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Asking for help with my son (self.GenderCritical)

Susan62 が 投稿

First I will not type it again but our situation is described on the ask transgender page regarding our son Michael. I want to make it clear that whether he wears a dress, gets surgery or stays just how he is, is his business. I love him as a mother and want to be as informed as possible that whatever he does is the best thing for him. I was sent a message by someone on this page who said that transgender people are not going to be a good source of advice for transgender information and that many people here have experience with transgender people and have more balanced opinions to help.

I received a lot of advice, but mostly blame, insults and things that I found to be false being repeated over and over. As an example, I was told many times that it is very rare to not be transgender in the long term. However a quick google search for actual clinical studies gave me a best case scenario of 60% not being transgender in the long run. I was told that I was going to make my childs life hell and that I am a narcissist for refusing to be responsible for giving him hormone drug treatment out of my own money, even though if it is his choice to start that, we will continue to support him and give him a place to stay, but he will have to work to pay for the hormones that he wants. But I cant be responsible for taking my kid to a clinic and paying for hormones that there is, at best, a 60% chance he will regret in the long term! He can do it himself, and he will face no consequence from either his father or I, but I cant possibly be asked to do this

Last night his father and I decided to sit down in his room and talk to him, or rather at him because he cut off all speech with us. We told him that we love him very much, and we reiterated our points above. He then called us narcissists again, which is the first thing we have heard in a week from his mouth. We think he has spent most of his time lately on the internet and that is the thing he is told to say in any case he doesnt get what he immediately wants. Its as though he cant see logic at all, and it is very worrying as he is still not eating properly

Do any of you here have suggestions on how I can get him the help he needs?

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[–]bicycling_elephant 41 ポイント42 ポイント  (7子コメント)

I think a good first step would be to try and get him to a therapist. Not someone at a gender clinic, who may just rubber stamp his requests and put him on hormones, but a regular therapist who has a good reputation in your town.

I saw in your other post that he is resistant to that idea though. Do you think it would help if you told him that you and your husband would help him pay for hormone replacement therapy if he committed to going to see a therapist regularly for at least a year?

I think it's reasonable, as a parent, to want to slow down this process a bit. At 18, he may feel like an adult, but he isn't yet, and it's your job as the adults in his life to keep an eye on the wider picture.

[–]hellamomzillatoo old for undiluted gender nonsense and queer theory 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Carefully vet therapists, though. In my experience, many therapists are simply affirming the desires of people who trans-identify and do not provide any actual therapy. When I was interviewing people, I was startled by the number of professionals who essentially diagnosed my kid during a five-minute phone call and insisted that transition was the only treatment. (I have three kids and they all have mental health issues. I never had a therapist, in an initial phone consult, try to diagnose my other two daughters. For a point of reference.) Also, ask what they know about teenage brain development and identity formation and how mental health issues can complicate this. I think it's telling how many therapists seem to be up-to-date and knowledgable about these issues regarding a teen with no self-trans-identification, but throw it all out when told a kid is trans-identifying.

I found that therapists who are validating and compassionate, but who are willing to work from a place of trying to help with various underlying mental health issues and put the trans-identification to the side have been the most helpful for my daughter. As a teen, it is, to my mind, completely inappropriate to rush to such a serious corrective as cross-sex hormones and surgery while the brain is still developing and definitely if you think your kid has underlying mental health issues. My best advice is slow your roll.

Good luck.

[–]alliekizatyo 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I'm going to school to be in this field and already they are having trans workshops. In this backwards Mike Pence loving place they skipped over they LBGs and focused solely on trans with this line of "imagine your whole life being told you're not what you feel in your heart you are not." Baaaarf.

[–]hellamomzillatoo old for undiluted gender nonsense and queer theory 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It is absolutely INFURIATING that professionals have one standard of care for trans-identified and one for everyone else. The trans-identified should actually be concerned about that. I think it will likely come back to bite professionals in the ass.

[–]GuineaPigParade 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yes, vet therapists very carefully, in advance of your son's first visit. Also before your son's first visit, fill the therapist in on your son's medical and psychological history.

