Passionately Promoting A More Perfect World

More descriptions of how I communicate, copied from chat:

My experience of communication, based on how I grew up, is that people asking you to do something are people who will back that up with violence if you refuse directly, but whom you can negotiate your way around, which is why I can’t say “no” but I can make excuses.

My experience of people who make demands directly, without bothering to phrase them as requests, is that they won’t respond to negotiation and will necessarily use violence if you don’t comply; so people using the imperative cause me to instinctively react by preparing to fight them.

This is noticeable in person because of my body language. Receiving commands causes me to drop into a fighting stance unless I explicitly resist doing so, but even me trying not to look like I’m about to fight is somewhat noticeable.

I also can’t receive commands as a kink thing either. Saying “Please X” or “Could you X” is a way better idea. Using the imperative throws me from the “I adore this person and want them to be happy” headspace into the “This person is a serious physical danger and I need to figure out how to incapacitate them ASAP” headspace.