262
263

My ex-husband's parents are threatening to call CPS. Should I get a lawyer? (self.legaladvice)

HelpMeep36 が 投稿

We are located in NY State, USA.

My daughter (she's 14) was involved in a serious accident and spent more than a month in hospital and several weeks in rehab. While there, staff taught us how to do things that we may be required to do at home - everything from changing her diaper to getting her dressed and caring for wounds.

My husband was very involved in her care - he helped me and the staff in changing diapers, bathing her, feeding her, getting her clothes on; but, also in reading to her, helping her with cognitive functions, etc.

The rehab creates a book of pictures to help patients remember. In the book is a photo from when my daughter's NG tube was being replaced. Think of a long flexible straw that's fed up the nose and down your throat - it's uncomfortable, causes a lot of gagging and can be difficult to place. To calm her, my husband sat back on her bed, sat her on his lap with her head upright on his chest while holding her hands. My ex's parents saw this, basically interrogated me, and found-out that he was directly involved with her care in ways they think were inappropriate.

They've threatened to call CPS. The thing is, my husband did do all the things that upset them - he did change her diapers, bathed her, etc.

I am not sure what we should do legally? Should I get a lawyer? Should I get a lawyer specialized in family law, or criminal law?

I could appreciate all of your advice.

Edit: I would add that my ex-husband is not in our daughter's life, and hasn't been since she was born.

全 45 件のコメント
並べ替え:
ベスト
トップ新着論争中古い順Q&A

[–]bubblestring 322 ポイント323 ポイント  (5子コメント)

There's zilch to be done but ignore them and wait for CPS to investigate and inform them that they are full of shiza should they come knocking.

[–]brownbutterquiche 255 ポイント256 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Additionally, I would seriously consider what they bring to your lives when they would call CPS because another man stepped up where their son fell down.

Goodluck, OP, and best wishes to you and your family.

[–]10art1 35 ポイント36 ポイント  (2子コメント)

*scheiße

[–]SantasDead 141 ポイント142 ポイント  (2子コメント)

If you guys were under the direction of medical professionals in a medical setting I do not see how this will have any merit. Of course CPS will have to investigate if anything is reported to them, but I wouldn't worry too much. CPS has so much authority I think retaining a lawyer before a court case is scheduled isn't needed (meaning they could remove child from the home, and ain't nothing anyone can do until court), but for your sake of mind spend a couple hundred and sit down with a family law attorney for a consult.

[–]xafimrev2 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

CPS doesn't have to investigate every report. They routinely bin crank reports. They also generally can not take your child away without a court order unless there is immediate risk to a child.

[–]SantasDead 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Here i know for a fact they have to investigate everything reported. Which makes them overworked and underpaid. No, emergency removal is not typical that takes signs of abuse or extremely filthy living conditions.

[–]laaarg 131 ポイント132 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Ok, so your husband and your ex husband are two different people, yes? And your daughters grandparents are upset that your daughter's step parent is actually parenting her during her recovery for what sounds like a horrible accident?

If CPS shows up, explain that your daughter is disabled (or was, temporarily) and that your ex in laws are upset about her stepfather's medical care.

Tell your ex in laws that they are no longer involved in your daughter's life. Maybe consider asking your husband to adopt her?

[–]HelpMeep36[S] 104 ポイント105 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Ok, so your husband and your ex husband are two different people, yes?

Yes.

And your daughters grandparents are upset that your daughter's step parent is actually parenting her during her recovery for what sounds like a horrible accident?

Correct. Their son, my ex-husband, has never been in the picture and has no desire to be a parent to his daughter.

[–]BeenCarl 84 ポイント85 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Tell them to pound sand. Tell them to waste CPS's time.

[–]werewolfchowQuality Contributor 103 ポイント104 ポイント  (6子コメント)

To prevent this from happening repeatedly, there's nothing stopping you from blocking all contact with the grandparents. Generally, as long as the parents are fit, grandparents have no visitation rights.

