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He reckons he can’t answer your questions.

Great news! Attorney General Jeff Sessions will be publicly testifying before the Senate Intelligence Committee on Tuesday afternoon! Now we will finally know the truth about the Trump-Russia investigation and Sessions’s role in the firing of FBI director James Comey, because Jeff Sessions has a real good track record of being honest with Senate committees these days, especially where the word “Russia” is involved. So … hooray! Jeff Sessions! ALL THE TRUTH-TELLING!

Oh wait:

Oh that is some horseshit. He’s going to invoke executive privilege when it comes to questions about how he and Donald Trump colluded to fire James Comey for investigating Trump’s Russian ties, an investigation Sessions is supposedly recused from.

During James Comey’s explosive testimony on Thursday, he planted a surprise truth-bomb about how he never told Sessions about Trump’s inappropriate, justice-obstructing advances on him, because all the higher-ups he consulted with back in February agreed Sessions was probably about to have to recuse himself from the Russia investigation anyway, because they knew things that would make his continued involvement “problematic.” Secret things. Classified things.

After Comey’s open hearing, he went for a private session with the Senate Intel Committee, where he reportedly told them about ANOTHER meeting with the Russian ambassador that Sessions may have failed to disclose (this meeting maybe?), on top of the other meetings he failed to disclose in his confirmation hearings. Within about eight seconds after the conclusion of that session, the Senate Intel Committee was like “GET THAT ALABAMA CRACKER OVER HERE, WE WANNA TALK TO HIM.” Initially it was expected that he would testify in a closed session, but suddenly the Justice Department notified the committee that Sessions was just DYING to do an open hearing, because he really felt like he should clear the air with the American people:

“The Attorney General has requested that this hearing be public. He believes it is important for the American people to hear the truth directly from him and looks forward to answering the committee’s questions tomorrow,” said the department’s Sarah Isgur Flores, in a statement relayed by NPR’s Carrie Johnson.

Apparently he will be clearing the air by saying “No comment” and “WHOA IF TRUE but I reckon I cain’t talk about that” and “SHHHH, BE VEWY VEWY QUIET, I AM HUNTING WABBITS!” Sounds just fucking great.

Josh Marshall at Talking Points Memo thinks this is a big fuckin’ deal, considering Comey’s little whispers to the nation on Thursday about how Sessions might be G-U-I-L-T-Y:

Comey seems to have quite intentionally revealed information that the Senators did not yet know and just as intentionally revealed the existence of that information to the public. […]

The obvious question arises: what did Comey’s team know two weeks prior to Sessions’ surprise recusal?

In his public testimony Comey went considerably further. Again, the key quote: “Our judgment, as I recall, is that he was very close to and inevitably going to recuse himself for a variety of reasons. We also were aware of facts that I can’t discuss in an opening setting that would make his continued engagement in a Russia-related investigation problematic. So we were convinced — in fact, I think we’d already heard the career people were recommending that he recuse himself, that he was not going to be in contact with Russia-related matters much longer. That turned out to be the case.”

This involves some inference and speculation. But it seems clear to me that Comey was revealing things that were not at all necessary to answer the question at hand, much as he had in his prepared testimony.  […]

Whatever the information is … It sounds like something that seriously compromises Sessions’ role with a Russia probe and that Comey felt it was important to get out.

The hearing has been scheduled for 2:30 PM Eastern, which is a different time if you live in other time zones. Will we be liveblogging? MAYBE PROBABLY WE GUESS. So be here!

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[CNN / NPR / Talking Points Memo]

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  • exinkwretch

    Will Granny Clampett bring his crack legal team of Uncle Jed and Jethro with him?

  • JMP

    Since the last time Sessions was interviewed by the Senate, he openly committed perjury, I’m sure this will go well for the white supremacists creeper.

  • Crank Tango
  • mancityRed6

    so, a public hearing so he can claim executive privilege, could that still be lcaimed in a closed session?

    • willi0000000

      in a public session (pun not intended) we, at least, get to know the questions . . . the Democrats, if clever, can use the question selection to pretty well define where sessions won’t go and get a good start on why.

      [ we start with “what is your name?” and “what is your quest?” ]

      • mancityRed6

        “what is your favorite color?”
        also, I quite like the idea of a law(?)/judicial showdown on just what executive privilege entails.

  • PubOption

    Will Sessions’ testimony cause heavy sessions among the Wonketeriat?

