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Complicit.

WHEREAS Ivanka Trump is supposed to be some kind of Dad-whisperer, who will use her daughterly brilliance as a moderating influence on her gross dad Donald Trump (who thinks she is BANGIN’ HOT), to keep him from doing ALL the awful things he wants to do; and

WHEREAS Ivanka was all “Climate change is going to be my signature issue in the White House!” and had big exciting meetings with such climate change stars as Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio to that end; and

WHEREAS Ivanka reportedly isn’t all that broken up about how her daddy, like the fuckin’ idiot he is, did his part in literally destroying the planet by announcing that he’s pulling the United States out of the Paris Climate Agreement; and

WHEREAS Ivanka and her be-dimpled crimer husband Jared, according to sources Politico spoke to, aren’t too upset because they’re “playing the long game” in the White House; and

WHEREAS Ivanka and Jared’s “long game” is some BULLSHIT; and

WHEREAS Ivanka writes lady books (for ladies!) about how she is such a strong feminist, and she even started a pay-to-play Clinton Foundation, to help the lady entrepreneurs; and

WHEREAS Ivanka hasn’t spoken up about her grab-ass dad’s plan to let employers take contraceptive coverage away from ladies; and

WHEREAS Ivanka came back from her Jewish holiday on Thursday night tweeting bubbly shit about “HAPPY PRIDE TO THE BIG GAY HOMOSEXUALS!” You know, because Ivanka is down with the gays and stuff; and

WHEREAS Ivanka’s dad can’t even seem to be bothered to issue an LGBT Pride Month proclamation, even though he’s issued June proclamations about a host of other things, and even though we were ASSURED before the election that Trump loved the gays SO MUCH; and

WHEREAS Ivanka either really doesn’t care about climate change or women’s issues or gay issues, and is just in it for the fame and the grifting, or she’s just REALLY bad at influencing her father to do jackshit (as The New Republic’s Brian Beutler examines in this piece right here); and

WHEREAS Ivanka seems to be a grifter asshole who stiffs contractors just like her dear old dad; and

WHEREAS Ivanka’s main qualification for having a West Wing job is being a fashion designer; and

WHEREAS Ivanka is really actually not all that good at fashion, if you take the time to look at her uggo clothes;

NOW THEREFORE, WE, YOUR LOYAL WONKETTE, by the authority vested in us by BECAUSE WE SAID SO, do hereby proclaim June 2, 2017, as the day Ivanka Trump should really go fuck herself and stop acting like her nepotism hire in the White House is in any way useful to the human beings of the United States of America.

Amen.

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RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “Melana. If ur reading this, please call. It was just a joke. I was not really comparing you to Ivanka.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • Pre-existing Ugly Dude

    Long game? Long con.

  • MynameisBlarney
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      😂😂😂😂😥🐽🐽🐽🐽🐽

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  • Jgb979

    Small cold comfort:

    Her brand name is complete and utter shit and every man in her life will likely one day be going to jail.

  • I heartily second this declaration Evan!

  • Longstreet63

    You go, Ivanka…
    Away. Far away.

  • BearGHAZI

    I was calling on Ivanka to go fuck herself before the election. Where’s my omniscience award?

    • Roger Phillips

      Sorry, that’s only prescience. If you were omniscient, you’d know that.

      • TheBoatDude

        Oh, you’re good…

  • The Wanderer

    I agree with this proclamation.

  • Treg Brown ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ
    • Latverian Diplomat

      And the Swedes will pay for it!

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      If it’s anything like my house, that one Allen wrench will go missing after 2 panels are put up.

      • Treg Brown ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

        Are you sitting on it? That’s where mine always end up. That or under my foot.

      • OddMan

        I was a fancy mechanic back in the day, damned allen wrenches are the lost socks of tools. I probably spent more money at the Snap-On™ truck for allen wrenches than anything.

      • OneYieldRegular

        I didn’t have much trouble assembling my IKEA Köfn, but my relatives are going to have a hell of a time finding that Allen wrench when it’s time to screw the lid down.

  • jesterpunk
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Fuck that guy.

    • The Wanderer

      Donnie, Jared, or Ivanka?

      • Treg Brown ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

        yes

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Yes. And her brothers, too.

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          She probably has.

          • Isn’t that what the Lannisters and Targaryens were trying to do?

      • KnaveOfSwords

        AOT,K

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Keep your enemies close, and your children closer….

    -The Orange Prince
    Nickleshape Mockycovfeffe

  • exinkwretch

    Can we expand this to include the whole clan, and everyone who worked for and/or voted for the orange asshole?

    • RumAddled

      THIS

    • TheBoatDude

      You can just tighten that whole group up and call them White Trash.

  • Matchstick

    So say we all.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    All in favor say aye…

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I’m sure she’s architecting a response right this minute.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “It’s true I only give lip service to all these causes…but daddy always said he loved my lip service.”
    — Ivanka

    • Nightshift

      Reminds me of Jane Krakowski in Vacation, “But daddy says I’m the best french kisser.”

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        OMG – I never realized that was Jane Krakowski. Wow. Thanks for the info.

  • jesuswasablack

    I don’t think Trump listen to or is really interested in Ivanka anymore, it seems she’s just lost that something special!
    https://pmchollywoodlife.files.wordpress.com/2016/02/donald-ivanka-trump-throwback-photo-ftr-1.jpg

    • DesertedPictures

      That’s growse.

      • jesuswasablack

        I agree

      • SpideySenser

        Most unpheasant.

        • TheBoatDude

          Get the flock out of here with your bird jokes…

    • Nightshift

      My personal conspiracy theory is that DT is setting up Jared to get him out of the way so he can marry Ivanka. She is still of child producing age and Melania is probably getting too old for him.

    • Suttree

      Yup. 20 years is what she lost.

    • Suttree

      Also too, why are those parrots fucking?

      • OddMan

        Damn, you are right, Trump and his daughter are posing provocatively on a statue of fucking parrots, literally fucking parrots.
        WTF???

        • Suttree

          That was what I thought when I first saw this picture years ago. I had to blink a few times and try and remember if I just took any drugs.

    • TheBoatDude

      Her prepubescence?

  • Nounverb911
    • LesBontemps

      Good doggie!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Your Ivanka tip for the day.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DBRAXqlUAAAamCw.jpg

    Champagne popsicles! XOXOXOX ___ Ivanka

    • SeeTrain65

      … and caviar cremesicles! (apologies to Robin Leach)

    • TheBoatDude

      And salmon egg dreams…

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Her Ivanka Trump HQ Twitter feed is a stunning, soul-destroying agglomeration of pure, clueless derp:

    https://twitter.com/IvankaTrumpHQ

    • The Wanderer

      I rely on my Wonkette and it’s non-commenters (deeply may they drink) to read her tweets before grinding them up, mixing them with almond nougat, sealing them within a triple-smooth double-rich chocolate envelope, and presenting them here with a garnish of lark’s vomit.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Have you tried the Ram’s Bladder cup?

        • The Wanderer

          Delicious!

  • AJ Milne

    Capital! I shall lobby my MP to declare this day be commemorated, annually and in perpetuity, as ‘Go fuck yourself Ivanka Day’. (To be celebrated by wearing extremely embarrassing clothes.)

    • The Wanderer

      I want to hear your MP say it in the Commons.

      • AJ Milne

        I figure I got a decent shot…

        My MP’s the environment minister.

        • The Wanderer

          Sweet.

      • Bemused Australian

        Unparliamentary language. The speaker would demand a retraction and it would be stricken from Hansard. Still, it’d make for good television!

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          Wait, you strike Glenn Hansard? I kinda liked “Once”….

        • The Wanderer

          Hmm. But if the offending word is merely alluded to?
          “Mr. Speaker, I move that today be declared ‘Oh, Go and Do Something Inappropriately Biological to Yourself, Ivanka Trump’ Day.”

          • Use fornicate. As in “Oh, Go Fornicate With Yourself Ivanka Trump Day.”

    • Suttree

      Sans pants though.

      • AJ Milne

        Makes sense…

        Apart from the respect this shows for Wonkette traditions, for some of us, this may make it sufficiently embarrassing all on its own.

  • Crystalclear12

    I thought all Wonkette proclamations are supposed to be signed by Donna Rose who is the boss of us?

    • Suttree

      If Wonkette sold shirts with Donna Rose’s hand prints on them, I would get two.

  • DesertedPictures

    Anyone here that watches that handmaids tale? All the Trump women remind me of Serena Joy.

    • Julie Demboski

      No, Serena Joy is warmer

      • DesertedPictures

        Ouch…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    If only someone could convince Trump that global warming threatens the supply of East European “models”.

  • Indiepalin

    Breaking: Stowaway bear terrorizes astronauts on International Space Station.

  • LesBontemps

    “… And may your clothing line be available only at Ross Dress For Less, at a 70% or greater discount.”

