上位 200 件のコメント表示する 500

[–]giantspeck 4406 ポイント4407 ポイント  (460子コメント)

The update text isn't real, but these reviews are.

[–]jimofwales 2202 ポイント2203 ポイント  (411子コメント)

Brilliant. This is one time I'm satisfied with the internet doing a bit of digital lynching. Especially given the CEO's response.

Hopefully other airlines will be updating their procedures so this never happens again.

[–]AtWorkAndOnReddit 1010 ポイント1011 ポイント  (314子コメント)

I wonder how the CEO thought doubling down would ever work. In his head did he think people would just agree with him or does he give that little of fucks.

[–]marc_do 541 ポイント542 ポイント  (205子コメント)

People in these positions sadly don't give many fucks at all...

[–]yeahscience62 294 ポイント295 ポイント  (178子コメント)

Well luckily for him he better start caring because something tells me that Dr. will probably own the CEOs parents graves by the end of this lawsuit.

[–]marc_do 263 ポイント264 ポイント  (95子コメント)

CEO propably gets out of this richer than before...

[–]yeahscience62 355 ポイント356 ポイント  (86子コメント)

lol probably not. Stock is at free fall rate right now. Already at -3.5%... that's about 750 million lost in 10 minutes.

EDIT: 15 minutes in: 4%

[–]marc_do 238 ポイント239 ポイント  (40子コメント)

We talk about the CEO, not the company itself.

They usually get a severance payment of a few millions and hop to the next big position....

[–]dabecka 81 ポイント82 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Didn't the last CEO get a $37m golden parachute?

[–]FFF_in_WY 95 ポイント96 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I never understood the beauty of that term until I saw it applied to an airline CEO...

[–]AJD73 109 ポイント110 ポイント  (19子コメント)

CEO's get the bulk of their salaries and bonus in the form of stock options. Furthermore, I think you are overestimating the demand that would exist for a ousted CEO from this type of incident.

[–]HMJ87 169 ポイント170 ポイント  (9子コメント)

I think you're underestimating the amount of times ousted CEOs from worse incidents have gone on to head up some other huge corporation instead.

[–]Whiterabbit-- 29 ポイント30 ポイント  (2子コメント)

it really depends on if the stock drop is short term or long term. most CEO stock compensations are medium and long term. so if stock recovers in a month, he losses nothing except his job.

[–]SavageLeopard1988 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Even if he became the most hated CEO ever, he'd still have way more than enough to just disappear from the media and never have to work again.

[–]zapwall 27 ポイント28 ポイント  (9子コメント)

Local bar is looking for bouncers.. Will hire him immediately.

[–]SexLiesAndExercise 65 ポイント66 ポイント  (29子コメント)

Last time United took a big stock dip from a PR disaster (United Breaks Guitars), it rebounded to a huge gain only a few weeks later.

Unless this leads to a huge boycott, which is both historically unlikely and pactically difficult in the airline market, the company's fundamentals likely won't change at all. Stock will take a beating for a few weeks, and then once the heat dies down, investors will see it as undervalued and buy it right back.

Don't get me wrong - I'd LOVE to see airline companies actually punished for their shitty behavior, but until we see serious regulation and/or a breakup of the oligopoly, nothing will change.

[–]coffeencats 40 ポイント41 ポイント  (9子コメント)

I think this may have a greater effect than "United Breaks Guitars". I understand that a lot of people spend a lot of money and have a lot of sentimental value on their guitars, but for the most part guitars are things, not people. Between the leggings incident last week, no matter whether United was in the wrong for that one, and this fiasco, where United was definitely in the wrong, I can see people actually debating whether saving $100 bucks is worth flying with United.

[–]pretenddev 25 ポイント26 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I fly maybe 2x a year. I usually just scoop the cheapest flight. However as I've begun to be able to afford to throw the extra 50$ I am going to avoid flying united at all cost.