  • Mpeg

    I have still not actually listened to this ‘Alabama cracker” speak yet.
    Does he pronounce it “At’terny JIN-eral”?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Aah say, suh! Aah say!…Yew hev besmurched the gud nym ev a Turny Jinral ev th Yewnited Steats ev Emurricah!…

      • Mpeg

        We-ell, ah nevah! in mah IN-tah-r lahf~

        (needs work)

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Tuesdays are the new Fuck You days….

    • Vecchioivan

      Wot? No tacos?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I’ll gladly comment tomorrow for a taco today….

        • armed_bears

          J. Wellington Wimpy libulz!

  • armed_bears

    The hearing has been scheduled for 2:30 PM Eastern, which is a different time if you live in other time zones.

    My request is that all Wonkette servers = date_default_timezone_set(‘America/Denver’)

    Strike a blow for freedom-loving Mountain time zones everywhere. Please notify Shy.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      No.

      • armed_bears

        :(

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Hear, hear! Join us in Mythical Mountain Time! We have those Cakes We Like.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        You don’t have to tell me twice. I used to work in Boulder. I miss those cakes.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Boulder is such a lovely town. :)

          • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

            When I worked there, I’d walk out on the Pearl Street Mall for lunch. Many tourists. I figured they’d be jealous to learn I lived a few miles away and worked where they vacationed. (At one time I worked in the annex to the right of the main building.) I loved living and working Colorado.

            http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2013-12-31-IMG_9162-thumb.JPG

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Hell, I’m jealous! :D

            My dream right now is to move to Manitou Springs, but I don’t think I can hack cost-of-living there.

          • armed_bears
      • Ωbjectifier

        Then there’s Arizona time. Mountain Time Zone but no daylight savings. Except on the Navajo Nation. But not in Hopi land, which is entirely surrounded by the Navajo rez.
        So, what time is it?

        • SterWonk

          So, what time is it?

          AOT,K?

    • SterWonk
      • armed_bears

        OK, let’s all meet back here at 1497382200 UTC. Not sure what that is in Swatch beats. (‘member when that was a thing, for about 3 beats?)

        • SterWonk

          Epoch seconds don’t need a timezone. And for that matter, while they’re a handy time tracking format, they’re not the best presentation format.

          (Why yes, I am a programmer; however did you guess? And you’re right again, I have written time conversion code more than once.)

          • armed_bears

            You mean I was redundantly redundant? Point taken~!

  • cmd resistor

    It’ll be pretty easy to live-blog if he keeps asserting executive privilege and not answering questions. Maybe the drinking word should be “clear the air.”

    • armed_bears

      He’s a southerner: How about “fixin'”

  • Covfefe

    IMHOThe noble cracker can claim executive privilege on the third Russian meeting owing to the fact that it was a three-way lovefest

  • memzilla Ω
    • Crank Tango

      So, the best of any President evar, right?

      • memzilla Ω

        NO OTHER PREDISENT HAS EVER etc.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “We sure can pick ’em.”
        — Your Electoral College

        • willi0000000

          they should’ve stuck to noses!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Trump now falls somewhere between licorice and canned clams on the American approve/disapprove scale.

      • Khavrinen

        I’m willing to eat nothing but licorice and canned clams for the next four years if it means tRump actually gets the impeachment he deserves.

        If only it were that simple.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          You say that now, but when you’re eating canned clams and licorice while Pence is barricading his Oval office from penetration by vagina, you’ll rue the day…

          • OutOfOrbit

            “penetration by vagina”… … humm. this will take some thought. BRB

          • natoslug

            Sounds like you have Pence pegged . . .

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            “Again, Mother? But I’ve only had 3 enemas today!”

            “Sounds like a Naughty Boy wants the Clothespin again…”

          • Bobathonic

            I thought Mother pegged Pence?

          • Indivisible Snark Tank

            Once a year, on his birthday.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Missionary, in the dark, after the kids are in bed but before his shows.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          “I have a great new diet idea!”
          — Gwyneth Paltrow

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Of course, that poll was taken before people got a load of his cabinet meeting this morning.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Actually, not just Gallop, but 538’s conglomerate has the same numbers…

    • Ducksworthy

      This shows that, despite the opioid epidemic, 36% of Americans are still under medicated for mental illness.

