Thread: breastfeeding a thirteen year old! thats life magazine

Definatly not something I would do, but why on earth should social services be involved

I don't get why you think SS should be involved? Because she said "talk to the hand cause the face isnt listening"? I know loads of people who say that in RL.

Whilst BFing a 13yo isn't for me, I can fully understand that after too many negative comments you'll have a more stand-off-ish approach. My DD2 is only 9mo (still BF) and I get a fair few comments already from family about when am I going to stop. I imagine as LO gets older, you'll be getting similar comments from random strangers too.

sorry but 13 that is disgusting

Originally Posted by Michelle S(684)

Definatly not something I would do, but why on earth should social services be involved

Because of the emotional effect it would have on the child/teenager. Seriously how would you have felt still sucking your mums boob at that age??

It'd be sexual abuse if there was no milk involved, why is it not so just because there is??

i personally think it is cruel the boy obviousiy knows no better im not saying she should have the kids taken off her but she does need to be firmly told that it is inappropriate by somone in s/s that poor lad is going to be so confused

breast feeding a 13 yr old is vile

For me it's disgususting to read that!

Imagine the ridicule the child would get at school for a start, also there is no benefit to a child of 13 being BF, what is the point? Just sounds a bit cruel and selfish to be honest in the way that maybe she trying to hold onto the mother/ child bond, but its gross gross and gross! In my opinion!

Shelley

xxx

Is anybody else thinking about the "Bitty" sketches on Little Britain???

where would it end???

That's just wrong!

Originally Posted by Claire B(965)

Is anybody else thinking about the "Bitty" sketches on Little Britain???

where would it end???

Ha, ha just thinking that too! Doesn't sound like the mother is quite ready to accept that her 'baby' is grown up. Isn't it around this age he will be starting puberty? I personally think it is wrong on sooooooooo many levels

As an advocate of breastfeeding and extended breastfeeding, even I think it's wrong. There's a difference between extended & extreme & that is just extreme! I agree with a PP, someone needs to let her see that it's inappropriate & how much of a negative effect emotionally & psychologically this could have on her son!!!

Originally Posted by Emma O(126)

Ha, ha just thinking that too! Doesn't sound like the mother is quite ready to accept that her 'baby' is grown up. Isn't it around this age he will be starting puberty? I personally think it is wrong on sooooooooo many levels

I don't mean to sound crass but there's no way I can say this to make it sound any more pleasant.

13 year olds can obtain an erection, 13 year old boys start ogling boobs on the telly around this age, 13 year old boys can masturbate & have sex. 13 year old boys SHOULD NOT be breastfeeding!!!

Originally Posted by Summer B(8)

Because of the emotional effect it would have on the child/teenager. Seriously how would you have felt still sucking your mums boob at that age??

It'd be sexual abuse if there was no milk involved, why is it not so just because there is??

You can't force a baby/child to nurse.

It's not something I would do, but who knows what their life story is or what the circumstances are.

I think we all agree it's not something we would do, but it's highly unfair to suggest she is sexually abusing her child

Hi Ally, I agree you can't force a baby or young child to feed but you can force older children or teenagers to suckle from you.

I also wouldn't class it as child abuse but I'd be interested to know the reasoning behind it because it's not normal by amy stretch of the imagination. If it's genuinely motherly concern that she feels rhe milk is doing something beneficial then good on her for providing the milk but a 13 year old shouldn't be suckling it from the breast.

i'd not be disturbed at all if it was expressed or similar as the benefits don't stop because your baby hits 6 months. theres alot of research sugesting that BM could be used in the treatment of all sort of illnesss, but actually taking it from the breast at 13,,,,,,, nah.

Originally Posted by Ally S(9)

You can't force a baby/child to nurse.

It's not something I would do, but who knows what their life story is or what the circumstances are.

I think we all agree it's not something we would do, but it's highly unfair to suggest she is sexually abusing her child

Of course you can force a 13 year old to suckle. Are you also suggesting then that it's impossible to rape men/boys?

i feel sick! it is vile there is no other word for it!!

Its women like that that gives breastfeeding mothers a bad name and contribute to the negativity surrounding breastfeeding.