[–]Phate4569 31 ポイント32 ポイント  (6子コメント)

The fact that the the man was asian, and asia is a pretty big market, does not help them at all.

The "Breaks Guitars" thing is "meh" at best. Many airlines mistreat baggage and then bungle the assistance in getting it replaced, we as a people have come to grudgingly expect it. This is a minority representative of one of the biggest markets getting physically assaulted into unconsciousness and dragged roughly from an airplane.

[–]forthegainz 19 ポイント20 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I've been hearing about a boycott in China. Which is probably a bit more possible. And could cost the company quite a bit.

[–]zapfchance 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

History says that no matter what happens, the CEO will walk away millions of dollars richer than he was before the fiasco. We may not like it, but history is full of unpleasant realities.

[–]Ramy_ 29 ポイント30 ポイント  (12子コメント)

Can I play devils advocate on this?

The easiest thing in the world would be to blame the low level employees and throw them under the bus. That's what usually happens in these situations.

In this case the CEO backed up his people knowing he'd be mocked and the stock would go down

[–]EihausKaputt 27 ポイント28 ポイント  (9子コメント)

I think the low level employees in this case deserve culpability. They had plenty of opportunity to stop this fiasco before it escalated to a man getting his face pummeled, and instead decided to treat him like a nuisance to be dragged limp rather than a human being.

[–]-ksguy- 30 ポイント31 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I think a major qualification to become a CEO is that your give-a-shit is completely broken.

[–]marc_do 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Also beeing a huge a**hole

[–]loomynartyondrugs 59 ポイント60 ポイント  (10子コメント)

This reminds me of that Always Sunny episode where Frank's Coca Cola knockoff accidentally becomes the official drink of Boko Haram.

[–]jonnie123 27 ポイント28 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Iv'e never wanted to start watching a series more than I do right now...

[–]TimIsColdInMaine 23 ポイント24 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If you start from the beginning you're gonna be a while working up to that point.

Spoiler version: Danny devito's character has a side occasionally mentioned software business, mainly used as a shell corporation for fraud. He thinks the legitimate sales are huge and the drink has become the official drink of Boca Raton FL, when in fact a terrorist video on the news shows it's Boko Haram. Oops.

[–]loomynartyondrugs 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I'd give it a shot.

The first Season is a bit slow for some people, but I still think it's hilarious. It gets progressively crazier as it goes on though.

[–]koteuop 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You gotta understand, Boko Haram did not do 9/11, that was Al Queda. Paris, that was done by ISIS. Boko Haram - they're just concentrating what they do in Africa. I mean, there's mosquitos down there that are bigger terrorists than Boko Haram!

- Frank Reynolds

[–]Ruddiver 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (2子コメント)

It fascinates me. I work in PR, how fucking hard is it to show sympathy. its amazing. all they needed to say was, "We are evaluating our procedures in regards to our policies, and recognize that things could have been handled more delicately" or some similar bullshit. nope. double down. a trillion dollar company with a ridiculously wrong response.

[–]paradeitarfora 24 ポイント25 ポイント  (7子コメント)

Most of the people on top have narcissist personality disorders, they legitimately can't see when they're wrong.

[–]Volucre 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (0子コメント)

United's CEO seems to think his employees can be complete assholes to customers, never mind how violent and horrible the consequences, as long as they don't technically violate the letter of their passage contract. This is an idiotic position for a couple reasons.

First, customers are just as free to stop flying United and tear it to shreds on social media for being a bunch of assholes, ruining whatever hard-earned reputational capital it has left. The fact that United will violently and confrontationally enforce the little boilerplate provisions in its passage contracts is itself a reason not to fly United.

Second, both parties in Congress are typically eager to please their constituents by launching criminal and civil investigations of much-hated companies like United. These investigations usually end up uncovering some kind of wrongdoing or another, resulting in expensive settlements and consent decrees, followed by onerous regulations designed to make sure it never, ever happens again.

In short, United's employees may be free to be violent assholes under their passage contract, but angry customers and Congress are just as free to respond by exercising their own rights and powers in a way that destroys United's business.