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Goodwill, on a lonely rack in the corner, covered in dust.

      • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

        Our local St Vincent de Paul store takes stuff that flat doesn’t sell, tears it up, and sells it for rags. This seems like an appropriate fate for her clothing line.

        • Suttree

          I am unsure if they would make OSHA approval for shop rags. Her clothing seems to be overly combustible. Lord knows what would happen if it touched toluene!

          • FlownΩver

            OSHA? We can fix that. Didn’t you notice the zero line item?

      • Suttree

        And then they finally gave them to the homeless shelter.

        • FlownΩver

          I always said they hate the homeless. There’s your proof.

      • puredog

        Goodwill, in the bins, by the pound.

  • Ryan Denniston

    138k jerbs. Weak! Sad! Low stamina! I realize that Obama had the longest recovery in the post-War era, but you think Donnie would be able to keep it up for a little while, rather than just seeing it shrivel up out of the gates.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2017/06/01/what-to-watch-for-in-the-may-jobs-report/?hpid=hp_hp-top-table-low_jobs-840a%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.a2c0fccc3f82

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Much like the CBO report, these are fake numbers made up by a Hillary supporter.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      How many of those 138k jobs were for people to shovel up Trump administration bullshit?

      • FlownΩver

        Need it be said? Oh all right then – AOT,K!

    • OddMan

      Wasn’t Our Dear Lord Dampnut™ bragging about all the jobs he single handedly created just a couple of weeks ago?

  • wait! what?

    Is it 2 Dump Donald days for every Evil Ivanka day?

  • Anna Rompage

    I’m starting to wonder if Donad Trump’s kids are just a bunch of selfish brats that encouraged their abusive father to run for precedent, knowing that he would be put into jail for fraud, money laundering, and a whole long list of illegal activity, and leaving his whole estate for them to fight over after he’s locked up?

    I mean seriously, with a father figure like that, nobody would come out unscathed, or even remotely well adjusted, and all of them I’m sure, would love to see their pops locked behind steel bars..

    • Latverian Diplomat

      That would make Tiffany the sane one, then?

      • Anna Rompage

        I don’t think with genetics like that, that any of them would come out “sane”…

      • QHarp, Mujer malévola

        No, but hopefully it will make Tiffany the ‘tell-all book’ one.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          A TLA (NDA) keeps that from happening.

    • FlownΩver

      Couldn’t they just have gaslighted his already deranged ass? It surely wouldn’t have taken much effort, and it would have made things a lot easier for the rest of the world.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • anon_the_great

    Hearing no objections, so moved.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Suttree

    I have never changed my opinion of her. Even back when we were all poor Ivanka getting skeeved on by daddy and stuff. I always new she was just a grifter like everyone else in the family. She just played the part slightly betterer. As such, go fuck yourself Ivanka, you are a horrible person, just like the rest of your horrible family. i hope when the day comes, we can get a ship full of underpayed, exploited factory workers from China to drag you away in a tumbrel. That is one job that they would like to do for free.

    • BosGrl

      Same Trump. Better packaging.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “…stop acting like her nepotism hire in the White House is in anyway useful to the human beings of the United States of America.”

    *inserts “and non-human beings also too” into the text*

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    https://youtu.be/XAnyRGy2iU4 This one’s for you, Ivanka…

    • MynameisBlarney

      I heart Ms. Allen.

  • MynameisBlarney

    • How funny

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      I can feel my arteries clog as I look at this picture..

      And then my stomach growls…

      • OddMan

        I am going to hell, I like cheeseburger pizza. That one would push my limit from the looks though.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I like how they took the time and care to really make the Mexican side of the pizza look appetizing and the turmp side looks all nasty.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        My dog puked better looking things than that right half. DO NOT WANT.

        Now, the left, on the other hand, looks great.

        • TheBoatDude

          I’d go so far as to say it looks bueno, if I may…

    • The Wanderer

      I have upfisted this, despite it repelling me.

      • Nockular cavity

        It wouldn’t be fitting if it wasn’t repellent.

    • Fartknocker

      For all the happiness that mozzarella brings me, converting it into an industrial cheese product is just wrong – except in this case.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I tried a mozzi stick once.
        Once.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          This one time, in pizza camp, I …

          • The Wanderer

            Before the humiliating Fontina Incident in the showers?

          • Indivisible Snark Tank

            I heard about this one guy who fucked a pizza…

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Did he falafel afterwards?

    • Jenny

      That looks gross…mostly the cheese burger side.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yup.
        That Mexican side looks moar gooder’n hell!

    • LesBontemps

      As gross as a metaphor as it is in real life.

    • puredog

      I’d eat that.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Eeeeeeeyecccccchhhhhhh.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I assume “Scraggly Yellow Hair” is available as a topping for an extra fee?

    • chazmanr

      It looks as appetizing as you would expect a Trump pizza to look. Does it come with a sponge to soak up all of the fake cheese oil?

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Ivanka’s influence on Donnie has waned with every passing year. I suspect I know why.

  • Jenny

    Eh everyday is “go fuck yourself, Ivanka” day, but it is nice to have a day to make it special with a blingee or something.

  • snark-lurker

    Maybe some one should tell ‘vankska that when law & order break down, they will be the among the first to take the 13 steps.

  • Conor Gladstone

    God I love Evan’s subtlety

    • Relativicus

      All subtext all the time!

    • Suttree

      I just wish he would tell us how he really feels!

  • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

    So say we all!

  • Fartknocker

    If Ivanka would have collaborated with Bristol Palin she could have made bank with Champagne Popsicles infused with Bristol meth. What a lame ass, weak grifter.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Bristol meth, for when you want your meth cut with congealed Draino.

    • Apparently the new slang on the street for Meth is Trump

      http://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-meth-popular-nickname-619147

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      A Simple Life redux

    • The Wanderer

      Harvey’s Bristol Meth?
      Goes down smooth.

    • BigCSouthside

      If Bristol was involved the popsicle stick would also have to double as a pregnancy test

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    But guys, he held A FLAG!

  • Verily!

  • From her RNC speech I thought it was Child Care and Women’s Issues.

    • The Wanderer

      There you go again, actually thinking that she expects people to remember the dribblings from her gaping piehole.

    • FlownΩver

      “…and AIDS!” – Selina Meyer

  • Oblios_Cap

    Finally! A proclamation that I can really get behind.

  • Relativicus

    It’s also National Donut Day today, apparently.

  • CogitoErgoBibo
    • wait! what?

      Sorry girl, you’re Billy Zane.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    The big fuzzy hat has descended.

  • aktlib101

    God, I hated the Bush Crime Family and their criminal administration and the damage they inflicted on us and on the world. But the Trump Grifters Mafia cabal are worse. How is that even possible? Who puts these people in power?

  • Oblios_Cap

    And every day is “Go Fuck Yourself Donald Trump Day”!

  • Viola Pastuszyn

    I second.

  • Marla

    America is about to rot in ways it has never seen before. What Trump fails to realizes is the American imperialism loses more than it gains especially in numbers of human life and we owe it all to the Trumptards.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance
  • Debra Dassow

    Amen is right.

  • she has made us all stupider. may the lord(*) have mercy on her soul(**)

    *just us, really
    **not mercy, like lots of horrible horrible sadness.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    or she’s just REALLY bad at influencing her father to do jackshit (as The New Republic’s Brian Beutler examines in this piece right here)

    This ought to be good:

    It may be Ivanka’s tragic circumstance that she was born to an ethically vacant parent, and that forging a bond with him required making herself in his self-image. But it is our tragic circumstance that the man in question is a moral obscenity, a mental flyspeck, a fraud, and president of the United States. In the context of his presidency, her commitment to their relationship requires her to piss down our backs and tell us it’s raining.

    Even if I’m wrong about that, the best we can say about her brief tenure as a political operative is that she’s awful at it, the kind of source whom reporters would normally take pride in disdaining, except that she’s the president’s wealthy, glamorous daughter. But every political reporter will at some point find that such “well-placed” anonymous sources aren’t necessarily sources worth listening to. They lie, or they bullshit, or they think they know more than they do, or they self-deal one news clip at a time. Or some combination thereof. That’s Ivanka. If she weren’t her father’s daughter, he’d call her a loser. For the press to give her more credit than that is an abdication of their professional responsibility to the public.

    Pretty much…

    • Oblios_Cap

      “A mental flyspeck”. Damn, I’m stealing that!

    • The Wanderer

      “Her commitment to their relationship requires her to piss down our backs and tell us it’s raining.”
      MmmHMM, that’s good snark!

      • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

        Weird how it always comes back to urination with this family.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Lord Dampnut: “Backs?”

