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He gets cranky if there's no pudding
The baby TOLD LIES.

Oh what a silly thing just happened! Donald Trump has been caught acting like a little Pinocchio, yes a tiny wooden boy whose nose grows when he tells lies! If he’s not careful, his nose is going to get stuck like that!

After former FBI director James Comey leaked a memo to the failing New York Times about how Trump tried to obstruct justice and convince him to drop the FBI investigation into Michael Flynn, Trump tweeted about how Comey better hope there are no “tapes” of their conversations. Uh oh! But then Comey testified all like “I HOPE THAT MOTHERFUCKER HAS A TAPE” and Trump was like “I’ll have an announcement ‘over a short period of time'” about whether he has tapes, and Sean Spicer kept saying the president would make an announcement about that very soon, like ooh exciting, is this the season finale of a reality TV show where instead receiving a rose from a sexxxy bachelor, you get “wire tapps” from an orange flab thing? Everybody and their mother, including Yr Royal Wonkette, was like “Eat me, he doesn’t have tapes.”

Well lookie loo:

Well knock us over with a feather. If Trump says any more tall tales like this, people might lose trust in him!

Just kidding, everything that falls out of his pathetic talking slit is a lie.

In that spirit, Donald Trump would like to correct some of his other big fat lies, except for how all these tweets are FAKE NEWS we made in a Trump Tweet Generator:

It’s nice to clear the air! Maybe one day Trump will actually correct all his other lies, hahahahaha doubt it, he probably only admitted the truth on the Comey thing because his lawyers threatened to take away his phone.

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RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR

  • armed_bears

    I claim “Kitten Mittons” as my new band’s name.
  • Panika MCD

    clearly his lawyers were good on their threat to take away his phone because there’s no way he could spell all those words let alone put them in that order.

  • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

    In other news, republicans are assholes.

    • schmannity

      News?

    • miss_grundy

      Uhhhh, that is every day ending in a “y”.

  • Ninja0980

    https://twitter.com/chrislhayes/status/877964123530608641
    Have fun with that thought this weekend.

    • Marceline

      Another hearty “fuck you” to the purity voters.

      • Panika MCD

        but the purity voters told me that women’s issues were a distraction…?

        • Ninja0980

          And LGBT issues and POC issues etc.

          • Panika MCD

            pretty much any issue that aging straight cis-male white coal miners from WV can’t be the stars of.

          • Ninja0980

            Here’s the thing the purity folks don’t get, those votes they’ll gain will be lost by the other groups who will no longer support a party that says their rights are expendable.

        • JMP

          And they told me that bring up the Supreme Court was “blackmail”!

          • Panika MCD

            are you raising a Supreme Court in your garden? you should not do that.

        • C4TWOMAN

          If there’s one thing I’ve learned observing politics, ANY political movement claiming social justice of some kind , that claims to be inclusive but expects people to put civil liberties issues(racism, sexism, etc) on the back burner for victory….. that “movement” is fronting for some bullshit radical and probably rightwing agenda.

          See: Tea Party(early days), Ron Paul, various Libertarian driven “truther” movements, World Can’t Wait(radical ‘left’ version, actually run by the very authoritarian Revolutionary Communist Party).

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Under the new theocracy, they’ll have a purity ball.

      • Wild Cat

        Can I send them some rusty dildos?

      • Persistent Demme

        And now, they’re trying to get rid of Nancy Pelosi.
        Great eye on the REAL enemy, assholes!
        Fuck them, indeed!

    • Anna E Killsright, Agent KELLY

      Congrats Susan Surandon Et al.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      That’s just some handmaid’s tale.

      • Panika MCD

        no. it’s not. will you guys please read the book and then read the MaddAddam series?! The Handmaid’s Tale was made possible by the NRA and 1980s politics.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Funny how things really haven’t changed in the hinderlands.

          • Panika MCD

            but they have! read the MaddAddam trilogy now!

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Of which this is an extension

          • Panika MCD

            no. it’s not. in The Handmaid’s Tale the Evangelicals take over the government by mowing down everyone at SOTU with the AK-47s they claimed were their birth right and was based on the politics of the 1980s. the MaddAddam series is based on what is going on today.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            By that logic, 1984 is irrelevant because it was written about post-war England. The Evangelicals are still with us.

          • Panika MCD

            please read the book. it has many lessons, but it’s not as easily applied as dressing up like Elizabeth Moss when in the book the people who are now doing so would have been Marthas, Aunts, sent to the Colonies or put in Jezebels. and Atwood also too wrote a 3 book series that is much more applicable to today because it was based on today’s politics. why the fuck are you arguing with me about this?

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Because you are being a humorless prat overreacting to an otherwise amusing bit of wordplay.

          • Panika MCD

            I’m sick of a really good book being taken out of context just because Hulu made it a TV series, sad that the author of said really good book has more really good books that are more timely that no one has the attention span to read either and would like people to read more. I’m fucking awful, aren’t I?

          • BreakingDeadMen

            You can’t have your Oryx and Crake and eat it too.

          • Panika MCD

            one can not live on pulp alone!

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        I’m too old to be a handmaid. I’d be a ‘Martha’ at best.

    • timpundit

      Here comes that STABBY FEELING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Perhaps he should drag Bernie’s ass out to West Virginia and have a public meeting about it.

      • Ninja0980

        The voters there will love Bernie..until they ask him about abortion, LGBT rights and BLM among other things.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Oh, he already dragged him out there to have a thoroughly choreographed Town Hall with rugged manly white men from central casting. Hayes is the bern outpost on MSGOP.

    • BigCSouthside

      Looks like we’re going back to 1955

    • Persistent Demme

      But…but…who will think of all the anti-choice fundraising?!

    • Michael Smith

      I never thought I would say this, but I could see it happening. I don’t think its very likely, but I could see the Court reversing Roe with a conservative majority in an atmosphere of right wing domination. The minute Roe is off the books, there are quite a few states in which abortion would be instantly illegal. It would be an absolute catastrophe and it might spill out into fighting.

      • Shibusa

        I kind of hope they do it. For one thing, it would wake millennial women the fuck up and maybe even inspire them to vote.

    • Rags

      Bringing on the third leg of the Cold Civil War – Feds vs states and localities over Immigration/Marijuana/Abortion. This cannot end well.

