SHARE
fuckhead

Devin Nunes, the chair of the House Intelligence Committee who doesn’t even have to pretend he’s investigating the Trump Russia scandal anymore, now that he’s recused himself while he’s under investigation just for maybe leaking a little bit of classified information in a flaccid attempt to cover for his real dad Donald Trump, is a fucking moron. We all know this. We also all suspected that whatever “secret” “awesome” “information” he scampered to the White House to look at, so he could immediately brief the White House (and the press! but not his own intel committee!) on all the awesome stuff the White House had just shown him, was bullshit. Of course, Nunes was under the impression that it was some SMOKING GUN! that said former Obama NSA Susan Rice did all kinds of improper “unmasking” of innocent, put-upon Trump regime officials, but he’s a very stupid idiot, bless his heart. Anyway, we now have bipartisan confirmation that Nunes’s bullshit was bullshit.

Members of the House Intelligence Committee and the Senate Intelligence Committee (AKA “the grown-ass adult one”), Democratic and Republican alike, have all gone to the NSA headquarters at Fort Meade, Maryland, to wade through the very exciting poo Devin Nunes found in his Underoos, and they have all determined Nunes is full of shit, Susan Rice did nothing wrong, and Donald Trump is just talking out his ass again. What very surprising news!

After a review of the same intelligence reports brought to light by House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes, both Republican and Democratic lawmakers and aides have so far found no evidence that Obama administration officials did anything unusual or illegal, multiple sources in both parties tell CNN.

Their private assessment contradicts President Donald Trump’s allegations that former Obama national security adviser Susan Rice broke the law by requesting the “unmasking” of US individuals’ identities. Trump had claimed the matter was a “massive story.”

Huh, it’s like national security advisers are allowed to do their jobs or something, even if they are appointed by black presidents and they are named Susan Rice and they make wingnuts REAL MAD, because BENGHAZI!!!!11!! (We extensively covered why Rice didn’t do a damn thing wrong right here, by the way.)

Fake News CNN reports that, according to its sources, Rice’s “unmasking” actions were “normal and appropriate,” which makes sense, as Rice was the national security adviser, and thus might have had a reason from time to time to ask specifically which U.S. American persons were having their names picked up in foreign intelligence-gathering talkin’ to Russian spies. And, to remind everyone how “unmasking” requests work, if Rice acquired that information, that means the NSA agreed with her, that the U.S. persons’ names were relevant!

CNN also reminds us of how committed Donald Trump was to the idea of Young Devin’s little “unmasking” thing being THE REAL STORY. It was sad and pathetic:

“I think it’s going to be the biggest story,” Trump said. “It’s such an important story for our country and the world.” He also called it “truly one of the big stories of our time.”

Asked by the Times if he believed Rice’s actions were criminal Trump responded, “Do I think? Yes, I think.”

You thought wrong, President Fuckhead.

Anyway, we don’t have much to add to a story about how Devin Nunes is full of shit, so this post is finished, just like Devin Nunes’s credibility.

Wonkette is fully funded by YOU. If you liked this post, click below, to fund us with dollars!

[CNN]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • elviouslyqueer

    Honestly, I stopped reading after “Devin Nunes full of shit.” Because obviously.

    • Oblios_Cap

      If he were a Mathematician, he could work it out with a pencil.

      • The Wanderer

        Like the constipated mathematician?

        • Mpeg

          Ew!

    • Mpeg

      That’s kind of how I’ve felt about this whole goat circus. Since around January 20 in fact.

  • Michael R
  • memzilla Ω

    Devin Nunes Full Of Shit About ‘Unmasking’

    And the award for Least Surprsing Headline Of The Week goes to…

  • Oblios_Cap

    Trump responded, “Do I think? Yes, I think.”

    Damn, that son of a bitch never stops lying.

  • schmannity

    1960s: Flying Nun. 2017: Lying Nunes.

    • calliecallie

      I would believe in a flying nun before I would believe anything this lying Nunes has to say.

  • Crystalclear12

    I am sho. . . I’m too tired to do this.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Aren’t we all.

  • ariel_gee_398

    How stupid is this dumb asshole?

    • vivian

      Obligatory: AOT,K

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      He’s a Congressional member with an (R) after his name – so, pretty stupid.

    • C4TWOMAN

      How much time do you have?

    • The Wanderer

      Well, let’s put it in perspective. Say that this Twinkie is the normal amount of Stupid you find in your average, run-of-the-mill guy. To illustrate the same amount of Stupid in Devin Nunes, the Twinkie would have to be three hundred feet high and a mile long.

      • FlownΩver

        That’s a big Twinkie™!

  • Anna Rompage

    To be fair, Devin doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who is smart enough to read a document and come away with a firm grasp of what it said. So in all likelihood, Trump’s aides who gave Devin this intel, likely also told him what they thought (read spun) it meant, which was incorrect (read 33 gallon trash bag full of rotting shit lies) too…

    • vivian

      In Devin’s defense, the documents didn’t have any pictures like the books he’s used to, so there’s that…

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I bet he never finished one Connect the Dot puzzle in his Activity Books in grade school.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Trump responded, “Do I think? Yes, I think.”

    Assumes facts not in evidence.