I cannot stress u/hellamomzilla 's advice enough.

[–]bean18Loud Female 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I would definitely echo that he is a teenager. He is still searching for a sense of belonging (outside of his family) and has not developed a strong sense of identity. I'm sure all of us can remember the bad decisions or ugly phases of being of a teenager. I think your instinct is right to make him work to pay for any treatment. It teaches him to understand the gravity of the decision as well as taking responsibility for his own actions. It also gives him time to think about that major decision.

[–]planetAsh 33 ポイント34 ポイント  (1子コメント)

At 17/18 and if he's still living under your roof you can also cut off his internet access if he's not the one paying it. I'm not a parent, but there seems to be a very big connection with young people convincing themselves they're trans and spending long hours online - many people online also convince young transgender people that their family is the greatest enemy if they don't accept you straight away. It is much healthier to have some time away from all that!

[–]strange-weather 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

agreed. OP, take a look at these entries on transgenderreality about teens and social contagion: https://transgenderreality.com/2016/08/04/questioning-teens-and-social-contagion/ https://transgenderreality.com/2015/05/15/omfg-i-have-waited-so-long-teen-goes-from-questioning-to-taking-hormones-in-three-months/

it demonstrates what planetAsh is saying. young people who are questioning often turn to the internet for advice and within a short amount of time their dysphoria reaches new levels and they become convinced they need to transition.

[–]generibusgrammatical gender 36 ポイント37 ポイント  (1子コメント)

There's a blog/community for parents who are skeptical of the transgender "trend" (and it is a trend, there's been a staggering increase in the number of transgender identified teens the last five years). It's here: https://4thwavenow.com/

The main author of that blog has a daughter who identified as transgender for a while, but she stopped doing so after a while, and has accepted being a young woman.

[–]Artemis_Jade 29 ポイント30 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's curious if the trans tactic is to yell 'narcissist' because that's either unconscious projection or a deliberate diversionary tactic to get attention off the utter narcissism of this trans movement and its demands that the world reorder itself around the needs of trans people.

[–]lavenderamethyst 32 ポイント33 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Your family is going through very difficult time right now. You're trying to be supportive, you're reaching out to hear various voices. You're doing the right thing. What you and your husband have to realize, if you haven't yet already, is that your son has fallen prey to some very strong social forces. These social forces will seek to call you bad, to label you as wrongful parents. Do not listen. Transgender people are in real and genuine pain mentally, and he's listening to people online tell him that there is a golden answer, a series of steps that he can take that will make everything be better, that will take away the pain; a difficult proposition to turn down a young age. The same people are also telling him that you are his enemy, and that anyone who has any critique whatsoever doesn't care about them. These people do not encourage your son to think, they encourage him to conform. It is a very cult like behavior.

There are three things that you can do: first, change the Internet access code. You mightn't want to do this because you know that it will result in a lot of complaining, but it is absolutely essential. Your son is getting these ideas from older men online who are mentally unstable and really embrace the idea that misery loves company. Secondly, you have to always have genuine compassion for your son, and always let him know that you understand that he is in pain, but you don't have to agree with how he's choosing to address that pain. If you are religious, you have to drop any "evil"/"wrong" language immediately. Just be there for your son, even as he ignores you, even as he lashes out. Make sure that he gets the message that even though he's in pain, you still love him and you Will always be there for him. Thirdly, get your son professional help, therapy. And be very careful about who you get help from. Do not go to a "gender specialist", these professionals are under immense pressure to affirm your sons delusions. It's sad, but this is the state of things. Best of luck to you and your family.

[–]shamelesslyfeminist 20 ポイント21 ポイント  (0子コメント)

We welcome you here. There won't be any blame or insults or threats here. Its very obvious you love your son and will continue to love your son no matter what happens. You are absolutely right to proceed cautiously. Putting him on HRT before seeing a therapist would be a mistake. A diagnosis IS necessary. I hope you can find a reputable therapist and get him in.