[–]tsuggitt 34 ポイント35 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Showing compassion is admitting guilt. The CEO gave a textbook response of corporation which is scared shitless of the impending lawsuits.

[–]koteuop 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Showing compassion is admitting guilt.

That's the one thing I learned from watching Iron Fist.

[–]FThumb 37 ポイント38 ポイント  (26子コメント)

I wonder how the CEO thought doubling down would ever work.

It wasn't for the public, it was for the media, who will dutifully report whatever press release is handed to them.

"Disruptive, unruly passenger ruins flight for hundreds..."

[–]AttackPug 42 ポイント43 ポイント  (25子コメント)

Yeaaah, the fact that half the internet has been freaking out over this and there's a bunch of witnesses to interview, with a sympathetic victim plus lots of juicy video means the whole thing is media catnip and pretty much proves your opinion is not well thought out. If it bleeds it leads.

[–]aris9 22 ポイント23 ポイント  (2子コメント)

sympathetic victim

i love this part. they picked the worst guy to victimize. im sure if he was some average joe, they'd dig SOME dirt on him.

but nope. they decided to fuck with the elderly doctor who was trying to get back to the hospital to treat his patients, whose entire family is doctors. which im hoping means they have fuck-you money. which i'm hoping means they'll take United for every single goddamn penny.

i LOVE how completely fucked they are.

[–]FThumb 35 ポイント36 ポイント  (19子コメント)

and pretty much proves your opinion is not well thought out.

So you didn't see how CNN and CNBC were covering this last night then. Maybe they've started to change their stories, but from what I saw of the national news coverage none of them mentioned the passenger was a doctor, and all of them blamed him for what happened to him.

[–]watchout5 20 ポイント21 ポイント  (1子コメント)

If it bleeds it leads.

I saw another one that really hit home. "You don't hate United, you hate America"

While there's more truth to that than I'd like, I'm literally powerless against America. I'm not powerless against United. United depends on people taking them seriously. I excel in not being taken seriously. Conditions are perfect.

[–]staaamos 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

He's of the "portray me as a rich, evil son of a bitch in the media all you want just as long as I remain rich" ilk.

[–]soggyfries8687678 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Maybe united wants us all to hate the CEO instead of their brand.

[–]AltoGobo 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I don't think he realized how much coverage there was of the removal just by people on the plane.

Hard to believe, but there's a portion of people who don't realize just about every person on the planet has access to a camera and an audience at a moment's notice.

[–]EarballsOfMemeland 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (5子コメント)

It's not his problem, there's a few subordinates though who will have to be taking angry calls from investors and the like. Though all in all he'll be well aware that this will blow over in a few days.

[–]reallynotadentist 24 ポイント25 ポイント  (4子コメント)

I don't know, man, I'm not from the US but if the opportunity ever did come up I would certainly not be choosing United because of this.

[–]RubyDancingOnRails 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Same. People keep saying this will all blow over, but I'm pretty sure that I'll never be flying United again in my life, regardless of cost.

[–]ripfuturama 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (1子コメント)

No, he's laughing his way back to his solid gold yacht for a day of sailing while the peasants complain.

[–]_Cowboys 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If they came out with a P.R. apology would anyone feel any better? They're getting killed no matter what.

[–]pottersquash 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (2子コメント)

He didn't even double down right. I would have focused on it wasn't United Employees it was Dallas police and if you think non compliance with police on a plane is acceptable well you are wrong.

[–]ItsTheSolo 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

What was the CEO's statement?

[–]Mitchfarino 42 ポイント43 ポイント  (38子コメント)

I missed the CEOs response, what was it

[–]AtWorkAndOnReddit 75 ポイント76 ポイント  (36子コメント)

[–]MyStrangeUncles 81 ポイント82 ポイント  (9子コメント)

"I stand behind you all [employees]."

I just watched and interesting discussion on CNN about the fact that United currently has a huge morale problem among its employees. Color me surprised!

