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There’s a downside to being a deadbeat who won’t pay his bills? Who knew?

When Donald Trump hired his longtime lawyer pal Marc Kasowitz to represent him in the Russia case (if there is one, which there isn’t, shut up), a lot of people wondered why Trump would go with a litigator whose main business was trying to intimidate people who pissed Trump off, like when he threatened to sue the New York Times for writing stories about women who said Trump groped them. Why didn’t Trump get a more experienced Washington lawyer who knew how to handle congressional and FBI investigations, or maybe even impeachment? We have a little more insight into that now, thanks to an investigative piece by Michael Isikoff that reveals the White House really did try to find top-notch legal representation, but a lot of the best lawyers just said thanks but no thanks.

It’s not like Trump doesn’t need a good lawyer, or that there aren’t plenty of law firms who’d jump at the chance to work for a president. Just not this president. According to “five sources familiar with discussions about the matter,” Trump’s people reached out to some of the top legal talent available, only to find those attorneys had some grout to scrub that night.

Among them, sources said, were some of the most high-profile names in the legal profession, including Brendan Sullivan of Williams & Connolly; Ted Olson of Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher; Paul Clement and Mark Filip of Kirkland & Ellis; and Robert Giuffra of Sullivan & Cromwell.

In case you’re keeping score, that’s the guy who defended Oliver North, the guy who represented George W. in Bush v Gore and later fought Proposition 8 (and was also Dubya’s first solicitor general), Dubya’s second solicitor general, a former deputy attorney general, and the dude who ran Volkswagen’s defense in the diesel-fiddling lawsuit.

Some of them said they had big trials coming up, others said they had existing commitments they couldn’t break, and some would have conflicts of interest since their firms were already representing clients connected to investigations of the Trump administration, “such as financial institutions that have already received subpoenas relating to potential money-laundering issues that are part of the investigation.” Also, you’d be astonished at the number of top Washington and New York lawyers who are washing their hair from now until 2020.

But there was another big sticking point, not that any of the firms would go on the record to say it: The silly ol’ lawyers were worried about their firms’ reputations being sullied by being associated with the president of the United States. Plus, what’s the point of being Donald Trump’s lawyer when he won’t even listen to you and can’t be kept away from Twitter, where he says what he damn well pleases, because he’s the president, dammit. Here’s the money quote of the whole piece:

“The concerns were, ‘The guy won’t pay and he won’t listen,’” said one lawyer close to the White House who is familiar with some of the discussions between the firms and the administration, as well as deliberations within the firms themselves.

Damn, we want a cigarette after that, and we don’t even smoke. The concerns about getting paid are well-founded, since, as you’ll recall, Donald Trump stiffs everyone, including stiffing the attorneys he hires to defend him in lawsuits from contractors he’s stiffed.

The same lawyer told Isikoff the firms were worried a connection with Trump would “kill recruitment” of new lawyers, because who wants “the firm that represented former president Donald Trump” on their resume or in news stories for the rest of their lives? Also, some firms worried their current clients would be none too pleased by a connection to Trump. What if they were at the law offices and he wanted to shake their hand, ewwwwww. And it wasn’t just the one lawyer, either:

Another lawyer briefed on some of the discussions agreed that the firms were worried about the reputational risk of representing the president. One issue that arose, this lawyer said, was “Do I want to be associated with this president and his policies?” In addition, the lawyer said, there were concerns that if they took on the case, “Who’s in charge?” and “Would he listen?”

Gee, you have to wonder why any law firm would worry about something like that? After all, this is a guy who believes in loyalty, at least as long as it’s people being loyal to him. He may have to throw the occasional attorney general under the the bus, then deny he ever had a bus, but isn’t that just part of being a lawyer? The real issue here is why are so many lawyers such pussies?

Isikoff notes that Kasowitz, the poor sucker stuck with the thankless task of defending Trump now, has been consulting with a number of experienced Washington lawyers to

solicit ideas and suggestions about how to craft an overall defense strategy, including how and when to publicly release information that might be helpful to the president’s defense, the source said.

So it’s good to know that even if the president isn’t able to get the best people, his lawyer can crib from some of them. And if Trump needs high-powered legal help, he’s seen ads for some terrific lawyers while watching Hannity. Mesothelioma is like impeachment, isn’t it?

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[Yahoo News]

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  • schmannity

    Reached for comment, most lawyers said they wanted to spend more time with their families or root canalists.

    • LucindathePook

      Or they had to wash their hair that day. Or organize the sock drawer.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        “That garage isn’t going to clean itself!”