    • Anna Rompage

      Sure he thinks, he thinks about all sorts of stuff
      ~Russain pee hookers?
      ~His next big money deal with the Russians?
      ~Whether his daughter would allow him to touch her like to good old days?
      ~Is it time to trade Melenia in for a younger model?
      ~Where’s the closest Burger King?
      ~How many more delayed foreign trade marks will now be approved while he is president.

      • C4TWOMAN

        ~When is this Russia stuff gonna go away?
        ~What’s that bitch Bannon saying behind my back?

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        ~Sinko the Mayo is coming up again. Have to order another fucking taco bowl.

      • OddMan

        ~”Beautiful missle launch”
        ~”Beautiful chocolate cake”

    • FlownΩver

      You win. Sorry about the lazy scrolling finger today.

  • vivian

    He stepped down Nunes too soon…
    We are Nunes the better for his efforts…
    Is it High Nunes for the investigation…
    etc.

  • Crystalclear12

    Sharp as

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    As some wag noted, “Devin Nunes will never be asked to bring the potato salad to the Mensa picnic.”

    • The Wanderer

      He wouldn’t even be asked to bring the cups for the beer pong.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      They’re actively trying to hide the picnic’s location from him.

      • vivian

        not hard – they just give him the real address. He does the rest.

  • canes_pugnaces
    • Stulexington

      note to self, stay out of tail range.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Aw geez; badass pachyderm did not even break his stride.

  • bookish

    Trump financial holdings in Raytheon.

    http://www.snopes.com/trump-raytheon-stock/

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I’m willing to bet that Trump hardly knows Devin who?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I’m starting to suspect some of these guys are not completely credible.

    • Mpeg

      Doubt that anyone on Team Trump will get their delicious snausage treat today, at the rate this is going~

  • FlownΩver

    It was a “massive story” only when measured on the Trumpian scale of “massive hands” and “massive member.”

    And “Do I think? Yes, I think” of course assumes facts not (etc.)

  • snigsy

    Pfft, this guy. He’s what my granny would have called a fart in the wind.

  • OddMan

    And even General Hayden says it was OK.

    https://twitter.com/Susan_Hennessey/status/852143649718710272

    • Anna Rompage

      What are you talking about? That guy is a paid for & bought, lame stream media, Obama crony

      • OddMan

        And strangely enough you will see almost that exact comment over on the Hill. Don’t read the comments.

        • Anna Rompage

          Yeah, the Russians send loads of their trolls over there…

          Or maybe it’s the trolls that work for Americans for Prosperity & The Heritage Foundation…

          Come to think of it, is there really any difference between them all these days?

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            No.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Nunes sense.

  • William
    • Lefty Frizzell

      Don’t forget Michael Flynn, national security advisor, fired for lying about meeting with Russian officials and being a literal foreign agent for Turkey.

      And Paul Manafort, campaign chairman, essentially fired for being a literal foreign agent for Russia.

      • Bobathonic

        Yeah, he was “fired for lying”.

        Fired for getting caught is what he was.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh my gawwd’! You can’t mean that Devin Nunes is a fucking lying, partisan hack and Trump enabling POS?

    https://www.memecreator.org/static/images/memes/3998435.jpg

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Whoa if true!

  • William
  • calliecallie

    Jeff Sessions, Sean Spicer, and Devin Nunes walk into a bar…
    They couldn’t help it. The bar was set very, very low.
    Ba-dum-tsch!

    • Lord Jim

      Maybe “tripped over” was the phrase you were looking for. :)

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m so disappointed in our chosen leaders. We can do so much better.

    • tomamitai

      Have you ridden public transportation lately, or read the comments on any non left wing sites? If you had, you’d come to realise that we may just be doing better than we have any right to expect, given the character and quality of the average voter.

  • coozledad

    In another timeline, Devin Nunes and Scott Walker went to the same high school, formed a Foghat cover band and were trampled by people trying to leave a Ted Nugent concert.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    The whole plan was so ill-conceived and hastily carried out.

    Somebody, somewhere, ordered docs to be searched for evidence to support Donald J Trump’s wiretapping claim, because he simply wouldn’t let go of it.

    In all likelihood that same somebody thought that there was enough cover in the docs Nunes saw to handwave and white noise about and just shut down the entire investigation and that everybody would just swallow that and move on. Even though the docs were about something completely different, and also a completely different routine procedure that was completely legal and above board.

    There’s only one person I can think of who’s both so infantile and so into empty theatrics as to think that’s a viable plan.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Methinks this certain someone is not very adept at long-term strategery and is used to dealing with a fan base with the attention span of 3.24* seconds.

      *I’m being generous.

    • tomamitai

      It’s also possible that someone in the intel community is feeding Trump the rope they’re going to hang him with. Bwahhaha!

  • Marceline

    Does this mean the House committee will get back to doing hearings? I can’t wait for Sally Yates’ testimony.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Once they get back from Easter vacay.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        And then they’re gonna cut taxes, gut everything else, and steal everything that isn’t nailed down. So some “hearings” may not be what we call a priority item.

        • Crystalclear12

          Well, I hope that goes as well as their healthcare reform.

          • Antonin Dvorak

            Early reports indicate that it is going as well as Trumpcare.

    • wait! what?

      Whif (when/if) she does testify I wonder which republican will stand up first and yell: “Surrender are your thought crimes!”

  • cgthegeek

    Trouble is Republicans spent 8 years vilifying everything Obama said and did, so when they present any truths that are in his favor their base assumes they are lying or on the take.