The commentor suggested that the CEO's statement was more about trying to keep the employees on board than the passengers.

[–]RabidPlaty 42 ポイント43 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I think you meant 'morale', but it appears that both apply.

[–]MyStrangeUncles 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yup. Oopsie-doopsie, my bad.

[–]DCMOFO 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well they literally did remove passengers to keep employees on board.

[–]YipRocHeresy 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (3子コメント)

What's this moral problem?

[–]MyStrangeUncles 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Oopsie. I meant morale... but, ya know... 6 of one, half a dozen of the other.

[–]kekforever 25 ポイント26 ポイント  (25子コメント)

holy shit! this whole time I thought this happened because they never actually wrote policy beyond "up the offer $800" and had no idea what to do.

here i find out it's their official fucking policy to forcefully remove passengers in this situation? absolutely hilarious, i hope they tank completely and go out of business

[–]jimofwales 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (0子コメント)

https://twitter.com/CeejTankGaming/status/851476277529911297

excuse the random twitter account, couldn't be bothered to find a better source.

[–]L3g9JTZmLwZKAxAaEeQk 29 ポイント30 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Apparently this guy won a "communicator of the year" award from PRWeek just a couple weeks back for "his efforts over the past year to better engage with employees and customers".

[–]USpolitics2017 28 ポイント29 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I have just waded through much of the United Airlines Contract of Carriage Document. It is quite long. The issue is whether the passenger had already boarded the airplane and if there is any clause that allows United to remove an already boarded passenger. The Contract speaks to passengers who are "denied boarding". In the definition section, neither "boarding" or "denied boarding" is defined. The common definition of "boarding" is the entry of the passenger onto the vehicle. Thus the passenger in question legally can be considered as "boarded".

Since the man in question had been boarded and was sitting in his seat, United Airlines Contract of Carriage (the fine print) which allows United to deny boarding on an overbooked flight does NOT apply.

Rule 21 of the Contract, specifies that United can refuse to transport passengers for various reasons including breach of the Carriage Contract. However, it does not seem that the passenger violated the Carriage Contract in any manner.

These are clear points on which any jury should decide for the passenger. This is going to cost United a whole bunch of money. I am also sure that their Contract of Carriage will get a page longer.

[–]Jackerwocky 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thank you. This is the point that seems to be missing in this conversation: the passengers had already boarded and were seated. United would not have had this problem if they had pulled the four unfortunate names at the gate before boarding, as per their contract of carriage. (Well, obviously, since there would have been no need to drag and injure anyone.)

But they didn't do that, and instead of choosing one of the many other viable options that would have gotten their employees to where they needed to be in time, this was their solution. I'm glad to see them getting raked over the coals by the court of public opinion.

[–]T3hSwagman 48 ポイント49 ポイント  (20子コメント)

Yup, especially given that all the info is out now. I love they call it an overbooked flight, except it wasn't it was overbooked for their free ride employees. Really can't understand why UA would place employees so highly above paying customers. Especially given that there could have been a myriad of ways to get those employees to their destination literally a few hours away.

[–]HaChans 52 ポイント53 ポイント  (12子コメント)

To be honest. They might have a whole plane grounded somewhere with 300 passengers that needed that crew and be willing to take the hit of compensating a few passengers rather than have a plane stranded. Passengers get bumped for crew all the time if needed. It's not an unique situation and it won't be the last time we see it happen.

Usually what airlines do is that they up the prize until someone voluntarily gets off or simply just deny someone boarding (usually the last person to check in). The screw up here was that they allowed people to board and then let things get out of hand.

[–]T3hSwagman 39 ポイント40 ポイント  (7子コメント)

I understand that situation, but now that we know after the fact is that this wasn't the case. They just wanted to get there for their shift the next day. They had something like 20 hours before they needed to be on the clock at the other airport.

[–]omnitricks 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (0子コメント)

And the doctor getting to his job wasn't important in comparison?

