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I guess I'm not as funny as I think I am (makeameme.org)

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トップ新着論争中古い順Q&A

[–]TTMcBumbersnazzle 1188 ポイント1189 ポイント  (55子コメント)

I'd guess it's a popular meth area, isn't it?

[–]Gonji89[S] 894 ポイント895 ポイント  (44子コメント)

You guessed it.

[–]igor_mortis 383 ポイント384 ポイント  (11子コメント)

maybe she was joking too, and what you lack is a sense of humour.

obligatory /s

[–]RigasTelRuun 270 ポイント271 ポイント  (9子コメント)

stab stab it's just a prank bro.

[–]archontruth 148 ポイント149 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Dude you're leaking! LOL!

[–]connormantoast 73 ポイント74 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Haha c'mon wake up

[–]kevinhaze 29 ポイント30 ポイント  (4子コメント)

"I'm sorry but your son is in a coma. He may never wake up."

"But.. did you try showing him a camera?!"

[–]johnyapplsede 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

imfeelinalilwoozyheeeaaa

[–]madman24k 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's all good, Red. I'm just gonna practice my stabbin' for a bit.. AHAAA!

コメントをもっと表示する (1 返事)

    [–]thereisonlyoneme 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (3子コメント)

    You shouldn't meth with people.

    [–]MrsBoombastic98 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (7子コメント)

    What did you do? Tell us what happened next!!!

    [–]Gonji89[S] 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (6子コメント)

    Basically shit my pants and backpedaled, putting my hand as close to my concealed carry as I could without making the crazy bitch go crazier. She continued yelling, calling me an asshole and all sorts of stuff for a bit while moving backward toward the door and knocking a Bic lighter display in the floor. Eventually she turned and ran out and hopped in what I guess was her car and fucked off.

    I called my manager, she came by and called the cops and the rest is history.

    [–]MrsBoombastic98 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (5子コメント)

    I had a homeless guy pull out a syringe and threaten to stab me with his "aids needle" when I told him I didn't have any change. People are so crazy. Keep that concealed weapon my friend.

    [–]Gonji89[S] 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (4子コメント)

    Dude that scares the fuck out of me worse than the knife. Like, I have a real fear of something like that happening, especially working with the public.

    My other job is as a street-sweeper truck driver, and sometimes I have to climb in the dump bed of the truck to clean out the vacuum vents and I am so worried that one day I might catch some skin on a needle I didn't realize was in there and I'll just catch some fucking disease... It freaks the shit outta me.

    [–]MrsBoombastic98 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (3子コメント)

    It was pretty scary especially since I am a 110 pound girl and he was one of those buff, crazy homeless guys. You have to crawl in? You could get cut on glass or a metal scrap. That is crazy dangerous!

    [–]Ingloriousfiction 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (4子コメント)

    Florida, Alabama, Kentucky, Tennessee ?

    Not just because of the meth but also the ccw .....but mainly the meth

    [–]axle69 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (2子コメント)

    You forgot missouri. Open carry state and has been a leader in meth busts for years.

    [–]NormalStranger 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Sometimes having your state mentioned isn't such a good thing. Unless you like meth, of course.

    [–]axle69 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

    With the Cardinals not being good and the Blues being the Blues about all we have is our drug problem and the arch. We can't lose all of our bragging rights.

    [–]Gonji89[S] 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

    North Carolina, so close enough.

    コメントをもっと表示する (13 返事)

      [–]SwingAndDig 84 ポイント85 ポイント  (8子コメント)

      "You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye."

      [–]conrad_bastard 25 ポイント26 ポイント  (2子コメント)

      Who said anything about carving you up? I just wanna cut a little Z in your forehead...

      [–]Masian 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Sometimes it's not even a hunting knife, sometimes it's just an itty bitty razor on a mirrored box.

      [–]ASK_ME_WHY_IM_CRYING 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (1子コメント)

      Hey a bunch of my closest friends are drugs dont judge

      [–]bitter_cynical_angry 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all.
      Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K. Hall.