    • tomamitai

      How do you think “the base” feels about the fact that Hillary isn’t in an orange jump suit yet, they’ve been vilifying her for over 25 years…hmmm, someone with some talent ought to do a parody drug ad for Avilify; when politics as usual won’t get the job done, ask your doctor about Avilify. Use only as directed. If your rage boner lasts longer than the election cycle, go immediately to the emergency room. Side effects may include diarrhea, nausea, Islamophobia, homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, racism, anti-semitism, caps-lock, and poor spelling.

  • William

    Fox news update. Actual sack of shit threatens to sue the GOP for making it “look bad” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e7c82cd998071dbaf8693d9840f82c478379addc507e9a0873ca56cbead220a7.jpg

    • Crystalclear12

      It has a strong case.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        It’s a pungent defense.

        • Nockular cavity

          Finally, the straight poop.

        • data_ninja

          It’s well versed in trials, and would never be found out of odor.

        • BearGHAZI

          Really? I think the whole thing stinks to high heaven

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        There IS a metric shit-ton of evidence.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))
  • It’s time to turn The Page…

    Over to the cops.
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/3o7bu4T3Jcib9vlrvG/giphy.gif

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    After a review of the same intelligence reports brought to light by House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes, both Republican and Democratic lawmakers and aides have so far found no evidence that Obama administration officials did anything unusual or illegal, multiple sources in both parties tell CNN.

    The problem is that even if the old Biblical God himself said Nunes was a lying gasbag, there would still be people who believe Obama did nefariousness things for political gain.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      It’s just kind of odd that he did those things for politcal gain, but his successor then lost an election and he retired from politics before the story came out.

      It’s almost like he sacrificed himself quite specifically to take the “political gain” charge off the table.

      Thanks Obama.

      History will judge you very kindly even if these fuckers don’t.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        I just want to live long enough to read that history.

  • Zonath

    Devin Nuñes is an idiot who has run largely unopposed in his district in the last few elections. He’s the poster child for everything that is wrong with “safe” districts.

    • goonemeritus

      His only issue historically has been increasing the availability of water to the farmers that make up his district.

      • Zonath

        Pissing on people and telling them its raining doesn’t really qualify as an “issue” in my book.

      • tomamitai

        Speaking of water, has Il Douche taken credit yet for the end of the drought in California?

    • Jgb979

      If only there was an organization capable of recruiting and financing opposition candidates even in “safe districts” to run in wave elections…..

      Don’t
      Call
      Cause
      Can’t help

      • canes_pugnaces

        Exactly. Or:

        Do
        Nothing
        Cabal

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Gerrymandering sure has resulted in a lot of dim bulbs in Washington.

  • anwisok

    And yet, he’ll almost certainly get re-elected.

    • To which abomination do you refer?

      • anwisok

        Nunes. Incompetent liar that he is, he’ll still get re-elected.

  • goonemeritus

    Well you can’t say everyone says he is full of shit because a guy I tuned in on my short wave radio agreed with him. Of course he also seemed to be pretty upset about the fluoridation of drinking water.

  • Mpeg

    Maybe Donnie and Melania should put a new *spin* on the Easter Egg event and just “roll” all these misspoken, damage-uncontrollable, farcical charlatans down the hill, including Bannon I’m sure there’s enough to fill the White House lawn.

  • Jgb979

    Trump is still farting up mouth words on the subject

    http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/late-rid-fbi-director-james-comey-trump/story?id=46746596

    Threatening to fire Comey already which “woah if true”

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      “When you look at Susan Rice and what’s going on and so many people coming up to me and apologizing, now they’re saying, ‘You know you were right when you said that,’” Trump said.

      Seriously? Who, exactly, is “coming up to [him] and apologizing”? Everyone on his staff is a sycophantic toady!

    • Stulexington

      You failed to make the made up world in my head reality, you’re fired!

  • Asterix

    Unfortunately, the assholes in his district will vote for him anyway.

  • Stulexington
  • YoBunnyBunny

    Trump had claimed the matter was a “massive story.”

    No, Dampnut, the matter is a part of the “massive story” that you and your whole administration are a bunch barely competent hack shitweasels.

    That is all.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      competent hack libelz!!1!!1!1!!

  • Nick Scroggs

    Next up, they decide to reveal that Spider-Man is really that wimpy teen photographer from the Daily Bugle.

  • TJ Barke

    At some point in this administration I’m going to headdesk so hard that I’ll end up in a coma.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      I bought an extra mouse pad and use it as a cushion. Now I just strange looks at the red marks on my forehead…well, eighthead. Male patterned baldness.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    At this point, I’m merely waiting for the BREAKING NEWS headline that one of these fucknuggets is stopped trying to board an Aeroflot to Moscow.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Well, T-Rex is headed there to meet with his “Russian counterpart,” so this isn’t that farfetched!

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Judging from what tends to happen to those who disappoint Vlad, we should let them go.

  • Michael Smith

    Well, for Wingnuts, they’ve already decided he was right no matter what the evidence says. All the evidence was planted by the liberal biased media and their round-Earth conspiracy Jews.

  • Anna Rompage

    Seeing that the Trump admin cannot even seem to organize the annual White House Easter Egg Roll, are the folks who voted for him sure it’s still a good idea to have him, and his Hole In The Head Gang, continue running the country?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Does he have the correct plumbing? Yes.
      Therefore, yes. Next question?