You can consult a family law attorney if you want more specific advice, but there's nothing you described that jumps out to me as a basis for CPS to seize the children. They would investigate if a report was made, but I don't think they would consider providing medical care as abuse or neglect.

[–]justfiddling 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (3子コメント)

yeah, but I doubt OP's ex-husband is going to block his parents from seeing the kids. Ex-hubby and hubby are two different people

[–]shazammerbammer 63 ポイント64 ポイント  (1子コメント)

She explains a bit more in another post. The ex-husband isn't in the picture now or ever. His parents (the grandparents) are upset that her current husband is stepping up and being a good step-father.

The guy sounds like a goddamn saint to me as this whole situation is really rough.

OP could get rid of the grandparents, and it sounds like it might simplify her life to do that.

[–]Rhowryn 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ex-husband appears to be out of the picture entirely. See response to user laaarg:

Their son, my ex-husband, has never been in the picture and has no desire to be a parent to his daughter.

[–]dgillz -3 ポイント-2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

No, grandparents may well have visitation rights. This varies widely by jurisdiction. Here is a good place to start if you are in the US:

http://family.findlaw.com/child-custody/summaries-of-state-law-grandparent-visitation-and-custody.html

[–]werewolfchowQuality Contributor 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

In New York, where OP is located and I practice, my answer is correct. That's why location information is required on all /r/legaladvice posts.

[–]fooliam 36 ポイント37 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Your current husband was providing medically necessary care to his step-daughter, and now the ex-husband's parents are threatening to call CPS?

Ok, you don't need a lawyer for one. If CPS chooses to investigate this complaint (many complaints they receive are never acted on because there is no basis to do so), it would be rapidly apparent that your husband was providing medically necessary care to his step-child, and they will almost certainly close the case immediately after that.

On a related note, If you're already looking at attorneys, I think you should talk about filing a no-contact order against the ex's parents, because they seem nuts and are trying to interfere with your daughter receiving medically necessary care.

[–]mothdetective1 51 ポイント52 ポイント  (8子コメント)

What was the CPS claim? Sexual abuse? Because I don't think that qualifies. He did not touch her inappropriately- his actions were within the norms of the situation.

Have you considered getting a restraining order against the grandparents? This link may help http://stoprelationshipabuse.org/how-to-get-a-restraining-order/ it will mean they won't have contact anymore and they will be obliged to cease harassing/threatening you (to take the kid away)

Also maybe look into having your husband adopt your daughter and /or get her legally emancipated from her bio father.

Lastly there is also this http://ocfs.ny.gov/main/cps/faqs.asp#false which explains what to do when someone files a false complaint against you in NY (which is a class A felony) and you should speak to your local DA.

[–]HelpMeep36[S] 29 ポイント30 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I've called and left VMs with some lawyers and I'm going to bring-up what you posted here. This may be a good solution.

[–]zotc 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (0子コメント)

which is a class A felony misdemeanor

[–]MelungeonQueen 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Have you considered getting a restraining order against the grandparents?

There is nothing to indicate a restraining order, and it will never be granted because of one instance of planning to call CPS. it's not "abuse" to report someone else for what you may falsely believe to be abuse. If OP does seek a restraining order after a CPS report happens she may be in hot water if they view it as retaliatory. Also, your last link is not going to help. It's not a false complaint to factually report what has occurred. Just because CPS agrees it isn't abuse doesn't mean the complaint was false, just unfounded.

[–]TheyMakeMeWearPants 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

what to do when someone files a false complaint against you in NY (which is a class A felony)

I would expect that it's not a false complaint unless they lie about something in the report. If everything they say is factual but not actually abuse, I'd be surprised if it was considered criminal.

[–]BlatantConservative 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I dont think this is going to be prosecuted as a false complaint. They definitely wont be charged with a felony.

CPS is not in the business of going after people who are honestly reporting when they think something is wrong, even if they're wrong.

