Ships Nicknames

Some really obvious ones, others not so, but all heard out and about at some time or other...

TorGay - Torbay (obviously). After a particulalry scandalous revelation of homosexual love onboard.
Porksword - Broadsword (obviously)[that's Broad sword not Broads word as our American cousins have been known to call it)
Beaver (obviously never needed a knickname - it cheered up the whole Navy for years; not to mention the US Navy!)
Dim Weed - Diomede (boringly self evident)
The Duck [... of Death!] - Iron Duke (you have to say it with a dramatic horror-film-trailer-announcer's voice)
Up'n'at'em - Chatham (boring but historic)
Carduff - Cardiff (life's [not so] great on the 108)
The exploding hedgehog - Brave (check the crest!)
Cattletruck- Cattistock (does what it says on the tupperware)
Bottingham - Nottingham (see TorGay)
Scummer - Southampton (obviously! - no offence)
Bubble - Invincibubble (vaguely humourous in an aviator's world)
Raglafart - Trafalgar (backwards - lavatorial humour)
Scabby Abby - Abdiel (see Cattletruck)
The Banana Boat - Brinton (i think - she used to have a large plastic banana as her ships badge on her forward screen; not sure which cam e first though)
Sooty Foots - MCM4 from the Squadron Badge but not sure of the origin of that.

 

I have some sympathy with the WW2 Flower Class Corvette crews, would you wanted to walk abroad with Pansy on your cap tallie, the only saving grace was that during the war it was an HMS only cap tallie.

 

The Fighting Fin...HMS Finisterre..before your time..you were not even born.
The 'Arry' HMS Arethusa (Blown up on Gunnery Trials the barstewards) she was a great ship.

Jamie

 

Found on another site.

THE SHIPS THAT ALMOST DIED OF SHAME....

I NAME THIS SHIP........ Research, even into the most mundane subject, can sometimes bring unexpected rewards. Recently, for reasons too dull to explain, I was attempting to discover the names of battleships which served with the Royal Navy during the Second World War. The reference librarian hopefully provided me with a huge volume which listed the names of every British warship ever built, and as I leafed through the index, I was impressed by the quality of the names that the British have given their warships.

HMS Relentless, HMS Repulse, HMS Resolution; fine names, names to gladden the heart of every true Brit and dismay any foreigners with a grasp of English. Names redolent of courage and firm-jawed determination - HMS Sceptre, HMS Scimitar, HMS Seadog, HMS Spanker -

HMS Spanker ? it had to be a misprint, but when I looked at the relative page there it was, HMS Spanker, minesweeper. I turned back to the index and soon discovered that HMS Spanker was not the only warship to bear a silly name. A quick check unearthed the destroyers HMS Fairy and HMS Frolic, the light cruiser, HMS Sappho and the corvette, HMS Pansy.

My first assumption was that these names had been chosen by some fresh faced innocent unaware of their connotations, but a careful reading of the index suggested that the choice of such names was deliberate and malicious. I have no proof for my theory, but I strongly suspect that they were the creations of an embittered clerk.

He was a minor bureaucrat who had once dreamed of becoming a naval hero, a second Nelson or Benbow, but had been turned down for active service on the grounds of flat feet and myopia. The Sea Lords, kindly and foolishly, gave him an office job in the Admiralty. There, as he brooded upon the shattering of his ambitions, his envy of the jolly Jack Tars serving in His Majesty's ships turned to hatred and then into a desire to humiliate those who lived a life on the ocean wave. His big break came when he got a job in the Ship's Names Department and he set to work with a will.

Having started with HMS Pansy, HMS Fairy and HMS Spanker, he moved into sexually suggestive names - HMS Teaser, HMS Tickler, HMS Torrid, HMS Thruster and HMS Thrasher. Not content with the damage to morale that these names must have caused to morale that these names must have caused he followed up with HMS Inconstant, HMS Insolent, HMS Truant, HMS Dwarf and HMS Doris.