[–]Sososkitso 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I completely understand this is what airlines do and from a business stance it makes sense up to a point. But a few ways they should have handled this. Offer more money, at least get close to the $1300 price that passengers who have been inconvenienced by more then 2 hours are guaranteed. Then if that failed the 4 employees that needed to get to the other airport needed to either wait, drive, or hitch a ride on another airline headed that direction. One other mistake was letting everyone board the plan before deciding you needed 4 seats. Don't let everyone board the plan then try and take it back. Hand a situation like this before it gets to that point because now not only does this man get screwed over and hurt but now you have families, kids, and just innocent bystanders watching in horror as a man gets knocked out? And dragged out of the plane.

As a father I know my 8 year old daughter and if we would have been on our first flight and she seen this, my goodness she would have been distraught every time we mention a plane ride from then on out.

So the fact that this CEO is doubling down on saying it was this man's own fault is insane to me because even if it was 100% his fault (which it's not) then the company still needs to apologize to everyone on that plane! All the kids, all the families. I mean they had to remove everyone off the plane because there was enough blood to clean up to make this a necessity.

[–]dustimo 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

A well-written, informative comment. Thanks!

[–]MyStrangeUncles 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Because United apparently has huge issues with employee morale right now.

I can't imagine why, they seem so very compassionate. Surely they are as great to work for as they are to fly with...

[–]tokomini 21 ポイント22 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Is there anything for the other airlines to update though? As far as I know, punching someone in the face and dragging them down the aisle was a United Airlines exclusive.

[–]jimofwales 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Maybe just highlight that it's really really important not to punch paying customers.

[–]_91919 117 ポイント118 ポイント  (6子コメント)

That makes me feel a little bad for the programmers that actually worked on that app.

Then again knowing United, they probably treated them like shit and/or outsourced it anyway.

[–]giantspeck 51 ポイント52 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Eh, this kind of thing happens to apps even if the company isn't embroiled in controversy. For example, look at any news app, and you'll see people leaving negative reviews simply because they think the news is fake or biased.

[–]arbitrary-fan 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Don't feel too bad, it was probably outsourced just like everything else the airline touches.

[–]Soeldner 28 ポイント29 ポイント  (16子コメント)

See this is what I don't get. These companies know that they live in an age where nothing can be kept quiet, I mean hell there are a dozen different angles of the incident. Why would they ever try something like this and then double down on it? So much damage can happen due to social media, yet a multi billion dollar company cant figure that out.

[–]la-fours 31 ポイント32 ポイント  (9子コメント)

Because they don't care. Major airlines are already seen as necessary evils by most of the traveling public - no one views flying (especially economy class flying) as an enjoyable experience anymore. So they're used to a negative online presence. As long as people keep buying tickets they will continue to do whatever they want.

[–]KirinG 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The thing is that flying economy is only bad where competition doesn't really exist. I've spent a couple years flying around Asia. Short flights, long flights whatever. Many flights are delayed, especially during rainy season. But on every single flight I've been on, I've been treated like an actual person, not a retarded terrorist cow. (So are the non-foreigner passengers.) In economy. Seriously, it's bizarre. The carriers actually have to compete with other carriers, not to mention actual passenger rail and non-Greyhound bus services. And this is in places considered 2nd/3rd/developing world countries.

It's so damn sad. Going back to US style air travel is one of the things I'm dreading most when I move back.

[–]import_social-wit 20 ポイント21 ポイント  (6子コメント)

The thing that is killing them this time is the Chinese market. While we view it as lack of empathy, they view it as racism in action.

The United office in China has chosen to remain silent, so we'll see how this develops.

[–]nyconx 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (2子コメント)

As far as I understand it was security and an US Marshall that physically removed and hurt the guy. No way would United want or expect that to happen. They do have a crappy policy that led to this though. The overbooking policy really isn't any different then most other airlines.

[–]RhinestoneTabby 24 ポイント25 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Those are great!