  • blarg

    Here’s another lie: “I won’t cut Medicaid.”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Not a lie, I just left out the ‘when I think people are looking’ part.”
      — Donald Trump

  • schmannity

    How does “I have no tapes and I am a blustery bullshitting bully” have 27,000 likes? Don’t Russian bots have nothing better to do like send me pictures of hot Russian women aching for my company?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      We’ll it is better than date a sturgeon dot ru.

      • schmannity

        Caviar with every date!

  • BigCSouthside

    So how is that not witness intimidation? Someone lawyersplain this

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Because Comey wanted the tapes to be revealed to prove him correct?

      • BosGrl

        Is it relevant whether he was actually intimidated or not, or just that the intimidation was attempted?

        • anwisok

          Only matters that it was intended as intimidation.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Because it’s not.”
      — Paul Ryan

      • BigCSouthside

        He’s new at this

    • jesterpunk

      “He is still new to this and doesnt understand how anything works, give him time to learn something. It could happen eventually”

      Paul Ryan

      • miss_grundy

        Uh, NO!

        • jesterpunk

          “But it was just a little treason, cut him a break its not like he sold half the country to Russia for a loan for Jared’s NY property or anything”

          Paul Ryan.

      • OneYieldRegular

        “What’s this red button here? Is that to ring the servants?”

        “SIR!! NO!!!!!!”

  • Anna E Killsright, Agent KELLY

    OT – The hot water is back on at least, 25 hours without it this time.

    • armed_bears

      Ha! Lightning strike here at Tuesday 2:15 pm…. No phone/internet until this afternoon! Centurylink will see you your puny inconvenience and will double down on its mid-20th century technology!

      • Nounverb911

        It finally made it to 72 degrees here in Seattle.

        Winter is over!
        Winter is over!

  • JMP

    Considering that Trump’s lawyers make Barry Zuckercorn look competent, especially because good lawyers won’t work for him thanks to his history of refusing to pay, I don’t know if they’re really able to make him say much of anything at all.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    he probably only admitted the truth on the Comey thing because his lawyers threatened to take away his phone.

    and possible to try to deflect attention off the Greatest Healthcare Bill Ever Assembled!

    • armed_bears

      Yes.

    • Ninja0980

      It’s not working.

  • JAKvirginia

    Trump only lies on days that end with “y”, allegedly. Maybe this is that “pivot” they kept talking about. Is he precedential now?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “As if I have the technical know how to secretly tape something. I have to ask Melania to help anytime I need to rewind my Russian Pee Hooker Tapes…which is very often.”
    — Donald Trump

  • Do we believe Trumplestiltskin? He took a long time to deny that there were tapes. As in, long enough for his lawyers to listen to all the tapes and decide that they had recorded a lot of bad shit that would hurt Trump. At which point said lawyers told Trump “deny, deny, no tapes, nothing to see here, move along”. I’ll bet there are tapes.

    • Panika MCD

      no tapes! no tapes! you’re the tapes!

    • Beautiful Soup

      I don’t think Trump has the attention span to (1) decide to set up a taping system and (2) actually set up said system before being distracted by the smell of delicious cake coming from the WH kitchen.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Especially when they couldn’t figure out how to turn on the lights in the conference rooms.

      • C4TWOMAN

        But apparently he did do this to business associates in the past. Mind, he might have hired someone to do the nuts and bolts work….

      • Jamoche

        I could see him thinking that of course there’s a taping system in place, there was this big fuss over it, and of course they lied about taking it out.

      • MizzMazz

        If the cake is anything like the Mar-a-Lago cake, it came out of a Sara Lee box.

  • Mary Theresa

    I thought the tapes were just a cliff hanger until Season 3, E1 of the reality show.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Turns out Trump had an immunity necklace the whole time. It’s labeled IOKIYAR.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      The tapes were a red herring. SQUIRREL. Mueller is the cliffhanger.

    • Jamoche

      E14 – that’s the one in the middle of sweeps week.

  • BosGrl

    You know, it’s hard enough to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I’m so sick of these people who don’t want anyone they don’t like to have a good life for the short time we are here. I’m just done with it.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      BosGrl – I chose to fight, fight, fight and encourage others also too fight.
      Text RESIST to 50409, follow the prompts to fax your anger to your reps. It feels good.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        That 50409 bot is great!

      • BosGrl

        Done! Thanks :)

    • MizzMazz

      My bladder gets me out of bed, and then I remember what a shit storm we’re living in. I don’t get the hate either; it’s not like all these billionaires are going to be living in tin sheds if people get their basic needs met, they’ll still have their lovely lives and their lovely things. It’s just hate, as far as I can see it.

      • BosGrl

        They have to have it all.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    The Trump little kitten, washed their mittens,
    And hung the electorate out to dry,

    “Oh, Putin dear, do you not hear,
    That we have washed our mittens?”

    “What, washed your mittens, then you’re good a Trump kitten,
    But I smell a rat close by.”

    “leaker, leaker, you’re the leaker”
    We smell a rat close by.

  • La forza del resistino

    Donald signs an EO to rename the cliffs over the Missouri River to Trump Bluffs.

    • armed_bears

      Yeeee-ow. That’s gonna leave a bruise.

  • miss_grundy

    I have the “Make America Kittens Again” extension on my Chrome browser. What did I miss?

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Isnt the point to not know?

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        You can ‘know’ without having to look at Trump. It’s a sanity check.

        • Jamoche

          Donnie’s sanity checks bounce.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            For us, not him. Fuck him.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Me too. I love the kittens.
      Raw Story has the text of the tweet: http://www.rawstory.com/2017/06/trump-finally-admits-he-didnt-tape-his-talks-with-comey/

    • SweetDeeKat

      OMG I just added it and feel many times better. Thanks for the reminder.
      (You can always right click to undo if you really want to peer into the abyss again.)

  • La forza del resistino

    So, ahead of the 6/24 order to produce them, Donald ducts the tape existence questions.

    • The pee tapes are known as “aqua duct tapes”

      • Panika MCD

        no, those are from his trip to the Vatican.

    • Nounverb911
      • yyyaz

        Not enough handcuffs.

      • elviouslyqueer

        All that’s missing from this pic is a backward “T” etched on his cheek.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      It’s not the tape, it’s the masking.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It really is duck tape, not duct tape, you know. Duck tape is actually terrible for duct work.