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Does he have the correct plumbing and skin tone? Yes.
        Therefore, yes. Next question?

        FTFY

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Orange supremacy!

  • Johnny Appleseed

    I can’t wait to see the White House Easter Egg Roll (if funding hasn’t already been slashed) where Spicey comes out in the Easter Bunny costume. Or as Hitler, either one works.

    • Logic of Color

      I’m hearing they may not even be able to pull off the annual Roll party due to poor planning and understaffing.

      • Johnny Appleseed

        And that would surprise??? Nobody.

        Lord Baron could figure it out faster that Daddy’s incompetent buffoons.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Nah, they just didn’t see any profit in buying the little plastic eggs. They’re a hollow cost center.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Somehow they’ll end up throwing real eggs at the children and invoking Hitler. Hopefully they do not accidentally nuke Korea.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • Msgr_MΩment

      I think that Spicey is their ace in the hole as far as not completely fucking up the planning for the Egg Roll.

      “We got Spicey, a bunny costume, and a couple factory-grown hen’s eggs in the fridge. We are ready to roll.”

    • MeerkatsRMammals
  • jesterpunk

    So Christie is saying Trump aides deserve a presumption of innocence until they are convicted of a crime.

    http://thehill.com/homenews/news/328434-christie-ex-trump-aide-deserves-presumption-of-innocence

    But at the RNC he said Hillary was guilty because reasons.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/20/us/politics/chris-christie-rnc.html?_r=0

    I guess this is another case of IOKIYAR, also doesnt Christie have to go pick up Trump’s McDonalds for him?

    • wait! what?

      He would do a McRun but a bridge is closed…

    • Nockular cavity

      “Convicted? You mean, like your aides, Governor?”

      • jesterpunk

        Like he should have been if his aides didnt take the fall for him.

      • Wait! Is he STILL governor???

        (That is not a serious question)

  • Chadwells

    You can judge this book by its cover. Nunes looks like he’s as dumb as a sack of hammers.

    • wait! what?
    • Lance Thrustwell

      He does, doesn’t he? That smooth, bland, featureless face and the eyes ever so slightly too close together. He puts more care into combing his hair in the morning than understanding the issues he’s supposed to be in charge of.

    • Johnny Appleseed

      “dumb as a sack of hammers”! GREAT saying. I say “bag”, but sack works. 5 Stars!

      • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

        I’m a “box of rocks” gal, myself.

    • Persistent Demme

      BOX OF HAIR LIBELZ!!!

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I wonder how many people the Russian Puppet has “unmasked” in his own investigation into Susan Rice. You just know they are tearing through the records looking for something, anything to justify “both sides do it”. It’s terrifying how this flaccid orange dick operates.

  • canes_pugnaces

    “I was sitting at the table. We had finished dinner. We’re now having dessert. And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen, and President Xi was enjoying it,” Trump recalled in an interview with Fox News Business host Maria Bartiromo that aired on Wednesday.

    “And I was given the message from the generals that the ships are locked and loaded, what do you do?” Trump went on. “And we made a determination to do it, so the missiles were on the way. And I said, ‘Mr. President, let me explain something to you.’”

    “So what happens is, I said, ‘We’ve just launched 59 missiles heading to Iraq and I wanted you to know this.’ And he was eating his cake. And he was silent,” Trump added.

    • Proud Liberal

      Holy fuck.

    • TJ Barke
    • Lefty Frizzell

      Did he actually say Iraq and not Syria???!!!!! Fuck me that sort of thing could start WWIII very easily indeed!

      • TJ Barke

        The man is dumber than a a door nail, a bag of hammers, a box of rocks, etc.

      • Anna Rompage

        At least he didn’t shoot them off at Israel, or Egypt, or France….

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “No, no, no, not Iraq….
        What’s that one Korea that starts with an ‘N’?”

        • Doug Langley

          “Launch the nukes at Kansas!”
          “Uh, I thought we were at war with Korea?”
          “Yeah, that too!”

    • NastyBossetti

      He was probably silent because he was still stunned that Donald Trump thought he could “explain” ANYTHING to him.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Wait….wait….

      He was discussing this action with the generals IN FRONT OF PRESIDENT XI??????? Are you fucking kidding me?

      • Nockular cavity

        And he was doing it to…what, to threaten him?

        • NastyBossetti

          To show him what a big, strong man he is!

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Especially after Premier Xi had seen the “bigness” in the men’s room.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Does Trump even dare use the restroom, where his size would be unmasked?
            Depends.

          • tomamitai

            The ego he has, I’m sure that Donnie would’ve whipped it out in public by now if it were camera ready.

        • Paperless Tiger

          You better watch out for me, I’m really stupid!

      • Thiazin Red

        And they were at dinner, so in front of all the staff and guests too.

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          This story (and this presidency) gets more fucked up every passing minute. I’m constantly feeling like my head’s going to go full “Scanners”.

    • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tj9M34DzAKo “The missiles are flying. Hallelujah, hallelujah.

      • wait! what?

        Tiger blood runs in the family.

      • SterWonk

        So that’s what Jed was thinking in A Proportional Response!

    • cmd resistor

      So I read a comment elsewhere saying people should watch this part of the interview because he kept making sweeping hand gestures to show how huge the cake was. I can’t, however, manage to make myself do it.