    • The Wanderer

      “She couldn’t make it.”
      “Let me guess – doing her hair?”
      “Dead mother.”
      “Ah.”

      • schmannity

        Again?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Mavenmaven

    I thought there was always Dershowitz, no?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Dammit, there’s a “I fought the lawyers and the lawyers won” joke in here somewhere…

    • Edith Prickly

      Russia fucking with elections
      Trump fought the law and the law won
      Trump fought the law and the law won

      Trump needed money cause he had none
      Russia fucked with the election
      Russia fucked with the election…

  • Michael Smith

    Maybe he’ll go pro se. And claim its because all the elite liberal fake lawyers can’t be trusted.

    • Stulexington
      • FlownΩver

        He’ll have a fool bigoted, ignorant, delusional, evil motherfucker for a client.

      • Paul Dietzel

        Also too: “You’ll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won’t press charges.”

    • alpacapunchbowl

      In my experience, pro se litigants tend to be delusional and are often narcissists, so you might be on to something.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Finally, some people who won’t try to defend the indefensible where Trump is concerned.

    • OrG

      They would,if they were getting PAID.

      • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

        The pay part isn’t that hard; I’m sure whomever ends up representing him will demand an enormous retainer as a condition of the representation.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I actually don’t think they would. Not necessarily for ethical reasons, but in the biz we call these cases “dogs”. Lots of work and little to no return, whether financial or reputation-wise.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          On its face, this case looks like a loser. Lawyers prefer to take on cases the look like a winner. Especially crazy-high-profile cases.

    • Stulexington

      Whoda thought it would be lawyers who refuse to defend him first.

  • memzilla Ω

    You mean they won’t work for exposure dollars?

    • Stulexington

      They might, if they thought it was good exposure.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      That kind of exposure could be fatal.
      (Hypothermia or polonium, take your pick.)

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Hey, Rubio, it isn’t a debate. edit: wrong thread!!

  • Stulexington

    He should totally show just how awsmazing a populist president he is by getting a public defender. It’s just the same as a high powered law firm for a client who won’t listen and doesn’t want to pay .. right? I mean he won’t even be paying part of their salary because he doesn’t pay taxes either!

  • shivaskeeper

    It’s not like these firms have a sterling reputation in the public eye. For good or bad, they are lawyers, and lawyers are not generally considered paragons of virtue. High priced, high power firms even more so.

    How fucking bad is it when even they think DJT is untouchable? FFS even the firm that did the big manila folder fake ass, “Look, we put all the money in a fake trust” bit doesn’t want in?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Even if they think impeachment, especially on the basis of direct collusion with Russia, is a long shot – who wants to have any chance of being the law firm that agreed to represent a traitor President?

    • Claire

      I’m sure they’d think he was touchable if they also thought he was billable. But they know he’ll stiff them, so there’s nothing in it for them.

      • shivaskeeper

        Wrong reason makes the right outcome. I’m OK with it.

  • schmannity

    What’s wrong with Ted Olson? Just because Trump believes that his wife’s crash into the Pentagon was an “inside job” (if not a missile), it’s not like Trump’s saying it, people are saying it.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Exactly like the joke about the lawyer and the tijuana sex worker – professional standards.

  • BearGHAZI

    I hear Judge Napolitano will do it for a grinder sandwich. But a GOOD grinder.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Even the highly respected firm of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe refused to take Trump as a client.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Also Biggs, Shy & Stir, “Kornfield Kounty’s most honorable law firm”.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Looks like the corollary to “everybody gets billed” is “nobody gets paid”

  • canes_pugnaces

    I still believe that this entire episode will be buried by the GOP and Trump will serve his term out in what’s fucking left of this country. Who knows, maybe Jill Stein will run again in ’20.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      What, so we can reelect him?

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      I think you are correct, and I will add that I think Trump will be the last POTUS.

      • Jennifer R

        Let’s make a better country!

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          There’s no point.

          • Jennifer R

            I mean from the ashes.

          • shastakoala

            Well there’s your fertilizer.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            There isn’t any point, we’re already past the Tipping Point. My guess is Humanity will be extinct before 2040.

          • Jennifer R

            Then sex and drugs in the afterglow?

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            That’s my plan, Ima do what I want and enjoy myself.

          • Jennifer R

            Party on.

      • The Wanderer

        I think there might be a continuity-of-government scenario that relies on devolving political power to the National Military Districts until civilian government can be restored.

  • marxalot

    Meanwhile, in her cave*, Orly Taitz is watching the Red Phone.

