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FR: The Conclusion (self.marriedredpill)

brotherpotatos が 投稿

First I'd like to thank the many of you who have read my struggling posts and provided great insight here and on askmrp. I have had success with RP on a tactical level, getting my wife to behave here and there. I've improved myself a shit ton. Got in the best shape since being a high school athlete and just won a jujitsu tournament last weekend. Without the get your head out of your ass and live life message of MRP, I would still be 20 pounds overweight begging my wife to please be nice to me.

My wife has evolved along with me. It's akin to the race for undersea supremacy between the USSR and the USA. We built the Ohio, they built the Typhoon. They built the Akula, we built the Seawolf. My wife is not meant to be a wife. Stoicism and calm assertiveness do little when she goes to my mother's room, who is staying with us from across the country because she came to help when there was a death in my wife's family, and turns the lights on at midnight, waking her up and telling her she has to leave my house - because we had a disagreement over how open the window should be.

I am her second husband and I adopted the child of her first. Love the kid, but Jesus God I fell for a load of horseshit when I married her like a white knight. God I wish her ex would have briefed me on this horseshit before he died after their divorce, because I bet he went through the same hell as me.

RP led her to respect me more than she ever has, but let me tell you that at 33 years of age, this woman has no intention of dialing it back or being led, though in the brief intervals between long bouts of insanity where she is a decent person, she is a happy wife. She is a broken specimen.

AWALT but not to the same degree. I believe that my wife has a mental illness and she can't control herself. I will tell you that I am a reasonably good leader, an attractive and fit male, with financial and professional accomplishments and ambition towards a great deal more. I was lonely and naive when I met her. The new me would never fall for it.

I met with the lawyer this morning. I am filing for divorce within a week. I wish that this marriage had worked. I wish that I could spend time with my kids and a loving wife and laugh and be happy. I am not giving up on MRP. You guys are awesome and the work you are doing here has never been more important. Since I can't have the family I want, so be it. I am going to enjoy being back on the market and dear God I am so much better equipped now than ever before. I know it will be hard at first and my wife will stoop very low before it is all over, but this is the way it must be.

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[–]rockingood 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (5子コメント)

You won't be lonely and naïve when you leave her.

You will, one day, spend time with your kids and a loving wife; just not this wife.

You can have the family you want.

It may be hard at first, but good things usually are.

Russia launched its deadliest nuclear submarine this year.

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Too true. We never should have ceased production of the seawolf.

[–]rockingood 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

We got the fall of the soviet union in return. Economic reality. Seems like Mikhail Gorbachev was unfamiliar with young upstart Vladimir Putin.

But, who cares. You're getting a divorce.

You. Are. Doing the right thing.

Stay strong. I wasn't when I went through it. But I will be if it happens again.

Learn from it. Grow from it. Be like Moliere who said the bigger the obstacle the greater the glory on the other side. Your glory will be great.

[–]rockingood 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Hmmm, just read some of your previous posts.

Child 1 getting bullied. Child 2 had their first seizure. Wife's mother died. All in the last few weeks if I read correctly. Seems like a lot going on. I did not read beyond that, but this has clearly been a tough few weeks... much tougher than man vs. wife, red pill vs. blue pill, manosphere vs. feminism.

Just keep that in mind. I hope your children are well.

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Further, understand I've made the switch between somebody trying to understand things in a fixable context, where I frame it as something that I can fix. The fact is, saying that the gravity of the scenario justified my wife's behaviors is just another example of me enabling her and not doing what I should have done a long time ago.

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thanks. I have separated the temporary challenges from my wife's permanent character. It's been ongoing for a long time.

[–]RP_SuitScholar 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Many dudes stay connected to this community after divorce because it offers a more mature perspective on RP than the RP forum itself. Good luck, brother.

[–]ex_addict_broDivorced - MRP Approved 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Many dudes stay connected to this community after divorce because it offers a more mature perspective on RP than the RP forum itself.

+1

[–]prarrott 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

+1/2 , for the moment

[–]DentyneWhiteMRP APPROVED 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

TRP fixes the man and sometimes the marriage follows. Sometimes it doesn't and sometimes the broken pre trp man chose a shit woman.