Don't let threats of suicide panic you into jumping to HRT. If he brings up suicide, call him on it every time, even if you think he is just trying to manipulate you. Get him to the ER, even if you have to call 911. If he is seriously suicidal, then he is getting treatment. If he is just using it as an idle threat, then he will likely stop after after being hospitalized a time or two.

Like others, I would echo the advice that you limit his internet use, particularly on pro-trans forums. They are ready to diagnose any and everyone as trans for every minute dysphoric feeling or behavior. I'd also try to monitor/limit his porn use. A lot of MTTs develop their fetish and obsession with identifying as women from extensive consumption of pornography.

Real gender dysphoria is a very sad, debilitating condition, but very few people are truly transgender. For the most part its a social contagion, especially at his age. You are smart to want a diagnosis and a plan before moving forward with life-altering drugs and treatments.

Please keep us posted.

[–]jolla92126Surf and Terf 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (0子コメント)

No real advice, but I just want to say that it is clear you love him and want what's best for him. You're doing the right thing by trying to get informed.

[–]endofthelinerXX-Marks-My-Sex=Female 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Does your son have any other underlying problems, such as autism, ADHD, depression, etc? Does he show signs of being gay, and if so, would that be abhorrent to you? If he has gotten therapy for anything in the past, that condition could be playing into his desire to "go trans". At any rate, get a good therapist for him, and cut the internet cord. I seem to be just repeating a lot of advice already given, and PaxFloridiana had some good advice about getting out, exercise, etc and he should also be setting some real life goals for himself, like a job, training for an occupation at a comm college, etc. He's 18, and needs to think about his future earning capabilities and taking care of himself, not falling into the social contagion trap of trans/queer which I think sees itself as a "community" where young people who are at odds with the world can go.

Good luck to you--this is a heavy burden on thinking parents who want only the best for their child, not a lifetime of medicalization and surgery for a delusion.

[–]PaxFloridianaEXCLUSIONARY REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM 29 ポイント30 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If your child is a minor, remove access to the internet. Make him go outside, get involved in something other than echo chambers online. Exercise and sunlight do wonders for depressed or troubled kids. Seek a therapist who is not a mindless drone who will rubber stamp hormones because he "identifies" as a female. Ask your child questions and constantly question why does your child think it's a good idea to transition, what is the root cause? If you look in this sub there is even a gif post that shows what "sex reassignment" REALLY consists of, show him that. Explain, question, and be persistent. I am so sorry that you received so much hate for being remotely critical and concerned.

[–]etherealnoiseexcommunicated mtt 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (3子コメント)

How does his gender problems/dysphoria make you the narcissist?

Aside from that, as a trans and relatively gc person, i think you are doing the right thing by making him do all the stuff on his own

As u/bicycling_elephant (great username btw!) suggested, a normal therapist would be a good option to work out any additional problems and maybe even get to a non-sex-dysphoria problem that is causing this (results vary there though)

Just make it clear you are showing him respect but have your own limits that you are willing to come to an agreement around (as it sounds like you are willing to go forward supporting him, though i don't know to what extent, pronoun/ name changes etc). If you do, you've done what is right for you, and you haven't prevented the child from anything so it's not like you coukd be considered a bad parent, you know?

[–]solo43 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (2子コメント)

How does his gender problems/dysphoria make you the narcissist?

He's probably spending a lot of time on r/raisedbynarcissists and drinking down their kool-aid, too.

[–]Caducea 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Whoa, let's not disparage RBN.

[–]annieareyouokayannieI am feel erased when we are not about me? 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Seconded. RBN is an extremely valuable resource.

[–]dixiechick547 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Unplug the internet. If nothing else that will make him leave his room. Your son is throwing a tantrum and refusing to eat like a toddler. This alone would indicate he's not mature enough to make such life altering decisions. What you're requesting is not unreasonable, indeed, it's more than many parents have offered their kids. Teen shelters and the streets are full of kids who've been kicked out for being gender non-conforming. I wouldn't say anything else to him about the matter. But definitely pull the plug on internet access. This trans-contagion is a fad that's ruining kids lives.