    *split-level double wide in her ex-brother-in-law’s back yard

    • Covfefe

      Orly Taitz did a lot of work, in courts across the country. She was born in Moldovan SSR. Who do you suppose was paying the bills? George Soros?

  • Nounverb911

    “Lawyers want to get paid, get in line, we were here first.”
    –All the Architects Donnie stiffed

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      something something oldest profession

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    You know you’re a special kind of dirty when law firms that specialize in dirty won’t even touch you.

    And lawyer jokes are all well and good, but ya’ll should rek-o-nize: lawyers have handed Trump every one of his defeats and several of his embarrassments while the rest of the left has basically been standing around with their dicks in their hands.

  • Joe Beese

    Who knew that being a pariah would prove so inconvenient?

  • Joe Beese

    According to a report from Murray Waas at Vox, within two days of Comey’s fateful meeting with Trump in the Oval Office, he relayed his account of what Trump asked him to do (or undo) to three top FBI associates: Deputy Director (and now Acting Director) Andrew McCabe; Chief of Staff Jim Rybicki; and General Counsel James Baker.

    Showboats! One and all.

  • The Wanderer

    Mesothelioma? Isn’t that his wife’s name?

    • jodyleek

      I thought it was Malaria.

      • The Wanderer

        It might be Melanoma.

        • SpideySenser

          AOT, K

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Melon.

    • schmannity

      Soon to be known as Petitioner.

  • FauxAntocles

    Pretty sad when lawyers are worried you’ll soil their reputation.
    (With apologies to all you lawyers, you know what I mean).

    • alpacapunchbowl

      No worries. We understand.

  • FauxAntocles

    I think they should get the cash up front and then make a case for non compos mentis.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Sounds like “compost”. They don’t do green initiaitives

      • The Wanderer

        By now his brain may, in fact, be compost.

  • Indiepalin

    Even Jimmy McGill turned down the case. And he’s suspended from practicing for the next year.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Can’t he hire a Russian law firm? They don’t seem to woory as much about payment.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      “Zhorry Judge, but I zhought that ven you zhaid produce the body, you mean corpse. I find someone else, yes?”

    • Nounverb911

      Putin’s favorite firm is Polonium & Polonium LLC.

    • Stulexington

      Comrades of the jury, who all have very loving families to whom we all wish the best and do not want anything bad to happen to.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      They don’t worry about payment because they send Boris to collect payment. And Boris knows how to collect.

  • Ricky Gay

    He could hire that professional cowboy with the catheter!

    • Nounverb911

      Ted Nugent?

    • The Wanderer

      Artemis’ Fragrant Quim, I love the catheter ads they have on Fox during the midday and afternoon hours.

      • SnarkON

        I never want to get old.

      • Paul Dietzel

        What about the catheter guy who takes his along with him when he flies his private plane? When you’re way up in the air like that couldn’t you just use a funnel or something?

    • jesterpunk

      Is that the guy Jon Oliver pays to try and teach Trump something?

  • Oblios_Cap

    The real issue here is why are so many lawyers such pussies?

    Puy-leeze. Those guys generally have jailhouse tans because they never seem to get any fresh air.

    Wonkette Legal Beagles excepted, of course.

  • Longstreet63

    This is all the fault of the liberal Big Money legal establishment, who are always backing liberal oil and tobacco companies. They hate Trump because he’s so smart and powerful.
    Trump’s going to sue them as soon as he can find a lawyer who won’t do a credit check.

    • The Wanderer

      “I’ll have my lawyer sue you as soon as he gets out of law school!”

      • Longstreet63

        It’s funny how none of the family got steered into law school to provide free legal counsel. Maybe that was Tiffany’s plan.

        • The Wanderer

          Or maybe it’s the plan for Barron. Private school, prep school, college, law school.

        • calliecallie

          They should have adopted a nice Irish boy, like Tom Hagan.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      The IOU was delivered in a tweet.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Trump is getting the best legal advice that can be conveyed in a cocktail bar, as interpreted by a slightly drunk civil litigation attorney.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Cliff and Norm are ON IT!

  • mardam422

    “…others said they had existing commitments they couldn’t break,….”
    I’m sorry Mr. President. That’s the day I wash my hair.

    • marxalot

      Who knew every lawyer is DC is an elaborately coiffured Rapunzel?

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      “I’d love to lawyer for you this Friday, but I’m flossing my budgie.”

      • The Wanderer

        “I’m trimming my unicorns, and next week I have to make hoopla among the topiaries.”

  • SnarkON

    If Trump were a media company, he’d do what they do to me and offer to pay the lawyers in “exposure.”