Going forward you are well equipped to succeed

[–]logger1234 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (1子コメント)

You seem like you have given this a great bit of good, ordered thought.

Borderline Personality Disorder? Just a guess, you didn't leave many details. Yes, I recognize neither of us is a psycologist and we can't diagnose.

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's what I was thinking. I gave her some hard conditions to continue and they included seeing a psychiatrist for a personality disorder. She is declining.

[–]wtf_is_taken 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (2子コメント)

What is this the hunt for redpilloctober?

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm actually writing a paper on the subject right now so I had submarines on the mind lol

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well played sir

[–]man_in_the_worldMRP APPROVED 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (10子コメント)

Nine days ago you said that you were really struggling to hold frame, lead, and handle shit tests during stressful situations:

Summary:, when I am owning my shit and being a leader, my wife does not act this way, but when she is stressed/frustrated, she is very prone to getting very angry at me and blaming me for everything. When I am in the right mindset, and the situation is petty, it is not hard to shut her down. But recently, when major events have occurred, or health/safety of the children are concerned, I have been falling hard for my wife's manipulation into the chaos and drama of her hamster.

But in that post you noted that her behavior exactly mirrored your own success or failure in leading, OYS, and maintaining your frame, and you concluded that your weakness was the problem.

Today, you conclude that your wife is the problem, because she is a special snowflake ultra-violence hard mode case:

She is a broken specimen. ... I believe that my wife has a mental illness and she can't control herself.

Your evidence for concluding today that it's her and not you is

I will tell you that I am a reasonably good leader, an attractive and fit male, with financial and professional accomplishments and ambition towards a great deal more.

Translation: I'm a fit and good-looking BetaBux who intends to be an even wealthier BetaBux in the future. Any sane woman would be sweet and submissive to an awesome BB like me.

Goodbye and good luck, BB Rambo. You can join /u/blimblamp in your BP reruns, and we'll see you again here in a few months or years.

[–]GargantuaBlarg29MRP APPROVED 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Perfectly stated. Guy wants some validation because he's pulling the trigger and making the tough decision, but hasn't really put any work into his 1 month old account and now has this 'What is to be, is to be' attitude that will last him about a month into his divorce proceedings until he caves and goes crawling back hamstering something about how he'll give her another chance or she's special.

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

You can reach that conclusion. Earlier posts maintained a denial that my task was impossible. Not for my lacking, but for who she is. I wanted to make this work, I really did. So when I'm working on things, what good is it to say "I dont think I can fix her she's too broken". No. I'm going to say "I'm making progress but struggling here here and here". The fact is I am reconciling to the impossibility of my task. I'm reflecting on three years of uphill struggle where she reprises with increased insubordination. She is a spoiled princess snowflake. Maybe a better man than me could fix her, but no better man than me would at this point endeavor.

[–]man_in_the_worldMRP APPROVED 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

My concern is for you, not for her.

She may very well be too broken for you to fix, or too poor a match to work, or there may be too much past to undo, or it may not be worth the effort. We simply can't tell, because you haven't really unplugged.

Your entire post is a DEER to anonymous strangers at MRP rationalizing your decision, as are your replies to my comment. Your confidence regarding your future success is based on BP BetaBux reasoning. My critique is not of your decision but of your BP mindset. You haven't internalized the essential RP concepts, so like /u/blimblamp, you will likely repeat similar problems in your next relationship.

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Additionally, the incident of waking my mother up in the middle of the night to tell her she has to leave, for no reason except she was not getting a rise out of me otherwise, was a bit of a red line. At that point I could not conceal from my family the extent of what hell it is to be married to my wife, and continue to be in denial.

If you believe in the possibility of a female too old and broken to fix, then understand that is my wife at 33 years old. Your conclusion is arbitrary based on my earlier statements which I state now reflected denial and persistence.

[–]BobbyPeru 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (5子コメント)

You replied twice to man_in_the_world's post. Must have hit a mere.. Usually means some truth you don't want to face. His post made sense- perhaps you should take a serious honest look at it.