      [–]not-quite-obscure 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Forgeting this litte piece of advice is how I ended up with a knife being pressed up to my throat from behind by a coked up asshole at a party. Haven't forgotten it since.

      [–]vaginal_manslaughter 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Welcome to Palmdale, motherfucker.

      [–]incognitoATwork 448 ポイント449 ポイント  (22子コメント)

      Was your next convo/meme this: what are you going to do, stab me?

      Proceeds to get stabbed.

      [–]Gonji89[S] 233 ポイント234 ポイント  (19子コメント)

      Thank fuck it was not. I really didn't know what to say, to be honest. I was basically shitting my pants and hoping that I wouldn't have to actually try not to die/kill someone tonight.

      Edit: Fixed a typo.

      [–]lardman1 44 ポイント45 ポイント  (16子コメント)

      did u

      [–]wilalva11 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (1子コメント)

      "IT WAS JUST A PRANK LADY BRO!"

      Never get between someone and their Nicotine even if it's a joke

      [–]Gonji89[S] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Apparently fuckin' not.

      [–]Lil_Psychobuddy 68 ポイント69 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      http://i.imgur.com/l7yUr.jpg

      [–]thereisonlyoneme 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      "Fuck you! I'm Millwall!"

      [–]RoboWonder 76 ポイント77 ポイント  (60子コメント)

      Well how'd it turn out?

      [–]Gonji89[S] 192 ポイント193 ポイント  (59子コメント)

      Luckily, I had my concealed carry on me and there were more customers in the store. On top of that, a police officer is usually in the parking lot adjacent to my store, so I wasn't really worried.

      She yelled a bit, threatened to kick my ass, and held her knife out a lot, but she finally left after a minute or two.

      [–]marcuschookt 192 ポイント193 ポイント  (22子コメント)

      Imagine how that would've turned out in the worst case scenario.

      Family visits you at the hospital

      "What happened?"

      "I made a joke, she stabbed me, I shot her."

      [–]Gonji89[S] 222 ポイント223 ポイント  (20子コメント)

      I'm really, really glad it didn't come to that. You know what they say about knife fights. "The loser dies in the street and the winner dies in the ambulance."

      [–]Glj0892 61 ポイント62 ポイント  (11子コメント)

      Or never bring a knife to a gunfight. CS:Source taught me that.

      [–]LHD21 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (3子コメント)

      Or never bring a knife to a gunfight.

      While that saying is highly relevant to this thread I've taken a liking to the new way to say it.

      [–]reize 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      That's why you play COD and get yourself a Ballistic Knife.

      [–]Acrophobe 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

      Or only bring a knife to a gunfight, Call of Duty: MW2 taught me you can kill many more opponents sprinting with a knife backstabbing people than you can with guns. Moral of the story is games = not equal real life so only someone who has killed with both would actually know.

      [–]DetroitLarry 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Then how are you gonna run fast?

      [–]JazzleSAURUS 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      After a few beers I ALWAYS brought knives to gunfights.

      [–]pryoslice 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Eh. I'm guessing she was within 21 feet and he hasn't drawn yet.

      [–]Cosmic-Vegeta 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (4子コメント)

      wont need a ride if you shoot her! i would have drawn straight away. very risky to leave it up to her whether you get stabbed or not. luck was with you!

      [–]Panaka 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (3子コメント)

      Most people I know with a CC don't get enough training when it comes to drawing fast.

      [–]Gonji89[S] 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (2子コメント)

      I didn't draw because I didn't want to provoke her. I would consider myself well-trained, being in the Army, and Dad always said, "Never aim at something unless you plan to shoot it." I really didn't wanna shoot this woman.

      Partly because of obvious reasons and partly because the owner of my store/chain of stores doesn't allow/know about employees carrying concealed.

      [–]Panaka 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

      I get that. What I'm saying is that most people I know don't know how to draw quick, because ranges won't let you practice drawing and firing.