    • Oblios_Cap

      Or Whore Diamonds…

      • SnarkON

        I’d take those.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        AKA Covfefe?

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      He tried that on those little girls who “sang” at his rally. Didn’t go so well.

    • NastyBossetti

      He probably did try that.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Oh they’ll get exposure alright, no question there.

  • Jennifer R
    • Oblios_Cap

      The just can’t wait to screw their fellow Americans.

      • Suttree

        Worst rule 34 ever!

      • snark-lurker

        We are not their fellow Americans–only big campaign contributors are in that group.

      • BadKitty904

        Again.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I don’t think it’ll get 51 votes. Too many Republicans sweating bullets in purplish states.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Or it will and all those Trump voters will be told to start making other plans for acquiring their heart medication.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        It won’t- it’s far too toxic and DOA

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Remember the ACA passage? Over a year, and every torturous negotiation open to the public.

      This one? Done in weeks, behind closed doors, because fuck you we won.

      • Longstreet63

        But…Nancy pelosi! It was a total secret! And named after a black commie!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          They rammed it down our throats! After months of town halls, more than a year of debate, multiple CBO scorings, dozens of committee meetings and bipartisan gangs of whatever, hundreds of experts testifying, hundreds of GOP amendments (over 160 passed in the Senate alone), live televised hearings, more debate, more town halls, more votes- they rammed it down the people’s throats!

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      “I’m tired of being Senate Majority Leader. Fuck it, we can take the Senate back in 2020.”

    • h4rr4r

      They are going to show Trump the body.

      It can’t pass in this form, so they will run with it rather than risk passing something that costs them votes.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        yup- the want a vote, any vote, just to shut Donnie up

        • Stulexington

          And then he can say he tried but those darn Dem obstructionists kept his beautiful bill from becoming law.

  • Longstreet63

    When the law firm of Dewey, Cheatam, and Howe won’t touch you, you may not have a case.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Tappit Brothers LIBEL!!1111

      • Longstreet63

        You could sue if you could find a lawyer who wasn’t busy…

      • Jon Sussex

        “Tapp it.” ISWYDT.

    • The Wanderer

      What about Ixnay, Onay and Amscray?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        It’s incredibly difficult to get an appointment with them.

        • The Wanderer

          Flywheel, Shyster, and Flywheel?

  • chascates

    Can’t Putin recommend some pro bono shysters?

    • jesterpunk

      He did, that lawfirm is also busy washing their hair.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank
      • chascates

        I’d have greater confidence in him conducting an investigation than Congress.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          But he still hasn’t found what he’s looking for…

          • snark-lurker

            The (R)s are intentionally taking a different direction whenever evidence points to one of their own

          • chascates

            Oh, well done sir!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            you can thank me later for the ear worm…

          • Joe Beese

            “There’s been a lot of talk about obstructing justice. Maybe… maybe too much talk.”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Joe Beese

      Points for honesty.

      • BadKitty904

        Even if accidental.

    • snark-lurker

      i bet she wishes she could un-ring that bell

      • h4rr4r

        No way. This is a totally normal GOP talking point. Has been for about a decade.

        • snark-lurker

          i thought it was an “open secret” thing

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      There was a time when I would have trusted that saying a full-time job shouldn’t be enough to live on would get one branded as a monster and thrown out of politics.

      I don’t trust that much anymore.

    • h4rr4r

      Drop the first part.
      Too long. We need bumpersticker stuff.

      • arglebargle

        “GOP cunt says eat shit and die, losers”

    • Edith Prickly

      Conservatives have completely abandoned the idea of “inside voice”, haven’t they? Thanks Trump!

    • BadKitty904

      C’mon, Jon, she’s handing it to you on a plate!!!

      • nightmoth

        Yet I just got an Ossoff email saying he’s dropped in the polls, send more money immediately.

        • Shanzgood

          So did I!

        • BadKitty904

          Given any GOP candidate can wildly outspend any Dem candidate*, there may actually be something to that.

          *Why do you think the Repugs want to concentrate all the nation’s wealth in their hands – to buy and keep power.

    • BadKitty904

      Georgia’s own “Dolores Umbridge”…

    • nightmoth

      What a fucking bitch! I’d like to wrap those pearls around her neck and twist hard. Don’t anybody tut-tut me with failure to take the high road, either, because I have to put up with living in Georgia so I get to be hateful about her.

      • Shanzgood

        Then you can actually say “with votes” because you live in GA!

    • Alan

      Well duh, if you’re republican you want the people who contribute to keep all the money because they don’t have to pay taxes on it. Then there’s nothing left for the lazy peons.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I hope whoever’s FT job it is to spackle all that makeup onto her hateful face makes a livable wage.