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Next time I'll just edit

[–]youmolide -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (3子コメント)

You dudes are too enamored with the Red Pill - AND misapplying it. It was never meant to fix ANY relationship much less one with a fucked up cunt.

The whole point of the manosphere is to get respect back into our lives. This chick is unfixable. Why in the world would anyone put up with that ?

Unfixable = walk.

Now.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Why? He is married with children.

[–]SeamusAwl 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Alot of guys come to MRP because they want to fix their marriages. MRP can fix the marriage, but it is a side effect of the guy fixing himself and becoming a man. Just like more sex and better sex is a side effect of fixing yourself and becoming a man. There is a reason the majority of flair'd members of this sub recommend waiting 6 months before making any divorce decision. It allows the improvement process time to settle in. Allows the man to build a warchest and have a better understanding of self to determine if the marriage is actually worth saving. OP has done none of this and expected immediate results. And when called out on it, began to DEER to internet strangers on a subreddit.

The endorsed contributors and mods have been there. They have seen that it worked for hundreds of other men as well.

[–]brotherpotatos[S] [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

I have been endeavoring 6 months at least. The account is young, my practice is not. I appreciate the words of caution.

[–]prarrott 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (3子コメント)

We should have a beer.

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I've made a vow no alcohol until I've landed happy and organized. I know what you mean though

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Why do I think that is as effective as "monk mode?"

[–]brotherpotatos[S] [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

I just want to make sure I set a productive tone for new life

[–]88Will88RED PILL ENDORSED CONTRIBUTOR 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Good on you for making the decision. Sounds to me like you have hit the nail on the head, she sounds too broken to be fixed. Get ready for a really fun new chapter in your life, you should stay single for at least a few years IMO. Time to bounce young hot women on your schlong and hang out with your male friends until the wee hours of the morning. One word of advice as I have been through a divorce, be the good guy, never argue with her. She will now do everything in her power to make you lose frame so that she can make you the bad guy, do not fall for it. Leave the room whenever she starts to yell. Avoid her like the plague. If there is any way you can keep things amicable then do that. If you can keep things amicable then go for it, remember keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

[–]zezozio 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

And... to be on the paranoid (but safe) side: from now on record EVERYTHING, all conversations, all interactions. And STF about it. Just as an insurance (and from time to time, a safety check on your sanity).

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thanks

[–]dontbedenied 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (4子コメント)

I had an ex with BPD/NPD. As you've obviously learned, women like this simply are not worth our time. So much of the battle is A) Evaluating which women are worth our time and B) Knowing when it's time to walk away. Of course this is easier said than done...our social conditioning makes it easy to get trapped into the White Knight mentality, and other factors can make some of us men fall even harder for these women.

Part of me wishes I'd never met my ex because man that was a painful relationship and breakup, and it was a relationship doomed from the start. No amount of TRP could have saved that relationship. But I think that being burned by women like this can help us avoid making the same mistake again. Anyway, good for you in making the decision to take your life back. You know you're making the right decision.

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thank you that's exactly how I feel. I have a kid with her plus the one I adopted. I will enjoy them for my whole life and never need to get married again

[–]brotherpotatos[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Additionally, if I could ask what are the definitive indications of bpd npd in your view? That's exactly what I'm thinking

[–]dontbedenied 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm actually more familiar with the indications of NPD...check out r/NarcissisticAbuse for more info on that, it's been helpful to me in dealing with what I went through. As far as BPD, I had an ex years ago who was clinically diagnosed with BPD, and my most recent ex was virtually exactly like her, from the traumatic childhood to the crazy, unpredictable behavior.

[–]zezozio 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Also fell to the songs of one of these mermaids.

There is a treasure trove on BPD there: gettinbetter.com. My guess: you'll just confirm you chose the right path.

Also of interest: http://www.sharischreiber.com/waif.html

All the best, Man.

[–]screechhater 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Blows me away that MRP opens a man's eyes. yes, you cannot fix crazy, nor should you try.

I am a loss for words when it comes to the epiphany one reaches a point it's not her. It's him and his own repsonsiblity to be happy

[–]NotAnotherSJWAgain 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Good luck man, stay strong.