COLUMBUS, OH—Marveling at how well preserved the archaic opinions were, a team of archaeologists from the Smithsonian Institution announced Thursday the discovery of a fully intact 17th-century belief system in Ohio congressman Jim Jordan (R-OH).
DETROIT—Touting the menu item as perfect for “commander-in-chief-sized cravings,” Little Caesars this week launched an extensive marketing campaign for its new Marshmallows ’N’ Gravy Pizza aimed directly at President Donald Trump.
WASHINGTON—In the wake of this morning’s mass shooting in Alexandria, VA, every single American from across the political spectrum was reportedly able to cite the tragedy as irrefutable proof that they had been right about everything all along.