      • Thiazin Red

        Well of course he has to spend a portion of the interview bragging about his stupid tacky extremely dated restaurant.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      New York strip steak, Dover sole and chocolate cake? Trump eats like a 14 year old out for his birthday dinner…at Red Lobster… in 1978.

      • Thiazin Red

        Yes, this is the perfect description!

      • cmd resistor

        From the Hill: “The menu included caesar salad and pan-seared Dover sole fish, herb-roasted potatoes and haricots vert or New York strip steak, whipped potatoes and roasted root vegetables.
        Dessert included options of chocolate cake with vanilla sauce and dark chocolate sorbet or a sorbet trio.”
        Sounds like the menu for the rest of the folks, too, — at least the way it’s worded. Like, could you get fish and whipped potatoes, or do you have to have the herb-roasted ones? I never could figure out if they were out eating with the regular peons or if they were in a private room.

        • canes_pugnaces

          And the cool thing is we picked up the tab…

        • Persistent Demme

          Gee, normally one would have to attend a wedding for that kind of food.
          Did the Chinese delegation have to express a preference of steak or fish in advance by checking the box?

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        And of course the steak was burned to a crisp and served with a lovely tomato-vinaigrette commonly known as “catsup” (I’m guessing Hunts, since Heinz ketchup is way too blue collar for Lord Dampnut).

        • theblackdog

          Also super sugary compared to Heinz, then he can claim he’s sweet.

      • Doug Langley

        “How’d you like those foam boxes? Aren’t they cool? America invented foam boxes, did you know that?”

    • Persistent Demme

      There are no words that can express my hatred for this man.
      I’ll have to settle for marching with my spring-weight pussy hat, and calling people.
      *sigh*

  • Ryan Denniston

    Mayhaps we bombed the wrong place? Here’s your money quote:

    “So what happens is, I said, ‘We’ve just launched 59 missiles heading to Iraq and I wanted you to know this.’ And he was eating his cake. And he was silent,” Trump added.”

    Either he was silent because he wondered why we fired missiles into Iraq, or he was silent because it was a pregnant pause, and Trump left out the part where the Chinese leader said “Anddddd?”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-syria-china-cake_us_58ee31fbe4b0ca64d91af14b?

    • TJ Barke

      Canes_pugnaces beat you to it. Still fucked up, though.

      • Ryan Denniston

        It’s what we call a Kinsley gaffe, they want to relitigate Shrub’s War.

    • wait! what?

      Sorry, but you did kind of evoke Ashton Kutcher.

      https://youtu.be/GKNX6dieVcc

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “I’m let you finish, but where did you getting this muthafuckin’ cake? It’s so moist.”

  • The Librarian

    Mr. Nunes:

    Leaker, you’re nothing but a leaker
    And you put your head in your hands, oh no 🤦‍♂️!

    *Apologies to Supertramp

    • stankbait

      Rumor has it Trump really likes his leakers.

  • jesterpunk
  • stankbait

    He has become less popular than a shit eating dog with toenail fungus.
    He can’t help it, neither.!

  • Michael R

    How competent is Fat Ass The Clown ?

    Trump explains the missile launch ( as it happens ) while eating chocolate cake with Chinese President Xi Jinping to Fox News Business host Maria Bartiromo ….

    “So what happens is, I said, ‘We’ve just launched 59 missiles heading to Iraq and I wanted you to know this.’ And he was eating his cake. And he was silent,” Trump added.

    Bartiromo then quickly interjected by noting the strikes were launched against Syria, not Iraq.

    • Nockular cavity

      We’re fucking doomed, aren’t we?

      • TJ Barke

        You know it!

      • proudgrampa

        I keep telling you that…

    • canes_pugnaces

      “So we launched chocolate cake at iraq, I think it was Iraq. Anyway, there was this Chinese guy sitting next to me at dinner, so I told him about the cake. He went home. But not home. He was OK. OK?

      The Chinese guy, and I forget his name, said, ‘Donald you are a great President. Tremendous President. You’ll go down as the greatest leader the world has ever seen’. He also really enjoyed his beautiful cake. The best cake. Iraq cake. Then I went home to Ivanka.”

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      ‘No wonder the chink looked so surprised’
      – D. Trumnp

    • Doug Langley

      “Launch the nukes against Syracuse!”
      “Uh, do you mean Syria?”
      “Yeah, that too!!”

  • SweetDeeKat

    I have vertigo from some weird ear infection thing, and this shit is not helping, seriously. I start leaning my head to understand some twisted garbage and BOOM end up on the floor. I think I’ll just stay here, thanks.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      I got a prescrip for Phenergan and it was a life-changer. As they say on the teevee – “ask your subscriber….”

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I had exactly that thing! I went to my doctor in a panic and he just laughed at me, said it happens all the time and I’d be better in a week or two. He was right.

      • SweetDeeKat

        The Epley procedure worked for me a few years ago. If I started having nystagmus I’ll sigh heavily and look it up.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      As long as you’re there already, might as well start drinking.

      • SweetDeeKat

        Flexible straws are my friend.

    • Persistent Demme

      So sorry!
      My physical therapist had this for two weeks.
      He had to crawl on his hands and knees.
      You will get better soon!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Asked by the Times if he believed Rice’s actions were criminal Trump responded, “Do I think? Yes, I think.”