    • DrBigHead

      I think Beutler sums it up pretty well. The press won’t criticize her because she is rich and pretty

      • This. They will hide behind the “Going after family members is bad!!!!” thing all the while totally ignoring a: she willingly joined the administration making her therefore a public official, which is fair game and B: All the fucking going after they did of Chelsea WHILE SHE WAS A FUCKING TEENAGER

        • efoveks

          Or Amy Carter. Or Billy Carter for that matter. They also weren’t very nice to Rosalind, either. And she was our First Lady at the time! (See also Nancy Reagan: “Outta my house, bitch!”)

          • TheBoatDude

            Blowjob Nancy was quite territorial…

        • DrBigHead

          I agree. IMO, she abdicated her right to any deference when she joined the administration.

          And let’s not forget what what was said about Amy Carter, and she was only nine years old.

  • Nockular cavity

    So say we all. I am Groot.

  • Vincent Ricola

    But.. but… she’s got pretty blonde hair and ever-changing eye colors and hangs out with powerful people like Wendi Deng… CNN says that means she is a truthful person who we should believe at all costs.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Ivanka go back to the days of Obama…

  • TJ Barke

    It’s almost like the rich have no interest in anything but themselves…

    • Proud Liberal

      Gee, ya think?

    • LesBontemps

      Well, there’s the money, too.

      • TJ Barke

        Yes, but for themselves.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Like almost everyone in the family, Ivanka is only in it for Ivanka. If selling hubbo out to the Feds would keep her in the lifestyle she has become accustomed to, she’d do it in a red-hot minute.

    • DrBigHead

      I’m actually looking forward to that day. You know it is coming.

  • OddMan
    • The Wanderer

      Ramen!

  • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

    Her ‘long game’ is the same as the rest of the family’s – jockey for position in Donnie’s esteem, get him to change his will and wait for him to die.

    • JJ O’Shaughnessy

      I don’t think she would be so eager to hear “I hearby beqeath 10 biullion of my debts to Ivanka, for her loyal service in the white house, and we both know what that means, heh heh, fantastic tits, glad I chose them and paid for them.”

  • Bureaucrap

    Without objection, so ordered.

  • Crystalclear12

    President’s daughter Barbie- with new grifters grip!!

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Watch her glom onto that new Hermes bag! Suck it, haters!

      • hannjenn

        Watch the whole Dump klan drown in scandal after scandal.

  • Marceline

    Poison Ivie is almost worse than her daddy because she can fake sanity.

  • Skwerl the Impeachanator!

    I propose an amendment:
    Change: stop acting like her nepotism hire in the White House is in anyway useful to the human beings of the United States of America.

    To: stop acting like her nepotism hire in the White House is in anyway useful to the any creature in the Solar System and beyond.

  • There’s porn about this

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      There’s porn about everything. Rule #34.

      • MizzMazz

        And if there isn’t, you have to make it ;)

    • boredcatlady

      But is it any good?

      • efoveks

        It’s like pizza: even when it’s bad, it’s good ‘cuz pizza (or porn, in this case)!

        • boredcatlady

          Gotcha. Like 90210

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I was going to suggest that everybody who voted for Trump should go fuck themselves too, and then I realized they already did.

    • Proud Liberal

      Yeah, and they fucked us too! Welcome to hell.

  • Nounverb911

    Looks like Ivanka has some competition now.
    https://twitter.com/bornmiserable/status/869808266452148225

    • Are we there yet?

      “The Scent of morons…”

    • Suttree

      It’s Slovenian for collaborator.

    • Helene Logan

      “With generous notes of horseshit, flopsweat and adult diaper.”

  • BigCSouthside

    Ivanka serves one purpose: to make her father seem palatable to dumbfucks.

    Whether it be in real estate deals, or elections, that’s all she’s ever been. She’s a fucking prop, every single attribute about her designed and coached to be disarming

    She’s the flash and puff of smoke a magician employees while he steals your watch

    • Yep.
      Can’t tell you how many times since Nov she’s been pictured at these BIG MEETINGS! With IMPORTANT PEOPLE!!! and the reporter always mentions how she listened quietly, and then showed a picture of her sitting there, exposed legs facing the Important People.
      Fucking prop

      • Suttree

        Because most men are about as smart as tumbleweed when they see some latex blonde.

      • BigCSouthside

        Coincidentally I also think she’s Jareds prop…cuz no way that dude is straight.

        • TheBoatDude

          Now don’t go spooling up Evan like that. He’s already on the verge of losing control over Jared…

    • TJ Barke

      Damn, that’s exactly right…

    • Helene Logan

      Much like this installment, this is perfectly put.

    • Pat_Pending

      And while we’re at it, how much early-adoption plastic surgery has that girl had??? Not to mention the Botox to keep any hint of latent emotion off her ‘face’.

  • boredcatlady

    A fucking men

  • Arse Grammatica

    Nati sunt diaboli: de carne diaboli.

  • Portia McGonagal

    When is princess going to learn that daddy doesn’t actually give a cheeto fingered fuck what she thinks? Let me get right on feeling badly for her. I’ll get to it three weeks from the first of never.

  • Shoto

    Ramen, and thank you, Babby Jeezuz.

  • Ricky Gay
  • Yellerduck

    What is that look in her picture supposed to be? I’ve seen it before on people, always in fashion photography or advertising. If you were the photographer, and you were telling the model how to look; i.e. “Give me ‘pouty’, now ‘excited’…”, what would you say to get that look? “Give me…vacant?”

    • Shoto

      “Give me grifty, but vapid.”

      • weejee

        “Give me banal, and bullpucky.”

      • Natalie

        Exactly what I was thinking!

    • The Wanderer

      “Resting derp face.”

    • jodyleek

      I think it’s called the so-much-botox-I-can’t-emote portrait style.

      • Querolous

        Needs more Spackle™

        • Rags

          Bondo libelz!

    • BigCSouthside

      Give me “look down judgingly on the unwashed proletariat as you pass by in your limo, wonder how come they couldn’t pull themselves up by the bootstraps and be rich like you”

    • efoveks

      “Looking far away and contemplating Things”

      • Yellerduck

        Things like, “Was that a squirrel? I think it was. Maybe a possum? What’s a possum look like?”

    • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      There’s no point in asking; you’ll get no reply.

    • therblig

      “It’s daddy, but i’ll try to think of jared”

    • Pilotshark

      non complicit look.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      I think the photographer just puts some peanut butter on her gums so it looks like she’s talking.

      Maybe I’m confusing how they get them to give speeches.

    • Pat_Pending

      DSL. You know what it stands for.

    • Rufus McBoofus

      Easy. Ask her to do math.

  • proudgrampa

    Long game: “We don’t know what the fuck we’re doing.”

    • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

      Same as the short game only longer.

      • weejee

        With daddy tRump, who’s hung like a bee, it’s always the short game, short-fingered vulgarian that he is.

        • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

          short temper, short attention span, short memory, etc., etc., etc…

    • Iam Reading

      Their long game is simply this. Make money as fast as you can as much as you can and don’t get caught.

      • Bad Tom

        They’re having problems with the “don’t get caught” part.

        • Tracy Almasy

          So are the Democrats . It is just a matter of time . Both parties are crooks .

          • Bad Tom

            Bullshit.

          • Jesus Christ go away.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      ^^ This ^^

    • BigCSouthside

      I think the long game is lay low until the bloated cheeto dies so we can get all his cash

  • marxalot

    WHEREAS her dumbass Pride tweet about how much queers contribute to the economy directly reflects the exploitative ideology of neoliberal capitalism which also demands that we (queers, but also everyone else) work shit jobs and provides the argument for letting us die in the streets AND her personal position as an exploiter of labor and the oppressed…

  • Are we there yet?

    Sorry, Ivanka, this ain’t China — your critics aren’t just going to disappear and things are going to start getting a lot rougher.

  • KimDavisisHawt

    Amen, indeed.

  • Ωbjectifier

    WHEREAS Ivanka is really actually not all that good at fashion, if you take the time to look at her uggo clothes;

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1364fec7f5e0afdb0c516ce2f41892ba20d631ee1357d780c54f29ba7fdef061.gif

  • Helene Logan

    APPROVED.
    Semi off-topic, but who created that shitty logo of hers?

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Certainly not anyone with any typographical sense or style. Probably the same team that developed those lovely clothes, shoes and jewelry for her.

      • Bobathonic

        So it’s a copy of someone else’s crap logo?

      • PubOption

        I looked to see if they were Cyrillic letters, but no.

    • MizzMazz

      It looks like a peen to me, but then everything does at this time of morning.

    • gkshenaut

      The logo is a caricature of her dad, facing right, puckered up for a kiss.

  • chazmanr

    “WHEREAS Ivanka Trump is supposed to be
    some kind of Dad-whisperer, who will use her daughterly brilliance as a
    moderating influence on her gross dad Donald Trump”

    Why must I continue to point out that the people who said that Ivanka would a moderating force were members of the Trump campaign? The same campaign that has lied about literally everything.