Yes it is natural to breastfeed and of course it is the best start for your baby but that is abusing the privilidge (sp) in my opinion.
That poor boy must get bullied so much at school!

I truly think it CAN be called sexual abuse at that age he will have sexual feelings that are centred around womens bodies, if she wasn't producing milk but still encouraging her 13 yr old son to suck her breasts that would most definately be called abuse how can the fact that she is producing milk change the facts!!!!

WOW I missed this lol

I don't think it is sexual abuse. The child could stop if he wished to. It's not abuse because he is still getting milk from it.

There are vast differences in children of that age. Some are going out and getting into relationships, others are more immature and babyish. More innocent.

If the child was "getting off" on the face he is sucking his mum's boob then there is an inclination that this needs to stop NOW.

As much as I DO see the gross side of this, I also see the nurturing side of it, so I am a bit torn. But maybe they should consider alternatives now that he is a teenager.

I think I am stuck on the fence. Someone please push me off to one side LOL

I would like to read the article for myself before making any comment.

"That's Life " is hardly known for the quality of its journalistic content and the people involved are paid for their stories. The story has not been covered in any other publication, so I am a bit suspicious.

Originally Posted by danni w(4)

I have just read the ladys responce to the comments afetr she published a story about breastfeeding her thriteen year old, her last comment "talk to the hand cause the face isnt listening"
i can't believe she hasn't had some sort of social services involvement since putting this in the magazine surely I'm not the only one who thinks she should?

oh we were talkin about that at work today i havnt seen it myself but it was up for debate followed by lots of IMO i think the boundry has been well and truly crossed with this and it doesnt sit right with me , BF is for babies and young children and they can say well there is health benefits till they are blue in the face its just WRONG !!

Originally Posted by BRITTNEY C(2)

WOW I missed this lol

I don't think it is sexual abuse. The child could stop if he wished to. It's not abuse because he is still getting milk from it.

There are vast differences in children of that age. Some are going out and getting into relationships, others are more immature and babyish. More innocent.

If the child was "getting off" on the face he is sucking his mum's boob then there is an inclination that this needs to stop NOW.

As much as I DO see the gross side of this, I also see the nurturing side of it, so I am a bit torn. But maybe they should consider alternatives now that he is a teenager.

I think I am stuck on the fence. Someone please push me off to one side LOL

How do we know he isn't geting off on it, i'm pretty sure that for any 13yr old sucking a womans breasts would be the ultimate sexual turn on.
You say the child could stop if he wanted to, why would he want to especially if he is getting sexual pleasure from it and the mother is encouraging it.

Originally Posted by Claire B(965)

Is anybody else thinking about the "Bitty" sketches on Little Britain??? where would it end???

yes i did follwed by a *shudder*

Just out of curiosity, when IS the "best" age to stop breastfeeding?

Originally Posted by lucinda b

How do we know he isn't geting off on it, i'm pretty sure that for any 13yr old sucking a womans breasts would be the ultimate sexual turn on.
You say the child could stop if he wanted to, why would he want to especially if he is getting sexual pleasure from it and the mother is encouraging it.

URGH god the thought of it

Originally Posted by BRITTNEY C(2)

Just out of curiosity, when IS the "best" age to stop breastfeeding?

not that i BF but if people are going to BF their children over baby stage i would say 5 or 6 was a *natural* time to stop most primates stop by 6/7 so i think humans should follow suit imo if the child is weaned eating healthy food there is no need to BF over that age ,

IIRC most children will naturally wean themselves off the boob between 3-5 years old, though most will have had some 'help' to wean before this age. I want to get to a year with my DD2 (she's 9mo atm), but I'm already thinking about introducing cows milk at 1, so I'm sure she'll probably stop feeding altogether before much longer after that.

I remember reading a story (in some woman's magazine when waiting for an appt) of a mum who had read of the health benefits of BM for cancer sufferers. As her dad had cancer, she persuaded him to drink her expressed milk, and got her supply up to a pint/day for him, plus the milk she was feeding her own LO. But she said that she sometimes got sore from expressing all the time, so (again, with her encouragement) he would occassionally feed directly from her, until she could express again. Of course, there was a pic in the mag. Again, this (the direct feeding) is beyond my own comfort level, but both her and her dad were quoted as saying there is nothing sexual in it, and since drinking the milk he is in remission (though he was having standard medical treatment too!).