    Non cogito.
    Hylobatida de stercore sum.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      lookit you with yr fancy latin!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I use it to talk with the landscaping guys.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      “Do I think? Yes, I think. I think of grabbing pussy!”

    • Which is just a reminder of how very stupid you are. And your ideas are wrong.

      God. How do we get thru the next ??? years.

  • Nick Scroggs
  • C4TWOMAN

    OT: good article about how conservatives were blindsided by Trump…after thinking they’re banished the extremist Randroids and Birchers long long ago…

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/11/magazine/i-thought-i-understood-the-american-right-trump-proved-me-wrong.html

    • wait! what?

      The root of this evil
      Is now a tiny handed weevil…

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      From the article (It was a pretty good article),
      “Buckley excommunicated the John Birch Society, anti-Semites and supporters of the hyperindividualist Ayn Rand, and his cohort fused the diverse schools of conservative thinking — traditionalist philosophers, militant anti-Communists, libertarian economists —….”
      This gave me a chuckle. The author seems to think that conservatism, at one time, represented something noble, or at least pure. Nope. Never. As far as I can tell his article requires the reader to put on the blinders conservative have always worn. The base is just as ignoble as ever.

      • C4TWOMAN

        He does emphasize what we call the alt-right was never far away. My takeaway is never dismiss the cranks and take them deadly seriously–even when they’re apparently “harmless”, they are almost certainly fronting for less harmless people.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “The modern conservative is engaged in one of man’s oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.” – John Kenneth Galbraith.

      • Doug Langley

        But John Birch Society WAS “militant anti-Communist”, and Ayn Rand WAS “libertarian economist”. It’s sloppiness like this that makes me skeptical of these so-called scholars.

        • C4TWOMAN

          I think the point is the , correctly, saw Birchers and Randroids as the extreme undersirable forms of those philosophies , what would make them all look like kooks, instead of “reasonable ” libertarianish militant anti-communists.

          They basically want to have the cake and eat it- they want to keep their kooky agenda but don’t want to LOOK like kooks.

          It’s logical. Not ethical, but logical….

          • MizzMazz

            And the veneer wore thin, and now it’s apparent that they always held these beliefs. It is no longer behind closed doors, or ‘locker room talk’. When people become outraged, it’s a quick clean up on aisle 9, and “You mistook my words, and what I really meant was…” Yeah right, gaslighting and victim blaming all around.

    • tomamitai

      Assholes like Buckley fed the tiger of white middle-class racial resentment for over a generation, so they’ve no one to blame but themselves for the fact that they can’t get off its back and it’s hungry as hell for the meat it’s been promised. I just wish that old-money fop was here to suffer the consequences.

      • C4TWOMAN

        From the article:
        “Stephen H. Norwood, one of the few historians who did study the Black
        Legion, also mined another rich seam of neglected history in which
        far-right vigilantism and outright fascism routinely infiltrated the
        mainstream of American life. The story begins with Father Charles
        Coughlin, the Detroit-based “radio priest” who at his peak reached as
        many as 30 million weekly listeners. In 1938, Coughlin’s magazine,
        Social Justice, began reprinting “Protocols of the Learned Elders of
        Zion,” a forged tract about a global Jewish conspiracy first popularized
        in the United States by Henry Ford. After presenting this fictitious
        threat, Coughlin’s paper called for action, in the form of a “crusade
        against the anti-Christian forces of the red revolution” — a call that
        was answered, in New York and Boston, by a new organization, the
        Christian Front. Its members were among the most enthusiastic
        participants in a 1939 pro-Hitler rally that packed Madison Square
        Garden, where the leader of the German-American Bund spoke in front of
        an enormous portrait of George Washington flanked by swastikas.”

        This stuff needs to be taught in schools.

        • MizzMazz

          But it isn’t. Just finished reading ‘It Can’t Happen Here’ by Sinclair Lewis, and damn, if it wasn’t eerie. Coughlin was featured in the story.

    • Thiazin Red

      Paul Ryan is speaker, the party is owned by the fundies, why did they think that?

    • That was good but i see little mention of pat Buchanan and the southern strategy.

    • Doug Langley

      I’ll give him an A for effort, but I have a real hard time with anyone who claims a nation has a philosophy or something like that. Individuals have philosophy (and most don’t even have that, they just tell you what church they go to or something), not countries. You can tell which group is dominant in a nation, but that doesn’t necessarily mean there was any philosophy at work.

      Plus I would love for writers to explain carefully what is conservatism (or any philosophy) instead of some vague notion everyone knows what you mean. I don’t think it means “who wins the Presidential elections”.

      • Lord Jim

        Educated whites in the prosperous metropolises of the New South sublimated the frenetic, violent anxieties that once marked race
        relations in their region into more palatable policy concerns about
        “stable housing values” and “quality local education,” backfooting
        liberals and transforming conservatives into mainstream champions of a set of positions with enormous appeal to the white American middle
        class.

        Conservative Writer Admits “Conservatism” Is Racism Gone Mainstream.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Baby Rowan Atkinson eerily prescient:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2n87YKSjrA

    • proudgrampa

      What a great clip!

    • wait! what?

      Nice video, shame about the song…

  • How routine such sentiments as ‘president fuckhead’ have become.

    Sad.

    • proudgrampa

      Really.

      Whenever I wrote or spoke about our previous president, it was always “President Obama.”

      I will never write or speak about a “President Trump.” He is just “Trump.” or “idjit.”

