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President Donald Trump is meeting with the Panamanian dude RIGHT NOW, and it looks like SOMEBODY didn’t do the reading.

“It’s our great honor to have President and Mrs. Varela from Panama,” said the president of America. “We have many things to discuss, we’re going to spend quite a bit of time today. The Panama Canal is doing quite well, I think we did a good job building it. Right?”

President Varela: “Yep. A hundred years ago. Yeah.”

President Trump: “A very good job! But uh things are going well in Panama, the relationship is very strong, we are developing new things to do and uh only getting stronger and our also friendship with the president is very very good, so thank you very much and it’s an honor to have you at the White House.”

It’s not like we know anything more about Panama than President Trump does, but at least we would have read the Cliff’s Notes.

At least President Trump didn’t pout like a baby.

This is the least stupid thing President Donald Trump will do this week.

[Brad Jaffy’s twitter]

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  • BearGHAZI

    He forgot to say that Panama is a land of contrast

    • Bureaucrap

      “Land in some places; water in others.”

      • OneYieldRegular

        “Light during the day, dark at night. Also, you’ve done a terrific job of staying out of the European Union.”

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Don’t mention the war, dear.

  • OneWhiteWhisker

    “The Panama Canal is doing quite well, I think we did a good job building it. Right? A very good job! But you know, if things don’t go well, we can, uh…unbuild it! Bannon! We got any dynamite?”

  • Joe Beese
    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      So their plan really is to have sick people hurry up and die.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        By weaning them off health care it teaches them to be more self-sufficient!

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    I swear to Christ even I could do a better job than this. AND I WOULD TOTALLY SUCK. I think I’d at least surround myself with people who would make sure I didn’t make an ass of myself.
    Holy shit.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      And you know he’ll watch this on the programs and think he totally nailed it.

      • cmd resistor

        Wonderful meeting with that Panama guy. We had great chemistry. He liked me.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      The sad part is he does have people who can brief him and help him through these things but he doesn’t want it “’cause he’s like a smart guy.”

      • God Emperor Emeritus

        Accepting help is the first step on the road to admitting failure. — Donnie Two Scoops

    • SweetDeeKat

      Maybe have someone google “current events Panama”? We just arrested their former president in Miami.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Right? I mean, me too. I would suck at it, and still be better than him. Because I would at least read the notes and sometimes ask some questions.

  • doktorzoom

    “The Panama Canal has done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice.”

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Is our presidents learning?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Frederick Douglass designed it when he attended Bowling Green U. Many people don’t know that.

      • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

        Such a shame about that massacre, though.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Freedom – and canals – ain’t free.

    • richardgrabman

      Fredrick Douglass would agree

    • coozledad

      It’s pretty old, though. I wouldn’t try and stick my dick in it.

    • Creepoman

      “Not many people are aware of this.”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Embarrassing.

  • Indiepalin

    Trump’s suggestion that the Panamanian cabinet be replaced with howler monkeys was met with much enthusiasm.

    • Joe Beese

      In fairness, if Trump’s cabinet was replaced by howler monkeys, we’d consider it a big improvement too.

  • Joe Beese

    On The Americans, set in the mid-80s, a Russian spy-guy observes of his adversaries, “To think they once had a Lincoln; now they have a Reagan.”

    Which has to be the producers’ way of saying that Reagan was a Disraeli compared to this guy.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Did you know that canals are their chief export?

    • Joe Beese

      Not the hats?

      • LesBontemps

        Canal hats?

        • Dudleydidwrong

          “Hell, Al can do anything: hats, coats, shirts…anything. Bannon: get Al on the phone for the president. He looks like he needs a new tailor.”

    • Dudleydidwrong

      That’s sort of eerie. But then, so’s Trump.

      • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

        Don’t start with the canal puns or someone will get locked up.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          I just want to get to the root of the matter.

        • laughingnome

          Okay, I won’t barge in with a pun then.

        • Doug Langley

          Dam, you’re absolutely right.

      • mardam422

        That was a canal, too.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I wouldn’t be totally shocked if canal-related fees and services were actually a significant portion of their GDP.

      • Teto85

        That’s why the scramble to widen the canal. Wider ships are not able to use it in its present state.

    • mardam422

      Not a lot of people know this. But the Panama Canal wasn’t always a canal. It used to be what’s called an isthmus. No canal until we built it. Great canal. The best canal. And we used to own it! We gave it back to Panama. Why did we do that? Not a lot of people know why.

      • PubOption

        And when it was an isthmus, the liberals tried to declare war on it.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Okay, now for the $64 question. Can Donald find Panama on this map of Central America?

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Too hard. How about a map of Panama instead?

      • cmd resistor

        Too confusing.

    • cmd resistor

      Not without a big red arrow and a label saying “CANAL.”

      • Weird Fishes

        You’re giving him a lot of credit for being able to sound out words.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        By weird coincidence, my new tramp stamp is a big red arrow and a label saying “ANAL.” It’s practically the same thing!