  • BadKitty904
  • MynameisBlarney
  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Kirkland & Ellis: Kirkland attorneys have been involved in class action defense for … including the tobacco, radiation, pharmaceutical, asbestos, aviation and automotive industries.

    Personally, I don’t have a problem with anyone, including corporations, getting the best defense possible, but Kirkland & Ellis is known for defending some of the worst environmental offenders. So, it’s pretty bad when you are too toxic for them.

  • Shanzgood

    Wait, the “conflict of interest” thing is what they said Mueller did NOT have even though his firm represents Kushner and Manafort?

    • snark-lurker

      oh: hello

      • Shanzgood

        Er, hi?

    • Alan

      Pardon me, I’m so sorry for being forward, but that hat is hot.

      • Shanzgood

        Thank you! It’s baconzgood’s and I think it looks hotter on him but I’m a bit biased!

        • Alan

          I have a feeling I wouldn’t know if it looks good on him.

  • Bemused Australian
  • Randy Riddle

    Maybe he could get Affluenza Teen’s lawyers.

  • BadKitty904

    Why am I suddenly reminded of the trial scene in The Devil and Daniel Webster?

    • shastakoala

      I keep thinking “The Devil’s Advocate.”

    • The Wanderer

      Brilliant movie.

      • BadKitty904

        The purest, Grade-A Americana. John Huston as “Mr. Scratch” was just brilliant casting…

        • The Wanderer

          And they say that if you go to his grave and speak loud and clear, “Dan’l Webster—Dan’l Webster!” the ground’ll begin to shiver and the trees begin to shake. And after a while you’ll hear a deep voice saying, “Neighbor, how stands the Union?” Then you better answer the Union stands as she stood, rock-bottomed and copper-sheathed, one and indivisible, or he’s liable to rear right out of the ground.
          I propose going to his grave on a moonlit night. We need all the help we can get.

          • BadKitty904

            Amen, amen, amen!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            or dig up Jimmy Stewart and send Mr Smith back to Washington

          • The Wanderer

            Mr. Smith was too good. The present pack of hyenas would eat him alive.

    • Randy Riddle

      Why am I suddenly reminded of Dr. Gonzo?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        at least he got results…

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Why, then, you long-barreled, slab-sided, lantern-jawed, fortune-telling note shaver! Be off with you to your own place before I put my mark on you! For, by the thirteen original colonies, I’d go to the Pit itself to save the Union!”

      • The Wanderer

        That . . . is a beautiful string of insults.

  • schmannity

    What about Gloria Allred? It’s a match made on television.

    • Alan

      She sues pussygrabbers.

      • miss_grundy

        Yep, that whole “conflict of interest” thing……

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Mavenmaven
    • The Wanderer

      Pacino’s rant at the end of the movie was poetry.

    • Joe Beese

      The Devil’s Advocate irritated me as one of those movies where it’s obvious that they started with the title and then worked backwards from there.

      Like Poetic Justice – about a poet named Justice.

  • Beowoof14

    Problem for Donnie is he probably can’t afford to pay his attorney, Donnie’s time playing as a rich guy is coming to an end.

    • snark-lurker

      He has been a know slow-pay/no-pay for a long time, it is why he & family are in debt to Pootie up to their highest reach

    • Alan

      Apparently, Kushner has a note due Chinese investors and he can’t find a bank to loan him the money to pay it off. That’s usually the end of these slimeballs, when you can’t borrow anymore to pay off those you’ve borrowed from. That’ll probably happen to Trump too. Oh wait, he’ll just file bankruptcy again.

      • miss_grundy

        But you have to be careful when you file for bankruptcy because a Russian oligarch or mobster won’t take bankruptcy as an answer for not paying your loan.

  • Oblios_Cap
    • Joe Beese

      “You jailed my father. Prepare to die.”

    • BadKitty904

      I’m glad you clarified which fat slob.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I see He Went To Jared expresses himself with the same level of civility, gentility, and class we’ve come to expect from that bunch.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • The Wanderer

      Daft Punk?

    • Jennifer R

      Makin me think 2 Guys from Andromeda.

    • Steve Cole

      Black Rock City!

  • Le Covfefe Royal

    Brendan Fucking Sullivan?? Yet another one of those assholes who I hoped i’d never have to think about again after the 1980s. Just like Jim Bakker, Eliot Abrams, and Joe Piscopo.

  • DainBramage

    Donald also has the problem of “forgetting” what he says to his lawyers.

