Millie Vs Fence

You have a relationship.  Relationship is pretty good, with some bumps.   Your partner is by far your closest friend, so when you are feeling stressed you to turn for them to comfort.  Even if they are the thing causing the stress.  This can go bad in two really interesting ways:

• You are stressed by their bad behavior, and turning to them sets up a trauma bonding cycle that makes it very hard to leave a relationship that is hurting you
  
• You are stressed by their reaction to your bad behavior, and turning to them demands emotional work you are not entitled to and is harmful for them to give.

And one boring way:

• No one is behaving badly but you are getting on each others’ nerves and turning to each other for support puts energy into the cycle when it needs to be flowing out.  
  

So: have other friends.  Have good friends.  Have a variety of friends with different strengths.  This is not disloyalty to your relationship.  It is taking care of yourself and your partner and your relationship.  With bonus “you have people to support you during your breakup besides your now-ex-partner”.  Honestly that worked out kind of okay for my first serious relationship and I think it set up bad expectations for the rest of my life.