Well father's day is officially ruined for me forever. This is long so bear with me.

A little background first. I'm a 32 HL male. She's a 29 LL female. We've been together 10 years and married for 3. We have 3 year old twin boys who are awesome. We've been in a dead bedroom mostly since the kids were born with occasional interrupts. Longest stretch was a year and a half during mid-late pregnancy to after birth.

She's had bouts of depression which hasn't helped. The most recent bout hit a few months ago when she went out of state to visit her sister over my birthday. When she returned she was crippling depressed. Would just yell at me, talk about how much she hates her life, and was saying how everything would be better if we lived in a different state. She has a pretty good life. She works part time when she wants to get out of the house. Gets to spend time with the kids doing things. We live in a five bedroom house and take a couple vacations a year. She wants for nothing. I supported her through her illness as best I could.

A couple months ago she said that some girls from work were taking a trip out to San Francisco and invited her. My wife suffers from social anxiety and doesn't really have anybody she hangs out with besides her sisters. I told her to go and I would take care of the kids again. This was about the same time that she changed her phone password which she said was to keep the kids out of it. She started to get obsessed with her phone and wouldn't let me near it unlocked. I still didn't think anything of it.

Last month I took on a trip to Chicago where we had second row seats to her favorite comedian that she's obsessed with. We explored the town, ate food, saw all the sites. She seemed happy. My advances those nights were rejected. I blamed it on the anti depressants. On the last night she offered to "just do me". This means I get a hand job where I have to lay on my back, she'll lay her head on my chest and mechanically pump away with pauses every 10 seconds or so to wipe away my precum (I tend to generate a lot of it). No kissing allowed (That rule actually applies in general). I wasn't feeling it. I wanted love, not someone performing a chore. She got frustrated when I just laid there not reacting and quit. Starfishing is her modus operandi in bed.

The last month since then seemed to go okay. Weather's been nice. We've been doing lots of stuff the kids. Her sister that she's closest with came to stay with us for the summer while her husband is overseas. We all took a camping trip together which I thought went great. Her good days were outnumbering her bad days. She was working on her diet and gaining weight as she has always been underweight. She was nicer to me. She would cuddle more. Offer me back rubs. Sex was still off the table though.

Something still seemed off to me. I had a vivid dream that she was cheating on me with an ex boyfriend. When i told her this she comforted me was said it was ridiculous. I couldn't find any record of the girl she was going on the trip with.

Then Saturday night I came home from the gym and went on the computer. It gave me the option to log in to my Facebook account or hers. I logged into hers and hit messages. I was crushed. She had been messaging her ex boyfriend for months. She was sending him messages asking what dates she can come out to see him and she needs to know or all this lying was for nothing. He didn't return her messages once and said it was because he was sick. She went on about how worried she about him and how she wishes was there. I got food poisoning a few months ago and I was quarantined to the downstairs guest room and had to fend for myself. I had to call her mom and ask her to get me supplies as my wife couldn't be troubled to do it. Another said she would do anything for him if he let her come visit him. It would make her so so happy.

Most of their talking must have been through texts. There were a couple more messages from her asking why he was ignoring her on that day and/or past days. The last one was when we were camping and he sent her some links to some rc cars he wanted and she said she will pay for half of the $400 one. She would have paid for it all, but he was acting weird towards her. For my birthday (which she was gone visiting her sister on) I got a book and no sex. For father's day I got a pair of shorts.

After I saw the messages I had a breakdown. I wnt through every entire emotion. Blaming her. Blaming him. Blaming her illness. Blaming myself. I came up with a plan of confronting her the next day after she got off work. I didn't sleep the entire night. I crawled into bed for a few hours to hold the woman I love one last time. I made her breakfast and told her I loved her as she went off to work. She said she loved me too. I went out to breakfast with our kids and her family. I couldn't eat and it was a struggle to hold it together. Afterwards I asked her sister to ride with me. I told her what was going on. Her sister was livid. Apparently when she was 18 my wife stole money from her family and left to go across the country to live with this guy. He is apparently a huge douche. She came back home after he left her stranded on the side of the road in a desert.

I was going to have her sister there when I confronted her and kicked her out of the house as I didn't know how she would react and didn't want her to hurt herself. Well that plan went to shit. First I decided to wait and just enjoy father's day. She got off work late morning and came to her parents house where we all were. She had the kids give me my father's day card and shorts. I started to break down reading the card. She told me that if I was just going to sulk and be all weird I should just go home. She wouldn't relent asking me what my deal was and I finally snapped. I yelled at her asking why I only get shorts and yet she was going to buy him a $400 toy car. She acted like she didn't know what I was talking about. I told her I knew all about her trip and the guy. She still denied. She didn't admit it until I pulled out the copies of the message I made. She then blamed me for going through her messages.

Her mom and sister were yelling at her how stupid she was being. My wife told them that people fall out of love and that most marriages end in divorce. After more back and forth she screamed "I don't love him anymore!". Ouch. I guess I always knew, but I was in denial. When you fall asleep on the couch after a long day and you wake up in the middle of the night freezing with all tv and all the lights you know. It doesn't take much effort to throw a blanket on someone turn off the lights and give them a kiss goodnight.

I told her this isn't the place to do this. Not in front of the kids. I got her into my car and drove home. I don't even remember what we talked about in the car. The only thing I remember is her saying she isn't attracted to me. When we arrived at home she went and hid to call that guy. She said I ruined her plan and if I would have just not known she would have left and came back everything would have been fine. She wasn't supposed to leave until Thursday, but now she couldn't stay here with everyone knowing. So she bought a last minute plane ticket, called an uber and started packing her stuff I told her if she left that we were through.

Her mom and sister came over and a big fight ensued. My wife just kept yelling "I need to just see him! Just let me go see him!" I knew I couldn't stop her. She got in the uber and left. Left her family. Left her life. Left me. Left me completely broken. Her family supported me the rest of the day. I went to her other sisters to hang out with my kids for the rest of the day. My mind was just numb. I spent a while on the phone and computer closing bank accounts and credit cards and changing passwords. Eventually I returned home to a house that looked completely different.

I got a text from her that night. Her plane had just landed. She said she is sorry for putting me through this. She doesn't plan on sleeping with him. She loves me very much and doesn't want a divorce. She just needs a break and will see me in a couple weeks. Lies, lies, lies and more lies. I'm not just going to sit here and wait. How do you ever come back from this? My kid woke up crying last night and said, "Mom's never coming back from her trip". So here I am at work putting my story on writing to try to make sense of it. Not even knowing where to go from here. I've spent the last ten years doing all I can to make her happy and have utterly failed. I still love her and if not being with me is what it takes to finally make her happy then that's just what it is. It's not going to be with this Air force enlisted POS that treats her like crap though. And i can't take her back when she returns. I deserve better. Someone that wants me back. That comes on to me instead of just rejecting my advances. Someone that takes pleasure in giving me pleasure and making me happy.

TLDR: Dead bedroom, depressed wife, lied about trip with new friends, left her family for some guy across the country, broken mess