      • Shrieking Denizen

        or benefit greatly from the proposed fiscal pact.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Billions of illegals are anwering pollsters, peeepuuhll. Billions with a ‘b’. Lies to distract from my magnificence. Magnificence with an ‘m’.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    http://68.media.tumblr.com/df4542ea19dcd4843eb9fc95ab6344e1/tumblr_o8nd8veOSo1s71q1zo1_1280.png

    (No, I don’t know what it means either but it gets the main words in there)

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Headlines from the future: In what is widely seen as a blunder, Sessions, attempting to invoke executive privilege in his testimony, invoked white privilege instead. “Force of habit”, the Attorney General said.

    • OneYieldRegular

      “Mr. Sessions, are you taking the Fifth?”

      “Why no suh. Ah’m takin’ the 14th, ‘n’ leavin’ with it.”

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    My hope is Sessions, as well as the other traitorous scumbags currently inhabiting the highest offices in the US, only thinks he’s too clever to get caught perjuring himself. His unwarranted confidence should be his undoing.

    • Vecchioivan

      His behavior so far has been pretty clueless. So there’s that.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        That ” I haven’t talked to any Russians nohow noway nopenope no Russians” when he wasn’t asked the question wasn’t exactly clever.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Agreed. He probably thinks he knows what the FBI and CIA have on him.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    The GOP is already writing the press release and talking points about how Sessions “was completely open”, “responded with integrity to the committee’s questions” and “now we must move on to the business of governing”.
    What he actually says tomorrow is immaterial to this work.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      It got somewhat buried, but before Comeys testimony, the White House Staff circulated talking points to Republican intended to frame Trump as truthful and Comey as lying. They were ignored.

  • Ducksworthy

    What does Executive Privilege mean if all the Executives are insane criminals?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It means we’re in the darkest timeline?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      The say “executive” but they mean “white”.

  • La forza del resistino

    Jefferson Sessions goes to DC and Alabama objects to another removal of a Confederate statue.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I am all about Confederate Statutes.”
      — Jeff Sessions

    • whitroth

      Next you’re going to tell me he’s a representative of something putatively called “southern civilization” (something that never existed). Or maybe puta is right….

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    The hearing has been scheduled for 2:30 PM Eastern, which is a different time if you live in other time zones.!

    And if I understand spacetime correctly, this has already happened in parts of the Universe, but most of those locations are near the event horizons of black holes, so you are excused from telling us what happened due to other pressing matters in your localized universe.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Go around again!…..

    • Oblios_Cap

      The TARDIS can make it.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Jesus Christ, This is how you do it:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tapwedl23w

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    OT – Four miles walked today, I had to go out for cereal and Angel Hair pasta.

    Someone in a Ford truck missed a gear as he passed by me. xD

    • Jennifer R

      Had his hand on the other shifter he did?

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        Maybe? xD

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      You gotta have both food groups.

      My two food groups are the hummus group and the peanut butter group. Also the toast, popsicle, coffee, pizza and potato chip groups. Plus the cookie group. And the extra cookie when no one is looking group.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        xD I bought Christmas Cap’n Crunch Cos it was on Clearance. Pizza food group probs tomorrow, and leftover Chicken-Pinto-Black Bean Burrito Food Group for dinner laters.

      • Jennifer R

        I am having this week’s pizza group today.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Pizza is an essential part of good nutrition.

          • Jennifer R

            Something like that. I suspect if I had less of it these next 20 pounds would be easier.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Pizza is my weekly diet cheat. I haven’t had alcohol since New Years, nor chocolate since February.

          • Jennifer R

            I have been sneaking a bit of alcohol here and there too I admit.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Not judging, I’ve had a bit of edible MJ. I just figured not buying beer was the smart choice for both budget and waistline.

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah, usually I stick to the cannabis, but when I am in a down swing I lose my impulse control.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            I hear that. Ima finally over my latest downswing. It aint easy.

          • Jennifer R

            I just gotta keep focused. At 92,500 words now.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Good girl. :) I’ve been doing my models everyday. Focus is indeed the key.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Cheers and a tip of the Mount Gay to ya…

  • memzilla Ω

    So let me get this straight: this Keebler Elf Cracker is gonna claim EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE over conspiring with Twitler to commit treason? What could POSSIBLY go wrong with this approach?

    • puredog

      It usually works, no?

  • Relativicus

    I thought only the president can declare executive privilege?