  • calliecallie

    I know it’s all bullshit, but just the fact that she would say they’re “playing the long game” demonstrates that quite clearly these people don’t understand how any of this works. God willing the House and/or Senate will flip in 2018, and by 2020 they’ll be done, unless they get hauled off to jail before then, which I sincerely hope is the case.
    And if any of them were actually playing “the long game” they would not have pulled out of the Paris Climate Accord. Dumbasses.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Oh, it’s a long game all right. Every grifter worth her salt know how to run the long con.

  • ServantToTheStars

    Hope it’s a long game when J.CrewSay goes to Riker’s.

  • george gonzalez

    … and let’s not forget that she’s deep into that moneywashing sham of a hotel in beki-beki-stan. Maybe they can get matching orange jumpsuits at their next place of residence.

  • DainBramage

    I will spit in the face of the next shit-fer-brains who says that their idiot candidate will be just swell because of the moderating influence of the people around them.

    • Lily412

      Totes. You’re voting for a person, not a posse. The fucking POTUS shouldn’t need hand-holders.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Ron Reagan, Jr. told of being in a VIP lounge at the Republican National Convention when George W. Bush was nominated. Everyone there was high fiving each other. He said, “But, he’s an idiot.” They all said, “Don’t worry, he’ll have Dick Cheney beside him to keep him from doing anything stupid.”

      • DainBramage

        Yeah, weak idiot for President, with an actively evil VP. Thanks, GOP.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Yeah. The posse is supposed to complement the person, not make up for its shortcomings.

  • x111e7thst

    Can we start referring to Ivanka as unindicted co-conspiratot number 2?

    • H0mer0

      [who does #2 work for?]

  • baconzgood

    Humbert Humbert wrote this post?

  • ez

    WHEREAS Ivanka and her be-dimpled crimer
    husband Jared, according to sources Politico spoke to, aren’t too upset
    because they’re “playing the long Con” in the White House
    Fixed it for you.

  • Wendy Belgard Hanawalt

    Amen.
    Go fuck yourself, Ivanka.

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Cunt (I found my new Cindy McCain!)

    • marxalot

      Lacks both warmth and depth.
      “Gash,” maybe.

  • FastMovingCloud

    Whereas I LOVE YOU!

    • That’s not blood!!!!

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      That picture gives me the absolute fucking willies.

  • Just wait, Trump will declare June Russian Girl-on-Girl Pee Hooker Pride Month.

  • Manders

    From the stupid Politico article:
    “People close to the first daughter and her husband now claim that while the pair wanted the president to stick by the Paris deal and tried to bring voices on all sides of the issue to the table, climate change was never their focus . . .”

    Bitches, she said she was going to be the climate czar! Guess she deposed herself.

  • Manders

    Also from Politico:

    “Nobody elected Ivanka Trump, she has argued, and the expectation that
    she and her husband would single-handedly change her father’s position
    away from long-standing Republican orthodoxy is seen internally as unrealistic and unfair.”

    Then go the fuck home, lady! Design ugly shoes! Write stupid books! You’re absolutely right that nobody elected you, so you don’t have to be there! You aren’t even required to like your parents, so what the hell are you doing in the White House if you don’t think you can do any good?

    Aaagh. I want a drink and it’s only 12:30.

    • NastyBossetti

      Unfair? Life isn’t fair, assholes. It’s something the rest of us have known since childhood.

      • Tracy Almasy

        Nancy your a woman after my own heart . Life is not fair . The Snowflake parents did them a grave disservice by not teaching them that .

    • Pisto75666

      “Nobody elected Ivanka Trump, she has argued, and the expectation that
      she and her husband would single-handedly change her father’s position
      away from long-standing Republican orthodoxy is seen internally as unrealistic and unfair.”

      Sort of like how your dad told the rubes who voted for him that he’d fix the government the second he got there, right? Words mean things, dear. Suck it up or go AWAY.

    • I always want a drink.

  • OT Ken Loach is doing a stonking job with Labour’s campaign ads
    https://twitter.com/jeremycorbyn/status/870642906020884482

    • ltmcdies

      that’s a good ad….

  • BTW where did this “drink champagne from a woman’s shoe come from? It is a disgusting idea

  • Manders

    “Their defenders say the pair is more concerned with their success on
    targeted projects, like Kushner’s efforts to engage private-sector CEOs
    with government and to improve relations with countries like Canada,
    China and Mexico. Ivanka Trump, for her part, has been raising awareness
    around women’s economic empowerment and working with minority small
    business owners.”

    – Our relations with Canada and Mexico were just fine until the Oaf of Office showed up. Also, private-sector CEOs are currently peace-ing out of this government because Drumpf dropped out of Paris, so well done there, Jare-Jare. What about all the projects Daddy Dearest assigned to you? Do those take a back-burner to your pet causes?

    Barfzilla with these two and their “defenders.”

  • FZsdaughter

    My name is Ivanka
    I go to ze banka
    I take scuba holidays
    in south Sri Lanka

    • Like but scans slightly better with “I go scuba diving … in southern Sri Lanka”

    • i take my mask and tanks snorkeling bitch
      cause I’m forkelin’ rich!
      god bless the working woman.

  • ziggywiggy

    What seems crazy is the gay trump supporters/Republicans. The way I explain that is that gay people can be idiots too.

    • elho

      Gay Republicans are one-issue political thinkers: they support fiscally conservative federal policy. Like anyone else, gays with lots of money are more likely to favor Republican fiscal ideals. Of course, Trump himself, having switched parties 5 times, isn’t really much of a Republican. Trump thinks debt is a GOOD thing, and most of his plans would result in astronomical deficits.

      • ziggywiggy

        I am guessing that most gay Republicans are financially well off white males. So maybe they are not technically idiots, but they must really twist themselves in knots to be selfish and self hating at the same time.

    • Ren Chant

      and non-white 45 supporters. too stupid.

    • Duchess Gummybuns

      They’re not idiots, they’re just bigots (and idiots). From what I’ve read, the gay Trump supporters hate on immigrants for taking their jerbs.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Any wagers on whether “playing the long game” was simply a reference to the fact they were playing the board game Risk that night?

    • Greg Singh

      Please, that’s just what she calls her special time with Daddy.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Maybe she calls it that, but that’s not what it is.

    • AJ Milne

      Actually, just tic tac toe…

      It takes them a while.

  • Whore_Ta_Culture

    Just tweeted back to ivanka………….

    https://twitter.com/whoretaculture/status/870682099082117121

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith
  • BrendaKay

    Amen.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    “Would Wonkette like some cake? Its the weend and I have cake! You can eat cake!”
    — Ivanka

    • Pat_Pending

      “Let them suck champagne popsicles!”

      • Greg Singh

        That’s how she got her nickname, “popsicle holster.”

  • Blackest Noobs

    we need a French Style Revolution to Knock some fucking sense into these RICH WEALTHY WHITE FOLKS….even if it means removing a few of their heads from their bodies.

    • Pat_Pending

      Madame DeFarge’s knitting needles are clicking as we type.

      • everstar

        I’ve always wished I could type and knit at the same time.

    • theblackdog

      I’d be careful about that. Once the initial beheadings were done the revolutionaries basically turned on one another

    • doktorzoom

      You see, we have these stupid rules, and I see I am once again reminding people of the fucking things. You’ve been here a good long time and you should know better.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

  • Pat_Pending

    Oh, sure, she may seem shallow, but if you scratch the surface… you get a scratched surface.

  • Pat_Pending

    You may have my amen up in here.

  • Nancy

    All of the above, and for pure superficial measure, her gangly neck and the fact that she’s 6’7″ and still has to wear 5″ stripper shoes all the time.

  • elho

    Kind of absolutist, isn’t it? Sure, all of the Trumps are huge disappointments as human beings, but it could be worse: Trump could be listening to no pseudo-liberals at all! Better Jared and Ivanka have what little moderating effect they can achieve — Pence will be even worlse.

    • yeah it could always be worse. you could be on fire.

      • Ren Chant

        we’re all on fire now.

        • xbutter

          Trump will deliver Play Dough to the victims of the Appalachian fires coming this summer, and Ivanka could donate some hideous child-slave labor produced fashions to the destitute folk as rewards for drinking the snake oil.

    • 451 Byrnes

      No. Just no. Fuck the little anchor baby and her beard of a husband too. Jared is as gay as the day is long. The only person boinking that manufactured plastic doll is dear ol’ daddy. Nobody puts trumpy in a corner!

      • Greg Singh

        I think people are just jealous. How many people get to have both a masseuse and a plastic surgeon on call?

    • Duchess Gummybuns

      Don’t kid yourself. Those two are cut from the same cloth as President Shitbag…they just hide it slightly better.