      You can know all the rules about how and when to use your firearm, but a bad draw near a knife will probably end with your death. I wasn't really critquing you, just making a statement about the nature of CC in my area.

      [–]Gonji89[S] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      I definitely understand that. In all honesty, I'm not that good at quick-drawing and I don't generally keep a round in the chamber when I'm carrying, even if I was.

      [–]rollntoke 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

      Thats talking about people where they both have a knife. Not one with a knife and one with a gun.

      [–]Gonji89[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

      Same principle still applies, I think. Stab wounds are no joke.

      [–]igor_mortis 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      I made a joke, she stabbed me, I shot her.

      clearly you started it then

      [–]hazelfoot 35 ポイント36 ポイント  (14子コメント)

      Yeah I used to keep a crowbar within reaching distance under my register when I worked at a gas station. They got robbed at gunpoint a month after I left.

      Lots of weird fuckers. Night shift in East St. Louis.

      [–]Gonji89[S] 49 ポイント50 ポイント  (4子コメント)

      North Carolina, here. Plenty of meth and pill abusers around to make you really need something to defend yourself. Before I started carrying, all we had was an industrial-sized can of Raid that the manager told us to "aim for their eyes".

      [–]Gooseknucklz 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Also from NC. Good afternoon fellow Carolinian.

      [–]DevilsAdvertiser 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (6子コメント)

      What do you do with a crowbar in a gunfight?

      [–]hazelfoot 40 ポイント41 ポイント  (3子コメント)

      You hand them the money and say "I ain't seen shit."

      Crowbar was for methheads/drunks getting violent, not armed robbers.

      [–]makemejelly49 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Besides, there's only one guy I know who is a crowbar master. Used to work at Black Mesa, you might have heard of him.

      [–]LHD21 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (1子コメント)

      You would not make a good Gordon Freeman.

      [–]danhern 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      have you seen how fast he swings that thing? Dude's a superhuman.

      [–]Compizfox 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Well, WWGFD?

      [–]kevinhaze 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      This.

      Disclaimer: Do not actually do this. I don't care if you have your life savings in the register. Saving your life is more important.

      [–]extraeme 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Screw that. ESL? NOPE!

      [–]Talono 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Someone played Half-life.

      [–]DWillows 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (1子コメント)

      a police officer is usually in the parking lot adjacent to my store, so I wasn't really worried.

      getting a knife pulled on you happens more often that you'd think doesn't it?

      [–]Gonji89[S] 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      My store used to get robbed a lot, but it hasn't happened in a few years (fucking knock on wood).

      [–]cheez_au 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (9子コメント)

      I'm no American, but isn't a gun pretty useless at stab range? Especially when they're already at the stabbin.

      [–]Dawnasaurusrex 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (3子コメント)

      Knives are faster than guns, especially when already drawn.

      [–]LHD21 24 ポイント25 ポイント  (2子コメント)

      There's a reason convenience stores usually have 36" of Formica between the customer and the clerk and it isn't just for space to spread out your legos. Generally the clerk is standing out of stabbing distance which means Stabby McMethface has to come over the counter (slow) or around the counter (slower) to practice their amateur surgery skills. This should be enough time for the clerk to draw a gun, activate a light saber, or retrieve his crowbar nun-chucks.

      [–]Rajani_Isa 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (1子コメント)

      What about my light-saber-nunchuck gun?

      [–]LHD21 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Most people move right from crowbar nun-chucks to chainsaw rocket launcher. If crowbar nun-chucks can't fix your problem, you really have to step up your game.

      [–]HappyZavulon 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Its why you always carry a wrist mounted blunderbuss.

      [–]defund_pph 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (1子コメント)

      She would have to jump the counter. Some places have raised counters because of this.

      [–]Gonji89[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Can confirm. My store has pretty high counters.

      [–]MingusDewfus 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      I think I've heard it called the "21 foot rule" by a police officer I know. Basically if your gun is holstered and someone is within 21 ft and has a knife in their hands they stand a good possibility of being able to rush and stab you before you are able to draw, aim, fire, and the suspect is wounded enough to drop.