I wouldn't be bothered by expressing but actually 'nursing'. And broadcasting the fact! Beggars belief!

Whether the 13yo 'wants' to or not, shouldn't come into it. You wouldn't let your child run into the road, drink alcohol or take drugs if it wanted to. Because any of these things – plus myriad others – can cause harm, whether physical or psychological.

Even in countries where the diet is poor and extended breastfeeding is the norm because of this, bf a 13yo would not be the norm. So if the reason given for doing it is questionable then I think someone (SS or whoever) should be involved.

Alison

hi i'm rachels mother and my son is 13yrs old i have recently fould him looking at pics of women with bare breasts on the comp (yes i blocked all sites straight away) so i can say yes boys that age are lookin at women that way its a curious thing i've always been open with my kids but bf 13yr olds is wrong i'm not saying breast milk is bad who are any of us to say it isn't good for older children and if its proven it is good for older kids great but put it in a cup x

I'm all for extended breastfeeding but I read just recently that the estimated time for natural human weaning is between 2&7years of age..obviously in first world countries, children's nutritional needs are met very early on & so breastfeeding is less necessary.
But 13 is the age of puberty. There's no nutritional need any more...

unless, like I've been doing, she is hoping to help an underlying medical issue in her son. At 13 though, I would only be giving expressed milk IF I thought it would help, like some cancer patients have reported improvements..my LO is 34months & tube fed with many many health problems, including immunity, so I believe my milk might help him.

i think it vile think 13 is way to old to be breast fed my bub is 3 months i certainly wont be bf till then but some people are diff

Originally Posted by BRITTNEY C(2)

Just out of curiosity, when IS the "best" age to stop breastfeeding?

I don't think there's a 'best' age as such but 5 would be my upper limit. Most kids naturally wean by this point anyway though.

I think that after finding out her reasons for giving the milk, I think that side of it is great but he should be having in it cereal, a glass, smoothies even bloody ice cream. No teennager should be nursing.

I think that's pretty much a unanimous opinion x

EWL what must his friends think .Its not right if she wanted him to have the milk she could express it she doesnt have to give him her nipple i cant imagine how he will see breasts in the future .x

[QUOTE=ashley m(32);6049593]EWL what must his friends think .Its not right if she wanted him to have the milk she could express it she doesnt have to give him her nipple i cant imagine how he will see breasts in the future .x[/QUOTE]

LUNCH eww disgusted myself then

I still think there is something fishy about this story.

It's sensationalist in the extreme, and "That's Life" is not the best source of information.
Plus the woman was probably paid for the story.

I think this is wrong for all the reasons expressed by other posters - the boy is turning into a man and will have sexual feelings, the boundary is incrediable blurred between the needs of the child vs the needs of the mother and it'll be really embarrassing for this boy at school as with the modern age all his classmates will find out.

I also think it is abusive....you can force a child to do things that are not considered normal, it is called grooming and manipulation. If a woman met a 13year old boy and forced them to suckle them it would be considered abusive, just because this woman is doing it from birth does not mean it is right. 'Breast is best' when it is best for the child i.e. is meeting their physical and emotional needs. I believe his physical needs have been adequetely met and, if she is worried about his physical health then express milk. However, to be doing it as such an important stage in his life is not meeting his emotional needs.

Poor lad

I don't think I'd go as far to say it is child abuse OR say that social services should be involved.

At the end of the day, it's all the boy in question has known. She has obviously breastfed him from day one and for some reason or other, she's chosen not to wean him! BUT he is at an age now, he is probably very aware that it is not considered normal, especially considering it's in a magazine for the world to see. He literally begged his mum not to tell anyone it was happening... which makes me wonder why she did? She has her priorities in the wrong order, clearly. Not only is that boy gonna be mega screwed up by the time he DOES stop feeding from his mum, he's now got however many hundreds of thousands of people laughing at him. I cannot even begin to imagine what his school mates are going to say to him - he will be bullied like mad!

It's not normal, not in this society. No one can possibly say it is?