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Here’s the thing: The invocation of Executive Privelege isn’t to protect Sessions — he has the Fifth Amendment to do that. It’s to protect the Executive, Lord Dampnut. So maybe HE’S the one who has to worry about being guiltyguiltyguilty.

      • Relativicus

        Even if Trump is guilty, I doubt he’s worried about it. If he actually wound up in prison (he won’t) he’d rationalize it as some sort of victory. Like “First president to serve time!” Or “Fastest president to be impeached!” Or “Before I resigned, the rest of the world was laughing at us!”

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    So little racist goblin decides to go on live TV and claim “Executive Privilege” over and over again in front of the American people. That should satisfy everyone. Seems like he would’ve been better off doing that in closed session.

    • FauxAntocles

      I think he wanted it closed, but they said “Fuck no”.

  • Mavenmaven

    “I was just following orders”

  • shastakoala

    It’s a privilege not a right. And you haven’t earned it yet Jeff.

  • Joe Beese

    Apropos of today’s earlier post about Mueller’s crew of pipe-hitting Esquires, you could hear the sweat dripping from Hannity’s Neanderthal forehead about that during his opening segment. “Killer attorneys!” he moaned, not once, but twice.

    I believe he called for Congress to abolish the special prosecutor thingy.

    • Wild Cat

      ” . . . he moaned, not once, but twice.”

      Five Points Megyn still looking to earn loose change at her old stomp?

    • georgiaburning

      Excellent Pulp Fiction reference

  • Wild Cat
  • Latverian Diplomat

    Headlines from the future: During his claim of executive privilege, Sessions cites a precedent from the Jefferson Davis administration. When challenged, “What’s the problem?” was Sessions only answer.

    • MrTusks

      Makes me wonder: did the Confederacy have a Supreme Court? Or did they just appeal everything to lynch mobs?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        According to wikipedia, the “Confederate Constitution” provided for a judicial branch, but due to the war, no Supreme Court was ever seated. They did have District Judges, who in many cases had been Federal District Judges before the war.

        Other fun fact, the Confederate Constitution had no explicit clause allowing States to secede from the Confederacy…Hypocrites?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    TheGrandWazoo2 Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot • 4 hours ago

    Well sure. In a public hearing he can answer all the questions with “I can’t answer that in a public hearing.”

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Yes. I owe you a Coke.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Obviously Sessions must invoke privilege. Failure to do so could result in not only an improper release of classified Presidential conversations, but might lead to discovering the actual whereabouts of that tiny little bakery in the hollowed out tree.

    It is his duty to protect the nation’s Pecan Sandies.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’ve got a pecan sandy right here inside this sock for him.

      • Shanzgood

        Is that the new line shaped like a roll of quarters?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Maybe I’m too much of a Tolkien fan, but I think of him as more goblin than Elf, or maybe Gollum. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/956fc9030e56ac2abe7f3a85aa246672e0eb5fb2256d0953a7a80cd9babad6c1.gif

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        You libelz Gollum, Preciousss!

        • SterWonk

          Sméagol libel? Sure, I can go with that. But not Gollum libel.

          • Meccalopolis

            Arc! And definitely not one of the cool urukai ones

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    I’d guess Vladimir Putin has to have a physician close otherwise he’ll be in danger of laughing himself to death.

    I never imagined our nation would end this way.

    • Wild Cat

      I think he’s in shock the US system just folded like a cheap suit.
      But that’s what four decades of anti-government/pro-Objectivist gun-sucking anti-intellectualism will do to ya.

    • georgiaburning

      Vlad gets credit for seeing an opportunity and taking advantage of it. Once Russia openly became an autocracy it was inevitable that the Repubs would embrace their system.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        You’re correct, of course.
        *shakes head sadly*

      • marxalot

        …Russia has been “openly” an autocracy since 1547.

        • georgiaburning

          The 1917 re-org hired a PR firm that used a different approach for the external press releases. You’re right, though: whatever they call the tsar, he’s still the tsar.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    OT: today’s Gallup Daily Tracking; Trump approve/disapprove: 36/59 (-23). Second-worst (for him) ever.

    • puredog

      Maybe when he gets under ten percent spines will miraculously appear.

      • Chris

        All he needs is to get in the 20’s to get Republicans to become vertebrates.

        • Meccalopolis

          He will get to a tipping point, W did

  • anon_the_great

    “Sergeant of arms, take the witness away. He can cool his heels in jail until he’s ready to serve Americans and not traitors.”