      Edit: yes, it's 21 foot rule, or the Tueller Drill.

      Sergeant Dennis Tueller, of the Salt Lake City, Utah Police Department wondered how quickly an attacker with a knife could cover 21 feet (6.4 m), so he timed volunteers as they raced to stab the target. He determined that it could be done in 1.5 seconds. These results were first published as an article in SWAT magazine in 1983

      [–]gigajesus 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Exactly what I've been thinking this entire thread.

      [–]agoia 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      You didn't start yelling "FUCK YOU I'M MILLWALL!" ?

      [–]Inoundastan 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

      Did she buy her smokes , or did she give up cause there wasn't none there cause the man behind the counter saids so ?

      Maybe she now thinks you are part of a conspericy against her by "Obama" to keep her from getting her cigarettes . maybe she thinks what she saw behind you was a meth based hallucination ?

      [–]Gonji89[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      She didn't buy them. She sorta backed away, yelling and waving her knife around.

      [–]OniTan 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

      Did she get arrested?

      [–]Gonji89[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Not that I know of. There weren't any cops in the store or anything to see it. I basically called my manager and she came by and got the video feed and she called the police. Then we went through the whole thing with the cops when they got there and they called it in and all that nonsense. She probably won't get caught, because I doubt they will look real hard for her.

      [–]MingusDewfus 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

      Have you ever heard of the 21 foot rule?

      [–]WikiTextBot 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Tueller Drill

      The Tueller Drill is a self-defense training exercise to prepare against a short-range knife attack when armed only with a holstered handgun.

      Sergeant Dennis Tueller, of the Salt Lake City, Utah Police Department wondered how quickly an attacker with a knife could cover 21 feet (6.4 m), so he timed volunteers as they raced to stab the target. He determined that it could be done in 1.5 seconds. These results were first published as an article in SWAT magazine in 1983 and in a police training video by the same title, "How Close is Too Close?"

      A defender with a gun has a dilemma.

      [ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information | Source ] Downvote to remove | v0.22

      [–]Gonji89[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      I figure my chances were good since there was a counter between us.

      [–]iNeedToExplain 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      imo you should have done the community a solid and gotten someone like that put in lock up where they belong.

      [–]Detective_Fox 983 ポイント984 ポイント  (21子コメント)

      "Well this transaction took a sharp turn."

      Doctor at the ER later: "It's a record amount of stabs."

      [–]Cunge-Throbinson 150 ポイント151 ポイント  (10子コメント)

      "I-I see you like to get straight to the point"

      [–]horselips48 50 ポイント51 ポイント  (8子コメント)

      No need to be so on edge.

      [–]RedKetchum 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (7子コメント)

      Cutting edge stuff here. Keep going, chop chop!

      [–]Dr_Burke 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (6子コメント)

      Just cut it out, I'm going to need stitches.

      [–]Prognasti 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (5子コメント)

      You gotta stay sharp in situations like these

      [–]InterracialMartian 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (3子コメント)

      No more Mr. Knife guy

      [–]evilpenguin9000 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (2子コメント)

      This is just a slice of the life of a convenience clerk.

      [–]Beardless_Shark 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      He was a nice guy, but he just didn't cut it.

      [–]JacksLackOfSuprise 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

      But have you seen the Blade trilogy?

      コメントをもっと表示する (1 返事)

        [–]Betafire 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

        Reporter on the news later: Local doctor arrested for killing his patient claims he was, "doing what had to be done"

        [–]youhavebeautifuleyes 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (0子コメント)

        He's more stab than man now.

        [–]Rayneworks 23 ポイント24 ポイント  (1子コメント)

        It's so sharp that it could puncture the hull of an Empire Class Fire Nation Battleship, leaving thousands to drown at sea.

        Because...it's so sharp.