It's just wrong... she apparently consumes 9,000 calories a day so that she can breastfeed her family (and her husband occasionally) - i think she ought to face facts and cut her calories down. To me, the whole thing just screams how selfish she is. She's doing it for her own good, for the attachment and clearly for the added bonus of having an "excuse" to eat an insane amount of calories each day.

It's insane, so wrong. I feel so bad for the boy.

Originally Posted by Michelle S(684)

Definatly not something I would do, but why on earth should social services be involved

errr because it is wrong, peverted, totally unecessary perhaps

Originally Posted by Summer B(8)

Of course you can force a 13 year old to suckle. Are you also suggesting then that it's impossible to rape men/boys?

I've been raped so I would rather you not try and be clever about the subject of rape - I am absolutely NOT saying that, don't put words into my mouth.

If she is grabbing the 13 year olds head and holding them to her breast or bribing them etc then of course some kind of abuse is going on there - however I doubt it.

As I said before, It's not something I would do - however I try not to judge people and their situations before knowing the real story, something we are not going to get in a magazine.

Originally Posted by lucinda b

How do we know he isn't geting off on it, i'm pretty sure that for any 13yr old sucking a womans breasts would be the ultimate sexual turn on.
You say the child could stop if he wanted to, why would he want to especially if he is getting sexual pleasure from it and the mother is encouraging it.

I disagree. He is sucking (although unecessarily) for nutrition and comfort, not for sexual reasons.

I like my fiance sucking and playing with my breasts during sex, however, when I'm nursing my baby it's a totally different experience altogether. I can differenciate between the two and don't have any sort of arousel with it.

I would imagine it's the same for the boy.

** Just to note before anyone starts getting their judgypants in a twist - I wouldn't breastfeed a 13 year old, I think it is unnatural. HOWEVER, I don't think it's right to be calling a Mother a sexual abuser.

Originally Posted by Ally S(9)

I've been raped so I would rather you not try and be clever about the subject of rape - I am absolutely NOT saying that, don't put words into my mouth.

If she is grabbing the 13 year olds head and holding them to her breast or bribing them etc then of course some kind of abuse is going on there - however I doubt it.

As I said before, It's not something I would do - however I try not to judge people and their situations before knowing the real story, something we are not going to get in a magazine.

So to be abusive she has to physically assault him then? Of course the emotional, psychological and sociological problems this will course are imagined then.

There's a difference between being unjudgemental, and accepting practices that can cause various types of harm to children. This is, IMO, incredibly abusive and VERY wrong.

Originally Posted by Michelle S(684)

Definatly not something I would do, but why on earth should social services be involved

because at the age of 13 it could be classed as abuse

Originally Posted by Summer B(8)

So to be abusive she has to physically assault him then? Of course the emotional, psychological and sociological problems this will course are imagined then.

There's a difference between being unjudgemental, and accepting practices that can cause various types of harm to children. This is, IMO, incredibly abusive and VERY wrong.

I totally agree with you that it's not right. I hate using the word wrong, but it's definately not right. If she wants to give him the nutritional benefits she could express. Maybe she doesn't want to loose the intimacy with her child, maybe he is the baby of the family etc - but I highly higjly highly doubt that it is sexually or maliciously motivated. She is having a hard time letting go, I assume. It's very hard to get the facts here when we don't actually know them in the first place.

I know very well the consequences that come from being sexually, emotionally and physically abused from personal experience, but I highly doubt this is this womans motivation.

I prefer to stay neutral until I know the facts to be honest.

Hi

I read both the main article and the response and I had to agree with what a reader said, that this boy will be sexually confused. At 13 he is going through puberty and his hormones will be all over the place to the point of sexual obsession (we all know teenage boys have only one thing on their mind!) and I find his Mother messing his head up by doing this.

What her reasons are I cannot say. I do not believe it's incestuous but rather a bizarre and confused woman refusing to admit her child is growing up.

Her attitude at the end 'talk to the hand....' is not befitting a grown woman but clearly she backed down here, she must know she has crossed the line and I truly, truly hope for hers and her son's sake she stops breastfeeding the boy. I also hope SS are introduced to the family soon. The boy needs their help, and fast.