    • Joe Beese

      Honestly, I’m not sure I could either. But I could ballpark it.

      • MrTusks

        Hint: it’s the one we literally cut in half.

    • mackafritz

      He couldn’t find Central American on a map of Central America.

      • God Emperor Emeritus

        “There’s another America?”

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        I’m pretty sure he thinks Iowa is in Central America

    • JAKvirginia

      And here’s one that will frazzle his brain: the canal roughly runs north to south.

      • Teto85

        Northwest to Southeast. The Pacific end is actually EAST of the Atlantic end.

        • JAKvirginia

          Thanks for the detail! Now THAT would REALLY fuck him up!

    • elviouslyqueer

      Honey, he couldn’t find his own ass without GPS.

      • coozledad

        He can’t even reach it. Does the White House have a designated shithouse chancellor or do they just switch off between Pence and Priebus?

        • Gayer Than Thou

          They don’t call her Kellyanne Caca for nothing. … What, too soon?

    • Michael Smith

      The world will never know. To please his supporters, he would simply toss the map out the window and say “I don’t need no map showing me all them Latino names for stuff. Its all Mexico, that’s all I need to know.”

    • coozledad

      Is it in the electoral college?

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Sometimes I wonder if he’s just trolling us. But no, he really is just dumb.

  • Michael Smith

    “America is suffering an unprecedented earthquake today, and experts believe that it is because dead Americans in cemeteries all over this great land are rolling in their graves with remarkable frequency.”

  • Mpeg

    “… But Panamarican on the other hand. That was a dismal failure. Weak. You guys should see what Trump Airlines did in its time. Beautiful, tremendous; you’d look like a million bucks. Next to Panamarican anything’d look like a million bucks. But you cant’ win em all, right Mr. Valera? That phrase just occurred in my head, ‘Can’t win em all.’ I think I’ll patent it.”

  • Weird Fishes

    I admire your optimism. What are your meds, and can I have some.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I can’t watch. I’m afraid the stupid might be contagious.

  • Michael Smith

    Rednecks everywhere are pleased with Trump’s willingness to open a conversation with an implicit statement of “If we didn’t do something incredible for you, you wouldn’t exist, so bear that in mind before you open your mouth.”

    • Oblios_Cap

      Didn’t Carlin do a bit about how if someone always came in the room yelling how he was the greatest thing ever and how he was always protecting everybody else, that person would be dead within the week?

  • Meccalopolis

    Ain’t got Panama no more

  • WeaselPoo

    Trump failed to mention the hats. What a maroon!

    • Teto85

      I have one of those. Perfect for summertime.

  • Oblios_Cap

    At least Trump didn’t call for the return of the canal or say the guy’s name was Noriega.

    • cmd resistor

      I almost missed the news recently that Noriega had died.

  • ManchuCandidate

    He played the Panamanian national anthem… or what he thought was the national anthem…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-NshzYK9y0

    • mackafritz

      I knew someone would post this. It spared me the trouble.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        The video is posted in the article under “Cliff Notes” :-)

    • Joe Beese

      Let’s be honest: What should be their national anthem

    • laughingnome
    • Mr. Blobfish

      La Cucharacha is the Mexican national anthem.

    • aureolaborealis

      Needs moar Sammy Hagar!!!*

      * Said no one, anywhere, ever.

    • aureolaborealis

      I can tell I’m old and tired this morning, because my first thought upon clicking on this was, “Wow. Those guys were actually pretty good at doing that thing that they did.”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    They didn’t do such a great job. They didn’t foresee that one day, ships could be much larger. Shipbuilding is limited to the width of the canal. Maybe Panama Canal 2 will get it right.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I don’t know, sequels are never really as good as the original.

    • mackafritz

      There were plans for a Nicaraguan canal, but don’t think it has made it past that.

    • JAKvirginia

      Well… knowing how the canal would operate (a gravity fed system of water flowing out of the upstream lake), dealing with time and monetary constraints among other concerns, the builders did an incredible job. And it was designed with larger ships in mind, but no one could have foreseen ships of the like we have today. To build then what is required today would have been seen as grandiose and foolhardy then. Such is life.

      • Covfefe

        Seems to me what led to the bigger ships was the closing of the Suex Canal in the ’50s

    • georgiaburning

      It was pretty much designed around what the US Navy foresaw as battleship designs. The idea was to have a quick way to move warships between oceans. Commercial ships of the 1910’s were pretty small by comparison

  • timpundit

    Dan Quayle is turning out to be the smart republican.

    • Doug Langley

      At least Quayle was funny.

      • BosGrl

        Murphy Brown libels!!!

  • Weird Fishes

    How is he even possible.

  • rumsey

    Tell him that John McCain was born in Panama and blow his mind! He’ll send his team of investigators down there pronto to find out if McCain is even entitled to be a U.S. Senator and run for President! Few people know this fact!

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    “I extend my condolences on the passing of General Noriega.
    [aside to gathered press] Not a lot of people know, he was like the George Washington of Panama.”
    -President Trump

  • elviouslyqueer

    “It’s our great honor to have President and Mrs. Varela from Panama,” said the president of America.