      • Panika MCD

        it’s duct tape unless you’re going for the brand name.

        • msanthropesmr

          Aktually, the stuff we call duct tape is gaffer tape.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Man, I can’t tell if they’re snarking or serious….

          • msanthropesmr

            I’m serious. That stuff won’t work on ducts. It’s gaffer tape for cable control. Duck tape refers to the kind of cloth used in the making of the tape.

          • Jamoche

            Oh, it’s the fabric! Now it makes sense. #lucky10k

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Huh? It’s always been duck tape. That was the original name. People call it duct tape ’cause they don’t understand why it was called that, not because of trademark concerns.

          ETA: Also too, Americans are terrible at glottal stops.

          • Panika MCD
          • Latverian Diplomat

            Which says the original name was duck tape, as I said.

            It claims a variant was marketed for duct work. That may be true, I am still skeptical because it suck for that…

            http://www.realclearscience.com/blog/2013/08/duct-tape-is-amazing-just-not-for-sealing-ducts.html

          • Panika MCD

            unless you were in the military during WWII or the Army Corps of Engineers pre-WWII, you would have only ever known it by the name it was copyrighted under when it went on the market which was duct tape:

            After the war, the duck tape product was sold in hardware stores for household repairs. The Melvin A. Anderson Company of Cleveland, Ohio, acquired the rights to the tape in 1950.[16] It was commonly used in construction to wrap air ducts.[20] Following this application, the name “duct tape” came into use in the 1950s, along with tape products that were colored silvery gray like tin ductwork. Specialized heat- and cold-resistant tapes were developed for heating and air-conditioning ducts. By 1960 a St. Louis, Missouri, HVAC company, Albert Arno, Inc., trademarked the name “Ductape” for their “flame-resistant” duct tape, capable of holding together at 350–400 °F (177–204 °C).

            and not going to take back that linguistic comment, are you?

          • Panika MCD

            and the K sound is not a glottal stop. it’s a velar stop.

          • Angry Red Bird DGAF

            Uh, nerd?

          • Panika MCD
          • Angry Red Bird DGAF

            So, more proof. Got it.

          • Panika MCD

            if I wore glasses, I would push them up my nose. but I have 20/10 vision and am sitting in the shade right now.

          • Crank Tango

            I like to think it was as in “waterproof like a duck’s ass.”

          • Latverian Diplomat

            That’s one theory, though personally, I favor the “backing was cotton duck” theory. People used to know what cotton duck was, though few do anymore. IMHO, that’s one reason for the name shift.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I still believe that the unsupervised Russian ambassador visit to the Oval resulted in all kinds of “wire tapps.” In other words, there probably is a tape of little Donnie wink-wink threatening Comey, and it’s been catalogued and filed in a Moscow basement next to “pee hooker kompromat.”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “The ambassador game me this nice clock, a fancy pen, this cool briefcase, and also a mail robot for some reason.”

      • Panika MCD

        “I said, ‘the pen is for Pence…who I call “penis” sometimes!’ get it?!”

    • Panika MCD

      but that happened after the Comey meetings and phone calls. also too: would have had to tapp the dining room in the residence.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Details, fetails.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Lordy, I knew it was too good to be true.”

    – James Comey

    • elviouslyqueer

      LORDY.

  • Alt-dog

    So let’s get this straight: in those two tweets Donald Trump, president of the United States and presumptive leader of the most powerful nation on the planet, just said he has no idea if he is under surveillance or if his conversations are being recorded. Well, that’s reassuring.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “We are monitoring your President to assess your civilization…it’s not looking good for you.”
      — Galactic Security Agency

      • C4TWOMAN

        “No intelligent life forms to be found!”

      • Nockular cavity

        Still waiting for the Vogon Constructor Fleet to show up. Where are they already?

        • TakingAmes

          I have my towel. I’m totally ready.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Leadership, what does that look like?
    The ‘best’ part was Newt’s take. Trump was just ‘bluffing’ like you do. Don’t you?

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Also, too “He’s new to this” and “He’s not a politician”.

  • schmannity

    Lordy!

  • Wild Cat

    What’s weird is that this shit doesn’t seem weird anymore.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Yeah, it’s weird and it needs to be mocked for its weirdness. No Normalcy.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Trump blaming Hillary Clinton for the birther conspiracy, that he was the head of for eight fucking years:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjHPDzUOe2U

    • jesterpunk

      The party of personal responsibility ladies and gentlemen.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Is that new?

      I have so had it with this lying sack o’ shit.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        No, he admitted it at the opening of his new hotel. He held a press conference AT his hotel, and kept reporters there for an hour, before he came out and said his little mea culpa. He basically said it to get reporter’s to cover his new hotel. Free advertising!

        He truly is the biggest POS I’ve ever seen in the WH, and I’ve seen Nixon, Reagan, and Bush, so that’s saying a lot.

      • Jamoche

        Youtube upload date is Sept 16, 2016

    • BMW

      Even his most ardent supporters should have seen through this bullshit. Their self-delusion reached LEGENDARY status when they excused his lying about his own history with this. They heard and believed his birther claims for YEARS. There’s no way they should have been able to claim the media was lying to them about this….but they did.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Trump said it best – he could shoot someone on Fifth Ave., and his idiot supporters wouldn’t care.

  • La forza del resistino

    I guess Don Jr’s Comey voice impersonation didn’t pass muster.

  • Swampay

    WTMFF? (that’s ‘what the mother-fucking fuck’ of course)

    Donnie DOESN’T KNOW if the White House is under electronic surveillance? Isn’t that something that he might want to check on? Maybe he’s got some guys in NSC or CIA who could do some sort of checking?

    Or maybe he is just a idiot.

    • theblackdog

      Doubtful, he kinda pissed all them off.

    • arglebargle

      I’m sure the Russians planted a bug or three on their oval office visit.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I believe that is a capital “A” idiot, as in, he is A Idiot.

    • Jamoche

      Oh, but all Those People are in on it too.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    The talking point I have seen that I like most about this is “This is not a gameshow!” and the aid, advisor, henchman, whatever saying Donnie was “amused” and this was “throwing a ball of yarn out there”.

    Hey, it’s nice to see people calling the fucking liar a liar for a change.

