Tag yourselves I’m the resident who couldn’t give two shits

blind people

Johnny No-Hands

there is more than one sign language.

“I sure am glad this Tumblr video played automatically with no sound causing me to have to pause and rewind and turn on the sound if I want to watch it,” said also no one, ever.

It just became second nature to close all the cupboards first thing in the morning (even though they’d been closed the night before). Which was when things escalated from banging cupboard doors to actually breaking things.

Faucets, door handles, curtain rods ripped from the wall… all the repairs started to add up.

“Look, I didn’t mind having an ethereal roommate, but I can’t afford to keep fixing all this shit. Here’s a pencil and some paper. Just write what’s bothering you–I doubt you could put anything that would be more expensive than having a plumber come out to replace all the faucets again.”

The next morning there’s a scrawl line at the top of the page that devolved into an angry scribbling mess that tore through the page. Two cupboard doors were entirely ripped off.

“I don’t want to get someone in to banish you, but this is ridiculous. Just tell me what you want.”

The second piece of paper is ripped into shreds and several knives are embedded in the wall.

A careful examination of the paper scraps show that it had the same scribbles as the first piece.

A quick trip to the library and a stop at a store later, there are kindergarten workbooks on learning to write spread across the counter.

“Look, I don’t know if you’re just being difficult, but I hope not. So I got an audiobook on learning to read and write, and here are some workbooks for kids–don’t get mad–to teach them their letters. Just press play on the stereo, and work through the books at your own pace. I’ll get more when you finish.”

The first workbook is half-completed before being ripped to pieces, but at least there was no other damage. Replacing it is significantly cheaper than replacing cupboard doors.

It takes awhile, but eventually the workbooks progress to a fifth grade level. These ones are starting to be more costly (they’re bigger, for one thing), but it’s not even the money anymore. Little notes scrawled in a shaky hand appear on the steamy bathroom mirror

Have A gooD dy

Or written in ketchup on the counter (that was a frightening sight the first time)

You R out of MLK

And then one day there’s a message taped to the fridge. The spelling and penmanship isn’t the best, but it’s legible and even signed.

Dear Occupente,

I have haunted this spot for ovr three huner hudre 300 years. My bones are dust and I am fergotN. I do not have wants to trap me. I am here 4 ever.

I am bord. Lonly.

I am sorrY 4 breaking things.

We be frends?

Syncerly Eloise

@to-reach-the-farthest-star

awwwww!

The purpose of demanding an apology is not to receive a sincere apology; the purpose of demanding an apology is to demonstrate that you have power over another person by forcing them to engage in insincere pseudo-apologetic rituals.

The purpose of demanding an apology is to make the other person aware that you’re mad, and get them on record as admitting that you were mad and possibly even that they know why.

There’s a REASON for this. GOD. 

Midnight doesn’t feel like the middle of the night for the same reason noon doesn’t feel like the middle of the day. It’s NOT. 

The earliest regular bedtime I’ve heard of any adults keeping is 8pm. The earliest regular wakeup time I have hear of any adults keeping is 5am. 

The ‘normal’ sleeping and waking up times for working adults, from my limited observation of the world, are ten or eleven to about eight. 

The midpoint, between those, is ‘12:30’ and ‘3:00’ for both ‘middle of the night’ and ‘middle of the day’. Noon and midnight are lies and I hate them. 

Really, the idea that the day is half over by noon is just another way to guilt trip people with irregular sleep schedules

instead, please use these terms: 
-Morning: after ‘waking up’ and before ‘lunch’
-Afternoon: after ‘lunch’ and before ‘dinner’ 
-Evening: after ‘dinner’ and before ‘bed’ 
-Night: after ‘bed’ and before ‘waking up’

This is blatant biphasic erasure and I will not tolerate it

I go to bed normally at 2:30PM and wake up at 10:30 PM, I am an adult, what now

One important exception: the plot actually made sense this time around.

World War 1 was a low budget indie gorefest shot in black and white that charged right through plot holes to deliver brutal nihilistic action horror, but with an overarching philosophical message - ultimately it was a meditation on the absurdity of the cosmos and meaninglessness of life, everyone in Cannes was in tears after the ending card (”Fin”)

World War 2 was what happened after a major Hollywood studio picked up the rights and ruined it by shoehorning in a corny good vs. evil story, the least believable villain in modern memory, and a trite moral about how hating people for being different is wrong. It was a record-setting big budget flop for its time and the planned apocalyptic sequel (with a script that went back to the hopeless existentialist themes of the original) never materialized, never getting past the pre-production stage on location in Cuba

There’s been rumors that a final chapter to the series is currently in the works, put together by a billionaire New York real estate developer, but who knows if that’ll actually happen

it’s hard to imagine a tenser job

also applicable if you haven’t had sex since 1972, or if the main reason people have sex with you is to spite the Russians, or if having sex with you takes 7.5 million pounds of thrust and ends with you splashing down in the Pacific Ocean.

I’ve never actually had sex, I just faked it in a film studio in Area 51.