    “They’re one of the good brown people.”

  • LesBontemps

    My deepest sympathies to whoever had to transcribe that stupidity. I’m sure it had to have killed a substantial number of brain cells.

    • Thiazin Red

      How do you even decide how to add punctuation to the transcripts?

      • BosGrl

        Having transcribed many meetings between people who can’t English well, I used lots of elipticals and dashes.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Is Trump naming John Frum as the new Panamanian ambassador?

  • Rick Hill

    When did he stop saying things like “The people of Panama are beautiful, great people, the best.”?

  • laughingnome

    Trump: A few years ago I had a great root canal.

    • TJ Barke

      Yooge, tremendous.

    • jesterpunk

      Mr Trump that was a colonoscopy not a root canal, its easy to mix the 2 up though.

      • laughingnome

        Especially in his case.

  • TJ Barke

    Were gonna build a canal and make Mexico pay for it.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Last time we just took the land from Columbia.

      • TJ Barke

        They were asking for it.

      • laughingnome

        Columbia huh. A bunch of liberals.

  • wait! what?
    • Doug Langley

      But I thought Remington Steele made guns . . . ??

      • wait! what?

        Doh!

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      No longer my favorite Steele, if all goes well…

  • Roger Wilco

    Inverted Wall

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    I hear Panama makes a great red. Did you bring us some Panama Red?
    – Dump Trump.

  • Suttree

    His aides could not give him a fuckng clue about the Panama Canal? Is this motherfucker that stupid? Don’t answer that.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I don’t think Donnie is capable of retaining much information.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Aides?!? I’m sure both of them have given up trying to explain anything to Dunce. I just read trump has to get his daily intelligence briefing from Pompeo in person. The guy has to spend three hours a day commuting to the WH to please Big Baby.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Because the Director of the CIA has nothing better to do with his day than do the Presidential briefing.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “I don’t have AIDS! No such thing as presidential AIDS. Except, you know, Bill Clinton, who is a rapist, he probably has AIDS, and you know, Obama — well, that’s just, you know, what I’m saying. Nobody knows anything about him. But I know. And I know that, my own personal Vietnam, was to make sure that I didn’t get AIDS. So I don’t have AIDS and I don’t need AIDS and I’m not gonna have AIDS. All these people talking about the presidential AIDS, it’s fake news from the lying, dopey failed media that’s in the hands of people, very bad, very, very bad people like George Soros and the Hillary campaign. None of that, it never happened. I did not have sexual relations with Russian pee hookers. Believe me.”

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      They’re too busy talking to their lawyers.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Never get out of the boat, Cally.

  • The “Trump Ocean Club International Hotel and Tower” is the tallest building in Panama.

    It’s, in fact, emolumental.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    How can anybody look at that without cringing in sympathetic embarrassment for the United States of America?

    • mackafritz

      Everyone looks like an intellectual giant next to Two Scoops.

    • Joe Beese

      If the Prime Minister of England was a wanker of this magnitude, my natural inclination would be to feel sorry for British people. But if millions of them voted for him, and he was helping doom the planet to runaway climate change, I might sour a little.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        True, but I just find it sad that a great nation is being debased like this by Donnie. How we came to this pass, and how I feel about the idiots who voted for him and support him is another kettle of fish.

      • Three Finger Salute

        You mean the “President” of England. He doesn’t know that other titles besides “President” exist. The “prime minister” in Trumpland is the Talibangelical lay preacher who helms his “religious freedom” (aka crucify the gays) task force, because he’s the number one bigliest boss minister who oversees all the other ministers.

        Kinda like the CEO of Vatican Vandelay Industries, you know? People are going to be talking a lot about him. Great guy, the President of the Vatican. President Francis J. Pope.

        He tweeted during the campaign that Justin from State Farm should resign as “President of Canada” for being a “stupid loser” and a “disgrace”. Did he refer to Netanyahu as Prime Minister Netanyahu? No. He called him Beebee. His idea of “comparative government” is comparing the size of his crowd to every other presidential government. This is why we need to teach civics in school.

  • Explody Brain

    “I love those colorful shirts you make.”

    • FauxAntocles

      And the hats, also, too.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    “Hey! President Valera, have you met Senator John McCain? He’s FROM Panama. Let’s get him up here for lunch.”

  • Old town Urbandale

    “Funny story. If that Kenyan Obama hadn’t won in 2008, we still would have had an illegal President since John McCain was born in your country. What a world.”

  • Suttree

    3,2,1, Turnip made the canal greater.

    • janecita

      How are you feeling today?

  • Portia McGonagal

    Maybe he thinks the reason he hasn’t seen Frederick Douglass lately is because he’s been off working on the canal.