[–]FloodMoose 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Tyler seems a little too excited though. Definitely not 5-star worthy.

[–]iRomanian 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (1子コメント)

What you don't know is that Tyler enjoys wearing Tap-Out shirts and used to beat up kids for their lunch money.

[–]FloodMoose 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Good thing some schools have lunch accounts now. And also, they don't let angry-punch-happy men in anymore.

[–]goshty 439 ポイント440 ポイント  (15子コメント)

Its like the whole company is executing a strategy to be the next best meme

[–]jfreak93 154 ポイント155 ポイント  (7子コメント)

Has marketing gone too far?

[–]ChooserofRenegade 66 ポイント67 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Take Nabisco's cinnamon challenge! For extra flavor, try it while we waterboard you.

[–]ChiefHiawatha 19 ポイント20 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Stockholders hate him!

[–]Bagel1111 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (4子コメント)

It's working, everyone is talking about United. Any press is good press right?

[–]Darxe 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Memes are huge business nowadays it seems

[–]ProNoob95 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (1子コメント)

"If it can get a president into office it can boost sales dammit!"

United Airlines

[–]CascadingMonkeys 1366 ポイント1367 ポイント  (90子コメント)

It's more like drop and drag.

[–]GallowBoob[S] 1813 ポイント1814 ポイント  (48子コメント)

[–]qwerty-confirmed 231 ポイント232 ポイント  (26子コメント)

That's hilarious

[–]Camsy34 284 ポイント285 ポイント  (24子コメント)

Say what you like about gallowboob but he will always be the epitome of reddit to me

[–]AnExplosiveMonkey 110 ポイント111 ポイント  (10子コメント)

True. It's not like this can possibly be a months old repost either.

[–]shomman 45 ポイント46 ポイント  (8子コメント)

The app update was posted somewhere else a few hours ago tho

[–]axeriel 21 ポイント22 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Probably stolen from that tweet that GB posted from the looks of it. At least it's credited here.

[–]shomman 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Yeah I think this tweet is an original. Also the app update is a fake I believe

[–]J4CKR4BB1TSL1MS 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Not sure. They did do an update today, currently listing this:

What's New in Version 2.1.18

Streamlined Apple Pay flow

More bugs eliminated

Wouldn't be surprised if they just changed the update log after they noticed the tweet and their stupidity.

Edit: couldn't find it, but in their last update they did admit to smashing some things.

[–]lootedcorpse 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I'm gonna make a website. have it auto post GallowBoob posts content on its Home page, and archive afterwards. I'll go with the domain reddit_irl.com

[–]Daamus 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

or you could call it buzzfeed.com, oh wait

[–]Daamus 23 ポイント24 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Say what you like about gallowboob

He has a nice ass

[–]gawaine73 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Don't reaccommodate me bro.

[–]karmander 60 ポイント61 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Don’t let this man distract you from the fact that in 2017, United Airlines threw a doctor off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer’s table.

[–]stayfun 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Then threw a dog and a guitar off Hell in a Cell and plummeted 16 feet through an announcer's table.

[–]lWarChicken 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

hmmmn united has finally gone meta

[–]OKAH 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Jesus the WWF has got some deep level conditioning stuck in my head. I didn't even read the text and instead just blurted out:

3D!!!!!!!

[–]theg721 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

D-Von! Get the tables!

[–]ZOMGURFAT 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Same. First thought was "GET THE TABLE!!!"

[–]buttplugpeddler 153 ポイント154 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Board as a doctor.

Leave as a patient.

[–]PM-SOME-TITS 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Good thing he is a doctor, he can treat himself.

[–]kinggarbanzo 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

this comment has me rolling

[–]Vinura 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

And do the Hula?

LUAU!

[–]dancing-greg 603 ポイント604 ポイント  (21子コメント)

What's New:

Limit for the number of users at one time. You may get booted out of the app if too many people are using it at the same time.