The man must have been twisted, but he was no mean amateur psychologist. Would an hard pressed admiral be cheered by the news that HMS Doris and HMS Dwarf (a cruiser and gunboat combination that sounds like an avant-garde cabaret act) were steaming to his aid ? Could he be certain that HMS Truant would turn up ? That HMS Inconstant wouldn't change sides, or that HMS Insolent wouldn't reply to his signals with a stream of abuse ?

This evil minded functionary worked hard to destroy fighting spirit, carefully calculating the result of call a ship HMS Hazard. The cry, "Hazard to port !" must have disrupted countless naval exercises and I strongly suspect that he tried to name a destroyer HMS Mutiny, thinking of the chaos that would result from the signal "Mutiny in Portsmouth". Someone spotted this and changed his proposed name from the English Mutiny to the French Mutinè, hoping that the ship would stir up trouble on courtesy visits to French ports.

If my theory is correct, that someone was Clerk No.2 he worked in the same office as Clerk No.1, but his history and beliefs were very different. He had been invalided out of the Navy after a distinguished career and was a ferocious xenophobe who believed that the British had the right to intimidate and bully anyone who stood in their way. his existence is demonstrated by further study of the list of names.

Most people would consider names like HMS Conqueror, HMS Terror and HMS Vengeance adequate for the purpose of frightening Britain's enemies. Not Clerk No.2 he though them namby-pamby and decided to rectify the situation. He wasn't as prolific as Clerk No.1, but he did his best christening such vessels as HMS Arrogant, HMS Imperialist, HMS Savage, HMS Spiteful, HMS Surly and HMS Tyrant. His finest hour came when he got the job of thinking up names beginning with V, he came up with HMS Vandal, HMS Venomous, HMS Vindictive and HMS Violent. He too was a good psychologist - nobody who had dared to challenge Britain could fail to be moved by the news that HMS Spiteful, HMS Violent and HMS Vindictive were turning up to sort them out.

In later years, as he sat writing letters to the Eastbourne Gazette demanding the introduction of public flogging for litter louts, he must have regretted not calling a ship HMS Vicious. However, he probably consoled himself with the thought that Clerk No.1 didn't get much of a look in on the V's. He would have christened the ships Vacuous, Vile, Verminous and Venereal. As it was he only managed HMS Vanity, which was presumably a sister ship of HMS Narcissus. Though Clerk No.2 no doubt deplored the behaviour of his colleague, he, too, allowed the problems of day-to-day existence to intrude into his work, though only after rows with his wife, hence HMS Termagant, HMS Virago and HMS Tirade.

I don't know for how many years they worked in the same office, but it must have been a fraught relationship. Each probably spent most of his time trying to trump the names of the other. Clerk No.1 christened HMS Pansy, No.2 responded with HMS Manly. No.1 - HMS Fairy, No.2 - HMS Virle. And so it went on until they retired and the ships they had named were either sunk or scrapped.

Now our ships have boringly correct names, which is a pity, for names could make a difference. A truly chauvinistic government would do well to study the names dreamed up by Clerk No.2. If we can no longer terrify opponents with the size of our navy, we could try to frighten them with aggressive nomenclature. A good start would be to retrieve the name HMS Violent and call sister ships HMS Psychopathic, HMS Blood Crazed and HMS Criminally Insane. The Vandal class could include HMS Ram Raider, HMS Headcase and HMS Terminator.

Of course, a more progressive government might go for names which reflected the concerns of the Left - HMS Black Sections, HMS Stop Clause 28, HMS Unilateralist and HMS Binding Decision of the Party Conference. Perhaps not, the Daily Mail would have a field day if HMS Unilateralist was ever sunk.

In any event, the name of the ship doesn't appear to have affected its ability to fight, HMS Truant sank the Karlsruhe, HMS Wallflower and HMS Inconstant accounted for several U-boats and I've do doubt that other ships with ridiculous names had excellent war records.

