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President Donald Trump is meeting with the Panamanian dude RIGHT NOW, and it looks like SOMEBODY didn’t do the reading.

“It’s our great honor to have President and Mrs. Varela from Panama,” said the president of America. “We have many things to discuss, we’re going to spend quite a bit of time today. The Panama Canal is doing quite well, I think we did a good job building it. Right?”

President Varela: “Yep. A hundred years ago. Yeah.”

President Trump: “A very good job! But uh things are going well in Panama, the relationship is very strong, we are developing new things to do and uh only getting stronger and our also friendship with the president is very very good, so thank you very much and it’s an honor to have you at the White House.”

It’s not like we know anything more about Panama than President Trump does, but at least we would have read the Cliff’s Notes.

At least President Trump didn’t pout like a baby.

This is the least stupid thing President Donald Trump will do this week.

[Brad Jaffy’s twitter]

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  • BearGHAZI

    He forgot to say that Panama is a land of contrast

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Don’t mention the war, dear.

  • OneWhiteWhisker

    “The Panama Canal is doing quite well, I think we did a good job building it. Right? A very good job! But you know, if things don’t go well, we can, uh…unbuild it! Bannon! We got any dynamite?”

  • Joe Beese
  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    I swear to Christ even I could do a better job than this. AND I WOULD TOTALLY SUCK. I think I’d at least surround myself with people who would make sure I didn’t make an ass of myself.
    Holy shit.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      And you know he’ll watch this on the programs and think he totally nailed it.

      • cmd resistor

        Wonderful meeting with that Panama guy. We had great chemistry. He liked me.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      The sad part is he does have people who can brief him and help him through these things but he doesn’t want it “’cause he’s like a smart guy.”

  • doktorzoom

    “The Panama Canal has done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice.”

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Is our presidents learning?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Frederick Douglass designed it when he attended Bowling Green U. Many people don’t know that.

    • richardgrabman

      Fredrick Douglass would agree

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Embarrassing.

  • Indiepalin

    Trump’s suggestion that the Panamanian cabinet be replaced with howler monkeys was met with much enthusiasm.

  • Joe Beese

    On The Americans, set in the mid-80s, a Russian spy-guy observes of his adversaries, “To think they once had a Lincoln; now they have a Reagan.”

    Which has to be the producers’ way of saying that Reagan was a Disraeli compared to this guy.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Did you know that canals are their chief export?

    • Joe Beese

      Not the hats?

      • LesBontemps

        Canal hats?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      That’s sort of eerie. But then, so’s Trump.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I wouldn’t be totally shocked if canal-related fees and services were actually a significant portion of their GDP.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Okay, now for the $64 question. Can Donald find Panama on this map of Central America?

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Too hard. How about a map of Panama instead?

      • cmd resistor

        Too confusing.

    • cmd resistor

      Not without a big red arrow and a label saying “CANAL.”

      • Weird Fishes

        You’re giving him a lot of credit for being able to sound out words.

    • Joe Beese

      Honestly, I’m not sure I could either. But I could ballpark it.

    • mackafritz

      He couldn’t find Central American on a map of Central America.

      • God Emperor Emeritus

        “There’s another America?”

    • JAKvirginia

      And here’s one that will frazzle his brain: the canal roughly runs north to south.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Honey, he couldn’t find his own ass without GPS.

    • Michael Smith

      The world will never know. To please his supporters, he would simply toss the map out the window and say “I don’t need no map showing me all them Latino names for stuff. Its all Mexico, that’s all I need to know.”

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Sometimes I wonder if he’s just trolling us. But no, he really is just dumb.

  • Michael Smith

    “America is suffering an unprecedented earthquake today, and experts believe that it is because dead Americans in cemeteries all over this great land are rolling in their graves with remarkable frequency.”

  • Mpeg

    “… But Panamarican on the other hand. That was a dismal failure. Weak. You guys should see what Trump Airlines did in its time. Beautiful, tremendous; you’d look like a million bucks. Next to Panamarican anything’d look like a million bucks. But you cant’ win em all, right Mr. Valera? That phrase just occurred in my head, ‘Can’t win em all.’ I think I’ll patent it.”

  • Weird Fishes

    I admire your optimism. What are your meds, and can I have some.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I can’t watch. I’m afraid the stupid might be contagious.

  • Michael Smith

    Rednecks everywhere are pleased with Trump’s willingness to open a conversation with an implicit statement of “If we didn’t do something incredible for you, you wouldn’t exist, so bear that in mind before you open your mouth.”

  • Meccalopolis

    Ain’t got Panama no more

  • WeaselPoo

    Trump failed to mention the hats. What a maroon!

  • Oblios_Cap

    At least Trump didn’t call for the return of the canal or say the guy’s name was Noriega.

  • ManchuCandidate

    He played the Panamanian national anthem… or what he thought was the national anthem…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-NshzYK9y0

    • mackafritz

      I knew someone would post this. It spared me the trouble.

    • Joe Beese

      Let’s be honest: What should be their national anthem

  • Mr. Blobfish

    They didn’t do such a great job. They didn’t foresee that one day, ships could be much larger. Shipbuilding is limited to the width of the canal. Maybe Panama Canal 2 will get it right.

  • timpundit

    Dan Quayle is turning out to be the smart republican.

  • Weird Fishes

    How is he even possible.

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