[–]ridobe 178 ポイント179 ポイント  (15子コメント)

*randomly

[–]BurntToast13 72 ポイント73 ポイント  (14子コメント)

*"Randomly"

[–]teddim 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (13子コメント)

Wasn't it actually random?

[–]Instinctftw 51 ポイント52 ポイント  (8子コメント)

The manager told him he had to be deplaned because he had the lowest fare ticket.

They have to pay 4x of the ticket price or $1,350, whichever is lower, as compensation. So they picked the four lowest ones to kick out. They stopped the bidding at $800 because the avg ticket price for the trip is $200 if booked early enough, so they knew they didn't have to pay anyone over $800 to kick out.

[–]SnausageFest 39 ポイント40 ポイント  (7子コメント)

Oh cool, so they punish the people who have been planning the trip for a while. The ones most likely to be on vacation or something similar, with money invested in hotels, cars, etc., that they'll also lose out on.

[–]slimeop 23 ポイント24 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Better yet, how about a doctor who has a surgery scheduled next morning? That way, they can double kill punish both the doctor and the patient!

[–]BurntToast13 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Honestly I don't care if he is a doctor or a janitor, United (probably) wasn't aware he was a doctor. But everyone deserves to be treated as a human and not dragged out of a plane.

[–]IUsedToBeGoodAtThis 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (0子コメント)

it randomly selects the people with the cheapest tickets.

[–]xnch1 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yes, randomly volunteered

[–]berapa 41 ポイント42 ポイント  (2子コメント)

But only if you've paid for it.

Don't worry: all the conditions are in the EULA.

[–]Dox_Bulldops 368 ポイント369 ポイント  (19子コメント)

Testing being done in limited Asian markets.

[–]JaysonnotJason 46 ポイント47 ポイント  (15子コメント)

I've always been afraid to try Asian markets. Can you really trust the meat?

[–]WrongPeninsula 46 ポイント47 ポイント  (10子コメント)

The meat is assured to be meat.

That's all you need to know.

[–]Hingl_McCringleberry 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (7子コメント)

Don't google "long pork"

I SAID DON'T!

[–]EarballsOfMemeland 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (2子コメント)

When I was in the King's African Rifles, the local Zambezi Tribesmen called human flesh 'Long Pig'.

Never much cared for it.

[–]tiltedlens 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Since u/clicksonlinks is sleeping, I'll fill in.

Long pork is the term for human meat served on the cannibal market.

Go to images, it's pretty much just a lot of pictures of meat, except for a picture of a painted naked man with only his chest visible holding a fork and knife, a really fat pink pig with a face on it, and if you scroll down you'll see a chef with a bunch of blood drooping from his mouth and all over his apron, but not horribly NSFL unless you're a pussy.

 

Verdict: Maybe be wary to click if you're at work, if you're at home go ahead.

[–]autourbanbot 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Here's the Urban Dictionary definition of long pork :


The term for human meat sold on the cannibal market.


"Man, I bought some really good long pork the other day."


about | flag for glitch | Summon: urbanbot, what is something?

[–]IAMBOMBARDMENT 73 ポイント74 ポイント  (4子コメント)

But every time I try to drag and drop it goes right back to where it originally was

[–]kittenlover27 106 ポイント107 ポイント  (8子コメント)

The memes are getting spicier.

If the internet could meme a man into office, then we can meme a corporation into bankruptcy.

[–]Encrypt_AllTheThings 29 ポイント30 ポイント  (5子コメント)

And those memes were mostly Russians. Imagine what memes can do when they have actual Americans behind them. We're a politically polarized nation, but we're united in our hatred of United.

[–]Not_A_Doctor__ 83 ポイント84 ポイント  (2子コメント)

"If this app doesn't have you muttering 'Just kill me.. just kill me' then we'll fix that for you."

[–]PureSmoulder 41 ポイント42 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Not trying to derail the meme train here, but as a Chinese myself, and therefore a certified Chinese accent listener, I think he's saying "Please don't kill me" but the 'please dont' is bunched together.