    • laughingnome

      Slaving away most likely.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    His eagerness to express pride in this rather distant national accomplishment (building the canal) is classic Trump. It doesn’t matter if it happened yesterday, a hundred years ago, or hasn’t even happened yet; if he can claim credit for something, or use something as a vague symbol of America’s Greatness™, he will. And if it’s arguably negative, he will use it as evidence of someone else – not him, not his party – screwing up. It’s the Hot Trump Time Machine.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      He is truly a man outside of time. He doesn’t understand context or chronology or even how objects relate to one another.

      Devoid of intellectual curiosity.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        One could argue it’s a kind of creativity, however.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          One could also argue that chocolate milk comes from brown cows. . .

          • Marion in Savannah

            It doesn’t??!!??

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    The Panama Canal is doing quite well, believe me. You’re hearing more and more about that. The biggest, best canal. Did you know Fredrick Douglass built it? The unfair media, so unfair. I says I want to build a canal and they’d attack. Nasty people! Whackjobs! So many people here today. Don’t I get the biggest crowds? This will be the biggest ratings since the Hindenburg. The Democrats would have stopped the canal. It’s true. My approval ratings are higher than Barack Obama’s. Biggest! They love me, really. They love me, folks. They just can’t help themselves. We’re bringing back coal. Jobs, jobs, jobs. We’re cutting taxes. We’re fixing the Obamacare death spiral. We’re making Rosneft the biggest. They said don’t pull out of Paris. They said Paris was a good deal but I know a bad deal. I wrote Art Of the Deal, did you know that? I, me, I, I, me, me, me.

    Whose the Fillipino lookin guy over there? Get him, Get him. Get him out! Out! Out of here!

    Are there any queers in the theater tonight? Get ’em up against the wall.

    There’s on in the spotlight, he don’t look right to me, get him up against the wall.

    And that one looks Jewish,

    And that one’s a coon,

    Who let all of this riffraff into the room?

    There’s one smoking a joint, and another with spots1

    If I had my way, I’d have all of ya shot! #MAGA

    • TJ Barke

      *applause*

    • Marion in Savannah

      Hmmmph. Frederick Douglass did not build the Panama Canal. An ancestor of mine, on the other hand… (The Culebra Cut used to be called the Gaillard Cut, a several times great uncle of mine.)

      From Wiki:

      The Culebra Cut, formerly called Gaillard Cut, is an artificial valley that cuts through the Continental Divide in Panama. The cut forms part of the Panama Canal, linking Gatun Lake, and thereby the Atlantic Ocean, to the Gulf of Panama and hence the Pacific Ocean. It is 12.6 kilometres (7.8 mi) from the Pedro Miguel lock on the Pacific side to the Chagres River arm of Lake Gatun, with a water level 26 metres (85 ft) above sea level.

      Construction of the cut was one of the great engineering feats of its time; the immense effort required to complete it was justified by the great significance of the canal to shipping, and in particular the strategic interests of the United States of America.

      Culebra is the name for the mountain ridge it cuts through and was also originally applied to the cut itself. From 1915 to 2000 the cut was named Gaillard Cut after US Major David du Bose Gaillard, who had led the excavation. After the canal handover to Panama in 2000, the name was changed back to Culebra.[1][2]

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Like he’d know that.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    They can share tips on investigations and the leaking leakers that cause them.

  • ken_kukec

    The guy can barely spew common lies out his piehole, and you want palindromes?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    And after Varela left, trump went back to looking at tittie pix on his phone.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    The stupidest thing any of us does this week will still be smarter than anything the preznit does.

    • Predisenting Ron

      That sounds like a challenge. Where’s my chainsaw?

  • It’s like a third-grader trying to give a book report when he hasn’t read the book… or seen the book… has no idea what a book is… and can’t read.

    • georgiaburning

      And when he learns to pick out four or five words from a text, he’ll be promoted as “most improved student”

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Or the movie.

  • Oblios_Cap

    How come this president always seems to have an IQ T at least 60 points lower than any world leader he meets with?

    • jesterpunk

      Because Hillary had emails.

    • TJ Barke

      ‘Cause he does?

      • Marion in Savannah

        No need at all for that question mark. A period would have sufficed.

    • William

      …as well as guys named Cletus.

    • laughingnome

      Because ‘merica likes em that way.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Why do people have orange skin? How do casinos go bankrupt? Some things just are, man. Some things just are.

    • BosGrl

      I wouldn’t even want to guess what his EQ is.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        That would be interesting. He’d be an ideal subject for such a test, because he’s probably too dumb and/or unfamiliar with ordinary human emotions to fake his way through it.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Divide by zero error.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I think eventually he’s supposed to meet with Duterte, so that may be less of a mismatch.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    “And in conclusion I like Panama very very very very very very very very much. That’s a thousand words. Count ’em.”

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Nice move by Varela getting the first tug on the handshake. Trump has truly made handshakes great again.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    ♪ It’s time for Panamaniacs…♪

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Panomania is Def Leppard’s most overlooked album. Discuss.

  • exinkwretch

    “I sometimes wear a Panama hat when I play golf — which I never do, because I’m far too busy Making America Great Again!”