  • fawkedifiknow

    His parents thought it would be too obvious if they had just gone ahead and named their future traitor- son “Jefferson Davis” Sessions.

    • Meccalopolis

      Beauregarde was also a confederate general

  • WeaselPoo

    The President said publicly that Comey was fired precisely because of his continued investigations into Russian-Trump campaign connections that may have resulted in coordinated interference with the 2016 election.
    Mr. Sessions, did President Trump give you A DIFFERENT REASON to fire Comey?
    If sessions avoids answering by citing exec privilege, he confirms Trumps ‘reason’ to fire Comey, which would = obstruction of justice by Trump.
    If Sessions realizes that, and thus answers with the bullshit about how Comey handled the Hillary e-mails crap, to save Trump from his own big mouth, then he voids claims of executive privilege.
    Does anyone else think I’ve got that worked out properly? .

    • therblig

      “Mr. Senator, I’m just a simple country elf lawyer and I don’t know anything about no Roosians”

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        If he’s an elf lawyer, I’d like to see him in a sit down with Galadriel….

    • armed_bears

      Yes. Follow-up question: Absent any spine-enhancements among Republicans, will that matter?

      Until some of them break from the herd, we’re just gonna have to watch ’em run and holler.

  • Edith Prickly

    “SHHHH, BE VEWY VEWY QUIET, I AM HUNTING WABBITS!” Sounds just fucking great.

    LOOOL, so I guess that means James Comey is Bugs Bunny? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9dbdc7105d0a6d93b166179213c9aed67e28cc61a2b5bf5973d428043eb58dff.png

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Fer shame, doc. Hunting rabbits Democrats with an elephant gun!”
      “Ewephant gun?”
      “Yeah, so why don’t you go shoot yerself an elephant?”

      • Meccalopolis

        See wut you did there

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    OT: Watch: Sen. Chuck Schumer Parodies Trump’s Bizarre Cabinet Meeting

    http://www.mediaite.com/online/watch-sen-chuck-schumer-parodies-trumps-bizarre-cabinet-meeting/

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      This is pretty funny

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      I couldn’t figure out if the whiskey was talking for Reince or whether he was high on mushrooms.

    • puredog

      This video seems now unplayable anywhere. Have to learn to jump on this format when I first see it.

  • greyXstar

    E. L. Fudge cookies are ruined forever. Thanks for nothing!

  • Shanzgood

    If it starts at 2:30 are they gonna have to eventually adjourn until Wednesday since Sessions takes so long to make sounds with his mouth?

    • Oblios_Cap

      “No Comment” only takes him about half an hour to mumble.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      No, see by scheduling it then they make sure they can only get 2 or 3 questions in before “Oh, gee. We ran out of time. Guess we’re done here!”

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      He could in theory speed things up by just making the middle-finger gesture to every question.

  • Joe Beese
  • Jamoche

    Can we get these geese to fly over Donnie?
    https://consumerist.com/2017/06/12/hazmat-crew-called-to-disneyland-after-geese-defecate-on-17-people/#more-10280725
    “Hazmat Crew Called To Disneyland After Geese Defecate On 17 People”

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      How would we be able to tell the difference?

  • Indiepalin

    Sessions would prefer that questions be limited to discussions of his racist past.

    • msanthropesmr

      “oh, I certainly hate the negro. I ain’t never met no rooskies. But I do hate me some brow folk.”

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Oh, Comey, you sneaky little bitch! Casually dropping little truth-bombs in passing and fucking up people’s little grift circuits.

    James Comey is absolutely the Best Mean Girl Ever. His Kill Switch was just waiting to be thrown.

    • Edith Prickly

      The Trumpsters are so outclassed.

  • cheetojeebus

    Just b/c remember this classic?
    “The Towers are the players”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDxv5XBpn68

  • msanthropesmr
    • Weird Fishes

      I need to get back to Doonesbury. I need me some Righteous Slackmeyer.

  • Anna Rompage

    Jeff Sessions, the guy who usually has a look on his face like he just saw his sister naked, and liked it…

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      xD Grody to the Max! Gag me with a Pecan Sandie.

  • Mpeg

    Also — kinda OT but – – when are we gonna see how VEEP PENCE gets held accountable for what he knew and when he knew it?? I feel like he’s been awfully quiet lately.. which prompts me to speculate and such….