[–]Eclectic58Resistance is NOT futile 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Others have already given good advice, so I won't say much other than to endorse what others have already told you. One thing, however, what I have read, the desistance rate is closer to 80%, rather than 60%.

[–]hellamomzillatoo old for undiluted gender nonsense and queer theory 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

As a parent who has been in this situation, my best advice is to trust your instincts and slow everything down. There is no need to rush ANYTHING. And, if other people or even your kid starts threatening suicide? Ignore the outsiders -- that's freaking manipulative. And if it's your kid? If he actually says, "I'm going to kill myself" take that shit seriously and go to the ER. EVERY. DAMN. TIME. My experience is my kid thought she could get me to capitulate to her every whim by doing this and once I showed her I'd take every utterance about that seriously, she stopped doing it with me.

I would second the advice to visit 4thwavenow.com and read. There's a lot -- take your time. You are not the only parent going through this and you are not the only one who is skeptical.

And, you can PM me if you want.

[–]NettiStevensXX 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm very sorry that you and your family are going through this. I think you are making the right call to research both sides of the debate, since it is a debate.

I don't have much time to write now, but I just finished watching this great presentation on some of the issues surrounding trans youth and I very much recommend it to you.

[–]Black_PhillipaDisgruntled Goat 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (1子コメント)

At his age I think it will be very difficult to make him do anything, guiding is going to be the best you can do. You're right to be skeptical of the trans narrative. Maybe hormones and transitioning will help him, but it's far more likely that he's one of the many young people swept up in a trend who would be better served by therapy. Many young people think they're transgender and grow out of it completely-including lots of posters here. You're right to want to take things slowly- he'll be able to transition later if it's truly what he needs to do. You can be supportive of him wearing gender nonconforming clothes without agreeing that he needs to take hormones. I agree with others that getting him a therapist who isn't going to push him towards hormones that will alter his body permanently is the best course of action. Try to be calm and loving about it- if he feels alienated by you, the trans brigade online will be able to sink their claws in even deeper. That's why I'd personally advise against banning the internet. He's going to feel like a victim then, and it plays perfectly into the narrative of evil parents vs the One True Way. Let's face it, even if you ban the internet at home, there are a million ways for him to get online you probably don't even know about.

Getting him out of the house and socializing by offering to pay for him to get involved in a hobby he's interested in might work if you can afford it.
Good luck!

[–]Badaboumtsouintsouin 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thank you, it seems like most people act like parents can act like dictators with him. He is almost an adult depriving him of internet/cake won't change his mind. When a group of people try to cut someone from his family the family acting awfully only makes things worst. He already don't want to talk to them, the first step is making contact again. Not making it worst even with good intentions.

[–]Susan62[S] 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Hello everyone

Thank you very much for your responses, I have had both a lot of responses to this message, the other message I wrote to ask transgender and plenty more personal messages sent by others. I have read all of your messages but I cant possibly type fast enough to respond to all of you so I will write here

It has been a bit of an explosive morning. As I realized that I had not questioned how he was sustaining himself emotionally. The only thing he seems to care about is his laptop as our cell signal is very poor here and he only used his phone when he was at school or out and about. As soon as messages came in telling me to cut the internet, thats exactly what I did, and surprise surprise, he comes out and tells me off with some not so kind words

His father is at work so I am left with him on his own. I reiterated again, hormones and its his decision. Mental help and we will help him. And even then if we are told that hormones are the way forward, that is what we will help with. I know that some of you feel that transgender is always the wrong path but I believe in loving my kids no matter what they do or who they want to be, but its our job to make sure they get there fit and healthy. I am not religious, and his father and I never imposed any roles on him other than to be as independent as possible. His older sister works in the sign shop with her father, but lives on her own, and his much older brother lives further away from us and is a bartender and musician. His older brother is also a gay man and we welcome him and his husband every year into our home because we love each and every one of our children, and our childrens friends and family they have made without us as adults