    Q: Was it necessary for both you and Mr. Miller to always attend the meeting —
    A: We always do that.
    Q: Always?
    A: We tried to do it with Donald always if we could because Donald says certain things and then has a lack of memory.

    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/10/6/1578559/-Trump-s-lawyers-testified-they-met-with-him-in-pairs-to-ensure-he-wouldn-t-lie-about-their-meetings

    • BadKitty904

      Syphilis-related dementia is no fun, kids.

      • The Wanderer

        Yeah, when the Carnivorous Corkscrews start tangling up your wiring, it’s a downhill slide from there.

    • proudgrampa
  • Not every attorney is qualified to work for Trump.
    https://i.imgflip.com/1qgva6.jpg

  • Relativicus

    Where I live we see people like Trump all the time. They’re the sorts who’ll sign a contract for construction work, then short the bill because they feel they’d paid enough already. You’ll be surprised to learn these are typically very wealthy people. Of course, you don’t become wealthy by spending your money, so, yeah.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Having worked as a waitress, a bartender and a housekeeper, I am not remotely surprised.

  • Press release from the Law Office of Saul Goodman, Esq.: “Jesus Christ, even I won’t represent him!”

    • marxalot

      “A guy has to have standards! And my standard is, number one, numero uno, I get paid. Comprende?”

      • LesBontemps

        Get paid up front. Preferably in cash.

        • The Wanderer

          Small bills.

      • Yes, exactly! I’d love to see Bob Odenkirk do a video like this!

  • proudgrampa

    Those Washington lawyers got better things to do.

    https://youtu.be/G-9FfH63_hA

  • TJ Barke

    “Doesn’t pay and doesn’t listen”, they are saying this about the President of the United States of America. Sick of winning yet?

  • Rick Hill

    “Your Honor. Our defense is, and always has been…..err….(just saw trump’s latest tweet)….Your Honor, we would at this time request a continuance as we craft a new strategy of defense.”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Edith Prickly

      JESUS!!!! are you trying to kill me?

    • Alan

      “Oh my god, am I glad to see you”.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I hear this conversation:
        Trudeau: Dude!
        Obama: Dude!
        Trudeau: Dude…
        Obama: Dude…
        Trudeau: Duuuuude…
        Obama: Dude.

    • Jgb979

      MISSSSS YOOOOUUU

    • Claire

      Literally no one on Earth has ever been that fond of Donald Trump. And no one ever will be.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Squeeeeeee!

    • Shanzgood

      *whimper*

    • Yr. Gma

      He’s basically trolling Trump by going around the world getting hugged by world leaders. I wonder how much satisfaction he gets from that.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Almost as much as we do?

      • MynameisBlarney

        I doubt Obama would do that merely for trolling purposes.

    • The Wanderer

      I hope Trump sees these pics and video. It’ll make him seethe.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Trump would look at this pic and not really understand what’s going on there. Nobody has ever hugged him like that.

  • Alan

    Lawyers worried about their public image. The irony oozes with this clown in office.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Right next door and they haven’t called?

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/llZCIgo5fx0/maxresdefault.jpg

  • Jgb979

    Any lawyer on the planet would be commiting actionable malpractice if they did not tell him to break his Twitter machine in half and never tweet again.

    That will never ever ever ever ever ever happen.

  • Bill D. Burger

    When the goin’ really gets tough, the White House can rely on ‘P’ Ta Mon John.

    http://www.neatorama.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/f1e6da37548b07da_awesomelawyer2.jpg

  • calliecallie

    Not that I would wish Trump on any public defender, but maybe the court can assign him one of those. That’s what the poors get, right? He can see how the other half – or 99% – lives.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      A public defender would give him better representation than he has now.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
    • HazooToo

      They genuinely think we want to murder them. That’s the staggering thing. They’ve been forcefed so many lies and so much hatred, they think we’re just as bloodthirsty as they are.

    • Shanzgood

      They are doing it themselves with stupidity, greed, and hatefulness.

    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, but only in self defense.

    • The Wanderer

      It’ll be a case of “get them before they get us.”
      With votes, of course.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • bookish

    Patrick Meier. patrick@iRevolutions.org
    https://irevolutions.org/2017/06/07/crisis-mapping-future/

    Posting this for our wonk who works in GIS.

    Facebook Gets Into Crisis Mapping

    I’ve been consulting for Facebook since early 2016 and am finally allowed to talk about one of the projects I’ve been working on: Facebook Disaster Maps. With nearly 2 billion users, Facebook data provides a unique source of real-time, structure data for crisis mapping. The resulting privacy-preserving maps can provide insights on population movements before, during and after disasters. They can also highlight at 15-minute intervals the general areas where people are checking in safe thanks to data from Facebook Safety Check. I’ve already had discussions with colleagues at the UN about using these maps to plan rapid deployments of UAV/drone flights for aerial damage assessments. More here on Facebook Disaster Maps.