    .. Aw, crap. Family pets are the *one* thing that humanizes the preening puppet for me: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/vp-pence-family-cat-oreo-dies-article-1.3237978

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Hitler had a dog. Let’s not lose sight of what’s important.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        As did the Great American Satan, Ronnie Ray-gun.

      • Joe Beese

        Proving that all those movies where the dog can tell someone is evil had no basis in veterinary fact.

        • NastyBossetti

          Maybe Hitler’s dog was the Hitler of dogs, so Hitler seemed just fine to him.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        So you’re saying Sessions will be using that beagle to test cyanide?…

    • Ducksworthy

      No wonder the beagle is terrified. I was wonder who was abusing him. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/80fcc70b4edc11aaf5ceaead049e58bce7322c7ec5d109b5a67818700bfa0001.jpg

    • Vincent Ricola

      Yes. I, too, would like more attention paid to the fact that Mr. Pence has been lying his creep face off ever since he avoided the embarrassment of not getting reelected in Indiana by taking the Veep job.

      • willi0000000

        somebody needs to publish a scorecard!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The hearing has been scheduled for 2:30 PM Eastern

    So I won’t have to get up early for it, thank God. Although from the sound of things, it sounds like it won’t be illuminating at all. Still might be fun watching the Keebler Elf squirm, however!

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      What are the odds he’ll show?…

      • willi0000000

        two chances: “fat” and “slim”

  • Bill D. Burger

    Well at least the David Duke of the Lollipop Guild has his charisma and southern charm to fall back on.
    ~snort~
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b95a4d4c3b5b508ba5346ee913f4c9800d40f31cd77e295d2df8af7dde827fdd.jpg

    The little turd has recused himself without letting Trump know and he’s offered to resign post haste. Buttstabber has been looking for the back door for a while now because he doesn’t want to go down with Trump and he’s a helllova’ lot more savvy politically than his Orange Hindass is.
    The question is how close to the edge is he willing to get. This public outing means he’s either going to save his own tiny ass or he’s going to try to cast doubt on Comey’s testimony. He’s already lost credibility with the senate after failing to disclose his meeting with Russians and so he’s undoubtedly weighed if he dares push his luck.

    • Weird Fishes

      He has a curious way of demonstrating that savvy. If he was so damned smart he never should have taken the position in the first place.

      • willi0000000

        prob’ly not planning to run for another term (someone somewhere turning up some heat?) so figured AG is nice prestiginous cap to career.

        [ prob’ly never thought it was gonna put a cap in his career ]

    • Meccalopolis

      Hey maybe he’all be the one with some honor and courage and do the right thing.

      Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Crack myself up

  • schmannity

    Sessions: I saw no evidence of collusion and Trump was not a target.

    TwitterTwat: Seesions clears Trump of collusion, confirms he was not a target.

  • Vincent Ricola

    But will he answer why his coven of wicked elves stopped making Magic Middles in their hidden forest tree?

    • Meccalopolis

      Orcs, man. Orcs

  • laughingnome

    The Session sessions: worst Billy Ray Cyrus bootleg evah

    • Pilotshark

      achy breaky elf!

  • Jo Mathie

    Every time I see Jeff Sessions on tv I can’t help thinking “Jim Henson would have loved to make a Muppet out of you, and it would probably look more realistic”.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      As long as it did not involve putting a hand up his ass.

  • Oblios_Cap
    • bookish

      I can’t wait for SNL and Sam Bee this week.

    • The Wanderer

      That was one of the most disgusting things I’ve seen adults do, and I’ve sat through 2 Girls, 1 Cup without a qualm.

    • chicken thief

      Rinsed Pubics has only until the 4th to whip this team into shape, so may as well start right here and right now!

  • Chris

    Everyone is acting like Sessions testifying under oath tomorrow as if it were a big deal. He’s already lied under oath, recently. Why would we assume that he wouldn’t lie again?

    • Predisenting Ron

      Yes, but this time they’re DIFFERENT lies.

  • Jeffy just needs to wave his arms frantically and yell out a catch phrase that all the young Millineals will understand…
    https://youtu.be/ZBAijg5Betw

  • Weird Fishes

    I’m pretty sure that Mr. Comey has established beyond a shadow of a doubt that he does very little that isn’t consciously deliberate and measured. If he wants you to know something, you will know it.