Michael has had moments of depression in the past, but he normally comes right out and ready to keep fighting. I am proud of the person he is, not the man he is, but the wonderful human being he has been and the strength he has showed us. Its irrelevant to us how he goes forward as long as he's physically well, and right now he is demonstrating that he is not well at all

He has gone back to his room and is currently making do with his phone, texting friends but otherwise has very little he can do to distract himself. I realize that I should give him some feeling of support, even though he is told the only form of support I could ever give him is to cave in and buy in hormone pills for him. So I am going to cook him the things he wants, offer him help with finding a job that he wants, and even make it easy for him and talk to his father about work he could do in the shop. He needs to have many routes forward here, and he needs to know that we arent there to choose the route or do it for him, we are there to make sure that he can take that route and get up and keep trying

I will talk to our family doctor by the end of the week and suggest to Michael that he joins me as that is the first point of call where we will discuss the options he has available to him

[–]Bananastic -2 ポイント-1 ポイント  (4子コメント)

I understand your trouble but cutting internet to someone who is at the same time so young and yet (sees himself as a responsible) adult will only antagonize him further. He will see it as power abuse as he is not a child anymore and will either way still find ways to go to the internet through his cellphone or otherwise.

The only way for it to be healthier is to convince him that internet is bad for him. The worst thing for a young adult is to be infantilized to that point by your parents. We are not talking about a 12yr old. If you talk to him as a child and act with him as if he was a child who needs to be punished he will act as a brat. I remember that as a late teenager the best way adult went through to us was by being respectfull.

And even more than that he is already convinced that the transgender cult is right and his parents, you are the bad guys. Punishing him like an irresponsible child won't cure that. You can't force an adult not to use medium of information. You can explain to him why it is biased or dangerous, but acting as an omnipotent master who can direct his life is the worst thing for a young "wanting to be free" adult. He will consider his parents to be even more insane and disconnected from reality and who he is. The feeling of injustice can be really strong in teenagers, and one of the things that make them drift further away the fastest.

In my opinion op, don't treat your son like a prisoner, just stay firm on what your husband and you believe. Tell him you can't accept his new theory and why, but that you still respect him and his choice the only thing you ask him is to think this through and look at different sources, to see a therapist to be sure he really is dysphoric.

Your son seems to be depressed, it's not by punishing depressed people that you help them get better. Be firm with what you believe in, be the voice of reality but don't be unfair, don't become the enemmy more than you have to. He will already resent you (for the moment) for not caving to his desires, be fair but firm. Make it clear that not immediately supporting his transition is not a punishment, that's the most important part, but that one can't simply make such big decisions in such a short time, that he needs to take a step back to look at things. Punishing him might appear as though you are punishing him for being trans and that's not what you want.

[–]dixiechick547 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Cutting the internet is not punishment in this situation. It's protecting him from the cult that has sucked him in. Anything she does other than giving him the hormones is going to antagonize him. It will make absolutely no difference. I think we all know that trans is all about the victim stance even amongst the ones who've received unwavering support. It's almost like an addiction and he will be totally fixated on it no matter what she does. At least removing the source of the addiction might buy the family some breathing room while they seek help. This is not the solution. It's a matter of lessening the damage at this point. They need to find what is going on with this kid and stall as much and as long as possible so that with any luck desistance will kick in. That will never happen if he keeps marinating himself in the trans narrative.

[–]Bananastic 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well except he is already part of the cult. I don't know cult that much but i don't think that depraving a cult member from a way of communication can free them from the cult, it's a little more complex and about reastablishing link with his family and the real word. Here it's even more complex as a big part of the real word is part of the cult. Should she also control his television use as most liberal medias are airing pro cult messages?

I'm just saying she should really think this through as at this age anything your parents do that seems punitive and unfair can be blown out of proportion. I don't talk to you about the mother intent but about how the son will perceive it, and he will see it as punishment. It might undermine his relation with his parents even more than this is already. I think both parents have to be really firm about some things like reality and seeing a therapist but be quite understanding otherwise. I think internet is a right, a vital right for people who are desocialised and depressed, a link to the external world. Internet isn't just the cult. She has to reestablish a relation of trust with her child not to infantilize him.