  • Joe Beese

    Elegy for a Fat Man

    It wasn’t all that long ago that Chris Christie was the darling of the Republican Party, his star burning so bright that a group of Iowa donors flew to New Jersey to convince the governor, hardly a year into office, that he needed to run for president.

    Six years later, his lieutenant governor will be running away from Christie as fast as she can.

    New Jersey Republicans on Tuesday tapped Christie’s second-in-command, Kim Guadagno, as their choice to take the helm in January. She beat out a relatively unknown state lawmaker, who tried throughout their bitter primary battle to link her to the governor, and she will now take on former Goldman Sachs executive Phil Murphy in the general.

    Christie’s toxicity in his home state, where his approval rating is near rock bottom, is likely to be Guadagno’s biggest liability as she moves into a general election this fall.

    Christie’s been scarred by scandal and embarrassed on the campaign trail as a second-tier candidate who couldn’t make it past New Hampshire. He was fired from the presidential transition team and passed over for the job he wanted in the administration of President Donald Trump, a personal friend.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/06/07/chris-christie-new-jersey-239227

    • The Wanderer

      Good luck, Ms. Guadagno. You’ll have to build up a lot of energy to escape his gravity well.

      • Joe Beese

        “Full power! We’re approaching the event horizon!”

        • The Wanderer

          “Maybe an angular trajectory will slingshot us away!”

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I’ve seen that episode so many times…

    • theblackdog

      Isn’t it amazing how the ones who are rising stars within the GOP in their first or second year in office tend to crash and burn spectacularly? Bobby Jindal is another one that comes to mind.

  • Edith Prickly

    OT but not really – Trump about to screw over the people who voted for him again with shitty downmarket MAGA!! chain hotels http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a55494/trump-cheap-hotels/

    • laineypc

      I can’t bring myself to click linky. Is he actually starting up businesses while occupying the white house and supposedly having a quote “job” unquote to do there?

  • Jennifer R
    • The Wanderer

      Sure, Jeffy-Bo. Dig your hole a bit deeper.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Subpoena his ass, and inform the Sergeant-at-Arms of his most recent address, just in case.

      • The Wanderer

        Union Station, third washroom along, end stall, knock twice and tap your left foot three times?
        Asking for a friend.

        • Jennifer R

          mustn’t kink shamemustn’t kink shamemustn’t kinkshame.

          • The Wanderer

            (snicker)

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          look for the tree that smells like cookies…

          • The Wanderer

            “Put a dab of vanilla behind each ear, and you’ll smell like a cookie all day!”
            – Crow T. Robot

        • ImGoingBacon

          Would that be the washroom at the west side of Union Station, or the one at the gate waiting area next to the Sbarro?
          Again, asking for a friend, who is conducting research, for science.

          • The Wanderer

            West side.

          • ImGoingBacon

            what, he can’t be located through Growlr or Grindr?

          • The Wanderer

            I wouldn’t know.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Oh-oh! They’ll hold their breath!….

  • Marceline

    Kind of makes the two law firms who continue to work for him look like idiots.

  • Voyager

    Trump’s behavior and the resulting speculation about his mental health has left me in a quandary. I advocate in the area of mental health. (Better treatment options, ADA accommodations, stigma, starting support groups, etc…) Part of me hates to consider that we might need potential presidents to comply to a mental health evaluation. I know that would lead to people with mental health issues, but who are still fully competent to be president, being left out of the system.

    Then I remind myself that I believe that a single involuntary hold should mean revoked firearms privileges for life. (With a caveat that the person should be able to appeal the validity of the hold.) Now there, I’m 99 percent concerned about someone harming themselves, not so much about someone harming others.

    I’m ambivalent in the true sense of the word in terms of a competency test.

    • The Wanderer

      A USAF officer was dismissed from his job with our strategic missile forces by asking a question that pointed out a serious flaw in the National Command Authority. Missile launch crews have to undergo psychological screenings and evaluations, but *not* the person in the position to open that code ‘cookie’ and destroy the world.
      There are two things that I think are necessary prerequisites to run for President: A refresher course in basic civics and government, and psych screening.

      • Voyager

        That’s a very good point.

        • Shanzgood

          Yes, it is. So were yours, though.

          • Shanzgood

            Damn autocorrect!