[–]Not_A_Doctor__ 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That is even sadder...

[–]PM-SOME-TITS 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Dragging shall continue until volunteering increases."

[–]USpolitics2017 22 ポイント23 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I have just waded through much of the United Airlines Contract of Carriage Document. It is quite long. The issue is whether the passenger had already boarded the airplane and if there is any clause that allows United to remove an already boarded passenger. The Contract speaks to passengers who are "denied boarding". In the definition section, neither "boarding" or "denied boarding" is defined. The common definition of "boarding" is the entry of the passenger onto the vehicle. Thus the passenger in question legally can be considered as "boarded".

Since the man in question had been boarded and was sitting in his seat, United Airlines Contract of Carriage (the fine print) which allows United to deny boarding on an overbooked flight does NOT apply.

Rule 21 of the Contract, specifies that United can refuse to transport passengers for various reasons including breach of the Carriage Contract. However, it does not seem that the passenger violated the Carriage Contract in any manner.

These are clear points on which any jury should decide for the passenger. This is going to cost United a whole bunch of money. I am also sure that their Contract of Carriage will get a page longer.

[–]MattR47 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Why don't we send United to Syria to get Assad out?

[–]wtfjen 46 ポイント47 ポイント  (44子コメント)

Uh oh, I must be out of the loop. What happened?

[–]AnExplosiveMonkey 143 ポイント144 ポイント  (12子コメント)

I take it you haven't been on Reddit any time in the last 48ish hours.

[–]acaellum 38 ポイント39 ポイント  (28子コメント)

United had some employees that needed seats (after everyone had already been seated). They offered money to anyone who volunteered to leave, no one did. They decided to kick off random passengers, 1 was an elder doctor that had to get back to see his patients so refused to get off. They forced him out of his seat and dragged him off, his face a good bit bloodied than how they found him. Whole thing was caught on video.

[–]metricrules 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (4子コメント)

It was for employees to get seats? This just keeps getting better 😂 Well, not for that guy or his patients

[–]Holmes02 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Now with a lottery feature where if you're selected, three security officers will approach your seat with a prize.

[–]iTroLowElo 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The funny thing is that even before United upped their customer service the app was 1-2 stars.

[–]randumbxyz 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I sure as fuck will never select United.

[–]Friscogonewild[🍰] 41 ポイント42 ポイント  (8子コメント)

How is this a facepalm? It's clearly a photoshop. Funny, maybe, but the only facepalm here is OP.

[–]NewZealandTemp 21 ポイント22 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Oh, you mean OP 12.5M post karma? What's facepalm about that?

[–]Friscogonewild[🍰] 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (4子コメント)

I can understand wanting to be able to tell your grandkids cats one day that you were mildly famous on an internet site once.

[–]borisg123 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

So i guess they've removed the Chinese add-on too?

[–]mtws25 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not enough seating? Prepare for a beating.

[–]brohannison 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

they meant drop and drag

[–]dentistshatehim 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Stock is down 4.5 percent. Keep selling!

[–]rycology 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (7子コメント)

To everybody pointing out that the text is obviously not real; Have you heard of satire? How about parodies? Is comedy ringing any bells?

[–]mintsponge 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yes, but check the subreddit. It's not a facepalm.

[–]Its_Space-Time 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I think the issue is that it's posted to r/facepalm, implying United added the update text without making the connection to their controversy

[–]Doctor_Crunchwrap 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm already 100% tired of this story and the karma whoring all over reddit, but this one was actually funny

[–]thunderDOTA 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Russian roulette styled game to be incorporated in the next patch in which the passengers will take turn and a few would be selected for special United™ treatment.

[–]Awright122 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Somebody is about to lose their job

[–]gjfrye 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Minor doctor fixes.

[–]CSharpSauce 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Drag and Drop on a mobile app? That's just horrible UX.

[–]aga080 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

no fucking way

[–]smallturnsBIG 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

hahah best one sofar