[–]I-do-not-like-this 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Just tell them to fuck off.

[–]Bakkie 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If and when CPS contacts you, refer them to the rehab hospital for confirmation that he was instructed in the care giving. Reconsider which pictures you post

[–]TheLadyEve 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

CPS may investigate, but they will almost certainly close the case once they see the home set up and interview the you both. I frequently work along side CPS and just because someone calls CPS does not mean that CPS will intervene. At most, they will interview and tour the home, and they may even hook you up with additional services for your daughter if they are needed.

As for retaining counsel, it's always good to have options, but I would not do it out of panic.

[–]WarKittyKat 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

As a future step, you may want to get a lawyer and look into pushing for step-parent adoption. It has a lot of benefits, like allowing your husband legal rights if something were to happen to you. It would also make it easier to cut biodad and his family out of your life.

[–]MOGicantbewitty 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Having had false repetitive claims made in MA, I was given the advice that if you are concerned about a particular reporter, DCF here will note their name in your child's file and be aware of the potential for a false or exaggerated claim. This was from a DCF investigator. Explaining a situation in advance may help prepare an investigator so they don't come to your house with unfair assumptions. They also said that it is always okay to call and ask if certain behaviors are acceptable. My personal experiences were very frustrating but I never felt that DCF was out to get me or separate the family. The exact opposite in fact.

As a person with a few (expired) medical certifications, there are legal protections for physical contact with genitals, etc. for caregiving, regardless of the genetic relationship or the professional level of caretaker. Having been trained, even as a lay person, to care for daughter only strengthens your protection.

Disclaimers: IANAL, and these are my personal experiences in MA (although the med certs are national).

[–]whiskeytaang0 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

IANAL

Can you get your primary care physician to write up instructions for care specifically addressed to your husband? It's not going to stop a CPS investigation, but couldn't hurt to have on hand should they question the medical necessity of any care he's providing.

[–]JamesBruceGamble 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The moment someone tries to get you in trouble with the law, an adversarial situation is created.

You need to take stock of what can be used against them. Do they report all their taxable income? Do they abuse illegal drugs? Do they ever drive drunk?

They can't snitch to CPS if they're too busy sitting in the drunk tank.

They just took a shot at your family. You should take it seriously. Now delete this post and get some.

[–]LocationBotTremendous! 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

http://imgur.com/a/myIAb

I am a bot whose sole purpose is to improve the timeliness and accuracy of responses in this subreddit.

It appears you forgot to include your location in the title or body of your post.

Please update the original post to include this information.

Do NOT delete this post - Instead, simply edit the post with the requested information..

Report Inaccuracies Here | GitHub | Author | LocationBot Statistics (Not Mobile Friendly) | LocationBot v2.1.1

Original Post:

Author: /u/HelpMeep36

My ex-husband's parents are threatening to call CPS. Should I get a lawyer?

My daughter (she's 14) was involved in a serious accident and spent more than a month in hospital and several weeks in rehab. While there, staff taught us how to do things that we may be required to do at home - everything from changing our diaper to getting her dressed and caring for wounds.

My husband was very involved in her care - he helped me and the staff in changing diapers, bathing her, feeding her, getting her clothes on; but, also in reading to her, helping her with cognitive functions, etc.

The rehab creates a book of pictures to help patients remember. In the book is a photo from when my daughter's NG tube was being replaced. Think of a long flexible straw that's fed up the nose and down your throat - it's uncomfortable, causes a lot of gagging and can be difficult to place. To calm her, my husband sat back on her bed, sat her on his lap with her head upright on his chest while holding her hands. My ex's parents saw this, basically interrogated me, and found-out that he was directly involved with her care in ways they think were inappropriate.

They've threatened to call CPS. The thing is, my husband did do all the things that upset them - he did change her diapers, bathed her, etc.

I am not sure what we should do legally? Should I get a lawyer? Should I get a lawyer specialized in family law, or criminal law?

I could appreciate all of your advice.