10
11

SavingI'm blowing my entire life savings on my wedding. Please help. (self.personalfinance)

Lord_of_The_Thing が 投稿

My updated wedding proposal came back yesterday, and it's nearly twice what it was originally. It's just over $20k! That's my whole savings.

My fiancé was laid off twice last year and has only started back work this Week. I've had to pay for about 98% of this wedding myself including covering our monthly bills.

After my final payment, I'll be left with about $500 in my savings.

What's the best method for rebuilding my savings?

Last years Gross income: $51k (tipped wages) Cell phone: $66/mo Wells Fargo interest free loan: $44/mo (with about $240 left on loan) Kay jewelers loan: $150/mo (1 year interest free with $1640.17 left on loan) Visa Credit Card: $20/mo ($200 outstanding balance) Vehicle Insurance: $37/mo

That's it for my bills. My fiancé covers her own rent and bills (now that she's working). We use my income for dinning out, groceries, shopping etc.

Thanks guys.

全 85 件のコメント
並べ替え:
ベスト
トップ新着論争中古い順Q&A

[–]OliviaPresteign 95 ポイント96 ポイント  (4子コメント)

I know this is not what you want to hear, but your best solution is to have a cheaper wedding. Smaller guest list, "off" day, less ritzy venue, beer & wine only, cheaper vendors, delayed honeymoon are all ways to get the costs down.

Frankly, your income doesn't justify a $20k wedding, and it would be silly to start your married life in such a precarious financial position.

[–]BlackHawkGS 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

"off" day, less ritzy venue

We accomplished this by doing a 'brunch' wedding. Basically what it sounds like, it's all the same stuff but you just do the ceremony in the morning and have breakfast food for the reception. It's cheaper for the timeslot (since most places charge the most for Friday and Saturday evening), and cheaper for the food.

[–]Justice-Beever 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I hope OP realizes the absurdity of a $20k wedding on a $51k salary...it certainly doesn't seem like his wife does.

[–]jonnyfgm [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

I hope OP realizes the absurdity of a $20k wedding

You could have stopped right there

[–]Rub3do 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

From a non financial aspect of it seeing friends who were in love and then divorcing within 2-10 years later. For them reflecting back being in our late 30s it all seemed like a waste of money. One thing with getting older you develop a more pragmatic view on relationships.

[–]Fishinabowl11 40 ポイント41 ポイント  (16子コメント)

Using your entire life savings for a wedding is dumb. You simply can't afford to spend that much. Have these expenditures already been made and you're looking to rebuild your savings, or do you still have the money and are only going to spend it all? Do everything you can to scale back.

Also "fiance" with one e refers to a male, and "fiancee" with two refers to a female, so "My fiancé covers her..." is incorrect.

[–]Lord_of_The_Thing[S] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (15子コメント)

I haven't paid the tab yet, but we are set to be married in early May. We have 75 guests coming to our destination wedding. There is a seafood appetizer option that's costing us $1100 that I want to cut completely and she wants the portions scales back...

We will also save some money on the bar tab by switching to beer/wine only.

I will be putting down $9k tomorrow and the rest is due 15 days prior to our wedding. I agree this is dumb. I've been saving this money for over 10 years. We didn't anticipate her lay off. We also didn't think as many people would RSVP as they did.

[–]1TipsyCoachman 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If people already RSVPd to a destination wedding, you are stuck unless absolutely no one has made travel reservations yet. This was a conversation to have before you made up your guest list. Call the resort or whomever is handling the wedding and change everything you can without being terrible hosts. If people are taking in the very high cost of attending a destination wedding, you have to host them well. What you can do is change the "fanciness" level and cut all the extras. No welcome bags, no pro hair and makeup, work to get the menu in the "BBQ" range and not the "caviar and steak" range, offer beer and wine only, cut down on flowers (no one remembers your centerpieces), whatever you can. At 20k and 75 guests, you are spending over $250 per guest, so there is a ton of fat you can cut.

If none of the guests has made reservations, cancel it, rent a private room at a lovely restaurant, get a professional officiant, and only host your immediate families. Under 5k, and lovely. You will be just as married at the end of the day.