    • elviouslyqueer

      I read that as “throwing a ball of yam out there.” Which actually makes more sense.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        hehe!

  • Nounverb911
  • jesterpunk
  • arglebargle

    We knew Dampnut didn’t have any tapes. The question is does the FBI.

    • msanthropesmr

      Don’t you mean the FSB?

      • arglebargle

        why not both?

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’ll bet Obama has them in his wire tapps library.

  • theblackdog

    I called it, I fucking called it. The minute Comey said “I hope there are tapes” I knew Donnie was going to have to admit he has no tapes.

    • Anna E Killsright, Agent KELLY

      Yes you did. :)

  • Nounverb911
    • Michael Smith

      Go back to Russia, commie!!

      I mean, wait we like like Russia now, so I mean, uh, uhhhhh

      [head explodes]

    • Angry Red Bird DGAF

      Low key trolling.

  • jesterpunk

    Is this part of that winning he was talking about?

    https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2017/06/trump-plans-to-dismantle-obama-era-startup-visa/

    A regulation from the Obama administration that would have
    allowed foreign-born entrepreneurs who raise investor cash to build
    their startups in the US won’t be allowed to go into effect.

    The Department of Homeland Security will file an official notice to
    delay the International Entrepreneur Rule for eight months. The
    intention is to eliminate the rule entirely, according to sources
    briefed on the matter who spoke to The Wall Street Journal.

    ….

    Many other countries, including Australia, Canada, Chile, Ireland,
    and New Zealand, have visa grants or other programs to attract
    entrepreneurs. The WSJ reports that the new French president,
    Emmanuel Macron, is moving forward with a French Tech Visa that would
    grant startup founders a four-year residence in the country.

    • georgiaburning

      Expect French language classes to become the places to network.

      • jesterpunk

        Don’t forget about Germany, you can go to college for free over there because they also need more smart people. France is also offering grants to people for research that Trump is cutting those are in addition to the entrepreneurial offers they have.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Germany is also too offering free tuition to students from the US.

      • II Gosala

        which students? Not over the hill guys who haven’t used their technical knowledge in 25 years I assume.

      • William Cook for now

        What about Canadians? c.c

    • WotsAllThisThen

      That’ll show those coastal elites who’s boss!

  • kittygrrl

    America needs to repeal and replace our lying POTUS. Now all of our enemies know our POTUS is a lying POS, and when he bluffs he’s going to bomb them all to Hell, they can just laugh in his lying orange face and yell Comey tapes-NOT!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I think they figured that one out when Trump’s thirty-day self-imposed deadline to destroy ISIS expired 120 days ago.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Wasn’t that wall going to be built in thirty days, too? Now it’s going to be a solar wall, which will pay for itself, so Mexico can pay less. I shit you not, he actually said this the other day.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          But he’d have to import those panels from China or Germany. MAGA, y’all.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          I’m waiting for Vicente Fox’s response to that.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I believe ACA was going to be repealed the afternoon of the inauguration as well, as I recall.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I think Hillary was going to be in jail by day two, also, too.

  • La forza del resistino

    At some point a cub reporter will rush into the newsroom saying he caught Donald in a lie and the editor will ask but what do you have on the Kardashians.

    • Bebecca

      or a cub reporter will rush into the newsroom saying he caught Donald in a truth. An even bigger story.

  • elviouslyqueer

    This motherfucker is such a lying sack of shit that I can’t believe a single word that comes out of his braying mouthhole. And that includes the words “a,” “and,” “the,” and “I.”

    • II Gosala

      what about “tiny”?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Kellyanne: “He never said he HAD tapes, he only said Comey better hope there isn’t any, and there’s not, so there fake news.”

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      My mother said that earlier today, and it made me want to strangle her.

      • II Gosala

        DO NOT strangle your mother. It’s really bad karma.

        But I know what you mean.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      “And by the way, how Trump used ‘hope’ in this tweet was not like that other time he said it to Comey. You should be totally unconcerned that the President speaks like a stereotypical mobster.”

    • BMW

      Did she say that (even paraphrased) or are we speculating? Because “fake news” is when alleged journalists make stuff up, not when the president says something dumb and we take it seriously.

      • jesterpunk

        they defined it as anything Trump doesn’t like.

      • thewalkindude

        Dunno, but she did say this after the GA election-“Laughing my Ossoff!”

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      “He only said ‘hope’,which we all know the president uses a lot, except with Comey, in which case, he never said ‘hope’.”

      • Weird Fishes

        At least, this time, he didn’t say “grope”, because that would be weird.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Let’s just call it, folks, whatever he tweets is a lie. Without exception, it’s a lie. His twitter is completely uncontaminated by truth. I would wager that, even when he tweets about a rally he attended, he conflates the time or something stupid like that every. single. time.

    • Vincent Ricola

      It’s all lies. The only truth in there is when he lies about true things he did but is attributing to someone else.

  • TundraGrifter

    Why did it take President Trump a couple of weeks to “announce” he hadn’t made any tapes? Why not just answer when he was asked?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Because he treats everything as if it’s the finale of The Apprentice, is why.

    • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

      I know why and will reveal that reason soon. Stay tuned.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      He’s a gameshow host. He frames everything in terms of “bumpers”.

      • TundraGrifter

        How do you keep a sex fiend in suspense for 24 hours?

        I’ll tell you tomorrow.

    • Vincent Ricola

      He’s a liar who decided to fess up to this sometime last night in an effort to distract from the healthcare bill?

      • II Gosala

        Put this down to me being cranky, tired and hungry right now, but

        Could we please stop calling it a health care bill? It’s a tax cut fur the rich paid for by slashing health insurance for the poor, the sick, the disabled, and the old*

        Hrmph!

        —
        * for purposes of this bill “old” means anyone 50 or older.

        • Vincent Ricola

          Yes. Yes we can.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      because it took him that long to figure out it was better to deny the tapes than admit he had them because he’s a dumbfuck?

    • Doug Langley

      Because it’s sweeps week and he needed a cliffhanger?

      • TundraGrifter

        It’s very scary that I think you are 100% correct!

  • OneYieldRegular

    “…I did not make, and do not have, any such tapes.”

    “Okay, that’s just fine, Mr. President. Just fine. We’ll use that. Send.”