Originally Posted by Ally S(9)

I totally agree with you that it's not right. I hate using the word wrong, but it's definately not right. If she wants to give him the nutritional benefits she could express. Maybe she doesn't want to loose the intimacy with her child, maybe he is the baby of the family etc - but I highly higjly highly doubt that it is sexually or maliciously motivated. She is having a hard time letting go, I assume. It's very hard to get the facts here when we don't actually know them in the first place.

I know very well the consequences that come from being sexually, emotionally and physically abused from personal experience, but I highly doubt this is this womans motivation.

I prefer to stay neutral until I know the facts to be honest.

Whilst I agree with your stance in general, I don't think it's right to basically condone the actions because "she's having a hard time letting go." It stirs the same anger in me as when I hear people say "paedophilia is a sexuality they can't help their urges" - at the end of the day as adults, we have a responsibility to protect our children from this kind of occurance.

Freud would have a field day with this

Originally Posted by Summer B(8)

Whilst I agree with your stance in general, I don't think it's right to basically condone the actions because "she's having a hard time letting go." It stirs the same anger in me as when I hear people say "paedophilia is a sexuality they can't help their urges" - at the end of the day as adults, we have a responsibility to protect our children from this kind of occurance.

Freud would have a field day with this

I'm not condoning anything. It's not right what she is doing. My only problem is making assumptions about this mother or her actions before we know all the facts which I am sure we can all agree on wouldn't have been portrayed very well in a magazine

Originally Posted by Ally S(9)

I'm not condoning anything. It's not right what she is doing. My only problem is making assumptions about this mother or her actions before we know all the facts which I am sure we can all agree on wouldn't have been portrayed very well in a magazine

See the fact that she sold her story of this at all says enough for me If you don't want to garner attention, or damage your child through it surely you don't broadcast the information nationwide??

Originally Posted by Claire B(965)

Is anybody else thinking about the "Bitty" sketches on Little Britain???

where would it end???

YES...straight there!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by Summer B(8)

See the fact that she sold her story of this at all says enough for me If you don't want to garner attention, or damage your child through it surely you don't broadcast the information nationwide??

I do agree with you there - it's very unecessary. It could be money driven, or maybe the whole story is fabricated, or really twisted by the journalists?!?!

Originally Posted by Ally S(9)

I disagree. He is sucking (although unecessarily) for nutrition and comfort, not for sexual reasons.

I like my fiance sucking and playing with my breasts during sex, however, when I'm nursing my baby it's a totally different experience altogether. I can differenciate between the two and don't have any sort of arousel with it.

I would imagine it's the same for the boy.

** Just to note before anyone starts getting their judgypants in a twist - I wouldn't breastfeed a 13 year old, I think it is unnatural. HOWEVER, I don't think it's right to be calling a Mother a sexual abuser.

But your nursing baby will not be feeling any sexual emotions, you said it yourself your boyfriend does and i'm pretty sure that at 13 he would have had these sexual feelings about womens breasts.
I'm not saying the mother is getting sexually aroused i am saying that the 13 yr old boy is.

Originally Posted by lucinda b

But your nursing baby will not be feeling any sexual emotions, you said it yourself your boyfriend does and i'm pretty sure that at 13 he would have had these sexual feelings about womens breasts.
I'm not saying the mother is getting sexually aroused i am saying that the 13 yr old boy is.

I get what you are saying, BUT I don't think this boy is sucking for sexual reasons. I think he is sucking for comfort and/or nutrition.

I think its wrong, and she lets her husband feed from her as well whichy is just weird! If she wants her child to get the nutritional benefits of breastfeeding, whats wrong with expressing?

And yes I think it could be deemed as child abuse.

Most mummys boys complain when their older that their partners/wives cant cook like mummy can. What on earth will he be expecting from his wife!?

Seriously though I agree that there shoul d be some form of involvement. Like it or not, breasts are sexual for most people. Puberty is confusing enough without your primary carer blurring the boundries.

Originally Posted by Ally S(9)

I get what you are saying, BUT I don't think this boy is sucking for sexual reasons. I think he is sucking for comfort and/or nutrition.