  • tomamitai

    Not exactly OT, but not completely off-topic, does anybody else think Nunes looks a lot like an actor you’ve seen somewhere? I can’t place him, but I think he played a detective in one of the multitude of police shows I’ve seen over the past 20 years or so. I tried a google image search on one of Nunes’s pics but it just finds more of him, not the guy I’m thinking of.

  • proudgrampa

    Fuck that guy.

    Nunes for impeachment 2017!

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Let this be a lesson to all of us:

    When somebody is doing such a bad job lying and changes their story twice a day and their eyes seem to be saying “They’re holding my family hostage!” or something…

    don’t believe them.

    • Thiazin Red

      These people are worse at pretending to be innocent than my old dog. My old dog would at least sit in a different room than the bad thing she did, or pretend to be asleep. Occasionally, she would try to frame the other dog. So my dog, better at lying than the entire Trump administration.

      • cmd resistor

        You dog probably had some redeeming characteristics, also, too, as opposed to these jerks.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You have to give Ron Ziegler credit, he could actually pull that off.

      Sean, not so much.

  • Paperless Tiger

    All they have to do is say ‘Rice’ and they get a derp cycle in the news. There’s a reason we’re in this mess.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      It’s all Moors and Christians with these guys.

      • proudgrampa

        I cannot wait to make this! I love beans and rice!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Also, too, that name causes Sister Sarah to wake up from the midst of her meth binge.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    “Honey? This is Devin. Get the Go bag and meet me at the dirt airstrip out by the cowboy bar!”

    • wait! what?
      • Villago Delenda Est

        “This ain’t no party, this ain’t no White House press briefing room”

        (Apologies to David Byrne.)

      • Chyron HR

        OH! I finally understand what this song is about!

        (All those Philip K. Dick books about the government also, too.)

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        One could only hope ….

  • wait! what?

    Notice how you never see Sean Spicer and David Nunes together?

    I wonder if Fred Savage is up to his old tricks…

  • Chadwells
    • wait! what?

      If you lay on the floor next to it, just right, you can get drooled on.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Looks cozy. I could squeeze in. I’m smallish.

      • Chadwells

        I wish I could…I’m 6 ft and 240lbs!!

        • NastyBossetti

          Yeah, you have to get there first and then let THEM squeeze in on you. Which, of course, they will, if they’re anything line mine.

    • Painter of Goats

      You are a good and selfless dog person.

    • Proud Liberal

      Awww…they look so happy!

      • Chadwells

        Spoiled rotten.

        • Proud Liberal

          Says a lot about you. A good person. They are lucky dogs!

          • Chadwells

            D’awww, thanks! I like dogs more than people. #4, the 11 year old, is in our bed. It’s a crowded house!

          • Proud Liberal

            Goodness! I also love dogs but I only have one but she rules the house! I agree, dogs are a lot nicer than people.

          • Little Doll

            Chadwell’s daily schedule:

            Let dogs out

            Let dogs in

            Let dogs out

            Let dogs in

            Let dogs out

            Let dogs in

            Feed dogs

            Let dogs out

            Let dogs in

            Try to find a spot on the bed upon which to sleep

            The end.

          • Chadwells

            All day, every day.

        • Can’t spoil a good thing

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • wait! what?

      You just know Donald accidently taped his tie to the floor here.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      According to that rogue WH staffer on twitter, it was actually “Daddy pretend that we are doing something!”

  • jesterpunk
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Has everybody lost their damned minds? Are they actually trying to top Spicer?

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      My husband has lost about 100 pounds in four months. Very effective weight loss plan.

      • jesterpunk

        Sorry, I hope he is doing better now.

        • The KGB Ate Our Votes

          TY

    • So far

      Pepsi
      Nivea
      United
      Spicer
      Sessions

      and now Cosmo

      Is there some sort of insensitivity virus going round?

      • theblackdog

        I’m beginning to wonder if all of these people are like super hardcore into Lent and its rules are now making them cranky and stupid.

        • Lord Jim

          Or maybe human decency is what they’re giving up for Lent.

    • Nounverb911

      Dear Cosmo
      Thanks for the distraction
      Sean Spicer

    • Vincent Ricola

      What in the fuck?!!

    • Anna Rompage

      Hey, if someone who spews right wing, bat shit crazy conspiracy theories & bigotry can get elected to the White House, why not try anything to increase your market share…

      This got you talking about them….

      I personally haven’t heard of anything that Cosmo has done in years…

    • Pinkham’s Law

      OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Want to know this one crazy trick to permanent weight loss? Terminal illness.

      • Little Doll

        I remember reading about a woman who found it quite ironic that people were suddenly commenting constantly about how great she looked. “How did you lose so much weight?” they’d ask. Um, cancer? Chemo? Durh? Thanks for noticing.

        • The KGB Ate Our Votes

          I watched a documentary recently about a woman with cancer who was planning her physician-assisted suicide. She said ‘everyone says I look so great, because I’ve lost so much weight. That’s the society we live in, I guess.”

          • Little Doll

            These are some weird-ass times…

    • TJ Barke

      Classy as fuck.

