Know how we told you Wednesday, and then the New York Times also told you, that Donald Trump really hates it when everybody calls Steve Bannon “President Bannon,” and how that might have led to him getting removed from the National Security Council? Bannon is reportedly spitting mad about all this, because he’s losing influence with the puppet who won the White House fair and square by minus three million votes. Well! Turns out there is even more trouble at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue than we even knew, and we are not talking about how Trump is currently trapped in the residence because all the escape routes out of there involve stairs. (Just kidding, Trump is on his way to Mar-a-Lago, because he’s had a doozy of a 3.5 day work week.)
No, what is happening is that President Steve Bannon HATES JARED KUSHNER SO MUCH. How much, you ask? So much that he calls him a “cuck” and a “globalist,” according to The Daily Beast! Those are fighting words, if you are a pockmarked Nazi herpes blister on the B-hole of humanity!
The fighting between Kushner and Bannon has been “nonstop” in recent weeks, according to sources who spoke on condition of anonymity. It’s been an “open secret” that Bannon and Kushner often clash “face-to-face,” according to senior officials.
One official said Bannon has lately complained about Kushner trying to “shiv him and push him out the door” and likened him to a fifth column in the White House.
“[Steve] recently vented to us about Jared being a ‘globalist’ and a ‘cuck’…He actually said ‘cuck,’ as in “cuckservative,’” the administration official told The Daily Beast.
Golly gee, these are the people running the most powerful nation on earth, except they’re too busy slap-fighting and pulling hair to do that. U-S-A! U-S-A!
And also, WHOA IF TRUE. “Cuck” is the worst thing an undersexed “alt-right” dipshit can call somebody! If you don’t know, “cuck-servative” is a made up word that combines “cuckold” with “conservative,” because that’s very funny to Nazis who have never had sexual intercourse with human women. Does President Bannon literally mean Jared Kushner is a man who likes to watch his wife Ivanka get bonered by black men? Because that’s what that means, and that’s the whole reason “alt-right” social outcasts came up with the term. The worst thing they can think of, in their whole brains, is to call somebody a guy who wants to watch his wife get weenie whacked by black ding dongs.
Also, we thought the “cuck” in Donald Trump’s inner circle was Roger Stone, you know, that crazy fedora boy who used to take out personal ads asking hot boys to come over and do penises to his wife, either so he could watch or possibly because he wanted to join in. We never imagined it would ever be Jared.
ALSO ALSO, did you guys hear Stone is all mad at Jared too, because allegedly Jared sends Snapchats to Joe Scarborough to undermine President Bannon? That is supposedly a thing that is happening, and it’s part of why the “Morning Mika” kids are always like “Ew Steve Bannon, he is so gross, I heard he spends the night masturbating to pictures of Hitler in all the rooms of the White House, WHAT A BIG DORK.”
As for calling Jared a “globalist,” Bannon is just subtly implying that Jared is a J-E-W-I-S-H P-E-R-S-O-N.
The good news in all this is that Steve Bannon will, definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, lose this fight with Jared. Donald Trump loves his son-in-law like a boyfriend AS IF HE WERE HIS OWN SON (which is not biologically possible, because so far, the grown men who come from Trump’s spermings are not pretty like Jared). It is inconceivable that Trump would choose GreaseFarts McWhiskeyDick over his beloved He Went To Jared. Did Bannon not notice how Trump just appointed Jared basically president of all things? That is because Jared is his favorite, and probably also because he looks so cute in swim trunks:
Know who’s not special and isn’t near as smart and evil as he thinks he is? That loser President Bannon, who probably won’t be president that much longer after all. Quite a tough break for literally the grossest human we’ve ever laid eyes on.
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