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How to proceed (self.askMRP)

Meliorare93 が 投稿

Basic question post:

After mentioning this week to my wife that I've found other mothers from my kids school more attractive then her (which was not a lie) I've gotten the silent treatment in ultra mode (see own your shit thread of this week). I've been not giving a fuck and ignoring her frigid behavior. I think I've been upbeat the whole week, my kid gave me more attention then her too (which I enjoyed a lot to be honest not only the more me then her part just the fact we got a long so much).

Now tonight I want to go to a concert (alone). She knows this already but I'm pretty sure this wont improve the situation. Tomorrow I want to go clubbing (also alone, there's this dj coming I've been dying to see) she doesn't know this already.

Should I just do what I want and without saying to her what I'm gonna do with the risk that everything will explode in my face this weekend? On Saturday & Sunday afternoon we're going to visit family chances are she will complain about my actions and her and my family will probably pick her side.

I'm also torn about the fact that I've been in the illusion that this MRP stuff will fix our relationship but the more I read and the more I do what is suggested in the sidebar I'm under the impression that this relationship is doomed. (ltr:14y, dead bedroom since son was born (5y ago), dread level: 2to3. I have an own life but most of the activities are still in the house: making/spinning music and solving it problems via the internet for clients, only outhouse activity is cardio, lifting is at home)

tl/dr: Frigid wife, want do stuff without her, heart says stay home try to be nice, head says fuck her she's been frigid long enough I want my life back... what to do?

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[–]ReddJive 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (9子コメント)

I'm also torn about the fact that I've been in the illusion that this MRP stuff will fix our relationship

This is your problem. You are doing it for the wrong reasons.

MRP fixes the man. Not the relationship.

Quit being a faggot.

[–]Meliorare93[S] -5 ポイント-4 ポイント  (8子コメント)

Quit being a faggot.

don't call me a faggot, faggot.

I'm doing to fix the relationship and improve myself, i've been doing self improvement for over half a decade fyi

[–]ReddJive 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (3子コメント)

do more dishes. I hear that helps

[–]jtzabor 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I hear that the women wanna bang after the man does the dishes...!

[–]Meliorare93[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

hey look another troll :D the rumor is incorrect! We do the dishes together btw

[–]Meliorare93[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

you're funny ;)

[–]stonepimpletilistsMod / Red Beret 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Then stop doing faggot things.

[–]JDRoedell 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ok, stop being a faggot-dick then. It's ok to tell your wife you find other women attractive but the way you did it just comes off as being a dick.

[–]rp_findingmyway 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeeeesh. Embrace the tough love faggot. Put your ego aside.

[–]gettingmymojoback 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Improving yourself should be the only goal. It just so happens that the relationship MAY improve as a byproduct.

Doing it to fix the relationship is just another covert contract. If I follow MRP and improve, then the relationship will improve. It doesn't work that way.

Improve for the sake of improving and becoming a better man. Everything else is outside your control.

[–]BobbyPeru 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (5子コメント)

After mentioning this week to my wife that I've found other mothers from my kids school more attractive then her

This is weak. You don't have to use words if you master dread.

The more I read and the more I do what is suggested in the sidebar I'm under the impression that this relationship is doomed.

Then you're doing it wrong. Keep reading, and slow down.

You have to give it time and a lot of work. Be patient, and keep reading. Did I mention keep reading yet?

[–]Meliorare93[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (4子コメント)

yes it was weak of my part, I acknowledged that in the OYS thread. You say don't use words but how do I go along with the silent treatment? Just keep on ignoring it and stay upbeat?

It's weird that sometimes she forgets she's mad on me and starts being friendly again but then suddenly, mad, grumpy, silent wife is back.

[–]innominating 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Once you picture your wife's silent treatment as her pouting like a little girl, which is effectively what it is, and not her disapproval, which is what she wants you to give a fuck about, then it will cease to bother you and you'll be free to continue to be cocky funny. She can come along and play if she wants, otherwise just ground her to the house and take your kid out for some fun.

[–]BobbyPeru 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You have to stay in your own frame enough so that you become a leader. That's part of the growth, getting caught in her emotions/moods. Just work on getting a little better at it at a time, and one day you will find she will follow, when you become a rock.