  • subatomic

    These “people” are all just horrible. The end.

  • hendenburg2

    WHEREAS Starting every line item with “WHEREAS” is stupid

    WHEREAS It also makes no goddamned sense

    THEREFORE I hereby propose that we abolish using a bunch of dumbass “WHEREAS” and “THEREFORE” statements in formal proposals, statements, and resolutions.

    • Bobo the Dork Boy

      Man, you whiny little bitches are EVERYwhere!

      • Opalescent Riddles

        IK,R?

        WHEREAS nobody is making anybody read this, and
        WHEREAS there’s plenty more other shit to read,
        RESOLVED that there’s no need to disparage proclamations worded as such.

  • Alan

    Don’t know why anyone thought she had a brain. She’s dumb as shit.

  • Tracey Soppanish

    Praise Preibus and hallelujah or some other shit.

  • I’m not sure if pointing at random cheap tacky shit and saying ‘Dat ones’ qualifies as being a “Fashion Designer”.

  • Opiwan

    SO, THEREFORE, IT IS, and SO, HENCEFORTH, IT SHALL BE SO

    SO SO SO

  • unionthuggery

    I move that all further debate cease and that this declaration be adopted by the body by acclamation. All in favour?

    • 451 Byrnes

      Aye!

    • Bored

      Whereas!

    • Skaarphy

      Covfete!

    • JustDon’tSayCovfefe

      ACCLAIM!

    • Goposaur

      They said there’d be cake.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Nope. Just canned clams.

        • sarafina

          Then never mind. No cake, no vote.

      • Telast

        Hahaha…

  • Bored

    The points could have been better made without the constant use of “whereas”. I stopped reading after the fourth one and noticed there was a ton more to follow.

    • Bobo the Dork Boy

      You’re a whiny little bitch, aren’t you?

      • Magic Juan

        I think you mean

        Where as, you’re a whiny little bitch….

      • Bored

        I didn’t attack you, so why the cheap shot? You’re a cowardly little one, aren’t you? You’re the little bitch, toots.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      That’s how proclamations are written, true story. Didn’t you ever see one of those “The Mayor Your Wonkette declares June 2 to be We Told You No Comments Allowed Day”– WHEREAS everyone hits Submit without thinking it through and WHEREAS never read the comments and WHEREAS comments aren’t even allowed and WHEREAS Wonkette non-commenters should get on with their lives already, Your Wonkette declares this to be We Told You No Comments Allowed Day, this second day of June, in the year of Our Wonkette two thousand and seventeen.

      • Bored

        I know that’s how proclamations are written. This isn’t a proclamation, though, is it?

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Oh, sorry, no. According to the header it’s a “royal decree.” I guess those are in Latin? Or something?

          I will now stop feeding this troll.

          • Bored

            For what it’s worth, little one, it’s not a royal decree either. It’s a rant by some granted bandwidth.

  • Bill Hardy

    I think she tried to get her Dad out of this global clusterfuck.. However, I agree she is in on the grift. SOoooo. Back to Bidness!

  • Bitter Scribe

    The only thing she has going for her IMO is that she looks great. And for me, even that is mitigated when I think of how much time she must put into getting her hair, makeup, etc. just right. I never entirely trust a woman who puts excessive time and effort into her appearance.

    • natoslug

      She looks great. For an exceptionally bland-looking person.

    • anglrdr

      she’s got a horsey face.
      White people have terrible beauty standards.

      • Thorn Spike

        Hey, Daddy paid good money for that face.

      • Jim Peale

        She’s what I call “Republican pretty.” That means she’s as beautiful as spending a lot of money on clothes, hair, makeup, etc. can achieve.

        • Bedwickian

          Total WASP “pretty”. Yuck

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      That girl has had so much surgery done. She doesn’t actually look like that. She also does the rich girl thing where she squints her eyes and ovals her mouth to smile (Melania does this too), so as not to create wrinkles.

      • Sharoney

        Work on her nose (at least twice), her boobs (much too large for her frame–she looks matronly), her teeth (they originally looked a lot like Eric’s), her chin (and possibly her entire lower jawline) and I think they also reduced the flesh below her lower eyelids that all the Trump Crime Family seem to have inherited.

        • everstar

          I actually pity her a bit. There’s a picture of her from the pre-surgery days (I’m guessing) further up-thread, and she looks like someone with a personality. She used to wear bright red lipstick and now she wafts around in taupe and beige with a daring splash of peach.

  • ichthyopteryx

    Ivanka de Trump
    Ivanka de Trump
    If she doesn’t scare you,
    you must be a chump
    What she says sounds like
    taking a big dump
    Ivanka, Ivanka de Trump

  • Gary Charound

    Needs some “Heretofores” and “Aforementioneds.”

    • Boo_Radley

      “Party of the First Part”, “Party of the Second Part”

      • Ill-Advised

        “Comes now into Wonkette….” No, that won’t work.

      • SeeTrain65

        “Why don’t you let the first party be of the second part, and the second party be of the first part? Then you got something!”
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Sy6oiJbEk

    • Opalescent Riddles

      And “appertaining thereunto”.

  • PabloDali
    • Bigby

      Ya know, my dad and I have the same hair color, or rather, I now have the same hair color my dad did when he was my current age, which was 29 years ago.

      Imma think awhile about how cool my dad was so I can overrule the neurons that were assigned to contemplate this creepy-ass picture from hell.

    • HooverVilles

      Oh gag! I had not seen this yet.
      The Trump family brings class to the WH.
      Gag – Barf! That was hard to type even in snarkese.

  • rick

    NOW THEREFORE, WE, YOUR LOYAL WONKETTE, by the authority invested in us by BECAUSE WE SAID SO, do hereby proclaim June 2, 2017, as the day
    Ivanka Trump should really go fuck herself and stop acting like her nepotism hire in the White House is in any way useful to the human beings of the United States of America.

    Amen.

    Go on and preach, brother Evan. Amen to you sir!

    • gallbladder

      Testify!

      • Lordpnut

        Should we line up to testify, or can we just spew around in a court of jurisdiction?
        Also too, while immunity is probably irrelevant, could I get my tolerance reduced a notch or two?

  • JustDon’tSayCovfefe

    AMEN!

  • gatesong

    Amen.

  • SmartnSnarky

    It’s ALL ABOUT the fame and GRIFTING. And not even a fashion designer. She licenses her name to other peoples designs.

    • SLP

      Just like daddy

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Preach it, Evan.

  • whitroth

    Hear, hear! And I’m sure that the Orange Doodee is waiting for the pictures….

  • Buzz1313

    Ivanka is what she is. It’s the liberal media that ran around theorizing she’d be a moderating influence on her daddy. Why’d they think it? Because she’s pretty and articulate?

    • Internet Hitler

      In her book she says it’s okay to let people think things that aren’t true so long as it’s good for you.

    • M.E. Lawrence

      Well, yes. Pretty in a woman equals good, right? (Just like rich equals smart in a man.)

      • mdd43

        That is how it is in this world, especially for women. If Ivanka hadn’t made herself pretty through the miracle of plastic surgery, would people still think she shoots rainbows out of her ass?

    • kareemachan

      Well, I don’t know too many liberals who thought she’d be a moderating influence. In fact, none at all.

    • Greg Singh

      They thought it because she’s complicit in everything else.

    • SnarkON

      Actually it’s because she lived in Manhattan, married a Jew and worked in the fashion industry. Also please quit blaming the media.

    • Sid Pevear

      Pretty articulate? Like, sort of speaks OK sometimes, maybe?

  • Internet Hitler

    Her White House salary is just barely below that of the cobblers that make her crap shoes.

  • Apple Scruff

    And not just one gay pride Tweet, TWO! And the first one she tries to pimp out her so-called Judaism.

    https://twitter.com/IvankaTrump/status/870450297927290882

    FUCK HER, INDEED.

    • No thanks, I’ll masturbate instead.

    • Spurning Beer

      Aw, c’mon. Give her credit for not using the word “feygele.”

  • (((😸)))

    Daughter-wife should withhold sex until daddy-husband gives her what she wants.

  • elviouslyqueer

    SO LET IT BE WRITTEN, SO LET IT BE DONE.

  • BearLeft

    Hey, I’m sure some of her best friends … er, know gay people.

    • Greg Singh

      What? Do you really think Jared likes women?

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Ivanka’s in it for what she can get for her business and family and nothing else, just like every other misbegotten creature on the planet named Trump (Barron excepted).

    • don

      I’d like to think Barron won’t turn out like Uday and Qusay, but the track record of the baby daddy ain’t good.

  • KP
    • EddieFrancis

      that’s… not… ?

      • Robert Flanagan

        Yup!

        • everstar

          My goodness. I must say, her plastic surgeon is an artist, because I never would have guessed. She used to look a lot more like her dad before they excavated her cheekbones, didn’t she?