        • The Wanderer

          Thank you. I actually started pondering the point during the Reagan Administration – if you have a President who steadfastly believes in Armageddon, what surety do we have that he won’t wake up one morning and think, “God has told me to launch the missiles?”

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Nice that you’re thinking about it….

  • Nounverb911

    THIS JUST IN:
    Strange blue colored epidemic reported in blue states.

    https://twitter.com/NewYorker/status/872486044406620160

    • Shanzgood

      Wot?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        All the Dems are staying home to watch Comey testify.

        • Shanzgood

          Ah, thank you!

        • hendenburg2

          I just wish I was in DC to go to the bar that’s giving away free drinks every time Lord Dampnut tweets during today’s hearing

          • LucindathePook

            Go today, because tomorrow they’ll be bankrupt.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Orly Taitz, Lanny Davis, and Larry Klayman are all busy, too? Surely, it can’t be.

    • Jon Sussex

      D’oh!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Davis said no, evidently.

  • Jon Sussex

    Orly Taitz, Esq. on line 1 Mr. President.

  • proudgrampa

    Too bad he can’t read. Trump could use this if he can’t get a lawyer:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c50d44c0e6dec5fbf9e8ca6fe2c979af3de99dcb9e9983f6b0206c3196f0ed27.jpg

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Nolo? As in nolo contendere, i.e., no contest? Yah, I bet that’s a high-quality reference book. Lololololol

      • ObscurePopCultureReference

        They’re not terrible, just terribly generic. Many public libraries have them available, and the advice is fine for most everyday work, but it’s just not jurisdiction specific, or very detailed. But, as far as legal self-help is concerned, you can do far, far worse than Nolo Press.

      • proudgrampa

        When I was a young lad, I had a book titled “Every Day Law Made Simple.”

        I became A Expert! ;-)

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          My agent is my person…

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Is it architected for him?….

  • William
    • laineypc

      How does that make sense? Stiffing a lawyer is surely quite costly.

  • Persistent Demme

    Sucks to have alienated “the educated,” huh, Trump?
    I’ll bet you could use one of those “elitists” now.
    Stick with your usual guy, I’m sure you’ll be fiiiiine.

  • William
    • Yr. Gma

      Lori?

      • William

        No, Bill, my wife is Lori

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • The Wanderer

      “My Congressman fucked me out of my health insurance, but he did good things in the past so I’ll still vote for him.”
      Klono’s Iridium Whiskers…..

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        world’s worst case of Stockholm Syndrome

        “well, he fucked up the economy and took away my benefits and he hasn’t produced any jobs and the environment is going to hell and now he wants to take away my health insurance, but at least he’s not a Democrat”

        • The Wanderer

          Yep, looks like it.

          • Bitter Scribe

            The trouble with democracy is that morons get to vote.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          I swear these morons vote for Republicans because they are convinced that if they vote for Democrats, someone, somewhere, will get “free stuff.”

  • Thiazin Red

    Sullivan and Cromwell has overthrown governments and run a shadow cabinet before, but won’t represent Trump.

  • jaspersdad
    • Crystalclear12

      He said he was busy.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    The firm of Iranov, Buljanov, and Kopalsky might be available.

    And they don’t even charge money, just under-aged pee-hooker tapes.

  • hendenburg2

    I wonder if he ever bothered to call either the lawfirms of Scroom, Goode & Harde or Dewey, Cheetum & Howe

    • Bitter Scribe

      Don’t forget Goniff, Swindle & Finagle.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Fuckue, Weir (Lawyers), & Yernott….

  • CindyinEncinitas

    He’s now the Shitstain in Chief.

  • Stulexington

    Wolfram and Heart wouldn’t touch him either, something about conflict of interest.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Maybe they could insist on a big retainer up front, like high-powered criminal defense lawyers. (Which is what they would be.)

    • Stulexington

      There’s still the matter of him not listening and not keeping his mouth shut.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        He must be on the short list of nightmare clients nationwide.

        Won’t shut up.

        Won’t follow advice. (Even worse: Sometimes pretends he will follow advice but then doesn’t.)

        Stiffs you.

        There’s not much to like, there.

  • Crystalclear12

    Is it possible to overdose on schadenfreude?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      How schaden would your freude have to be?…

  • eyelashviper

    And the new FBI Chief is Christie’s personal lawyer, who got him off, and threw the underlings under the bus, then off the bridge. Also too, his law firm represents those Russian Oil Dudes.
    At least it wasn’t Foghorn Leghorn.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I need a whole PACK of cigarettes after that, Dok. Thank you.

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