    “Steve Miller made them. He was hiding under the Oval Office desk with a portable cassette recorder. And Kellyanne has them in a locked file cabinet in her office upstairs.”

    “Sir. Please. Uh, SIR.”

    • Bebecca

      Was he singing “Fly Like an Eagle”?

  • BMW
    • Weird Fishes

      SO cleverly writtin!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      The Smitten Kitten:
      A PROGRESSIVE SEX TOY STORE FOR EVERYONE
      https://www.smittenkittenonline.com

    • Crank Tango

      Mee-owww.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Does your cat president make too much noise all the time?

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Now I am convinced there are tapes

    • Bebecca

      and if they said what he claimed, he would be playing them loudly on Faux News.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Right. They exist, and they are damaging to Trump. You know and I know and he knows, and he knows that you know and I know.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Speaking of never-ending lies. Trump yesterday said the G-class star we orbit will pay for the wall. No, really. He added: “Solar wall, panels, beautiful. I mean actually think of it, the higher it goes the more valuable it is. Pretty good imagination right? Good? My idea.”

    Only, it wasn’t his idea.

    “More than 200 companies are believed to have responded to an invitation from the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) to submit designs for the wall. Among them was one from Gleason Partners in Las Vegas that proposed a wall of steel, cement and solar panels. The idea of a solar panelled wall was also proposed in an article by an environmentalist and an academic last year in the Huffington Post and another article for the Wall Street Journal by two academics in March.”

    No matter who proposed it, it’s a fucking stupid and fuckingly expensive idea. But it would make for great target practice from both sides.

    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-40363390

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Can’t wait to see what they do with all the enormous amounts of dirty DC power in the middle of nowhere that needs to be inverted and cleaned up and then moved to population centers by the nonexistent infrastructure

      • II Gosala

        “Dirty DC power”

        ISWYDT

        (The inverter wasn’t bad either)

      • georgiaburning

        Don’t worry. Within a month those panels and inverters will be filled with bullet holes, and the evidence left behind will be Bud Light cans

    • Meccalopolis

      If I was living on the other side, I’d be stealing those panels left and right

  • II Gosala

    Apologies if this had been posted. Stupid cops being stupid and violent, again.

    http://www.twincities.com/2017/06/22/video-worthington-mn-police-excessive-force-aclu-traffic-stop/

    I’m sure there are good cops out there. They really must denounce (and stop) this shit.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Fuck.

    • Angry Red Bird DGAF

      Off duty. Probably road rage.

    • harryr

      It’s the moron trying to justify it in the comments section – “Well, he must have done something pretty bad” that really annoys me.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender
      • II Gosala

        As it should. The video is really upsetting so I doing blame you if you didn’t watch it.

        The cop basically began the encounter by screaming at him and calling him a fucker long before her had a chance to do Mitch of anything at all

  • geoffalnutt

    The creeping “numbness”. That’s exactly what Putin wants…so with constant lies, violent rhetoric…actual violence…America will just get “numb” to it. Then he can really can do anything…and get virtually no resistance. That’s the long game. He’s playing the long game. RESIST like your lives depend on it. They do.

  • jesterpunk
  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I honestly can no longer divide fact from fiction without seriously checking.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    If you have to do this level of mental origami to defend anything, then you’re on the wrong side.

  • Angry Red Bird DGAF

    Wonkette, I have 2 complaints.
    Firstly, you forgot the tweet where he admits being in love with his daughter.
    Number Too, you should have made a blingee.
    3rd:…..who’s the liar now???111!!1!11
    How do you make shruggie man? :(((

    • Lambsendbeds

      IK,R? How DO you make shruggie man?

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    “In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.”

    -The Declaration of Independence.

    “Fuck you, pay me.”

    -The Republican Party.

    • Joe Beese
    • georgiaburning

      Interesting how often we fall back on “Goodfellas” when we need to explain how things work in the late 20th/early 21st century USA.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        And I am sure that Dolt 45 would shoot somebody in the foot for thinking he’s a clown.

  • Bebecca

    Mike Barnicle (sp?) on Morning Joe said something I think is profound. Donald Trump wishes he won the popular vote and lost the electoral vote. Think about it, he’s absolutely right. I think we would also be happy with that.

    • Michael R

      Now that he’s president he has to be responsible for his failures ,
      he don’t like that part.

      • Lambsendbeds

        What failures?!? What failures?!? YOU’RE THE FAILURE!!!!1!1!!elevnty!

    • Weird Fishes

      I wonder if he appreciated – or was even aware of – the difference before now.

      • Bebecca

        I think he didn’t know the difference, remember how many times he has said he won the Electoral College and how that was close to impossible for a Republican? What a dumbass

    • Absolutely, because then he could spend the rest of his life playing the victimized conservative, whining about “rigged elections” (and probably raking in giant speaking fees) without having to do any actual work.

      • LucindathePook

        ……………………….pretend to
        Without having to ^ do any actual work. FIFY

  • Joe Beese
    • georgiaburning

      She makes it sound like something they almost might object to.

  • Michael R

    It’s hard to tell which of his lies are real now …
    GASLIGHTING COMPLETE !

  • CindyinEncinitas

    Word of the day seems to be Bayrock.

  • BMW

    Slightly OT, but:
    My Amazon.com home page is filled with books about the 2016 election, because I bought Matt Taibbi’s “Insane Clown President” and that “Shattered” book. Most seem to be called some variation on “Why Did Trump Win?” with an emphasis on the political climate, or how Trump had “connected” with working class voters, or how Mrs. Clinton had run a mistake-ridden campaign whose defeat was inevitable (see “Shattered”). It’s like the authors of multiple books, who collectively spent probably thousands of hours writing, buy into the myth that this election outcomes actually reflected the will of the people and the people chose Trump. Ignoring that disproportional human geography is all that kept the electoral college from reflecting the popular vote. That’s not to say Clinton didn’t make mistakes, but her mistakes were what probably kept her from crushing Trump by 10-20 points. For all Clinton’s weaknesses and Trump’s strengths, her defeat was definitely not inevitable, given that she got way more actual votes. Trump supporters will accuse me of being “bitter because Hillary lost.” That’s not quite true. I’m actually okay with Clinton losing, but I’m bitter as fuck about Trump winning.