Like I said, be patient with yourself. It's a marathon, not a sprint. You will make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up. Keep on working on your frame.

[–]FistFullOfBitches 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

how do I go along with the silent treatment?

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2qygv7/i_love_the_silent_treatment/

[–]Meliorare93[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yes I've read it but thx for the tip! Doing the dishes was quite relaxing this week, normally she just nags about her work now it was just rrrrrrrrrrrrreally quiet :)

[–]rp_findingmyway 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (6子コメント)

This is a tough one bro. You sound like a fun guy with pretty cool hobbies. But you have to keep working on getting your shit together.

A few suggestions:

1) Stop being passive aggressive with your wife. Everyone can find a bunch of woman that look better than their wife. Throwing it in their face accomplishes precisely nothing and in reality invites them to start comparing you (unflatteringly) to others as well. And wanting your wife to have an affair. Come on bro.

2) Be a better leader of your wife and family. You seem like two ships passing in the night. Can your wife go clubbing with you? Maybe establish some rapport with girls while you're out and let your wife see that when you take her.

3) Be more specific in your current state. You're lifting but I've seen no evidence of your stats (fat %, weight, #'s, etc.). This is all directly related to dread.

4) You're not being real about OYS around the house. Chores for 3 hours a night (per prior OYS)? Come on. Compliments about being a "beacon of rest" by guests?! In my world, that would be a back-handed swipe at me for being planted on the couch while others were doing the real work. Be a man of action. Check out TFA's site if you haven't already.

5) Don't get your kid in the middle of your shit with your wife (i.e., being happy your kids are giving you more attention). Kids are fickle. Especially kids your age who have epic crying fits for no apparent reason. Don't read into that too deeply.

6) Stop being a pussy when you do go out. If you're not actively gaming women, it's probably because you have not internalized that you are the prize. But are you the prize? Hard to tell given your lack of specifics above. Keep working.

Edit: Bullet points. Word.

[–]Meliorare93[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (5子コメント)

2) Sure but she never wants too... Next week we're going to a concert together with my friends. But she doesn't like clubbing anymore. We're going to a big ass rave festival in the summer with friends, for that she made an exception, weird, cause it's really aggressive music and not really her thing. Well she got into that music genre via me but it was never really her favorite music style.

3) 20% body fat, 84kg, not sure what #'s means but this was my lates workout: I do dumbbell workouts, 3sets of 5reps. Those are my weights now (so one dumbbell, weight of bar not included):

Seated Triceps Press: 14kg

Alternate Hammer Curl: 23 kg

Alternate Dumbbell Curls: 15 kg

Dumbbell Lateral Raise: 6kg

Arnold Press: 14kg

Military Press: 14kg

One Arm Dumbbell Row: 36kg

Dumbbell Rows: 36 kg

Dumbbell Deadlifts: 36 kg

Dumbbell Bench Press: 15 kg

Incline Dumbbell Press (8reps): 15kg

Dumbbell Bench Press (8reps): 15kg

Romanian Deadlift: 29 kg

Dumbbell Lunges: 22 kg

Dumbbell Squats: 34 kg

still room for improvement I know. I can do 5x5 pull ups I think their called backhand pull ups (the easy ones :p)

4) Compliments about being a "beacon of rest" > No no that was the wife who said that not the guests lol :) I'm not really a calm and stress-resistant person :p I'm reading the family alpha's blog if that's TFA? I do most of the chores at home btw... Only the laundry is her job. I do the shopping, cook on weekdays, finaninces, the garden, used to clean the house too but now we have someone for that. She does almost nothing and gets very angry if I say she could do more. Her mother is even worse.

6) I go out for the music not for gaming but since it's one of the dread levels I started reading Bang. I am a pussy for gaming women I admit that...

Thx for your elaborate and non-scolding post! I appreciate that!

[–]rp_findingmyway 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

With the weights your putting up and admittedly maybe I just suck at translating kg's to pounds and the weight of the bar on dumbbells (??), but I'm going to just go ahead and formally diagnose you with borderline gym-fuckarounditis. Get on SL 5x5, do compound lifts of the 6 or so main exercises using a barbell. Results will be noticeable and you'll have no trouble pulling the attention of the loose women who frequent ravefests and creating some dread.