  • OneYieldRegular

    “So glad you could be here to meet me, it’s an honor you know. I had a canal once, a root canal. What do you think about building a wall instead of a canal, a beautiful wall to keep the illegal South Americans out. Some of them, I assume, are good swimmers. We still need a wall with Mexico and with the Latins, you know I told my people I’d build a big beautiful wall next to Mexico. Do you see how that Vicente Fox talks about me? Total loser. That’s why he’s not President anymore. I hope none of the rest of you down there talk about me like that. We’re very, very good friends here. We can shake hands on that. Don’t want to shake? Well, I didn’t want to shake hands with that German leader. Another total loser. Did you see her hands?”

  • MynameisBlarney

    Jesus fucking christ. What a goddamned stupid fucking asshole.
    Absolutely oblivious.

    • Red Bird Ω

      You’ve summed up the past 18 months of US American history.

  • arglebargle

    Wait till trump finds out we “gave” it back to Panama in 1999. Splodey head and twits ensue.

    • Joe Beese

      Worst deal ever, folks. Believe me.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Executive Order taking the Panama Canal back in 5 … 4 … 3 ….

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’m surprised that Trump hasn’t taken credit for shooting Liberty Valence.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Or the sinking of the USS Maine.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I only like ships that don’t blow up.

    • laughingnome

      He was too busy hiding Amelia Earhart

      • aureolaborealis

        I see him more as a ‘raping her corpse’ kind of guy.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Trump shot JR.

      • Doug Langley

        And JR.

        • God Emperor Emeritus

          Stupid phone keyboard.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    It’s like there’s a set formula in his brain when talking about things. Mention Thing 2 you know is related to other Thing 1. When Thing 2 Good = True, mention yooge, tremendous, awesome, strong, winning. When Thing 2 Good = False, mention bad, sad, failing, Obama, MAGA. Segue to Thing 3, which is related to Thing 2. Repeat endlessly.

    • laughingnome

      It’s like a bad Russian programmer did something to his brain.

    • mackafritz

      Randomly insert Things 4, 5 and 6, which are totally unrelated to the subject at hand.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Make sure one thing is about winning the election. Then offer map.

    • aureolaborealis

      Else mention amazing electoral victory;
      end;

    • BosGrl

      This would make a great flow chart if someone wants a project…

    • Crystalclear12

      Where does “stepping on dick” go?

    • David Chaillou

      “First of all, we don’t make the windmills in the United States. They’re made in Germany and Japan. They’re made out of massive amounts of steel, which goes into the atmosphere. The windmills kill birds and the windmills need massive subsidies.”

      I never get tired of quoting from that interview.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    speaking of drumpf – i just this second noticed he didn’t sent out a warm father’s day tweet yesterday, he RETWEETED one:
    https://twitter.com/whitehouse/status/876440127031189504

    • jesterpunk
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i love the last little bit tacked on the end here:
      https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/876778344636928000

      • BosGrl

        Is anybody else reading the Al Franken book? I’m listening to it in the car and I almost drove off the road today when Sen. Franken was talking about the ACA and how the Republicans joined together on the campaign of lies and misinformation, and basically being pretty open about it, which continues to this day and is going to kill us all.

        • Steely_Fan

          Read it, loved it, sent copies to my family member as gifts. Also too send Al some munniez on the regular. Al is the smartest, funniest senator serving today IMHO.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        His Fraudulency is sticking the knife into the heart of the ACA, while screaming “It was gonna die anyway!”

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Has he ever gotten around to saying something about the sailors on the U.S.S. Fitzgerald? Or the victims in London?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        nothing about london – he tweeted something about the Fitz between when it happened and when the sailors were found dead – but nothing in between that i know of.
        Also, we decided here in the non-comments he probably didn’t write the original Fitz tweet:
        https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/876079184417882116

        • Oblios_Cap

          That sounds rather Pence-ive.

      • elviouslyqueer

        He won’t say anything about Muslim victims in London. Unless it’s to criticize Sadiq Khan again for being brown incompetent.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          there was apparently an attach on French police today – some dude with weapons and explosives in his car rammed a police vehicle.

          Shiny nickel says we hear about that before we do about London.
          (BTW, breaking news, a hoax bomb threat was called into a (the same?) london mosque).

          • Red Bird Ω

            Maybe this is covfefe?

        • Three Finger Salute

          Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

          • God Emperor Emeritus

            He probably thinks that the gold star father and Sadiq are the same guy.

      • shivaskeeper

        Thoughts and prayers for the sailors in one tweet.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      *baaaaaaaarf* Excuse me!

    • elviouslyqueer

      Because nothing says “Happy Father’s Day” like a retweeted social media post generated by some intern who was playing on Canva.

    • William
      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        no one would disagree with you.

      • Red Bird Ω

        So, she’s 26 years younger than her husband?

        • William

          24 I believe.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      A retweet for Father’s Day.

      A “thoughts and prayers” about our sailors TWO DAYS AGO.

      Retweeting conspiracy theories.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    “Panama has got the canal and the Van Halen, I think they’re from there. Tremendous!”