        [–]AppleDane 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (1子コメント)

        "What are you gonna do, stab me?"
        -Man stabbed

        [–]Thopterthallid 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

        There's literally more holes than flesh at this point...

        [–]yoman632 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

        He kept making jokes.

        コメントをもっと表示する (1 返事)

          [–]terrainrunner 257 ポイント258 ポイント  (17子コメント)

          One time I was on an elevator with another lady. It stopped in between floors. A few awkward moments later it didn't move. I cracked some kind of joke about getting stuck there for a while. She turns ghost white and says oh my God.., not again!!!! Not again!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!!!

          I'm thinking oh shit... why the fuck did I make that joke and why the fuck do I have to be stuck with this lady.

          I was just about to hit the emergency button on the elevator and then it moved a little bit stopped and the doors opened. I was so relieved to not get stuck with her.

          Edit: moral of the story is I guess some people can't take a joke, but you'll never know unless you try :)

          [–]Guadent 24 ポイント25 ポイント  (3子コメント)

          I don't think this lady had a lack of humor. Being stuck in an elevator can be quite traumatic. Having it happen to her again could really have been a big fear of hers. Though you of course couldn't have known that.

          [–]Bullnettles 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

          Eh, been stuck in two different ones in the same building, 35 and 45 minute stints. It's fine even though someone replaced the emergency phone with a Keystone Ice tallboy. What wasn't fine is that it was empty. Bastards.

          [–]brycedriesenga 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

          I mean... I'd have to be stuck in an elevator for a loooong time for it to be traumatic.

          コメントをもっと表示する (1 返事)

            [–]Gonji89[S] 79 ポイント80 ポイント  (7子コメント)

            It's just my personality. I rarely stop cracking jokes.

            [–]Meeple_person 21 ポイント22 ポイント  (3子コメント)

            I have this. It's a curse.

            [–]im_twelve_ 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (1子コメント)

            I actually groaned when reading your joke. When I still smoked, I heard this one all the time. Never tried to stab anyone over it though! I usually just forced a chuckle and waited for them to grab my damn smokes.

            Tbf though, my SO works at a gas station/convenience store and complains about middle aged men making gas (gasoline vs fart) jokes all day. Or when an item won't ring up right away and the customer says "must be free then, right?"

            [–]Ugbrog 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

            Yeah, that last one is universal.

            [–]KeenPro 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

            Same, very few words which leave my mouth are sincere but since I have quite a dry sense of humour people just take it too seriously.

            [–]swolemedic 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

            One time while I was working as a transport EMT we were dropping a woman off at a physical rehabilitation facility, nice place, and their elevator had a slight unexpected drop before the doors opened and my partner screams and falls to the ground hiding below the head area of the stretcher. She's thankfully behind the patient so she can't be seen doing this, the patient is staring at me with the look of "what the fuck is going on" while I look at my partner thinking "what the fuck is going on". Keep in mind the doors to the elevator are now open and we can get off of it, it's only been maybe like 10 seconds but it's way longer than normal, so I ask if she's alright and she like gets up and dusts herself off and walks off the elevator like nothing happened.

            I hate elevators, one time i was in a malfunctioning one while working as an EMT again and we started to get stuck and at one point the doors opened but on the wrong floor and my partner was like "wrong floor" to which I replied "I don't care, let's get out and use the stairs if we have to" to which he replies "I've been stabbed before, I ain't scared of no elevator" and hits the close door button. I'm like trying to reach my arm over the stretcher to get to the door sensor, freaking out, but no luck. I told him to go fuck himself and that you can't fight back against an elevator so that was a bullshit false equivalency but I didn't scream and hit the floor

            [–]WoollyMittens 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (2子コメント)

            "I guess we'll be stuck here for a while" *unzip*

            [–]rhart6 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (1子コメント)

            Designating a pee corner. Smart move.

            [–]Ugbrog 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

            Just pee your pants, I did it as soon as we got stuck.