    • Panika MCD

      why buy your books on Amazon when you can support used book stores around the world on http://www.abebooks.com?

      • Jamoche

        Amazon has owned Abebooks since 2008.

        It’s the Borg. Resistance is futile.

        • jesterpunk

          What about half price books?

          https://www.hpb.com/home

          • I used to buy CDs from them. Also absorbed into the A-borg

          • jesterpunk

            Damn, the website makes it sound like they are independent.

        • georgiaburning

          Powell’s in Portland

          • Jamoche

            +1 And if you’re lucky, you’ll find the secret passage to L-Space.

          • Meccalopolis

            Book village, USA: Hobart, NY

            http://www.hobartbookvillage.com/about-us.html

            I live a mile and a half up the road

          • georgiaburning

            Now on my list

        • Panika MCD

          but ABE still sources from privately owned used book stores!

      • Rose McFrog

        Thank you!

    • Jamoche

      There’s an option to delete items from the list they use to generate the recommendations.

    • Doug Langley

      I am really stabby with all the so-called experts who are treating the election as a fair and free event. It was so corrupt I can’t even breathe. Anybody who doesn’t discuss the following simple isn’t paying attention:

      media slandering of Hillary
      Russian interference
      voter ID laws in swing states
      Comey’s October surprise
      electoral college

  • Michael R
    • Werewolf

      Dingo libelz!

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Yeah, given the choice between two, I’m gonna pick the wild dingo.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Senator Dingo has the floor.

      • elviouslyqueer

        You misspelled “dingleberry,” darling.

    • commatoes

      A punch to that face is not only desired, but warranted.

    • H0mer0

      Dingo libelz
      Dammit, I had to work while you guys had your “No Homers” club party

  • Joe Beese

    If you think about it, who would know better?

    https://twitter.com/ForecasterEnten/status/877964715351187456

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      That’s just sick.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Ew. Don’t eat or drink anything while there.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Dang it! I posted the same thing right above you pretty much as you were posting. Sorry about that.

      • Joe Beese

        It’s all good. Our hard-working Wonketeers will be making a thread for it soon, I’m sure.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          Definitely. How could they not? Maybe they’re saving it for our open thread.

      • commatoes

        I think we all kind of said it together.

        • H0mer0

          [I didn’t, I didn’t get the memo till now]

    • RobKanC

      It’s easy. Don’t be a shitbag who thinks consent is fluid. Where’s my money?

    • greyXstar

      I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and say “Don’t sexually assault anyone” is probably a pretty good jumping off point.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    OT (unless “lying liars” or “OMG you have to be fucking KIDDING me” is the topic:
    https://twitter.com/ellembee/status/877988954691092481

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      What. The. Everloving. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. The. Human. Race?

      • II Gosala

        This question has vexed philosophers and theologians for millennia.

        There have been been various answers given depending on time, country and religion.

        They all amount to: we’re fucking morons who don’t know for shit but we’re willing to twist reason and morality into pretzels in order to make ourselves look good.

      • Anna E Killsright, Agent KELLY

        The species is caught up in Primate dominance rituals that only escalate as their technological capacity grow more powerful. They are soon to exit the evolutionary stage through willful habitat destruction or species suicide through warfare.

        They shall not be missed.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Amen, sister!

      • Angry Red Bird DGAF

        Exactly. :(

      • commatoes

        A hung jury with two hold outs. I wonder if they voted for the pussy-grabber-in-chief?

    • Vincent Ricola

      Followed up by a seminar taught by George Zimmerman on how to shoot black teenagers and not go to prison.

    • Rick Hill

      “If I did it.”

    • puredog

      And then he will promise to devote his life and treasure to finding the real rapists.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I didn’t know Bill Cosby played golf…

      • commatoes

        I haven’t heard near the outcry as the OJ trial.

        PS Bill, say your name in the mirror three times.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I’m just gonna copy my Twitter response here.
      https://twitter.com/Spotts1701/status/877989344467795968

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I ask that last question all the time, these days. “Is this hell?” Stay tuned, but right now I’m leaning toward yes on that.

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          “Is this hell?”
          “No, it’s Iowa.”
          “So…same thing.”

          • yyyaz

            Says anypony who has never been to Yuma. In July.

          • H0mer0

            I thought Chris Rock said that about TX

      • Lambsendbeds

        Haha – I followed you !

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Ha HA! Followed you back!

          • Lambsendbeds

            Yay!!!

          • H0mer0

            getaroomyoutwo!

          • Lambsendbeds

            Lol – I think it would be great for all of us to follow one another on Twitter! Tell me your Twitter handle and I’ll follow you too !

          • H0mer0

            I already get distracted enough by wonkette and so a twitter feed would not be a good thing for me to start or follow. (I also am not that photogenic, I mean cute.)

    • WotsAllThisThen

      And to think he criticized Eddie Murphy for bad language.

      • H0mer0

        As Eddie said “Hey Bill, have a Coke and a smile and STFU!”

    • Anna Rompage

      Hopefully the next person he tries that shit on, is packing a rusty chainsaw under their coat…

      • jesterpunk

        Lorena Bobbitt isnt busy now…

        • Beowoof14

          Does she do micro surgery?

          • jesterpunk

            She might have a pair of really small scissors.

    • jesterpunk

      He is going after the MRA crowd now?

      • Vincent Ricola

        It somehow makes total sense.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        just for their stash. 714’s are much harder to get hold of these days

    • ariel_gee_398
    • elviouslyqueer

      I hope he enjoys having a variety of items thrown at him during these meetings.

      • Lambsendbeds

        I’ll bet none of those things thrown at Cosby will be ladies panties or hotel room keys.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Unless he has one of his handlers with him, he won’t be able to see to duck. So there’s that…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      This will be a real short seminar. Best way to avoid sexual assault?

      Stay away from me…

    • OrdinaryJoe

      That class should last for exactly three words Don’t do it.

    • Pickles

      this is a joke, right

  • JAKvirginia

    There are no tapes. It’s all on CDs. And the DVD will be out next week just in time for the 4th.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      I’m waiting for the 4K Blu-ray. With the commentary track.

      • Rick Hill

        “Now, this part here, I’m about to drop a threat, rattle him a little. As I mention in my book….”

    • Panika MCD

      is the DVD part of the Better Care Reconciliation Act?