But it is hard not to imagine the crew of HMS Narcissus leaning over the side to admire their reflections in the water, or the crew of HMS Spanker being accosted by leather-clad masochists in dockside bars.

The crews of such ships must have been relieved when security considerations temporarily ended the practice of having the ship's name emblazoned on the cap-band. Even so, the change didn't come quickly enough for the unfortunate University Naval Reserve Unit which, when the orders for mobilisation came, was sent en masse to join a battleship. As they walked up the gangway the regulars on deck burst into hysterical laughter. The full name of the unit was the Cambridge University Naval Training Squadron, which was, of course indicated by the initials on their caps..........

Then again, it might be apocryphal.

Taken from a magazine article by James Richards

 

mind you check the names of t45's, possible relative of clerk no1?

 

Would have loved to have been on the bridge for that one :roll:

 

The Algerine class minesweepers had some right sad names. In the 5th Fishery Protection squadron we had H.M.S Truelove. I suppose I was lucky being on Romola but I never did find out what it was named after. I found out later that there was a St Romola but by then I had lost interest.

 

Whilst not a nickname story I do remember being told of a certain SM3 who whilst driving a frigate was entering Pompey and his yeoman as was the custom told the CO the name of the next ship they were to pass, the captains name which was the same, and that he was senior and resquest permission to salute, at which our hero retorted "I do not salute my brother" and they steamed past in stoney silence.

Peter

 

Just love this one LOL

 

F-93 CANT CRACK ME!

HMS BEAVER AKA THE FIGHTING FANNY

 

On a similar note, there's a few bizarre international radio callsigns (see the Bridge Card - all UK warships being 4 letters beginning with G) that RN ships have - maybe Clerk No 3 was responsible for those. I've heard there used to be a ship with the callsign GASH, and I know for a fact that the ship currently linked to Brighton URNU has the callsign ... GAAY!

You couldn't make it up!

 

Morning all, new boy on deck. Do the intro later.

H.M.S. Penelope after taking a pasting from the Luftwaffe in Malta.

H.M.S. Pepperpot.

Up spirits
Barry

 

It was always a pity that that name didn't carry forward to the helicopter bearing fleet. In the same vein as the callsign for Battleaxe's helo was Hatchet, you can just see some wag giving the callsign "Monkey" to that ship's helo:

Spanker, Monkey come in over

Monkey, Spanker, testing comms....

 

Sorry mate....Cleo was a greek godess....she took two years of my life ...bless her!! her nickname was "that rusty bucket of siht!"

 

Minerva was the Miner 5 A.

 

[quote="imom1406

Sorry mate....Cleo was a greek godess....she took two years of my life ...bless her!! her nickname was "that rusty bucket of siht!"[/quote]


Cleopatra was a Ptolemy(thats a Greek to you),and Queen of egypt,shagged her way to the top of the Roman empire and had a son called Caeserian by Julius,then went on to shag his oppo untill her untimely death.Reputed to have a beautiful nose(well according to Asterix she did)

 

Cleopatra was a Ptolemy(thats a Greek to you),and Queen of egypt,shagged her way to the top of the Roman empire and had a son called Caeserian by Julius,then went on to shag his oppo untill her untimely death.Reputed to have a beautiful nose(well according to Asterix she did)[/quote]

Believe it or not, the Cleo (as sailed by me) was named after Alexander the Greats sister...and not the Egytian tart! sorry, but that is what i was told on joining..mind you i was also told that splash target coxswain was a real job!!

 

PMSl there you go then!Not only did she do some serious shagging,she married her younger brother then killed him,just to be sure she was made Queen of egypt.LOL

 

think i hit the wrong button as i just wanted to add some ships nicknames.

hms lincoln- the drinkin stinkin
hms anzio- a n z 10
hms euraylas - your all arse
hms llandaff - the plumduff

as a small addition , there was a young barman in the neew (then) pub across the road from aggies in guzz who used to mince around the pub singing,

"i found my thrill on hms rhyl"
" its nice in dark on the ark but legal on the eagle".