          • JC

            Maybe she did it so he’d leave her alone…

          • SeeTrain65

            And if he didn’t get it right, Daddy threatened not to pay.

          • HarpyLibtart

            Oh yeah, those pudding-faced, haemorrhoid-mouth Trump genes breed true – three different models and this was the best phenotype they could produce.

          • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

            Same restricted,sad little mouth and lack of chin.

  • Greg Singh

    Her personality is just as plastic as her face.

  • jbnorton

    WHEREAS!

    • EvanHurst

      WHEREAS!

  • CATMAN
    • Rabbit_Rebozo

      Zombie Zappa 2020!

  • MOG253

    Yea, verily. We so declare.

  • theblackdog

    With a rusty dildo of votes!

  • grenadiers

    Ivanka Humpalot.

  • SnarkON

    #Covfefe

  • A-Fucking-Men

  • Olav_Pompatus
    • SeeTrain65

      At least old Nightly Show graphics are still used. How I miss Larry and the crew.

  • Sakonyachen

    It’s not really useful for any other species aside from human beings either.

  • Lucia Brawley

    And the investigators into conditions at her Chinese factories have been disappeared — a sentence which reflects about 75 different kinds of evil.

  • plukasiak

    yeah, but I’d still do jared. It might even be worth my committing a felony, if I knew we’d be bunkmates.

    • coppersmom

      With that high pitched little sound he makes?

      • SLP

        What sound? I have yet to hear his voice.

    • pixiedust8

      Oh, honey. Really? Get yourself to therapy, stat.

    • Mary Ellen McCandless Ryder

      He’s got dead eyes. LIKE A DOLL’S EYES. Like a thing from Satan. Dead inside.

      • Cathy Roan

        The number of building in n.y. Is 666. He owes billions. Hmmm using the office for personal gain? Naaaah.

  • coppersmom
    • Pat_Pending

      Is it really? If so, yeesh.

      • coppersmom

        yes google ivanka modeling pictures

        • pixiedust8

          I thought you might be seeking out really bad pictures, but damn. Girlfriend had a LOT of surgery–and I’m usually the moron who can’t see it in photos.
          https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/mar/28/ivanka-trump-donald-model-real-estate-election

        • Pat_Pending

          Suddenly I’m seeing similarities to Tiffany’s unfortunate looks. Trump’s offspring ain’t naturally pretty. Normally I wouldn’t care, but they are so horribly shallow and put so much stock in appearance. I shall judge them by their standards.

    • rumsey

      Also cheeks and nose.

      • Jukesgrrl

        And chin. But the nose is the most amazingly different. I have to admit it’s a good job, but geez that must be more face work than Greta Van Sustern has.

    • LB City Girl

      That is weird and scary.

    • Snopes Shop

      What is it

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      Don’t forget about the nose job and new chiclet teeth.

  • Sharon Cooper

    So, if an asteroid just happened to strike the White House with all the adult Trumps and his horrible cabinet of horribleness inside, would anyone be sad?

    Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

    • Pat_Pending

      *crickets*

    • doktorzoom

      I suppose I’d be at least obliged to remind you of the rules, just so’s the fantasies here don’t go from the absurd to the gruesome.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

      • Sharon Cooper

        Thanks for the heads up.

        We’ll just wish for a bout of paper cuts to hit, then.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Those uncommon asteroids made of paper ballots can cut very bigly. I believe the scientific name for such asteroids is cuvfefes.

  • Adam Meyer

    Bitter!!!

  • Ivanka has had so much Botox that she’s waterproof.

  • Sekhmet1

    Oh yes. The foregoing sentiments are hereby endorsed without qualification.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    The poor little thing hasn’t had the advantages the rest of us have had. Like not being related the the Donald in chief.

  • ryp

    “They were careless people….they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”

    ― F. Scott Fitzgerald

    • don

      Could describe every single Reptard administration since Ike.

      • anomie

        yes but the Gatsby reference is especially apt with this crowd.

  • Zyxomma

    Amen.

  • RMKH

    God I love that resolution

  • AncienReggie

    I swear, that woman has a neck like a swan. What is that, a foot?

    • I was just about to write that – great minds…..

      This looks like a sneaky photoshop protest.

    • Mildred Broxon

      Her neck looks as long as Nefertiti’s. But she doesn’t have the intelligent expression of Akhenaten’s queen.

  • deranwalt

    Cool story bro! I like it.
    Because these are the kind of words you should use against the Trump klan.
    They are dangerous and a threat to the future of the USA

  • Lordpnut

    Parliamentary procedure gives me a woodie. Nice job Evan.

  • alguien
  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Architecting!” is the new “winning.”

  • SeeTrain65

    I’ll be honest here … I couldn’t tell if it was Evan or Rebecca who wrote this, but I don’t give a shit because WINNER.

  • phoenix00

    Do I First, Second, Third, or Forth this motion?

    • SeeTrain65

      Whatevs. I’ll fifth it. With my own fifth.

      • phoenix00

        Waaaaaait a min if you take the fifth, does it mean you’re hiding something?

        • SeeTrain65

          You bet I’m hiding something. My fifth. In a huge leather bota bag under my coat.

  • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

    :::stands:::

    :::ovates:::

    Well done, Evan.

  • The Librarian

    Thank you for this piece *salutes*

  • Sheldon Drake

    thank Glod for chin implants, or she’d still have a pig asshole where hers should be, like the rest of her moron siblings. what a worthless human being, in every aspect.

  • Bill Herman

    Just a family of ego centric lying BS’ers.

  • Brooke Heppinstall Kroenung

    Ha…yeah. Funny, except for the usual ‘progressive’ slam on Clinton. C’mon. Grow a brain here. Clinton’s more transparent and put together than Jill Stein. She didn’t throw Bernie, ‘I’ll give our Vermont cheese industry a break on that gmo labeling thingy, but, DAMN MONSANTO TO HELL for every other food stuff, no science need fucking apply here’ Messiahwannabe…under the bus. I could go on. Yeah, it’s cheap, don’t have to work too hard satire. You can ..and do…do better. Make it happen. Get off the ‘we hate Hillary’ train. Read The Week for a palate cleanser…

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      OMG HAVE YOU BEEN TO THIS WEBSITE LIKE EVER?!

    • I guess people see what they expect to see?

      We shilled hard for Hillz, and never even got any Soros-bucks for it.

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        Ikr.

        I’M FUCKING UNEMPLOYED AND SOROS HAS YET TO SEND A BLOODY CHEQUE.

  • Lonna McPhillips Gardiner

    Recently read an article, by whom I can’t remember, that said Ivanka is basically there to be the spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down. She isn’t even fit to do that anymore. And it never worked on me. Supporters holler about how poorly the Trump Dynasty is treated, but they do it to themselves by thinking the American people and the rest of the world are stupid idiots who believe their BS, and they won’t /can’t give an honest answer to any direct question. For Petes Sake, the WH Press Secretary HID IN THE BUSHES! Bigly! Sad! Losers!

  • Keely Swan

    lol. You left-wing, hate-filled, druidic nutjobs are hilarious. There are many, many very intelligent people/scientists who have openly said they believe “climate change” is a hoax (backed by cooked up numbers) perpetrated by the global elites as an excuse to drive the masses into communism under the pretense of “saving mother earth.” The sun goes through natural heating and cooling cycles. THAT is what’s causing the natural temperature alterations, you fools.

    Meanwhile…

    We, the people, are expected to live with less and less, while the elites and their elite friends can consume more and more living in their huge mansions (with astronomical electric consumption), flying on their own private jets (with astronomical pollution, gas, and carbon emissions), etc. The globalists know it’s all bullshit. They just want more power and control over the enslaved, impoverished masses.

    Obama and Hillary are globalist puppets for the UN. That’s why they pushed socialism and poverty the past 8 years. The globalists are purposely wrecking all of the world’s economies to drive us into poverty and communism. That is their ultimate plan.

    At the UN “Earth Summit” the globalists said the entire world must be driven into poverty and communism to save the earth. The UN claims that overpopulation and industrialization are destroying the earth and causing “climate change” (which is a giant scam), and therefore the only way to save the planet is to de-industrialize the world and drive the masses into poverty to prevent over-consumption of global resources (since poor people consume less). If you don’t believe me, feel free to research something called “Agenda 21.”

    Listen, if you want to live like a 3rd-world peasant in an effort to curb your “carbon footprint” and “save mother earth,” by all means, go right ahead. But if you want to convince others of the moral rightness of your position, in hopes they will follow your lead, you must first LIVE BY EXAMPLE. Sell everything you own and go live off the land somewhere in abject poverty, consuming the bare minimum of what you need to survive – but DON’T force that bullshit onto the rest of us, you holier-than-thou, self-righteous hypocrites.