    • laughingnome

      Not many people know Panama was settled by the Dutch. Van Halen was the great canal builder.

      • Three Finger Salute

        David Lee invented the Roth IRA that funded it. The Moar You Know!

        • laughingnome

          I didn’t know he was Irish.

          • PubOption

            And they had that that President de Valera, and I’m talking to his cousin or something from Panama. He’s a President too. Funny how these things go round in circles.

        • Fartknocker

          And an italian guy named Boyardee invented Ravioli. I love Wonkette for expanding my knowledge.

  • susan_g

    Speaking of canals, let’s discuss the one that cuts through his frontal lobe–bigly.

    • Predisenting Ron

      He’s the only President ever whose longitudinal fissure needs to be measured in feet.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

    “The Panama Canal is an example of something which has done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I noticed.” – Donald Trump

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Once more proving that Twitter is not a complete wasteland.

    https://twitter.com/StephenKing/status/875476431517745152

  • ThatGuy

    A man, no plan, anal… An anal ponnama!

  • Predisenting Ron

    Somewhere in the afterlife, the ghosts of Roosevelt, Taft and Wilson are getting together so they can kick Donnie’s flabby orange ass.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Taft would prolly just sit on him.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Sumo wrestling with Chris Crisco?

  • Ωbjectifier

    “Teddy Roosevelt was a Republican. Not many people know that”.

    • William

      Then the ill fated Bull Moose party.

      • Three Finger Salute

        As opposed to the current GOP, the Bull Shit party.

    • jesterpunk

      Teddy would come back from the grave and kick Trump’s ass if he mentioned him.

      https://68.media.tumblr.com/4bd5c0ead71f216513ac28b57b3c92ec/tumblr_newnpc9a731repui4o1_400.gif

    • laughingnome

      “Teddy Roosevelt is also part Bull Moose on his father’s side! People are noticing him more and more. “

      • Ωbjectifier

        Hung like a Moose!

        • Doug Langley

          You can’t get more manly than a Bull Moose.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Teddy’s uncle bit mi sister. No, reallli.

  • William

    I loved deploying to Panama. I visited the Ancon Inn and the Blue Goose bar…um just to make sure the younger members of my crew didn’t patronize any loose wimminz or drink to excess. The barracks I lived in were the original structures built for the canal workers. They were very comfortable and air conditioned. The buildings themselves were slightly pressurized with air conditioned air to keep the insecticides out that were sprayed on the roads https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e3c639790822ea31a5ae618965f7b3f6ecfae3f5fde2396b124baec72b1a2f89.jpg on a nightly basis. To get fuel for our rented diesel powered vehicles we were directed to a Navy fuel depot. There we found a huge cache of diesel fuel left there to fuel any American diesel powered submarines (even though diesel subs haven’t existed in the Naval inventory for decades). The food was great and I loved the place.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Mr. MinS did some gummint contracted computer stuff there years ago. He still raves about it. (Well, except how the Panamanians drove. He says the Savannah drivers remind him of them…)

      • William

        I have been to undeveloped countries where there is essentially no driving rules, licenses or established traffic patterns, and those people STILL drive better than anyone in and around Boston.

      • vivian

        The driving style is Panamonium?

    • Ωbjectifier

      Can’t quite make out that address. For a friend, etc.

  • Wild Cat

    Was Christ’s Chosen Son, Mariano Rivera de la Panama, there to praise T#$*p as the Second Coming?
    Yes, the old Yankee reliever is that mentally ill.

  • Professor Fate

    Not enough heads, not enough desks in all the world to deal with this.

  • janecita

    Sort of on topic, years ago, We went on a cruise through the Panama Canal with my husband’s family. I got into a huge fight with his ignorant sister because she said that “we should have never returned the canal.” Fucking idiot! Her 14 year old daughter, complained that there were too many “foreigners,” (Panamanians) at the Canal museum! She also got told off, this time by my husband.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      How else can we justify evicting John McCain?

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Contracts and leases are for low energy losers. Unless a rich American is the creditor. Then send in the fucking marines.

      • Oblios_Cap

        That’s what the service is for. Just ask Smedley Butler

    • Oblios_Cap

      That’s like going on an Amerind reservation and complaining that there are too many illegal immigrants.

  • Roger Wilco

    Walls? We don’t need no stinking walls! I know how to dig a hole. I dig wonderful, beautiful holes. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f3e3cfd4744cfd030c006b46355ffd182f1f01e42617c222e94e2e3cea44af42.gif

    • Marion in Savannah

      Filled with alligators with frickin’ lasers? COOL!

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      “We’ll make the wall a canal.”

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey Assmouth – did you know the Panama Canal is great that the Martians modeled their canals after it. But did they ever pay us royalties? No, they did not. It’s about time someone told the Martians they need to hold up their end of the bargain.

  • Red Bird Ω

    He’s building a hotel in Panama?

  • Three Finger Salute
    • Jennaratrix

      They just don’t make ’em like that anymore.

      Thank god.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Trivia: Who said it? Diamond Dave or Dingbat Don?