And the trans cult isn't a product that you will lack when you are out of it, it's an idea, people can keep ideas for months or years. There are political prisoners who after 30yr in jail still believe in the same ideas and ideal. I think part of the solution is to cure the depression create new links with him send him to a psychologist and then see if he still suffers of dysphoria. Explain to him the GC point of view but for him to listen sincerely there already has to be a link of trust with his family. If he considers his family to be "suppresive" people nothing will get through.

If he sees his parents acting like tyrants he will resent them and drift further away.

[–]Badaboumtsouintsouin 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I agree with you honestly most people here seem to have forgotten what it is to feel that you are a misunderstood teenager. When you thought all adults were against you and all teenagers were on your side.

Very often adults were really making dumb decisions and were as irrational as the teenagers they were trying to help. The most important part of an adult decision considering (a late teen) teenager is for him/her to understand the decision. You are trying to make responsible human beings who will be on their own, not people who rely on other people dictatorial authority to fix their lives.

And it's a little weird that there is that much downvotes just for expressing a different point of view, all point of views should be available for the mother, if you disagree write a response or upvote it, don't downvote simply because you disagree with someone. Downvote hasn't been created to make disappear every post that doesn't go with the crowd.

[–]dixiechick547 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I haven't forgotten. Indeed I'm immersed in it on a daily basis. It's part of what I do for a living. And I know that when young people are bound and determined to do something they don't go to their parents for permission especially when they don't need it. He could get a part time fast food job and pay for hormones. Hell, he can go wherever he wants and do whatever he wants and they can't do or say anything. Nobody can stop him. So the question is, why is he having this fit of testerics over something he really doesn't need to buck his parents on? He's all but begging them to stop him.

[–]GenderCriticalDadI have a Sex. Not a Gender 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I really can't claim to be an expert, but I've written about some of my experiance here: http://gendercriticaldad.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/My%20Story

[–]CelesteChalfonte. 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sister, I am so sorry you and your family is going through such an upheaval. You have much love for your son, this is an obvious observation from your post, and he is very lucky to have supportive, loving parents. Please know that- so many do not have this essential gift.

He is 18, yes? He has adults rights now, yes, but if he lives under your roof and does not pay you rent, he must abide by your family rules. You are not obligated to pay insurance deductibles or for items of which you do not approve.

He does not sound healthy emotionally, however. Please have him see a non-Gender indulgent therapist. I would also recommend encouraging him to volunteer with an animal shelter or something other than gender/LGBT center, as it sounds like he would benefit from getting outside his own head and internet intravenous drip of ego feeding. I would guess he is not emotionally able to work a job, but volunteering is less structured and intense, generally.

Though he may hate you in the short term, being a voice of sanity when he needs one in his online echo chamber of many lies around tiny truths, is the ultimate love. I believe they used to call it 'tough love'. As you say: you will be there and support him no matter what, and for this I will commend you, but you are right and loving in ensuring he has full information not pushed through the filter of this online madness.

We are here for you. Please be well, and remember to take care of you, too. See a therapist, if only to receive in person affirmations.

[–]boudiccasrevengeSwerfette 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (3子コメント)

You have my deepest sympathies. I can tell he's been coached by MtTs online, too. You're not a narcissist - my friend's mother is one and she flirted with her daughter's boyfriends, feigned illness on her graduation day, and showed up for her wedding in white. I bet he'll start accusing you of gaslighting him soon.

I might toss the dice and offer to chip in for treatment if he finishes some sort of post-secondary education and gets a job before transitioning. I knew one who jumped the gun and did HRT while still in college and struggled to find a job afterwards because he wasn't remotely close to passing. Whereas the ones who've landed a career with a progressive company first seem much better off.

[–]Susan62[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

A quick question but what is an MtT? Is it like an mtf?

[–]shamelesslyfeminist 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yes, but don't use that term with your son or in front of him. It will just hurt his feelings.