            [–]elypter 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

            maybe she was pulling one one you

            [–]Mindfreek454 40 ポイント41 ポイント  (14子コメント)

            How quick did it go from "outta cigarettes" to "ima stab you"?

            [–]Gonji89[S] 52 ポイント53 ポイント  (5子コメント)

            Faster than I had time to process. I really didn't expect it at all. I might have pooped a little.

            [–]SpaceWolf73 23 ポイント24 ポイント  (1子コメント)

            That's when you know shit`s real

            [–]TitoMPG 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

            The shit-stains real too.

            [–]MisunderstoodDemon 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (2子コメント)

            Op after he gets his ccw https://i.redd.it/axbfii1eh02z.png

            [–]igor_mortis 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

            i'd handle that gun only with gloves, and leaving fingerprints has nothing to do with it...

            [–]Gonji89[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

            Baically, yep.

            [–]shoobyy 39 ポイント40 ポイント  (1子コメント)

            Druuuuuuuugs

            コメントをもっと表示する (6 返事)

              [–]schwetty_ballz 33 ポイント34 ポイント  (2子コメント)

              A crackhead will sick your dick for a rock, but a smoker will fucking kill you for a cig.

              [–]staypuftmichelinman 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              can confirm. commited genocide when quitting.

              [–]Inoundastan 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              Typo is appt as in the crack head will probably make your dick sick.

              [–]latourist21 47 ポイント48 ポイント  (3子コメント)

              When you need a smoke, you need a smoke.

              [–]demi9od 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              I'm generally very courteous towards strangers. The only time I can remember ever blowing up on someone I didn't know was when I forgot my license and he refused to sell me smokes without an ID. I was probably 28 or so. I think I argued a little and when he wouldn't budge I yelled at him to go fuck himself and stormed out. The addiction was real.

              コメントをもっと表示する (2 返事)

                [–]CivilDiscussions 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                Once while I was at work (circuit city - was a while ago) a customer asked where the cassette tape albums were. I made the mistake of saying "between the 8-tracks and 45s"

                She did not think it was funny.

                [–]HondaBn 57 ポイント58 ポイント  (6子コメント)

                We do a few installs at my work, batteries and wiper blades. It's a free service, but people still ask how much it is. I used to joke that it was "$Free.99". Litterally no one has ever gotten the joke, they always ask "$3.99?" So I don't do the joke anymore and in sad.

                [–]igor_mortis 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                that's sad, but maybe people need to be in some kind of mindset to be receptive to a joke. if "free ninety nine" are literally the first words you exchange with someone, i'd say your chances are low.

                [–]showyerbewbs 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                I'ma need a about free fiddy

                コメントをもっと表示する (4 返事)

                  [–]Dragon536 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  She was just joking too!

                  [–]joehomie31 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (1子コメント)

                  You can't reason with meth heads. Many of them do meth to try and fix whatever mental illness they have. Doesn't make it okay though, just avoid people like that when you can. Glad you are safe stranger

                  [–]spicyweiner1337 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  "What are you gonna do, stab me?"

                  [–]oddwhun 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (1子コメント)

                  That'll teach you. Next time have better jokes.

                  [–]Gonji89[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  This is the best advice in the thread.

                  [–]SocketRience 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  I used to do that when i worked at a gas station

                  some guy walked up with a bottle of coke and i took it and looked at it.

                  then looked him straight in the eyes and said:

                  Sorry, this is sold out.

                  edit: i should probably add, he didn't laught until i pulled my knife

                  [–]ehmergerdthrowaway 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (3子コメント)

                  Don't feel bad op, I would have courtesy laughed.

                  Then got all serious and said "listen if I don't get my cigs, I'm gonna CUT a bitch"

                  [–]SparklingLimeade 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

                  Please don't encourage awful jokes. Withholding the laugh is better for society.

                  [–]ehmergerdthrowaway 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

                  I was just trying to cheer him up since everyone is taking stabs at him

                  [–]Gonji89[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Damn son. That was smooth as fuck.