But hes 13 its not right its abusive and neglecting his needs IMO he doesnt need to be suckling his moters milk hes a teenager 3 years away from being able to get married maybe have a baby of his own well if his mum lets him off the breast long enough

Originally Posted by Jackie P(19)

But hes 13 its not right its abusive and neglecting his needs IMO he doesnt need to be suckling his moters milk hes a teenager 3 years away from being able to get married maybe have a baby of his own well if his mum lets him off the breast long enough

In another thread about this story I remember posting (please don't have a go at me because I know it's wrong in the first place ok?) that I was having sex at 14, that's only a years difference!!!

So Jackie, I totally agree!!

Originally Posted by Marianne O(7)

In another thread about this story I remember posting (please don't have a go at me because I know it's wrong in the first place ok?) that I was having sex at 14, that's only a years difference!!!So Jackie, I totally agree!!

I know thats what my point he can get errections ogle girls boobs and his mother is putting him on the breast as somebody else said i dont think this is sexual abuse on his mums part however its just plain wrong isnt it ?

Originally Posted by Ally S(9)

I do agree with you there - it's very unecessary. It could be money driven, or maybe the whole story is fabricated, or really twisted by the journalists?!?!

Cant see how it would be twisted tho, the mum would have had the final story read back to her then decide on changes or agree to it.
Sounds like money too me, a story like that will net her £1000+

breastfeeding a 13yr old creeps me out a little

to all the members who are saying this is not abuse, I think it quite obviously is. Abuse doesnt need to be physical. I know the boy isn't being forced to bf but he dosn't know any better. Just like children who are hit from a young age. It becomes 'normal'. It doesn't mean it's right. This will most definitely put this poor boy at risk of so much bullying, not to mention the stigma, all the way through his life because of this.
I do agree though, if it's for health benefits there's absolutely nothing wrong with expressed breast milk for him. You can even buy it in as ice cream in a shop in london. Its the fact he's actually on the breast that's the problem. I do think social services should be involved because it will take some counselling for both the boy and the mother to be abe to get through this.

I don't think this is normal by any stretch of the word, but if this woman was doing this for sexual gain for either her or her son, then she wouldn't have published it in a magazine.
This woman will have been feeding him since he was a baby, so he was just getting a day bigger each day, so they would still have the same feelings as a baby or toddler feeding I assume (if that makes sense).
I am not saying that this is normal or that I would do it. I think my maximum would be 2 or 3 at a push, but I think it's vile to call this woman a peadophile as she is only giving her son what she wants, however misguided she may be.

I don't think shes the worst mom ever! But, I don't understand why her 13 yr old doesn't stop on his own. I was judged when my son was over 1 yr old and I was still breast feeding. But, my son stopped on his own at 22 months. Now, I have a 16 month old daughter and she is still feeding. But, I am weening her off, mainly because she keeps me up at night. So, I cut out the night time feedings and I only feed her once in the morning and once at night to get her to sleep. My twin sister is still breast feeding her almost 3 yr old. But, at 13, I don't understand, does he want to be made fun of by his friends. Not to mention, in the future when he is an adult, he might not want to tell people that. I mean can you imagine having a boyfriend and he tells you he breast feed until he was 13!, It may not be a big deal but if you have mother in law issues, especially once kids enter the picture, you may see this attachment between the mother and her son to be ruining your marriage. So, it may cause problems for his future relationships, unless he doesn't tell people. If I had a boyfriend and he told me he breast feed until 13 or past that age, I would have alarm bells going off in my head, that I can't get in between a mother and her child, so I would bow out. I know, I want a man to put me ahead of his mother and if his mother raised him well, she would want that for her son as well. Just sayin'.

I can't believe anyone is trying to defend this. It has nothing to do with bf or extended bf and is clear abuse imo. It is not appropriate for a 13 year old pubescent boy to be feeding from his mothers breasts. Like others have said if she were expressing and using it as a drink or in food it wouldn't be an issue. If she wants to feed her husband that is, imo, weird but their business but not a 13 year old boy. He is obviously going along with it because she has normalised it.

This thread was started 2 years ago. I wonder if now at 15 he is still bf and what impact this story had on his social life? Ie bullying. I bet the poor boy got bullied. I tried searching for the story online but cant find it. Just loads of forums discussing how wrong it is. Which i agree. Totally vile. He must be so confused. Strikes me as a bit of a principal skinner in the making (simpsons) lol.