    • dark knight

      Some interesting theories but none of that is remotely relevant to the point that Ivanka was supposed to a) care and b) be an influence on dear old dad.

    • BarkingEagle

      Thank you, Keely Swan, for the documentation and citations from the “many, many very intelligent people/scientists.” And what does this have to do with the grifters in the White House?

    • The Duchess of Milton

      Actually, no, Keely. There are no “intelligent people/scientists” who “believe ‘climate change’ is a hoax,” nor do they put climate change in quotation marks. You’re a rube, Keely, and an unoriginal one. Back into the basket with you, dear.

      • HooverVilles

        Ugh!
        Somebody has been listening to Breitbart and/or Alex Jones.

    • HooverVilles

      ZOMG!
      What a load of horse wacky you spewed there.
      Lemme see here. One question (of many possible): Trump doubled the charges at Mar a Lago and every time he stays there, the taxpayers (presumably you are one) pay these doubled expenses. Every time! Sooo the question is, are you OK with your tax dollars paying an exhorbitant rate for billionaire Trump every time he stays there?

      • Wojo

        Citation, please.

        Initiation fees were raised. That’s a club decision in which members vote.

        That’s much different than doubling all the charges.

        • HooverVilles
          • Wojo

            Those back up what I said, Hoover. Membership fees are much different than the charges you claimed.

            In no way are taxpayers charged by what new members pay in initiation fees at Mar-A-Lago. And not one of your citations made that claim.

          • HooverVilles

            Ooops you are right about the initiation fee. Stand corrected. Thanks for pointing that out.
            Although I do seem to remember a report about the room rates and service fees being at least double neighboring businesses, but as I can’t find the source right now it will have to remain tentative. Perhaps you have some insight on that.

          • Wojo

            I don’t. I used to belong to a country club because I love golf and had just moved south and didn’t otherwise have access to a pool for my children. Once they were grown and my family no longer cared for the pool or dinners there I dropped out of the club.

            But if I were a long time member of Mar-A-Lago (an ‘if’ that is absurd for me to even consider personally) and Trump had just won the presidency, I’d want both my membership and my safety somewhat protected. If there was going to be increased demand for membership I’d probably go along with a membership hike. Those can be tricky though.

            But I have no idea how the membership prices came about nor the reasoning involved. Those are usually private.

          • It is absolutely a coincidence that the members, of the club Trump owns and gets money from, voted to increase their fee right when he became president.
            Totally coincidence. And it was doubled, from 100 to 200k. Which is what doubled means.

          • Wojo

            What is your issue or concern with that? Had you been considering joining Mar-A-Lago before Trump ran for president?

            Because anything short of that, I can’t for the life of me see why you’d care.

            I would think you’d be happy that anyone who wanted to join Trump’s club would have to pay more money.

            Am I missing something about you? Do you want Trump’s private clubs to drop their initiation fees fr new members?

          • Yes, there is nothing wrong at all with a sitting president raking in doubled fees for the luxury of having access to the president of the United States.
            You are missing something, for sure.

          • Wojo

            — The club has nearly 500 paying members and admits twenty to forty new members a year.[54]

            –The primary business occupying the estate is the Mar-a-Lago Club, which operates as resort and hotel for dues-paying members, and rents out estate venues for private events. Membership at the Mar-a-Lago Club required a $200,000 initiation fee up until 2012 when it was lowered to $100,000. Sources close to the resort indicated the cut was in response to reduced demand following the Bernie Madoff scandal which affected many affluent Palm Beach residents.[51] The fee was returned to $200,000 in January 2017 following the election of Donald Trump as president[51] with $14,000 annual dues.[52]

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mar-a-Lago

            It’s hard for me to understand why you’d care so much about 20 to 40 new members at Mar-A-Lago paying $200,000 initiation fees as opposed to $100,000. Especially when the price was $200,000 up until 2012, when it was lowered to $100,000, and it was just raised back to pre-2012 levels.

            Did you complain about Bill and Hillary’s speaking fees going up astronomically when she was universally considered her party’s frontrunner for the Democratic nomination for president? Or is your ire borne simply out of revenge for the criticism she endured from it?

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      You sir/madam, need to lay off that Petrol.

    • quantum mechanic

      Druid libelz!

    • RealityBass

      My new band name — Druidic Nutjobs!

    • canuckgirl

      What are you on? I suggest you go into rehab asap. I see projection on your part with minimal intelligence for rational thought. Please feel free to take a ride on a melting ice floe in your non climate change alt factual universe.

    • Doug Sanders

      You know, I’d heard there was a Xanax shortage … now I believe it.

    • Christopher Story

      I thought the Agenda 21 crowd already lived in compounds in the woods living off the land. Militias; that’s what they call themselves.

    • Christopher Story

      Besides, I find Hobbit holes incredibly charming.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Thanks, Keeley. My flower garden needed some good fertilizer. I appreciate your contribution.

      Breitbart–door on the right. We’ll call you if we have any further need but don’t hold your breath. Do get out of your mother’s basement.

    • Regret

      I stopped reading when you made a claim based on science but did not provide a link.

      You must have heard of peer review.

      I have 3 possible explanations for your behaviour:
      – You forgot to add a link to your sources, that is OK to err is human.
      – You do not want your source to be reviewed because you know it won’t hold up.
      – You don’t consider anyone here your peer, in which case: Fuck you too, buddy!

      Wanna share with us which it is?
      Or you can propose a fourth option, I am always willing to risk being proven wrong.

    • Druidic?
      We gots healing skillz now?

    • GSF

      You’re 100% right…at least with this new administration we can say goody to the “elite and their elite friends” consuming “more and more living in their huge mansions, flying on their own private jets”. No worries about living like peasants with Ivanka and Donald at the helm. Thank god for this narrow escape.

    • Sophie McMillan

      Agenda 21 – nuff said

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      Holy delusions, Batman, get back on your lithium.

  • Patriciapcox

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !du286c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
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  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    I’m going to donate another $10 for this absolute gem of an article.

    thank you.

  • quantum mechanic

    Will I be upset when that chin implant goes all Howdy Doody on her aging ass? Naw not really.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      It does appear to have moved. Must have used the same surgeon as Barstool Paylin.

  • RealityBass

    Yeah she can fuck right off.

  • Wojo

    Ivanka is drop-dead gorgeous.

    Absolutely stunning.

    • Phyllis Schoenberg

      On the outside. With unlimited assistance from hair, makeup, style, lighting, and photography professionals.

    • Susan Stelljes

      She is a heartless bitch who exploits child laborers.

    • Christopher Story

      She’s certainly a waste of a beautiful human being, that’s for sure.

    • NC girl

      A pretty wrapping means nothing if what’s inside is vapid, vain and clueless. She has never known the meaning of want, she has always had some huge financial cushion. This self proclaimed “force for good” has no idea why every day women need Planned Parenthood. She has no idea about student debt. She seems to be ok with cuts to medicaid to support family leave. And, she seems to think she has some right to make money off her feel good stories of women who ACTUALLY have had to struggle. If you call that pretty, I can pass.

      • Wojo

        You look for reasons to hate her.

        • We really don’t have to look very hard…

          • Wojo

            Of course you don’t. This site feeds them you daily.

            You don’t even have to think. The writers do that for you.

          • LadyLaz

            See links. Nice part about Wonkette is that they back their stuff up.

          • Wojo

            The links don’t back up their stuff at all.

            For example, the foundation cited isn’t even run by Ivanka. That’s a complete bullshit claim. Nor is it pay to play.

            The link doesn’t back up ‘their stuff’. At all. It just makes you the reader a little dumber for having read it and absorbed what he wrote, thinking that because there’s a link to the bs claim that ‘it must be true’.

          • You must have missed all the part where she founded and runs said foundation and thus far has taken in hundreds of millions of dollars, right before the people who donated to said foundation got concessions from her father.
            Which is what pay for play is, btw.
            So I am not sure what that makes you, Wojo, but methinks calling someone else dumber for seeing a link is probably not in your best interest.

          • Wojo

            Cite please that Ivanka runs this Foundation.

          • Heard you the first time!
            http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/330638-ivanka-trump-creating-fund-to-support-female-entrepreneurs-report

            http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/21/politics/saudi-pledge-trump-women/

            and of course
            http://www.dailykos.com/story/2017/5/21/1664631/-The-Ivanka-Foundation-Is-it-is-or-is-it-ain-t-her-baby

            It is her foundation but she won’t solicit funds! Except when she goes and actually solicit funds and has someone working for her organizing the entire thing. But no, she is not running the foundation, not at all. Telling that she is pretending it is the world bank (globalist!!!!) running it when it is her hand picked deputy. Weird right?
            Saaaayyyyyyy I have some loverly ocean front in Arizona I could sell you cheap!

