I (27m) found out that my girlfriend (26f) of 2 years is being a camgirl behind my back

Falxen · 3時間前

Your trust should be shaken. This is something that some couples might be cool with, but the majority likely would not. She can't claim innocence as she has broached this subject with you twice now and gotten the same result. So yeah... this is cheating. She might not have an emotional connection with the people she's camming for, but neither does a prostitute, and that would still be looked at as cheating. Whether or how likely you are to be able to work past this particular scenario may differ from other flavors of cheating, but that doesn't make this not cheating.

For advice... the first step here is to take some time by yourself, sit down, and think this through. You have some questions that need answers.

If she does all of the right things when confronted, is this something you can move past?
If yes, what reactions might she give that would be sub-optimal? How would you handle those?
Regardless of whether this works out or not, what logistical steps would need to be taken to dissolve the relationship and living situation?
If you do decide to work this out, what will you need from her to go about rebuilding trust? In this case, an open media policy, lack of shady behavior, and strong pursuit of normal employment should probably be among the needs.

Since you describe her as a feminist, one response you should be prepared for is something along the lines of "You can't tell me what to do with my body!"

This is a true statement being used in a dishonest way. All relationships, and especially monogamous ones, come with restrictions and requirements. She is not required to adhere to them, but you are not required to provide her with all of the benefits of being in a relationship either. You pay the price to play the game. If she throws that one up, a good retort would be:

"You're right. I can't. But I can require that my partner not cheat on me, and I can leave the relationship when she does. So at this point we need to figure out how we're going to get you out of here and into wherever it is that you're going to live as quickly as possible."

Barring that response though, I'd probably just open the conversation up with something like:

"So. Is there anything you want to tell me? No? Alright, let me rephrase. I know that there is something that you should be wanting to tell me, and I'm already angry about it. So I will give you one more chance to come clean to me on your own. If having a chance at our relationship continuing is something you would like, I'd suggest answering it. So. Is there anything that you want to tell me?"

From there, do your best to ask questions rather than do the talking. Make her do the confessing. Get answers to whatever you need answers to. At the end, don't make a decision one way or another. Tell her that you need some time to think, and then do just that. At the very least, sleep on it for a night. Usually it's a bad call to make big decisions when highly emotional. Sleep helps to dull the sharpness of emotions and let you make a more rational choice.

I hope that helps.

Anri-du-toit · 2時間前

Plenty of cam girls and strippers are feminists. Women like to be sexual, too. That aside, crossing established romantic or sexual boundaries is cheating. And she's lying to you. That would be a deal breaker for me.

Cherpyderp · 3時間前

You made it explicitly clear that you were not okay with this and she did it anyway. That's blatantly disrespectful. Additionally, she's sharing herself with people on the internet. I see why you find this to be a breach of trust. Finally, she's been lying to you. I think it would be a different conversation if she said "Hey, I'm camming for money. I know you don't approve but it's my body and I'm doing what I want". She didn't though. She lied.

Do you think you can get past these things?

Vorad0r · 3時間前

She's cheated. It might not be the usual sort of cheating that gets brought up here, but she has literally betrayed your trust and sexual intimacy that you shared before this. Not to mention that she kept trying to pressure you into being okay with something that you're clearly not. Put all these things together, I think it might be for the best if you ended this relationship.

It's not gonna be easy, it's not gonna be painless, but in the long run, it's probably the best thing to do for yourself.

yeahnoforsuree · 47分前

I went through this exact same thing. My girlfriend started doing it behind my back then I caught her texting a bunch of dudes and accepting free gifts. I would wonder where her new shit would come from, and she was doing sexual things via skype/cam whatver in exchange for nice things. I ended the relationship after she became really addicted to it and wouldn't stop. good luck!

PNWfan · 49分前

Break up. Even if you guys get past this, don't think she isn't capable of doing something like this again. She is 26 and is in a 2-year serious relationship. She knows what she's doing; she knows the difference between right and wrong. She put this career/money above your relationship but will expect you to just forgive her. I wouldn't if it were me.

Ouch_i_fell_down · 2時間前

Any reasonable person would know that sans explicit approval, this kind of behavior is not acceptable within the confines of a relationship. Had she done it without asking, it would not have been okay. Get this part grilled into your brain because when you confront her, she's going to turn it on you with things like "my body, my choice." and "I shouldn't have asked you because I knew you'd say no." and the like.

Remember that you are allowed to have a say in what behavior you find acceptable in a partner. Not wanting your girlfriend to be a digital stripper is well within your rights as a boyfriend. You are not controlling for not wanting to date a sex worker.

Now that that bit is all out of the way... it's actually worse because she did ask your permission, and then flat out ignored everything you said.

Be prepared to break up, because simply put you are dating a cheating, lying, sex worker. And any one of those three individually is a deal breaker in my book.

tonightonly111 · 2時間前

Your girlfriend is a sex worker now. Think about whatever you do for a living, how much do you want to do that same thing when you're off?

TinkNow · 30分前

i can't tell you what to do with your girlfriend. Only you know if her pros outweigh her cons.

But I will point out that if you discuss someone's sexual behavior in a semi-public setting everybody suddenly becomes a conservative. Lots of dirty secrets out there, but in public, they will shit on someone doing the exact same thing. I will also point out that advice for any kind of relationship trouble is almost always to break up. I personally don't think that makes any sense.