        It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how good you look.

  • William

    Interesting fact I learned when deployed there. The Atlantic is to the west and the Pacific is to the east (look at a map).

  • Jennaratrix

    I can’t… and the thing… but I…

    When the fuck is this going to be over? Can it be now?

    • janecita

      It’s like a never ending bad joke!

  • Joe Beese
    • Wild Cat

      “My Father’s Colonoscopy Results Will Ultimately Speak for Themselves”

    • Bill D. Burger

      Like lancing a boil?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      All Mr. Trump’s results have been outstandingly excellent. I can state unequivocally that Mr. Trump is the bigliest individual ever elected to the Presidency.

      — Presidential Historian John Baron

    • mackafritz

      Sentient “results”?

    • William

      Dumpster fires cannot speak.

  • Crystalclear12

    Great is more low rent than I thought it would be.

  • Bill D. Burger

    MossackFonseca is the law firm that helped the rich hide their money in offshore accounts, incl Trump condo buyers.

    Panama Papers: Mossack Fonseca founders arrested over bribery scandal
    Juergen Mossack and Ramon Fonseca taken into custody following probe into law firm’s role in creating companies linked to corruption in Brazil.

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/feb/10/panama-papers-mossack-fonseca-offices-raided-over-odebrecht-bribery-scandal

  • Explody Brain

    A comment made me think about DJT’s mouth.

    I’d like to thank you all now for my impending 10 pound weight loss.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    OT: Megyn Kelly is paying off. Her show last night beat Americas Funniest Home Videos for the first half-hour. AFHV slipped ahead in the second half-hour. For third place. A 60 Minutes rerun was in second, right behind televised golf.

    Great job, NBC!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      And from what I heard, most of the ads were PSAs (which are usually aired in much less desirable time slots) and in-house ads for other NBC shows.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Megan Kelly: “The Less You Know”.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Bravo, Meg. You edged out a stale, 30-year-old franchise once hosted by the Full House dad and now hosted by Carlton, a show known for video clips of crotch injuries and cat antics that YouTube made patently irrelevant about 10 years ago. But still couldn’t keep up the ratings spike for the whole hour. Congratulations, Meg. You’re an idiot.

  • Spurning Beer

    Lana, is I anal?

    • Wild Cat

      And then Superman said, “Madam, I’m Adam.” Lois got jealous.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Goddamighty’ what a fucking embarrassment he is.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DCslCqHUwAAbnvl.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Jgb979

    I guarantee you this is how it went down:

    1. Some staffer prepares a presentation “Panama is a country you will be visiting” using sock puppets and cartoons.

    2. In that presentation: president five year old learns for the first time in his life that the US built the Panama Canal.

    3. Like a five year old toddler with ADD who is proud he paid attention for 30 whole seconds, feels the need to immediately share that information with everyone.

    4. Just award Dunning Kruger the nobel prize already.

  • Ωbjectifier
  • FZsdaughter

    Like the Emperor Philip III, retarded brother of Alexander the Great. “Macedons! Thank you for your loyalty! ” (To his caretaker slave: “I would like to ride my elephant now, please. Can I wear my purple cape?”) #FuneralGames

  • Bill D. Burger

    ot…but if you’ve never heard Jared speak…and who has…here’s a sample.
    It’s just as whiny, Benny-da’-Weasel, and blah as you would expect from an entitled, groveling son-in-law and slug.

    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/876856637595799552

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      He sounds pretty much like the entitled manboy placed well above his ability that he is.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Yup! Sounds just like he looks. Maybe that will change when his testicles descend.

        (And he seems to have stolen the actor Michael Cena’s voice? :)

    • laughingnome

      His voice? Remember Mary Hart syndrome? It’s like that only worse – and causes shingles.

    • vivian

      Manboy says what?

    • Nockular cavity

      And he’s going to put all the DOD’s files in the Cloud? Spasibo, tovarisch!

    • William

      I’m sure he’ll speak normally once puberty sets in.

    • specialcircumstances

      Not sexy!!!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Look, the original Panama Canal was a very fine piece of engineering, especially by the standards of the time. But the Panamanians just finished a major expansion project, that required some very sophisticated engineering, it opened a year ago next week. Congratulations to Panama for that.

    So, Trump’s comment was extra assholish.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Not only that, but the project finished early and under budget.

    • Marion in Savannah

      “Impossible Engineering” did a program on the expansion. Stunning piece of engineering.

  • Trump likes the idea of digging a canal mass grave somewhere.

    For some strange reason.
    https://i.giphy.com/3o7aTobMJhjgnH3Aly.webp

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Trump prep notes on Panama
    1) They have a big canal
    2) We builded it! We used to own it.
    3) Some liberal named Ronald Reagan gave it back. Terrible Deal!
    4) I’m bored now, that’s enough prep.

    • anon_the_great

      Hate. Bigger than PP.

