Today, it's my birthday. Not only did my girlfriend not buy me anything, I also found out when she said she was taking me out for dinner, she really meant that I was taking her out. FML

Today, I finally told the girl I'm in love with how I've felt ever since we first met six years ago. She let me know that not only does she not feel the same way, she's always considered me a creep and only ever hung out with me because of our mutual friends. FML

Today, I had to face up to telling the cute guy I just split up with that I have also probably given him pubic lice. FML

They all share a common theme.