We know a couple and the story was the wife was doing the caming thing at home (for free!) because she was bored at home. Guy never knew. nice couple.

cryptomemnos1 · 1時間前

Break up with her immediately and go no contact. Do not try to "dig deep" with her and find out why she did this as others have suggested, that's a complete waste of time. It's not your responsibility to fix her mental flaws that led her to treat you this poorly. At this point, you don't owe a damn thing.

She clearly demonstrated that she doesn't give a single shit about you. Drop her and do not look back.

Pheremike · 13分前

The only constant is that you said no and she broke your trust.

The easiest thing to do is to react, to get mad, etc. and quite frankly, I wouldn't blame you. But like you stated, she has been out of a job and things like that. The next logical step is to find out why she has been doing it and from that reason, figure out the next step. Too many questions and not enough answers to really move forward tbh.

AvengeTheEve · 4分前

Talk to her about it, man. Keep your cool, the more level headed you are about it, the more willing she'll be to open up. She probably has a legitimate side to this story, and clearly was trying to tell you but couldn't muster the courage.

Is it a breach of trust? Sure. But people on here are acting like she was carrying on an affair. Hear her side of it, try to hold off on judgement, and then re-evaluate and make a decision.

beentheredonethatx2 · 4分前

...because she is a huge feminist (part of advocacy groups and such). She also gets irritated by any movie or show that portrays women as sexual objects.

I'd be more put off by the insane level of hypocrisy.

maps2001 · 2分前

Whether you can move past this or not is completely your decision.I would ask you to remember one thing though.These images and videos of her will,ALWAYS be accessible to anyone who searches hard enough.Think about future career decisions,clearance to work with children and even your own children in years to come being bullied because mommy is naked on the internet.Once this stuff is out there it's out there for ever.

twelvedayslate · 3時間前

I understand why you're upset. I would feel the same way!

But... I wouldn't jump right to accusing her of cheating and saying she's horrible and dumping her. I would try and figure out why she was doing this. Is money really really tight for her? Tight to the point where she can't put food on the table, or she needs to send money to her family?

Most people don't just decide to be a cam girl on a whim for no reason. Dig deep with her.

Yertoo · 52分前

First I'm sorry that this happened to you. You definitely need to talk to her about this. While the most important thing is to be direct I also want to mention that you don't want to fall into the "I did something wrong too by snooping" trap.

Looking through you SOs private things with out their knowlegde/permission is wrong. But like everything, there is no black and white here.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that you're going to have to have a hard conversation with your gf. When people get caught doing something they know they shouldn't be, it's a natural reaction to try and minimize their guilt/fault. In this case, and I say this not knowing you or your gf, it's not hard to imagine that she'll try to act like she's been wronged by your "snooping". That being the case I would say that you don't even discuss how you found out. Just tell her you know and that you need to talk about it.

If she starts asking how you know, say you can discuss that later but you know and you need her to explain herself and stay on point. She knows what she was doing was wrong in the context of your relationship and she needs to address that.

Just remember whatever the outcome, it's going to be okay. I wish you lots of luck and hope that you don't need any of my advice.

foreverex · 1時間前

Dude, being a cam girl and being a feminist are not mutually exclusive.

templed_mind_ · 2時間前

im pretty sure she likes the money and doesnt mind Cumming for other men. shes not worth it. she wants to get plowed, her lack of morality would clearly allow her to do that

jimmywiliker · 23分前

I have no idea how these cam sites work, or how often you get paid but from what I understand you can make a lot of money. It sounds like this has started at least a month ago or around a month ago when she brought the topic up.

I'm curious if she's taking your money handouts and living off your dime while hoarding her own income from this. That's sketchy too.

hintsofgreen · 20分前

Hey man, think of the positives. Now you won't have to pay for living expenses for two people, and you get to be with no one, no danger of cheating on you.

Honestly bro, the fact that she went behind your back says a lot. I understand the pressure she feels, but she is taking the easy way out by camming, and going behind your back. None of which display any sort of good character on her part.

Love is tough. This is a lesson. I suggest you go your own way.

NewsReaderAcc · 35分前

It's not a big deal. She obviously needs the money. I wouldn't have had a problem with it in the first place, but that's just me. See if the money she's making is substantial enough for the camming to even be worth it. If she doesn't have to hide then she can probably make more and you might even have fun with it.

kfizz311 · 9分前

She does not hold herself to her own morals. But hey when in rome as long as it just herself maybe she gets her kicks by tricking men.

SnowPrincessElsa · 39分前

I'm in the minority here but sex work isn't cheating; the video just goes on the internet, right? She's not sending it to one specific person. She's not even having sex with other people! She's working by letting people view her body. She's providing a service. You could to well to reconsider your views of this making women 'sexual objects'; you can't objectify yourself

Martholomeow · 53分前

First I'll say that it sounds like a tough situation to deal with, and a very unfortunate circumstance that she's had to resort to this to make money. Sorry to hear it.

Maybe you should learn to think of her as an independent person who can do what she wants whether you want her to or not. (Since that is the truth you might as well accept it.) The fact that she checked with you was actually very thoughtful on her part, but since you said you wouldn't like it, then it makes perfect sense that she would lie about it. I don't think she was asking your permission, and she doesn't need you're permission anyway. If instead you had expressed interest in her feelings about it, and focused on finding out more and understanding her when she asked you about it then things might have gone differently. But now instead youve basically set her up to have no option other than to lie to avoid upsetting you. And now that you've found out you say you're furious. Furious about what specifically? That she's camming? That she lied? Or that she's doing something against your wishes?

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