MGTOW is the place I came to because I see all these men on TRP working harder than fuck just to impress a woman... When it's us that needs to be impressed. We are the supermen...

Sometimes I think about death and I feel like it's a lot of pointless work to get a 32 pack just so I have the chance to be destroyed by a woman mentally after destroying myself mentally...

Idk guys I try TRP suggestions and I feel even more useless because of how hard we have to work just to do something that nature intended us to do for free.

Before the Internet women were actually nice to me now every time they speak to me nice I know it's for a reason. I'm working really hard on my passion but have constant depression eating at me along with existential dread.

How can I muster up the energy to continue my passion and have the drive when everywhere I turn I learn more about how the world doesn't give a rats ass if I was here or not.

I start to do self improvement and all of my family makes fun of me say I'm too skinny when I still have some visible body fat? I feel like the ugliest decent looking dude ever... Because the red pill and blue pill are fighting so hard with eachother.

I want to go full MGTOW but I still want to experience relationships even though they may be fake. But I want the relationships to happen because I am who I am... Not because of some fucking frame I've been holding for years to fight the fear inside.

I've improved so so much in the passed 6 months but it feels useless. I feel worse than before.

How do I muster up the strength? I had a really bad child hood with a blue pilled father and a narccistic mother who made me believe my father was evil. Them shoving candy and soda and video games down my face without ever telling me I needed to be better.

I got out of a 4 year relationship with a really bad emotional abuser. Same girl I was with when she was killed and revived in a car accident cheated and left me when I lost my job.

I was by her side for 2 months living in a fucking hospice...

Please guys direct me to some real knowledge. Not 'go lift bro' or 'how to emotionally manipulate people in 10 steps'. Some deep spiritual healing, conscious knowledge.

Am I a defective man? Is there hope for those who are so severely blue pilled?

I also don't want to push my dread on you guys because this is the only community I really cherish. I can be myself here, a little vulnerable. I have been with a decent number of women. Most of them 5s or less I'm not afraid to admit. My recent ex was a 7.