Passionately Promoting A More Perfect World

The Level Beyond Kabbalah

loki-zen:

sinesalvatorem:

I was telling @endecision the other day that there was an actual religion based on puns and phonetic correspondences that were even more stretched and distorted than the ones in Unsong. That is, while Jewish!Kabbalah is a somewhat rule-constrained type of crazy, and Unsong!Kabbalah is a bit less constrained in order to be sillier, there’s a group that is significantly sillier than anything Aaron Smith-Teller has ever said that’s trying to play it completely straight. Unfortunately, I’d forgotten their name.

Well, I’ve finally found them by going through Scott’s old writing! It’s called ‘Factology’, and it is insane in exact proportion to how sciency the name sounds. I’m just going to quote Scott talking about it:

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What separates it from other cults with hilarious names and child molesting leaders is its unusual beliefs. Many derive from a process York calls “Sound Right Reasoning”, which means that if two words sort of sound alike, you can draw any conclusions whatsoever you want from that. For example, all (presumably non-Nuwaubian) books must be lies, because “library” sounds like “lie-bury”.

But surely they don’t just randomly draw crazy conclusions based on a few words that sound the same, do they? Well, here’s a quote from their Wikipedia article, about “examples of movies with encoded content about the reality of aliens among us”:

“Yoda… is short for Judah. Freemasons are inspired by one entity and that is a grey, by the name of Yoda. Yoda guides Freemasonry back to Judah, with the ancient Israel masonry. The British “Covenant Of Man” symbolizes the empire striking back. America is the empire fighting to overthrow Europe.… The word Yoda is not an English word as you have been led to believe. Its root word yawdaw appears 111 times in the Old Testament, means “to give thanks or praise, throw down, cast, shoot.” The word Yadah meaning, to “to praise, give thanks” stems from the root word Yawdaw and appears only two times in the Old Testament (Daniel 2:23, Daniel 6:10). Not to mention the fact Yoda played in [the film] Return of the Jedi, and the word jedi is the same as yeti, it’s just a matter of a letter, it’s really the same word. Yeti is the name of Sasquatch (Bigfoot), also called Seti which is equivalent to the Extraterrestrials called the Seirians.“

So because Yoda sounds like a Bible character, he is the secret leader of Freemasonry. And Obi-Wan Kenobi is a sasquatch. Ho-hum. Surely they can get crazier than that.

Let’s go on to their discussion of the gnostic demon-god Samael:

“Sam is short for one of his titles, Samael, meaning “poison those of EL.” He knows his name. He calls himself Uncle Sam or Dr. Seuss (Zeus) with his famous statement, “Sam I Am, I Am Sam.” This is what they teach the children; not ours however, for they will get right knowledge.”

Okay, so Uncle Sam is a gnostic demon, as revealed by Dr. Seuss who is secretly the king of the pagan gods. But can they get even crazier?:

“White people were bred to be food, and the "rapture” expected by Christians is really the return of the “raptors” who will dine on the now-ripe delicious white flesh.“

o_O
…Did they just say that the Rapture will involve actual raptors?! That’s… that's awesome. I would totally watch a movie based on this premise. If this religion thing doesn’t work out, Dwight York should go to Hollywood. He’s already into child molestation, so he’d have no trouble becoming an Academy Award winning director. And then we could get a Left Behind/Jurassic Park crossover. IT. COULD. HAPPEN.

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Honestly, right now, all I want for Christmas is for Dwight York to receive a signed copy of Unsong and then write a review of it.

Okay so do you know those black supremacist people with the revisionist histories and conspiracy theories and Ankhs everywhere? The ones who claim like, every famous historical figure was secretly black but it was covered up, like Jesus and Shakespeare etc. (I should point out that this is a teeny tiny crazy part of the internet. I’m not trying to claim this is any kind of a big thing and I actually don’t remember how I found out these guys exist.)

I have legit seen the claim that white people were bred to be food on those websites. Cool to see where it comes from.

Yes, I am aware of the Ankh Niggas. I think that this claim might have been promoted by several different groups, along with claims that white people are: 1) demons, 2) the broken experiments of demons, 3) literal plants, and/or 4) only six thousand years old (while it is well known that earth was seeded with the negroid race over a trillion years ago).

Black supremacists are honestly the funniest people I can’t even