You don't have the time to read all about radical feminism, but in a nutshell, Sex and Gender are two different things. In society, people mix conflate the two to be the same thing, but they are not.

Sex denotes biology. Ones sex is determined by his or her chromosomes (Cannot be changed), gametes (Can be removed but not changed), hormones (Can be chemically altered) and internal and external sex organs.

Gender is a word that was made up in the 1960s. It just means the roles we are expected to play. Boys are expected to be rowdy and aggressive, girls submissive and considerate, etc. Of course gender stereotypes have nothing to do with ones biological sex. Wearing pants and mowing the lawn doesn't make a woman less a woman, much less a man. Wearing make-up and dresses doesn't make a man a woman either.

The medical and science community used to differentiate between the two before they were bought by transactivists. As you are seeking treatment from your child, just keep in mind who is profiting off of instilling these delusions and insecurities in him? Who is making money from selling him on gender therapy, hormones, sex change surgery and the countless forums and products that are geared to help him "ease" his dysphoria? Unfortunately, psychiatry has always been prone to fads.

Transactivists like to use word gender for sex and claim that sex isn't real, that feeling decide one's sex. For us and the rest of the world not besieged by first-world problems, sex is a biological, material reality. Not an identity.

A person cannot truly have a sex change.

[–]IceIceKittyLion pronouns Leo/leor/leos 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yes it stand for Male to Trans since it's impossible for a male to become female.

[–]mudanjel 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The son may still access the trans forums on his phone, if that's applicable in this case. I would look into cutting off that avenue as well, but still leave him with a way to have basic communication capabilities. (This will not go over well. )

Just a thought.

[–]Caducea 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Don't cut off the internet. If you want your son to move on, he needs access to the internet. Job applications, college applications, college classes, search for therapists, etc all require the internet. He's 18, not 8 years old. Simply taking it away isn't going to "teach him a lesson". He is old enough to reason, he is too old for such a simple punishment. It infantilizes him and treats him like a moron. Plus, it makes you look like an ignorant bad guy that wants to punish, not help. It'll only serve to reinforce those beliefs. Everyone here telling you to cut off the internet seems to be a much older person that doesn't understand the extent to which internet effects our lives. It's pretty vital for a functioning young person in society today.

I'd say just keep talking to your son. Find an older gay man he can talk to. Bring him to events for gay youth. Encourage him to explore things, don't just shut down his whole world. Encourage him to talk to older MTFs. That typically doesn't go so well irl, so just showing him what his future holds might help him start really questioning if this us the right choice.

Or, do nothing. He's 18. He's his own person. If he needs help, he'll come to you. He's an adult and he can live his life how he wants. It's not up to you to protect and guide him any longer. Set rules like if he wants to live with you, he needs a job. Stop treating him like an infant and let him make his own choices. Sometimes we have to let people we love do what they feel is right. We love them and want to stop them, but we can't dictate their lives for them. You might just have to step back and let him get hurt before he learns.

[–]dixiechick547 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's exactly right. He is an adult. He has every right to do what he wants with body. Hormones are easily available online as are instructions on how to take them for the desired results. He doesn't need his parents permission or cooperation. That being the case why is this young man going on hunger strikes to force his parents to comply with his mania? She didn't tell him he couldn't do whatever he wants. They refuse to pay for it. If he really wanted this and it wasn't some childish manipulation he would simply get a job and buy the hormones. They're not terribly expensive and can be bought online without a prescription. So why hasn't he? I would cut the internet as a method of buying some space. Not to punish him. And it's a stopgap measure like a pressure bandage on a sucking chest wound. It won't fix the problem. It's triage. Buying time until help arrives.

[–]IceIceKittyLion pronouns Leo/leor/leos 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

As has already been said cutting off the internet is not a punishment, it's cutting him off from the cult that's sucked him in. It's damage control until they can get him to a therapist. The crux of the issue is that he is asking her to pay for hormones so the rest of your post doesn't really make sense.

[–]reddorthedragon 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You might wanna check out this blog http://gendercriticaldad.blogspot.be it's from a father who had a trans child as well.