So was I being red-pilled by my very first boyfriend, or was I emotionally abused, and did I deserve either?

Many years ago, I started dating this guy who was heavily into the Game. He fancied himself someone like Style or that magician dude I can't recall the name of. He had some things going for him: slightly taller than average and a decent-looking face. He was spouting all sorts of PUA jargon like IOI, kino, rating women etc. and acted like a guru to his "friends". I say "friends" because he was an absolute dickbag to them. He liked to surround himself with guys who he perceived were betas and lesser than him: short, awkward, unattractive, single virgins and all of them worshipped my ex like a god while he continually put them down with insults and slights.

He absolutely hated any man whom he perceived as better than him and could out-alpha him, but he would pretend to be "bros" with them in order to benefit from their value while talking shit about them behind their backs.

So there I was, 20 years old, part-time model, national beauty queen, on university scholarship, extremely eager to please and afraid of rejection. I was ugly growing up and only started growing into my looks after puberty and starting to become more confident. I was completely inexperienced in dating, never had my crushes reciprocated and never had a boyfriend. I went to a casting and met him there, with another model whom he used to date. He came over and struck up a conversation with me - my agent saw that and jokingly told him "stop trying, she's way out of your league" which made him all the more motivated to "conquer" me.

I was just a stupid dumb little girl who was excited that a relatively good-looking guy seemed interested in me. I went out on a few dates, so eager to please, never giving him any shit, paid for everything, and he lapped it up. He told me about how he never respected any women but his mother, so I set out to emulate his mother in every way. I cooked for him, cleaned his shit, paid for his shit, let him make use of my body whether I wanted to or not.

All this time, he gradually restricted my social life. He was threatened by the guys I would meet in school, because he was a high school drop out, so I stopped talking to my male classmates. He didn't like my circle of friends, all of whom were smart, wealthy and genuinely cared for me, so he started poisoning me against them. He didn't like it that I was modeling and becoming successful because that would mean that I was "better" than him, so to prevent conflict I quit modeling. He constantly told me I was too fat, too skinny, too short, too ugly, too stupid, and how lucky I was that someone like him would even bother to be with me.

All this while I kept thinking, what did I do to deserve to be treated like that? I did everything I could to serve him and make him happy; all I wanted was to be loved by him. I wanted to hear him say I was pretty, that he loved me, that he appreciated all that I was doing for him. I almost flunked out of school and lost my scholarship, I cooked him almost every meal, out of my own pocket, had to work a minimum wage job because he told me that that's the only job that I'm good for, gave him my paycheck because he told me I was too dumb to handle my own money, and even let him have sex with me despite me not wanting it, raw, bleeding, crying and in pain because I couldn't bear not to deny him his "rights" as a boyfriend. If anyone tried to tell me that he was horrible, I leapt to his defense and cut them out of my life. He was unemployed, a high school dropout, and sat on his ass all day while I worked 10-hour shifts.

The "relationship" last 3 years when I finally opened my eyes to whatever was happening, and it had to take several tragedies to make me aware - his behavior when my mom had cancer, his refusal to let me take birth control or to wear condoms got me knocked up, his refusal to bear the costs of an abortion and his callous suggestions for me to DIY a termination to save money (which I attempted and failed, requiring medical attention). He showed no remorse, continually blamed me for being dumb and stupid and not resisting him, saying that I asked for it so I had to bear the consequences.

What saddens me is that most of you will applaud him for being Super Alpha Red Pill God and laugh at me for being a dumb bitch who got red-pilled hard. He got away with taking advantage of my eagerness to please, managing to live off me while probably spinning other plates on the side, keeping me on a leash with the occasional throwaway display of affections so I would crave his approval and be on my best behavior on all times.

So can you tell me: is this red pill behavior? Am I just crying abuse and playing the victim, because I got red-pilled?