          • Wojo

            Jen,

            Your conspiracy theories notwithstanding, there is not one citation or link provided by you or included in this blog article that confirms Ivanka runs this foundation, that it is ‘her’ foundation, or that it is a pay-to-play foundation.

            Not. One.

          • I see, so, the foundation that she said she came up with, and is a staunch advocate for, and attributed to her, and run by her nod, is not hers because the news articles do not say she runs it with her own manicured hands.
            And it is just a coincidence that she met with the Saudis and they contributed 100 mil to her foundation, that is not hers, right before her father cut a fabulous deal for Americans by selling the Saudis helicopters even cheaper- so cheap in fact that the manufacturer is going to have to build them there, in Saudi Arabia, to save on labor costs.
            Are you quite sure you do not need any ocean front? Prime land!

          • Wojo

            It’s hard to argue with conspiracy theorists. Especially ones who presume the burden of disproving their theories lies with me.

          • *patpatpatpat*
            That is ok, Wojo, you can cling to that. Whatever gets you through the night, it’s all right.
            Now…about that ocean front; the sand is perfectly pure and there is never ever a hurricane. Act fast! One neat trick and you could have the vacation home of your dreams!

          • Wojo

            I haven’t been on a vacation in at least 6 or 7 years. I have a daughter that suffers from daily headaches and migraines that never go away. Travelling isn’t an option for her and my wife and I don’t wish to go without her.

            Even still, Palm Beach isn’t my cup of tea. Nor is a vacation home. I’m still trying to downsize from a far too big home purchase I made 13 years ago we made in lieu of buying a vacation home.

        • Kenneth C. Fingeret

          Hello Wojo, No reason to look as she is presenting herself as something she is not so don’t be surprised. If you are surprised I suggest that you think about your mental health and get a check up from the neck up using the ACA. The AHCA will cost more so will save some money if you do it sooner rather than later.

        • Planetary

          Jesus, Snowflake, go somewhere else and cry. No one needs to look for reasons to hate scumbags. Ivanka Trump is a scumbag who has nothing going for her except her rich daddy and being moderately attractive. But hey, maybe, just maybe if you keep White Knighting her, she’ll notice and proclaim you her hero, divorce Jared and beg you to marry her.

      • VirginiaLady

        Pretty is as pretty does. So yeah she’s pretty…… repulsive.

    • Charles Wolf

      “Absolutely stunning.”
      Oh,,, So you saw that unreleased GOT episode featuring
      iVankapire wielding her midnight-black cattle prod?

      (You will never unsee that)

    • LadyLaz

      So? That’s irrelevant.

      • ibwilliamsi

        When it comes to women and Wojo, their looks are the only thing that’s relevant.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      You know who’s stunning? Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Shirley Chisholm. Michelle Obama. Janet Yellen. Teresa fucking May. Angela Merkel. My sixth grade math teacher Mrs. Balliette, who taught us that girls are too good at math. The lady next door with the 6 foster kids who feeds the kids on their way home from school in case there’s no food at their homes. My grandmother, who raised 11 kids, including two not her own, as a widow during the depression. The Muslim woman at Target who smiles through the abuse some customers hand her.

      Ivanka Trump is pretty. That and 2 bucks will get you a ride on the CTA.

      • Wojo

        You’ll get no argument from me on any of that, other than looks are worth nothing. They are in today’s society.

        I believe her stunningly good looks are a factor in why she’s hated by the left, too.

        I made the statement that I did to test that hypothesis here. I’m not all surprised by the reverberation I received.

        • rofl, yes, she is hated because she is, in your opinion, good looking.
          That is precisely why. Not because she is a grifter con artist. Not because she uses slave labor to make her crap products and pretends she is all America First! Not because she sets up bogus foundations so her father can do a little pay for playing. Not because she gloats about her unpaid interns taking second jobs in order to eat. Not because as her father- who she works for!- is trying to literally take food from poor people, she tells people to make champaign Popsicles.
          It is just because she is pretty!!!!
          So weird that the right only ever thinks pretty and rich to be important.

          • Wojo

            rofl, yes, she is hated because she is, in your opinion, good looking.

            I didn’t say that. I said they were a factor.

            Both that statement and every single word you wrote after that is logical fallacy.

      • Amy Fulton

        Theresa May?!? She’s a cold, heartless Tory that ONLY cares about the upper class. She’s not only unattractive physically, but that ugliness goes straight down to the bone. She’s as bad as the Republicans are here.

    • Sure, if you like plastic surgery!

      • CripesAmighty

        Hey, it says so, in pages 3 and 12 of the catalog, ‘chins’ and ‘tits’.

        • Wajo is concerned!!!! About the chins and tits!!!!!

      • Wojo

        I’m not sure how that warranted an exclamation mark, but plastic surgery doesn’t mean someone can’t be gorgeous.

        • I like exclamation marks! They are exciting! And sure, you go with that!

          • Wojo

            Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.

            — F. Scott Fitzgerald

          • Ol’ Scott should have laughed more!

          • Wojo

            I think he was when he wrote that.

          • Jeff Putterman

            I’m laughing at you, you wojo hogo piglet asshole.

          • I laugh at myself at least five times a day ^.^ Those who cannot laugh at themselves are missing out on the joke

          • Wojo

            I’m glad I could bring you happiness.

    • Petee

      nobody cares.

    • Jeff Putterman

      And you must be fucking blind, and dumb too.

      • Wojo

        Neither.

        Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

        • Said the poster who proceeded to argue with everyone who disagreed with his declarative posting.

          • Wojo

            No argument with their opinions as to her being good looking or not good looking.

            You’re wrong, Jen. I like discussing things you and I disagree on but you should at least be truthful.

  • Susan Stelljes

    She is a plastic Barbie doll and there is something wrong with you if you think that is banging hot.

    • Petee

      i don’t think that.
      i guess I’m not a “real man”.

    • Goonie

      Why attack her looks? Do you think people would find you more attractive? 🤔

  • Nicola Andrews

    She has her father’s mouth. Once you see it you can’t unsee it.

  • splashy79

  • Thanks for speaking the truth

  • Robert Stout

    Wow…such hate. Does Wonkette work itself up to a frenzy before sitting down at the keyboard?
    Also, as an aside, this site proclaims itself to be ad-free, then promptly plasters half the page with ads for itself. That’s actually quite funny, to be honest.

    • LadyLaz

      1. I don’t see any ads on mine;

      2. I know, people like Evan who are getting stomped on by this administration, why would they be upset? I mean so what that the GOP wants to pass “Freedom of Religion” Bills to legalize discrimination against LGBTQ…. why would that upset a gay man. Nah, he should just be flowers and rainbows, like Milo; and

      3. I note you don’t actually criticize the substance of his post. The facts – with links – to confirm the basis of his opinions. You are just critiquing that he chooses to find that stuff deplorable. Sorry, but some things really are deplorable.

      But you know, I’m sure you cluck at Breitbart too.

      • Oh worse, he is an infowars guy ^.^

        • C4TWOMAN

          Orly?
          *looks for lulz on profile*

    • Concerned Robert is concerned!
      Also:
      “You must have missed the full conversation on the instance you’re referring to. He started out by saying, “They let you….” Not sexual assault if “they let you”. It’s immoral, and unethical, but that’s consent. On your second point, sneaking a peek at a unclad woman does not equate with gang-raping someone. C’mon, just admit it….you’re on here to bash Trump, not contribute to the conversation. You’re being a good little drone and following the Alinsky playbook. (love that copy and paste)”

      Anyone who dismisses sexual assault because it is not a gang rape is not someone anyone needs to take advice from, for any reason, ever. Quite funny, to be honest.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Hmmm..imma assuming Robbie Stout did an ‘edit comment back track two step’…..cuz now he’s only bitching about “hate” and ads…

        • They are so very brave

          Oh: Edit: That quote was from his posting history. I was just pointing it out

          • C4TWOMAN

            Ah, gotcha.

  • Charles Wolf

    She can use Jared’s Strap-On.

  • CripesAmighty

    And, just for fun, I’d note the Plutocrat Princess is wistfulliy glancing out the window of a Mercedes 600, chariot of choice for brutal, corrupt despots worldwide: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f1cf4b633c9f9766c99a3626b9bcad8ff991ebb7ebbc5f84d85cdaa09cbd6de6.jpg

  • ibwilliamsi

    Ivanka doesn’t hold a candle to the Notorious RBG.

  • Richard Todd Cole

    Whereass I could not even finish reading this trite inconsequential liberal vomit……

  • Goonie

    Trump is the worst, but it’s bullshit to think one way or the other about what goes on behind closed doors with Ivanka. People need to remove the crystal ball yoni eggs from their asses.

    You don’t know her motives or frustration. Can any of you control your parents? She might be trying to guide her dad to a small form of decency and failing at it. She also might be working with him to keep an eye on him. She doesn’t remind me of someone that wants to be in politics and can be very well reluctant.

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