      Melania, back to work

    • SisterArtemis

      Not enough items with the word “trump” in that list to hold the orange one’s attention

  • anon_the_great

    Urgh. This thing is POTUS. Urgh.
    (Vomit.wipe.repeat)

  • Me not sure

    Eight year old gives oral report on the Panama Canal.
    ” The Pamana Canal is a canal in Pamana. It has water and boats in it and is a good canal. It is below us on a map somewhere down there. I like the Pamana Canal because it does good things. When I am older maybe I will buy a boat. Thank you.”

    • Wild Cat

      “General Bush One invaded Panama because it had a bad man working as a CIA asset that had to be put in the corner with a time out. We ran people over with our patriotic tanks and played bad music outside a church and locked him up forever without allowing him to testify. We also did a full Godwin. God Bless America. Can I chew my snot now?”

      • Marion in Savannah

        Damn — it’s the last line that elevates that to a masterwork.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    It’s great to see the Panama Canal being recognized more and more.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Though I doubt he could find it on a map…

    • Bill D. Burger

      “Many people are saying I could have done a better job building it, like I could have on that wall in China. I’ve heard that a lot lately.”

  • The Wanderer

    The Pantheon look down.
    And they laugh.

  • William

    And now something from the band. Thank you boyz. https://youtu.be/WwrqcQuZrTQ

    • SisterArtemis

      True story: the New Riders of the Purple Sage were playing a gig down the street from my studio about 15+ years ago, when I was in my 40s. They came in looking for tattoo work (sigh, we were completely booked), BUT the funny thing was, every single one of ’em was younger than me. I guess they were the NEW New Riders of the Purple Sage. I still don’t understand how bands can transform like this, but then, I iz an Old.

  • ltmcdies

    does he at least know Teddy Roosevelt was a Republican…not that Teddy would recognize present day GOP from what I’m reading.

    • Rick Hill

      Not many people were aware of that….

    • William

      That orange idiot thinks a manila folder is a Filipino wrestler and you want to speculate his knowledge of American history?

      • ltmcdies

        it’s a hobby….

  • Apple Scruff

    Wait. This is the actual manuscript and not The Onion?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump to Varela: “Your designer ‘Jack’ is one of my grandkids’ favorite. They love his clothes, especially his hats and sunglasses….all his products.

  • Bill D. Burger

    It’s telling that I can hardly tell at all any longer if I’m reading satire, snark, an Onion piece or the record of an actual Trump meeting.

  • Rick Hill

    “We have many things to discuss, we’re going to spend quite a bit of time today. The Panama Canal is doing quite well, I think we did a good job building it. Right? A very good job! But uh things are going well in Panama, the relationship is very strong, we are developing new things to do and uh only getting stronger and our also friendship with the president is very very good, so thank you very much and it’s an honor to have you at the White House.”

    *Inner voice-“No one listens to these things, anyway.”

    • efoveks

      So many words that said nothing. It truly is amazing.

  • Rick Hill

    So, it has a different meaning when trump asks “Panama? We have assets there, right?” than when Pappy Bush asked the same thing

  • Nockular cavity

    “Fuck, I said more relevant things about Panama.”
    -David Lee Roth

  • Bitter Scribe

    I’m old enough to remember how Ronald Reagan demagogued the shit out of the Panama Canal treaty during the 1980 election. He had the yahoos frothing over how Jimmy Carter was “giving away our canal.” It got so bad that John fucking Wayne rebuked him over it.

    I wonder if Trump even knows that the U.S. Canal Zone no longer exists.

    • Internet Hitler

      Hearing very good things about John Wayne and the very strong, good things he is doing these days. Strong. Goodly.

  • Iam Reading

    You guys had the best coke in the 80s.
    -Trump

    • Wild Cat

      Helped the Bush Family’s campaigns . . .

  • William

    Another interesting fact. The canal machinery is pretty green. No pumps. Everything is gravity fed from a lake, and the locomotives that pull the ships are electric. grahttp://i.imgur.com/Ab4XR4X.mp4vity

  • baconzgood

    Funny thing is that Panama is turning to China and not the US for trade expansion.

    • efoveks

      China also made noises about building a canal– a bigger, newer better canal– through Nicaragua. Then suddenly, Panama decided to recognize mainland China (instead of Taiwan, as it had previously). Perhaps a little quid pro quo there? I would be irresponsible not to speculate!

  • A man a plan a canal Panama plus a idiot.

  • MOG253

    Promise? Because my heart just can’t take it.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Promise? Because my liver just can’t take it.

  • William Cook for now.

    That head snap thing he does really bothers me. Like every ten seconds he drifts off, forgets where he is, suddenly wonders who the fuck the guy next to him is, then while he’s intently trying to figure it out he wanders off again, repeat.

    Normally I’d just be making fun of him, but with all the concerns of syphilis and senility around this president it’s actually kinda worrying.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    IIRC Panama has conducted a major upgrade of the canal in recent years, which is probably why Varela came back with that answer about “a hundred years ago. Yeah.”

  • Flashman

    What a shit-for-brains. Next time he meets Merkel, he will no doubt brag about the custom wreclomg crew work we did on Dresden in 1945.

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