                  [–]ChuckStone 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  What tickles me the most, is the idea that pulling a knife can magically create tobacco.

                  [–]Firemanz 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  "Well now you definitely don't get cigarettes Missy"

                  [–]Not_An_Ambulance 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Obligatory "this is a penguin, not a seal situation". I think only a small number of us care, but I'll set up the clubhouse since no one else has.

                  [–]Cudahan 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  When using sarcasm remember to smile.

                  [–]aesop_fables 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Some people just don't have time for that shit. When I worked retail I heard the same jokes so often that I'd have to remind myself to laugh. Just buy your shit and go please.

                  [–]BlueSignRedLight 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  That website is fucking cancer. Into the blacklist!

                  [–]TacoOrgy 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  To be fair, you deserved it.

                  [–]Deadmeat553 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Wow, this website is just horrible on mobile.

                  [–]divsky 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (2子コメント)

                  Good. I'm not going to say you deserved it, but someone had to take a stand against people like you.

                  Whenever a cashier pulls a joke like this it's incredibly awkward. It's not funny, yet I have to pretend like it is, and then I'm put on the spot to come up with some kind of clever counter remark. "..ehahah, guess I'll go without, right?" Fuck you and fuck your shitty game, it's not funny, it's annoying, and I just want to pay for my shit and get out.

                  [–]Gonji89[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  They're not the ones who have to stand behind the counter and stare at a sea of uncaring faces for ten hours a day who track mud in, fuck up the restroom, spill coffee all over the counters, leave straw papers on the floor, and throw trash in the parking lot.

                  I don't make enough to deal with half the bullshit I DO deal with, and if making a light-hearted joke every now and then causes the day go by faster, I'm going to do it.

                  The intention is never to embarrass anyone and I don't make jokes with anyone who seems like they are in a bad mood, or if they're in a hurry. Usually it's just the ones who seem friendly from the start.

                  [–]pbj986 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  You gonna be ok there, buddy? Did you run out of smokes?

                  [–]lakelandman 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Maybe she was joking along with you

                  [–]Bac349 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

                  r/talesfromretail would love to hear the full version of this story.

                  [–]spectre73 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Never mess with a smoker who's out of cigarettes.

                  [–]twynkletoes 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  A couple of years ago I witnessed an 80+ year old woman chew out the cashier at rite-aid for asking her for her date of birth.

                  [–]CodyCus 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Telling an addict they can't have their cancer. Bad move.

                  [–]Inb4shtstorm 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (3子コメント)

                  Maybe if you were a little sharper you could have avoided this altercation.

                  [–]MiasmaFate 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

                  While I would never pull a knife because that is crazy people stuff. I hate this kind of joke. I ask someone in a customer service job to do the thing that is their job. They say something to fuck with me. Now I'm the butt of a joke from a stranger, when all I wanted was some smokes or whatever.

                  [–]brotoes 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

                  I would argue the cigarettes were the butts in that joke.

                  [–]Eponarose 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Do not come between a Nazgul and its prey! Bitch be SERIOUS!

                  [–]rachmaninoffkills 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Never get between someone and their cigarette addiction.

                  [–]queenlizsbeefcurtain 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Hey that's the grandpa comedy i miss in convenience stores. Pajeet at my village pantry doesn't know a joke from a bomb fuse

                  [–]waynearick2 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  That's one hell of a nicotine fit. Lol

                  [–]zerosyphon 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Sorta (no knife involved thankfully haha) same thing happened long ago when I was working at GameStop. Burning Crusade had come out and picking were picking up preorders in the morning. We had a ton on the counter and by our feet at the register. So when the stock on the counter ran out I started joking with everyone "heh sorry just ran out" as I motion to the billions of stock boxes below me to say I had theirs. One dude looked me dead into the windows of my soul and just coldly said "I took off a fucking week of work for this... Don't fuck with me. Give me my game.".... Everyone else laughed with me... thankfully I was clocking out for the day 5 customers after him.

                  コメントをもっと表示する (20 返事)