[–]Prog 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (3子コメント)

You need to scale back. Cancel what you can and replan. My wife and I spent around $1500 on our wedding including her dress (but not the rings), and the thing is, we could've afforded a wedding that was 10x as much. We just recognized that a wedding is a one date event and wasn't worth blowing that much money on. Our venue was a local wildlife museum, our "catering" was Raising Canes chicken fingers, our wedding cake was 2 dozen wedding cake donuts from the best donut place ever (and a couple of king cakes because we lived in LA at the time). She got her dress on sale at David's Bridal. We bought some 2 buck Chuck and snacks and had the reception at our house. One of our friends played guitar during the ceremony and we hooked an iPhone up to some computer speakers for music. I live streamed the wedding for people that couldn't come. It was an awesome day and we loved it.

[–]arac62 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That sounds like my dream wedding.

[–]FancyBusinessMahn 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Agreed, OP needs to scale back. My SO and I had around $5k saved for a wedding, but we decided we liked the security of having money more than we liked the idea of throwing a big party for just one day. We had a nice breakfast together, went down to the courthouse and paid $75 for the marriage certificate and that was that. Now we have a house with no PMI on the mortgage and the $5k just became part of our emergency fund. Starting a marriage with financial security makes a whole lot of things easier.

[–]umaddow 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm aiming for the same setup. Instead I want plastic rings. I hate the feeling of hot metal on my hands and my skin hurts just wearing a watch.

[–]skeever2 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Cut the appetizers, cut the bar, cut pretty much everything you can at this point. One of you is unemployed and the other has variable, possible unstable income (since at least a portion of it is tips). You are blowing your emergency fund on a party. Are you seriously considering spending 1100$ of your very last 1600$ on shrimp?

[–]shes_a_gdb [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

If I was attending this wedding I'd be pissed. It's a destination wedding, people are probably spending close to (maybe more depending on location) a thousand on tickets, hotels, transportation, gifts, etc. If they wanted to save money they should've just had the wedding somewhere local.

[–]AlluvialPlane 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Then stop doing what you think is dumb. I'm unclear why you are doing any of this if you don't think it's smart or desirable.

[–]AcceleratedDragon [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

"I will be putting down $9k tomorrow" NO

Don't deposit anything until you and the future Mrs. agree on cutbacks.

[–]chaseoes 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (5子コメント)

You need to cancel. You can't, and shouldn't, spend your entire life savings (what you have been saving for the past 10 years) on a single day just because 75 people agreed to attend.

Burn some bridges with them, make people upset, it doesn't matter. It's not worth it. Take the other advice in this thread on how to have a wedding for under 5k.

[–]ryken 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Canceling a destination wedding after people have made travel plans is 100% a huge dick move. I agree that OP should have never done this, but in no way should his piss poor financial planning be the reason that 75 people are screwed out of all the cancellation fees for their airfare and hotel, much less the time they took off work and the arrangements they made to have kids, pets, and houses tended to.

[–]lilfunky1 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I wonder if cancelling the wedding portion of the trip and just having a big group vacation would be still doable.

Get married at city hall for cheap the day before you all fly off, then just everyone flies off for a week of fun in the sun.

[–]FeatofClay 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is a really great idea. It might be too late depending on their deposit/planning situation, but it's A+ advice.

It's one thing to cancel a wedding because you have decided you don't want to marry that person. I have had that happen to me as a guest headed to a destination wedding. It sucked for me but I understood it was the right decision and a terrible time for them both.

If someone just cancelled a destination wedding because they decided it was too expensive for them (with no regard for what it was costing me to attend) I'd be affronted.

[–]1TipsyCoachman [スコア非表示]  (1子コメント)

If I was invited to a destination Wedding, spent my minimal free cash on plane tickets and hotel, arrived and found out that this was not actually a wedding, I'm pretty sure that would be the end of my relationship with the couple. Total dick move to bait and switch.

[–]lilfunky1 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

If I was invited to a destination Wedding, spent my minimal free cash on plane tickets and hotel, arrived and found out that this was not actually a wedding, I'm pretty sure that would be the end of my relationship with the couple. Total dick move to bait and switch.

It really matters that much to you whether you see your friends get married on a beach on Monday, or get married at city hall on the Friday afternoon before, and then you all fly off for a week of partying at the resort anyways?

