.

        • Also, money laundering through
          GOP dark money. They have FINCEN transactions to look through which can find a lot of interesting financial connections. Deutsche Bank was money laundering for Russia. There is also a lot of suspicious activities around real estate and casinos. I wouldn’t b surprised they found a list of stuff that is why we see the expertise that we do.

          • iceweasels

            That’s what it looks like to me.

          • bigjericho

            And obviously Mueller is putting this team together because there’s Nothing There…

            Can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard Trumpsters say “THEIRS NOTHING THEY’RE, GET OVER IT, IT’S ALL BECAUSE HITLERY LOST, MAGA LOSER”

            None of them can remember how long the Watergate investigation took, I guess…but of course tying up Bill Clinton for four years was A-OK MAGA

    • Alan

      Clearly it’s been going on for a couple decades.

      • iceweasels

        You can tell by the way Trump is acting. This is not a man worried about scandal. This is a man worried about prison.

  • If the Trump administration has done nothing wrong, then there’s no need to worry.
    https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/4/19/302139__safe_animated_twiface_text+edit_lawn+mower_flying+lawn+mower.gif

    And that lawnmower won’t hurt anyone!

    • Boscoe

      WHAAAAAA? FLYING RC LAWNMOWER WHY AREN’T YOU IN MY LIFE????

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Obviously you don’t have older brothers.

      • SisterArtemis

        You need a magical unicorn horn first, obvs.

  • alpacapunchbowl
  • La forza del resistino

    After reading the NewYorker linky and if this thing progresses to deposing Donald, let Ms Ahmad do it. This Muslim woman prosecutor will not just get under his skin, she might peel it off

    • gallbladder

      Anything would be an improvement where Drumpf is concerned.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      “She has to recuse herself because she’s a Muslim and obviously doesn’t like my MUSLIM BAN!!!1!!!!”

      ~DJT, obviously

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        In 3…2…1…

    • Yr. Gma

      Seriously. And she’s gorgeous. This will be a problem for Donnie. He will be conflicted over deporting her or grabbing her pussy.

  • Raan

    what, do you not know these abbreviations yet? God, do you even watch “Scandal”?

    Who am I, Donna Meagle?

    I am not Donna Meagle. I’m not cool enough nor do I have enough jump-offs.

    • SisterArtemis

      I’m so uncool I had to google Donna Meagle.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    The Suicide Squad sounds a little grim, but I teared up thinking about how good this is going to feel when that woman starts talking on the record. Like cool water carrying this nightmare away.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    So, POTUS can’t be indicted for crimes committed under the aegis of his office, but does that preclude him for being indicted for any crimes committed before his inauguration?

    I’m not sure if this has been covered in the daily minutiae of legal coverage. Any legally knowledgeable wonkeratti know?

    • Daniel Mann

      Paula Jones’ civil suit against President Clinton was allowed to proceed forward while Slick was still in office after a Scotus decision. Would that apply to a criminal case against a sitting President that was committed before he took office I don’t know.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      I think we need to put this in the context of ‘did Trump commit a federal crime’, not ‘when did he commit the federal crime’. It is my understanding that the issue here is that a sitting POTUS can’t be charged criminally because it would overwhelmingly interfere with performing the duties of the office. “The Constitution is silent on the question of whether a president can be indicted while still in office, and there is no court decision that enlightens us further.” Because this has not been tested in court, there is some gray territory.

      This helps explain some of the gray territory and the nuances:

      https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2017/06/08/sitting-presidents-cant-be-prosecuted-probably/?utm_term=.db011480d36f

  • calliecallie

    She looks like Legal Wonder Woman.

    • I KNOW, right? That sort of aggressive competence coupled with that scowl is hot! And then there’s the eye brows. Talk about your best worst nightmare baby! I don’t know what that means but I just binge watched the three Austin Powers movies.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I want to marry her and have her babies.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    If Trump is clean, Mueller’s legal team will leave a validation that is unimpeachable. If he is not, impeachment is his smallest worry.

    • gratuitous

      You’re correct, which makes anyone wonder just why President Trump and his minions are sooooo concerned. I mean, if they haven’t done anything wrong – as they claim seven or eight times a day – then they have nothing to worry about. Sad!

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Robert Mueller’s bloodhound of a face is making me tingly in the right places.

  • BrendaKay

    Can’t find the link at LG&M, but someone there called Mueller’s team a “justice league” and I like that! They do sound like the superheroes we need right now.

  • Flashman

    I love that she’s a Muslim woman. I shudder, however, to think how much she’s going to get hated on by fascists.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      She looks like she can handle it.

  • Bigby

    “how they fired the first special prosecutor for Bill Clinton when that special prosecutor said Whitewater wasn’t a crime, and replaced him with Very Republican Ken Starr”

    “they” = Gingrich himself colluding with fuckface far-right-wingnut Clinton Derangement Syndrome Moses and Scalia-replacement Rethug Justice David Sentelle

    “first special prosecutor” = Born and bread Republican Robert Fiske (who was a relative straight shooter ala Comey).

    “Very Republican Ken Starr” = utterly disgraced shitbag partisan hypocrite supernova Ken “I wrote the bible of IOKIYAR, like that time I stonewalled all those rape and assault charges at Christ U, I mean, Baylor” Starr

    Is there anyone in the USA besides Trump who’s a bigger piece of utter shit than Gingrich?

    • Morningside

      This times a million.

    • SisterArtemis

      I don’t know, so many permutations of Piece of Utter Shit in that basket of deplorables… hard for me to pick.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        We could probably form an algorithm.

    • NellCote71

      I will take Outstanding Performance in a Continuing Role for the Daily Double, Alex.

  • andyshelt

    Donald Trump meets the boss for his annual employee performance review.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/baabc2d0dcfe0e646edcf4270e0c32cdae9fd6cb4572b645c1dcb8c70ca544e1.jpg

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Making Donnie lean forward to shake his hand. Pretty clear who’s the top in THAT relationship.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Considering the problems Trump has with strong, powerful women, it gives me great pleasure to think of how his almost-nonexistent stick and stones will shrivel when staring into this face.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8c311ac61cdd0a14dbfbcef4dbce37929bb5de74600ec5aff0cdd7d5fcbaccd5.jpg

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      To be fair, I would certainly shrivel if she stared into my face! A smart, powerful, hot woman who kicks criminal ass.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      And if she wore a sleeveless dress, whoa nellie!

      • Barakah1

        Not to mention her “ooh, is that an Arabic?” name.

    • Natalie Frenshen

      She is going to eat him for lunch. She needs a cape, she’s a superhero.

  • whitroth

    Oh, *my*, she could take me down any time….

    And I’d call Donnie’s team the Goon Squad.

    Meanwhile, Mr. Grinch, so about Mr. Mueller’s hires – would you care to compare and contrast with Ken Starr?

  • TakingAmes

    Hot damn. Lord Dampnut and his handlers must be quaking in their knockoff boots.

  • Subliberal

    Wowza! She could put me in handcuffs anytime.

  • CATMAN

    Typical of that sleazemeister Newt, author of much of the hyperpartisanship we see today, complaining of partisanship

  • Hemalee J Patel

    She’s from the EDNY not VA.

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