  • DerpyGurdyMan

    Perhaps it is time for GOP Gimp NoNadz to put aside talk of Un-Masking and…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/70e80c85a3b9ea704437f9bbb1a4b7e3b6288251e1eea1476832d737a4532818.jpg

  • BadKitty904
  • DainBramage

    There’s no way Devin and Sean can be a stupid as they seem, right? They must be actors, playing their parts.
    No, I think what it really is is that if you are immersed in the conservative conspiracy swamp, your brain cells get leeched. Either that, or you didn’t have anything going on upstairs to begin with, and that’s how you ended up there.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Ted Knight was actually acting when he was doing Ted Baxter. These guys, not so much.

  • C4TWOMAN
    • jesterpunk

      Good song.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I must point out that a “fucking moron” is a violation of the Wonkette style guide, Evan.

    Go sit in the corner.

  • fawkedifiknow

    These dipshits aren’t just crooked, corrupt, assholes, they are incompetent, crooked, corrupt, assholes.

  • The KGB Ate Our Votes

    Dear Wonkette –

    Please take the opportunity to mock Trump mercilessly for his throwing Steve Bannon under the bus, claiming he never met him before he joined the campaign, he joined the campaign late, after Trump had already beaten all his 16 opponents to a bloody pulp, and Trump doesn’t need him because, “I’m my own strategist”. (He’s also his own hair stylist, so draw your own conclusions) http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2017/04/11/trump-on-bannon-i-m-my-own-strategist.html?via=desktop&source=copyurl

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      And, interior designer, evidently.

  • Jenny

    Trump of course has no credibility. Just this morning more bullshit about Manafort and Carter and Trump yells, “BUT HILLARY SHOULD BE IN JAIL!!!!”

    Shut the fuck up “President” Clownstick VonFuckface.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Donald seems to think that not breaking the law, or not betraying trusts, is some sort of crime that needs to be punished, as opposed to busting out a publically traded corporation or setting up a diploma mill that hands out not even passable fraudulent diplomas.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    While Putin was meeting with Tillerson, this happened

    https://twitter.com/LKeturakis/status/852187121502834688

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      All your interwebs are belong to Putin.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        And his zany minions in St. Petersburg.

        • PRW

          You mean Florida Man?

  • Nick Scroggs

    Well, since apparently we can now say whatever we want without a bit of it being true and get away with it, I’m going to spend the day giving lonely housewives the ride of their lives, smoke some magic mushrooms tonight, and tomorrow head to a convent and eat pizza off the nuns before good Friday. Then I’ll being my run for Congress.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Sexual deviant eating pizza off of nuns? You’ll have to run as a Republican.

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      That better be anchovy pizza, mister! In this convent, we KEEP Fridays!

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Again?!

    • tomamitai

      Yeah, that’s how to convince people you’re not in bed with Putin, meet with him behind closed doors with no independent observers!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Ben Carson stuck in elevator in low income housing complex.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/ben-carson-freed-from-elevator-alonzo-mourning

    • TJ Barke

      Clearly they don’t need any more money for upkeep…

    • Little Doll

      All the more reason to shut that shit down, since it doesn’t work!

      Oh wait, that would mean my disabled ass would have to go live with my son…

    • jesterpunk
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Sebastian Gorka, a Trump foreign policy aide, cast Rice’s actions as worse than the Watergate scandal that felled President Richard Nixon in an interview with pro-Trump Fox News host Sean Hannity.

    “Losing 14 minutes of audiotape in comparison to this is a little spat in the sandbox in the kindergarten,” Gorka said.

    Neo-Nazi says what now?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c607cdf90a11e967296ca48d8e4f3e1ebad8bec9be0b13e85f9e242b58e6b529.jpg

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Did Hannity remove Trump’s d*ck from his mouth long enough to respond to Gorka?

    • Anna Rompage

      White supremacist and all around asshat, Dorka, does realize that the other, bipartisan members of the House Intel committee who have seen these papers say there’s nothing there?

    • Thiazin Red

      I wish he had been cast as Jon, he is both better looking and better at acting.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Good lord, their bubble is bulletproof.
      (I do wish it was also soundproof.)

      • Little Doll

        One does tire of their endless nattering.

      • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

        It’s one-way soundproof. Sound can get out, but nothing gets in.

    • TJ Barke

      Keep on trying to deflect, you fuckers. We’re gonna nail you all to the wall.

  • theblackdog

    Now, if this intel would lead to the truth about his Russia connections and we can get rid of him…

  • Phoenixdoglover

    The whole episode looks like Nunes got played and never caught on. Schmuck.

  • wait! what?

    The creator of Wall Street’s ‘Charging Bull’ is criticizing ‘Fearless Girl’ for the same thing he once did

    http://www.businessinsider.com/creator-of-wall-street-bull-said-fearless-girl-infringes-copyright-2017-4

    • Pinkham’s Law

      LOVE Blasio’s tweet: “Men who don’t like women taking up space are exactly why we need the Fearless Girl.”

    • tomamitai

      “The artist told AP that having another bold presence changes the creative dynamic of his installation.”

      Well, duhhhhhhhh.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      His bull is supposed represent strength and prosperity, and when has that ever trampled ordinary people or wrecked the china shop of our economy?

      I propose a third statue, a giant pile of dung directly behind the bull, to represent the artist’s objections to the girl.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Trump was wrong. Must be a day ending in ‘y’.

Previous articleHere Is Attorney General Jeff Sessions Being 100% Not A Holy Shit Y’all Racist
Next articleBill O’Reilly Going On Vacation At Big Happy Farm Where He Can Run And Play