“…anyway” as an insult is so powerful yet concise
It says “You’re not worth a response.”
I once deployed a modified version of it in a situation where the only way to win was not to play. It wasn’t a winning move, exactly, but it was the only non-losing one.
I was dating a guy in Lyon, whom I’ll call Jean*. It didn’t go anywhere because I was only there for a few months, but I cared about him a lot. His mother was emotionally, verbally and possibly also physically abusive, which is something I discovered in real time the day I met her. He’d kind of hinted at it the morning of her visit, but I didn’t take his warning at face value. He woke up and was like “Christ I had the worst dream. My mom met you and was like ‘She’s ugly, why are you dating her?’” and I was just like “Wow lol what a weird anxiety dream.” I assumed she couldn’t actually be that terrible.
Long story short, after a few hours of incredibly odd behavior towards her son (disparaging comments, privacy violations, a borderline incestuous interest in his sex life) we end up going out for dinner. While waiting for our food she decides to spice things up with a game of humiliation trivia.
“So, has Jean ever told you about losing his teeth?” Out of the blue.“Um, his teeth? No?”
“Mom, please-”
“When Jean was a kid, he had an accident and knocked out a bunch of his teeth so now he has a bunch of fake ones.” A beat, then: “He’s not new, Jean, he’s used! [Il n’est pas neuf, Jean, il est d’occasion!]”She cackles. He looks stricken.
A few things are going through my head at this moment. One is, “I can’t believe this is happening.” (I thought of the line in Matilda where Miss Honey is struggling to process here encounter with Matilda’s parents: “She had heard that parents like this existed, but it was still a shock to meet a pair of them in the flesh.”) Another is “Holy shit, she’s fucking awful, no wonder he had that dream. No wonder he has self-esteem issues, too.” And I’m wondering how to best protect him. What’s the best reaction? Do I confront her?
No. Ignore it. Conspicuously ignore it. Make it clear I heard, but I don’t care.
We’d been waiting for our food for a long time. Too long. So naturally, I say, “Well, I’m hungry.” You didn’t even put me off my food with your grotesque bullshit. I’m unflappable, which means Jean is untouchable. You have not made him less attractive to me. I see you.
She cackles again and said “She doesn’t care!”
But I ignore that too.
*;)
found an e-mail from my dad about the incident, which contains this:
The mother seems positively gothic–a mix of Cruella DeVille and every two-dimensional over-protective-Jocasta-juiced mother character from grade-B Hollywood films of the 40’s. The pathology is so thick in the air you’d need a chainsaw to cut it.
he has a way with words