    • II Gosala

      I’m looking forward to the track, “Mine eyes have seen the goring of the tiny fingered one”

      • Crank Tango

        Don Orange’s body…

        • II Gosala

          Lies a mouldring in the ground.

          You win!

          • Crank Tango

            With you know, votes or indictments or whatever.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Destruction of evidence while a federal investigation is ongoing is a federal crime. Conspiring in the destruction also is a crime. Maybe he lied about having tapes, maybe he didn’t. Just saying.

    • Rick Hill

      I don’t doubt he has his offices bugged, considering his past history of doing just that

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump: “Believe me folks, if Americans did not want me constantly lying to them, cheating them and have them eating up the bumper sticker slop I’m serving, they would not be coming to my rallies. You can believe me. Believe me. MAGA”

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      I have reached the conclusion that MAGA means – Many Assholes Going Away. Forgive me if someone else has shared this enlightenment already.

      • clubseal

        It could be Mork Ate Grandma Again, but maybe that wouldn’t make sense.

        • H0mer0

          and would be Robin Williams libel (may FSM cradle him in his noodley appendages.)

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    HAHAHAHAHA! I love it when Newt makes it even worse.
    https://twitter.com/justinhendrix/status/877862852928864256

    • ariel_gee_398

      It’s like a Russian nesting doll of obstructions of justice.

    • Vincent Ricola

      “Witness intimidation is when an attempt is made to threaten or persuade a witness not to give evidence to the police or courts, or to give evidence in a way that is favorable to the defendant. In most cases, the offender will be the defendant or the defendant’s family or friends.”

      Just sayin’.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Oh hell, they’re going to go with the “he’s too stupid to know he committed a crime” defense.
      But even a businessman knows – once you bluff someone you better never back down. Because you’ll never be able to bluff again.

    • jesterpunk

      Oh isnt that obstruction of justice or witness intimidation?

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Only if you’re not a Republican.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        A NY real estate developer and casino builder doesn’t really understand how that stuff works, so it’s all good.

    • jesterpunk

      I just love how the new GOP excuse for everything Trump does is he is A idiot.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Ok, so after Comey called his bluff and clearly was not rattled in the least, why did Mr. Strategery McFlopsweat keep fucking lying about the tapes?

      • Covfefe

        Some people say that Mr. Strategery McFlopsweat gave up trying to spin the tapes to make Comey look like the liar.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Because he can’t think that far ahead.

        He’s playing -1 dimensional chess but it doesn’t matter to his followers because they are playing -1 dimensional tic tac toe.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        He reflexively doubles down every time he gets his ass handed to him. His pathological narcissism won’t let him do otherwise.
        He’ll go to his grave insisting his crowd was the yooogest, and that he won the popular vote. His mini-Nuremberg rallies, where Trumpanzees treat him like a heroic statesman and best human evar, are designed to feed his ego and maintain his delusions of adequacy.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      So now there are two guys who can’t keep their fucking mouths shut, despite the many times it has gotten them into trouble before?

    • Shibusa
  • Hairstrike Alpha

    No tapes, no tapes you’re the tapes!

  • TakingAmes

    Or because the Senate’s health care bill “discussion draft” dropped and he wanted either A) the news cycle to himself because he can’t stand others getting attention, or B) to distract attention from the mean health care bill. Wait, those are the same.

  • 1971: Won’t get fooled again.

    2017: Trump fooled me…
    https://i.imgflip.com/u8peo.jpg

    Again???

  • CATMAN

    In the roughly 2 years of the Trump campaign and presidency, he has told an average of 4.6 lies per day, so at this point we are somewhere north of 3300 lies total, so this one will definitely get lost in this forest of lies

    • commatoes

      So #sad or #ambitious?

      Or considering the total amount of time public speaking, #WTF

  • Bill D. Burger

    ot…and WoooHooo! And fuck you Constitution, fuck you right in your old Constitutional azz’…..You can cram that ol’ emoluments thingy up your wazoo’! Laws and the United States Constitution are for the ‘little people’ not for ME. I’m too yoooge’ to be bothered by that goddamned piece of paper.

    [The Associated Press reported late yesterday on the president headlining a D.C.-fundraiser at his own hotel.
    *Trump can see the Trump International Hotel from the White House lawn, making it a premier and convenient location for the June 28 major-donor event, his campaign director Michael Glassner said.
    But the choice also raises ethics questions, according to conflict of interest attorneys who have been critical of Trump’s decision not to cut financial ties with his global business empire.
    Norm Eisen, the Obama White House’s chief ethics attorney, told the AP that Trump is “becoming more and more brazen in his efforts to monetize the presidency. He’s flaunting openly his contempt for the Constitution.”
    The audacity is striking. The president is no doubt aware of the ongoing litigation surrounding the Trump International Hotel, which he still owns, and which welcomes foreign officials as guests, constitutional limits notwithstanding.]

    https://apnews.com/a416461c199547ee9cd75e3cbf0aab3e/Trump-to-host-Trump-re-election-fundraiser-at-Trump-hotel

    • jesterpunk

      The house knows exactly what to do about this, they will investigated Hillary’s emails.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He acts more like Putin every day. I don’t doubt for a moment that he’d have hid opponents jailed, or worse, if he thought he could get away with it.

  • OrdinaryJoe
  • Mr. Blobfish

    He spelt “ileagle” rong.

  • II Gosala

    I don’t know why, but

    https://youtu.be/pCnEAH5wCzo

    Now, if we can only get solidarity between black and white and brown, between men and women, between… well you get the idea.. that really would be a power greater than their hoarded gold.

    Good night, for my mental health, I must sign off now.

    Pace vobiscum.

  • Hemp Dogbane
  • Bitter Scribe

    So he said Comey “better hope” there were no tapes…even though he knew he hadn’t made any…because maybe somebody else made them through…”electronic surveillance, intercepts, unmasking and illegal leaking”…?????

    I thought nothing could be weirder than the “covfefe” tweet. I was wrong.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      It’s a passive aggressive way to take another jab at the Obama administration.
      “No leaks, unless Obama is lurking around the White House, still listening to the microwaves.”

  • chascates

    I just can’t understand why anyone would believe anything he says. He’s been proven a liar on an almost daily basis yet his followers still think he’s the new George Washington. NPR interviewed some people today who both said they don’t believe anything in the media and parrot back Trump’s bullshit about the Democrats hyping the Russia story because they lost.