    • clap hands

      also what’s kind of hot about him tbqh

  • coozledad

    Is that his “jes makin some more cookies” face?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Fudge Stripe (Undies Edition)?

  • Fartknocker

    I suspect when Jeremiah Beauregard walks out of the Committee room after testifying “Executive Privilege,” he’ll hop into his nice DOJ limo, return to the office, call Dampnut and resign. Go to sweet home Alabama you short, malfeasance shit stain.

  • The Wanderer

    “Well, sir, if you are not prepared to answer our questions about the Russia investigations, let’s talk about you for a while, you pinch-faced racist cousin-fucker.”

  • azeyote

    well since he looks like Alfred E. Neuman i expect the “what me worry” act as he blathers nonsense –

  • Blackest Noobs

    when can we burn this muther down?!?….i’ve got the old rags and filled to the brim gas cans

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent
    • Nick.Trite

      In fairness though, how sure are you that he won’t? They’re starting to get desperate…

    • clap hands

      Wow. This is what the Internet ended up being for. We are living in the glory days, my brethren

  • chicken thief

    Is Walnuts on the Intell Committee? If not, who will ask his questions about Hillary’s email server of Sessions?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Public hearing but he won’t answer any question ? Poseur.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “Well golly-shuck-dang, I never knew that feller was a Rushin’ Dippler-mayat! He was only interduced to me as “this here’s Trump’s Money-Bag,” an I assumed they were only makin’ a joke about his big fat body. And I told ’em I don’t cotton no jokes, no how, and was about ter set about sendin’ em off ter Jokester Jail, but then remembert I ain’t never sposed to go agin mah team.”

  • Predisenting Ron

    If he keeps this up they’re going to eject him from the Lollipop Guild. And after he built up all that seniority too.

    • H0mer0

      He is NOT welcome to munchkin land nor does he have the authority to welcome others!

  • Meccalopolis

    So are they formally invoking the privilege? Then it can be challenged, they will lose and a judge cancompell him to answer

  • Apple Scruff

    My theory: Sunkist Hitler heard about Comey’s super high TV ratings (20 million viewers) and is super jealous, so he is making Sessions do this in a open setting because he wants big ratings, too.

    • SisterArtemis

      well, that one didn’t occur to me, but now that you mention it… *sigh*

      • Apple Scruff

        I bet it’s why he wants to testify now, too. He wants to get higher ratings than Comey.

        • clap hands

          And that was Comey’s plan all along!! Wouldn’t that be rad as hell

  • Paperless Tiger

    This is like watching Perry Mason only the motherfucker already confessed and they’re still investigating. Trump, meanwhile, seems determined to find out just how much he can get away with. In other words, can he ever hit a limit? A nation of enablers watches in awe.

    • clairence

      Trump, meanwhile, seems determined to find out just how much he can get away with. In other words, can he ever hit a limit?

      This is what his whole administration has been about so far. And it’s disturbing just how much he IS getting away with.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I’m happy to answer questions about Comey by not answering any.

  • VirginiaLady

    We will soon learn if elves can sweat.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Rachel told us to be sick tomorrow dammit, and I’m’na drink enough beer to make that happen!

  • TootsStansbury

    I hope the fudge stripes on them evil elf cookies end up to be grill marks but I’m just setting myself up for more despair.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Toll House boycott!

  • clairence

    Political theater for the base.
    “See, this is how you respectfully never discuss conversations with POTUS. Mean ol’ James Comey didn’t, and he should go to jail. Or at least be investigated further.”

  • mailman27

    OT: PBS had a dude from motherfucking !!!NEWSMAX!!!! on their program. For “balance,” I guess. Where are we at this point? I really think that we are teetering on the brink of the death of our republic. Seriously. And while it’s definitely not the media’s fault, they have definitely been a big part of it. Liars, cheats, and profiteers are getting equal time with public servants and experts whose only brief is to put the case for allowing/insuring that our experiment succeeds. We’re in deep shit.

  • Nick.Trite

    What are the betting odds on Sessions just flat out lying under oath tomorrow vs him trying to bluff his way out with half-truths/not answering anything.
    I’d say the guy needs Phoenix Wright in his corner with bluffing game this strong, but Phoenix only defends innocent people :-/

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Now that he is caught, who gets hid pot of gold?

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    2:30 Eastern: Is that enough time for him to clear out his office before 5:30 Eastern, or will he bring his box of personal Confederate war memorabilia to the hearing?

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