[–]NevrEndr 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Dumbbell Bench Press: 15 kg

That's like...35 lb dumbbells? Super weak. LIke, unbelievably weak.

Step your game up. Barbell. Plates. Squat Rack. Bench. Buy them now. Quit fucking around with baby weight and you'll actually make some progress.

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

What's with all the dumbbells? Dumbbells are fine for accessory work but you need to do compound movements with heavy ass barbells as the core of your program.
There are several programs you can choose from. Some of the best for a beginner are: Stronglifts 5x5, 5/3/1, & Starting Strength. I'm a fan of 5/3/1 myself.
If you don't have access to a squat rack / barbell set, go to a gym that does. If you have zero gyms around you, save up the cash to get a squat rack & barbell set. It is worth it.
Heavy compound lifts generate a superior hormonal response as compared to just dumbbell work. Your testosterone / HGH levels / muscle growth / strength levels will all see better results from barbells versus dumbbells.

[–]Meliorare93[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Well I have quite the improvised setup that what's up with the dumbbells :p max I did for dumbbell bench press is 2x22kg that's +-97 lbs without the bar, but I have troubles getting in position so I lowered the weights and did more reps

But I'll go gym hunting asap dear devotees of the lift! :p I miss rowing too so hopefully I find one that has barbell materials & a rowing machine

Sincerely mr fuckarounditis :p

[–]rp_findingmyway 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Nice! Not only does your wife get your weak-ass passive aggressive treatment, so do your MRP bros. Faggot.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

You fucked up by skipping the pull part on the push-pull dynamic. It's one thing to say that you find other women attractive, but to say that they are more attractive is a pretty big push, so that means you need a pretty big pull in the opposite direction. You should have teased her a little, said something cocky or assholish, then went in for a big hug and something sweet to pull her back in. Then say something else snarky, smack her ass and walk away.

Telling her that other girls are more attractive, with zero follow up is not charming, or seductive or any of that shit. If you've let her stew for a few days it might be too late to pull on what you said earlier, so my advice would be to just give some more comfort, be a little cocky and for fucks sake next time you tell your wife that other women are hotter, please make sure you pull her back with some bullshit about how she's special or something.

[–]The_Litz 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Nothing wrong with your plan to spend time away from home, as it is she has just about all your time. The only flaw I see is your game was weak trying to apply dread with the other moms.

If your dread game was a little better you going out would have had a better effect, now it is just part of the tit for tat game you and her are engaging in. She will see it as trying to one up her.

As for the family, your frame, see it as a shit test and swat it.

In the end, do what you would have done if you were single.

[–]Meliorare93[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It was really not my intention to instill dread like that, I was horny and impressed by that redhead and I flapped it out without thinking... that redhead is still in my head btw, I don't like that, I respect/like her husband too much.

If your dread game was a little better you going out would have had a better effect, now it is just part of the tit for tat game you and her are engaging in. She will see it as trying to one up her.

You are right, I will not go out on Saturday it will be like a tit for tat game like you say, and subconsciously it probably is. I'll go out tonight as planned and on Saturday I'll stay at home.

[–]stonepimpletilistsMod / Red Beret 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Want us to man for you?

Im sonewhat sad if i see there are people below, willing to spoonfeed you on this one.

This doesnt read like youve read or done anything. This reads like a crybaby from deadhedrooms

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

"This MRP stuff" can't fix your wife. Only she can fix herself. You can't fix her. You can't fix her. You can't fix her. Your frustration right now partly stems from misplaced expectations.

MRP focuses on fixing you. Once you are fixed, the rest will fall into place either with her or without her. Evidence from plenty of guys here shows that once you are fixed, she is likely to jump on board but she might not. However, if she doesn't and you are fixed, you will be in a much stronger position to move on.

From this moment forth, stop worrying about what your wife will think or feel. She hasn't given a damn about what you think or feel given that you have deadbedroom for 5+ years. Focus on you and what makes you better. Be the best version of you that you can. You don't have to be a dick to her but you also need to do what's right for you.