    • Blackest Noobs

      because Trump says the things they want to believe is true

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        BINGO

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It’s a fucking cult, and these brain-dead goobers will be in the cult long after Trump is jailed.

  • capnkrunch
  • not_vh

    i have a weird feeling about the nature and timing of this tweet.

    #1. i don’t think he wrote it, or atleast it was edited.
    #2. this may be intended to divide attention on the senate version of the health bill.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Now he’s tweeting legalese!

  • Doug Langley

    Don’t you just love the weasel words?

    “I did not make and do not have . . .”

    Translation: Bannon pushed the record button and gave the tapes to Pence.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      One of the blogs i read call Trump “Trumpty Dumpty” ala through the looking glass. “Words means what i want to mean nothing more and nothing else”

  • Skaarphy

    No chance in hell Trump wrote that himself. One of his lawyers did.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The complete sentence gives it away. Not to mention “surveillance” and “intercepts” instead of “tapps.”
      And there’s the absolute proof: it was written during normal business hours, not at 5:00 AM while he’s sitting on the shitter.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    What really buggers the imagination is that he thinks he can intimidate a guy who
    1. Knows the fucking truth,
    2. Knows the fucking law, and
    3. Took fucking notes.

    Il Douche is, quite literally, mentally ill. The military chiefs, I’m convinced, have discussed what to do if he ever does try to “push the button” – and pushing the button is very far down oon their list.

  • CripesAmighty

    Listening to all the Very Serious People gabbing away about what sort of strategery is behind the ‘tapes’ hubbub.
    Newsflash: he just did it because he thinks it’s funny–hurr-hurr, and more importantly, the moron mob thinks it’s hilarious, haw-haw, just like shoving the geek kids’ head into the locker in front of the bros, huhh-huhh.

    (And the lawyers come in to clean it up–like Daddy slipping the headmaster a grand.)

    • Lori

      I don’t think he thinks it’s funny. I think he was trying to intimidate Comey. Which is freaking hilarious, so it ended up being a joke.

  • JoeChristmas

    Hillary and Nancy Pelosi started it!1!!

    • tehbaddr

      But Huma executed the whole thing!11!11!!!1!111!!1111!!!

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        And don’t forget this new one, with the even darker skin, Kamalalala Cheerleader who thinks she’s somebody!

  • Basically, his “defense” of his tapes ‘n tapps statements is a speculation that the “deep state” might be recording. His base will understand and accept that. Of course, the so-called deep state is supposedly on Comey’s side and against Trump, but they’ll ignore that.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    Hard to tell where the paranoia ends and the obfuscation begins with this one. It hardly even reads like a Trump tweet — if for no other reasons than that it uses a string of correctly spelled multisyllabic words and breaks across multiple messages — though that in of itself seems to be tactic to elicit suspense, as has the whole gambit. There is a verisimilitude towards legalese, if your sole model was the 2nd amendment, along with a veneer of plausible deniability should “tapes” somehow come to light. It’s still too coy by half and the timing is pretty unambiguously designed to coincide with the release of the Senate health plan — to the extent anyone is doing any “strategic” thinking as to how to maximize the utility of the release of what we can hardly dare call “information.” Undoubtedly we will be told the tweet “speaks for itself” — the “I was only following orders” of our times.

  • tehbaddr

    The Great Donald Trump was caught out skewing things? You mean he related the reality of the situation as he sees it, all knowing? Certainly he wouldn’t lie to further his agenda!

  • ken_kukec

    In other, equally shocking news, there’s gambling at Rick’s!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUIKWo9PfW0

  • Shibusa

    There is not a chance in Hell that Trump wrote this: “With all the recently reported electronic surveillance, intercepts, unmasking and illegal leaking of information, I have no idea whether there are ‘tapes’ or recordings of my conversations with James Comey, but I did not make and do not have any such recordings.”

    • Mike Steele

      KellyAnne and Steves Miller & Bannon, no doubt.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        No, I’d say his new fancy corrupt lawyer. Lots of terms of art there. “I” did not make — i.e., not saying someone ELSE didn’t press play, I “do not have”–because they’re at the lawyer’s or wherever. The sneaky Goebbels-level sliding in of “unmasking” and “illegal leaking” and implying that whole fucking “Obama bugged me” shit again. He thinks he can just do his his usual filthy dirty corrupt wanna-be mobster shit and get away with it.

        • Mike Steele

          Lady MS: With you on that, but which latest shyster are we fingering here? Still make a body think that someone might have been taping in the WH. Wouldn’t surprise me, yet am inclined to believe that DJTs bluff was ‘merely’ witness intimidation of the first order.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            I actually do agree with that. He’s such a wanna-be cheesy mob boss. It’s the cheesiness that’s the most unbelievable!

  • JoeChristmas

    It was just locker room talk.

  • JoeChristmas

    It was something old surveyor’s used to say.

  • Lucas Foxx

    Now I’m having second thoughts about this. I thought he A) had recordings and they needed time to decide if they could find a legal narrative for them, or B) he was bluffing. Now I think he really didn’t know if there were recording devices in there because he doesn’t know how anything works, and for some reason (they) now feel certain nobody had anything turned on. I’ll bet Kislyak has tapes.

    “I HOPE THAT MOTHERFUCKER HAS A TAPE” – best laugh I had all day.

  • CafeenMan

    Trump doesn’t have enough years left to correct all of his lies.

  • motmelere

    He tried to mix ‘in his very own words’ with leaks and fake news? This fuckstick can’t even look at honesty while backing off of a bullshit threat.

  • andyshelt

    Woody Johnson?
    Seriously? At this point is Trump just flat out trolling the UK? https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2017/jun/23/woody-johnson-nominated-as-us-ambassador-to-britain

  • Zwadny Zigashits

    A ‘man’ who is elected POTUS and acts in this way is not worth commenting on.
    Removal.

  • Oblios_Cap
  • Wookie Monster

    But since everything that Trump says is a lie, doesn’t that mean he actually does have recordings? He

  • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

    If there were tapes, perhaps I’d be dating them.

  • orlaheho

    With all this pasta all over the place who can say if there is there a flying spaghetti monster or not

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