[–]seriousallthetime 42 ポイント43 ポイント  (0子コメント)

So, you've saved for 10 YEARS AND YOU ARE SPENDING IT ON ONE FUCKING DAY!! Dude. You absolutely cannot afford this. Your fiance has been laid off twice in the year and you want to blow all your liquid assets in a FUCKING PARTY!? Do you not see how irresponsible that is?

I understand it's a wedding. I'm planning one myself. If we spent $20,000, it would be the same thing, all of our cash. Nope nope nope NOPE. What happens when your fiance gets laid off again?

At least you'll have those awesome weddings photos to look at while you're eating ramen......

[–]VicePrincipalNero 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You are in no position to afford this kind of wedding. If your fiancé can't understand that after a prolonged period of unemployment, you cannot blow $20K as a couple on a party for a single day, I would question the wisdom of getting married to her. Sit down and have a rational conversation about this.

People who get married in the county courthouse or on a beach followed by a back yard BBQ are every bit as married as a couple who spends a fortune on a big party. Don't screw over your future selves.

[–]bec-t99 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Weddings can still be done really nicely for way less than you'll be spending. Is it all payed for or are you still planning? If you're still planning, talk to your fiancé about areas where you can cut costs etc. You don't want to waste nearly all of your life savings on one day! You two love eachother, you're gonna love eachother forever, why's it necessary to spend so much on one day when you already love eachother.

[–]AnonymousUser02 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Love doesn't pay the bills

[–]1TipsyCoachman 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The obvious answer is to scale the wedding back to 10k, pay off the cc and Kay debt, and move into marriage from a place of financial stability.

[–]Laser45 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Shop around, you can save so much money on wedding costs. Avoid any service that is all inclusive, you save a lot of money by choosing your own vendors.

We were able to buy a permit through local liquor store, so alcohol was at liquor store prices + $200. Allowed us to have top shelf liquor at fraction of vendor prices.

Scale back on food options. They escalate very quickly. People are there for the party, not the meal, so it shouldn't be McDonalds, but doesn't need to be multiple lobster courses. We also bought our own desserts and skipped the wedding cake. People raved about quality of desserts because most wedding cakes actually don't taste very good.

Don't pick the top venue in your location. Choose the 3rd best, or 10th best. It will be just as good, but can often save a lot of money on venue fees.

Don't spend $20k on your wedding. That is 6 months after tax earnings. It will probably lead to fights over money, and make divorce far more likely. Marriage is all about compromise, so now is the time to work through with your fiancee what you can actually afford.

[–]AlluvialPlane 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm unsure why this question was posted. You've said that your fiance has a predictable (and low) income due to a history of short term employment and you're spending way more than you're comfortable with on a party. You are looking at debt the way a poor person does, by focusing on monthly payments rather than total debt owed.

Debt and money issues are the leading cause of divorce and you're starting your marriage by blowing out nearly 8 months' of your take home income on a party and jewelery. If you were serious about this, you'd use all of your income for necessities and paying off debt.

[–]jessherr15 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Instead of lecturing you on having a wedding you can't afford, I'll try to answer your question.

Any monetary gifts you get for the wedding should go into savings.

You'll also need to start a budget to really cut back on the dining out and shopping; divert the money you were spending on that into savings.

Most importantly, you need to get your new wife on board. You'll get there faster if you're working together.

[–]Pauladanielle 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

There's some great advice in here that I won't rehash. Call the venue and negotiate and threaten to pull out. You can remove the seafood/full bar etc., but you should also complain about the doubling of your bill. They'll usually do something if you have a good enough argument. The price should not have been a shock if you've been planning the wedding for months, so either you weren't listening or they weren't telling you everything.

Change the food/liquor packages and see where else there's bloat. If they won't play ball, get a competing quote at another resort. And yes, if the deposit is due tomorrow, you need to do all of this today. They'd rather get $12-$15k out of you than nothing.

Also, don't bank on this to pay for a $20k wedding but people tend to prefer cash as gifts for destination weddings. You'll probably walk out of there with a couple thousand extra anyway.

[–]big_dirty_bird 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (10子コメント)

Sounds like you are asking for advice but the payment is due tomorrow. Is there a penalty or a deposit that will be lost if you cancel your current plans?

You are putting yourself in a rough spot, all the previous mentioned debt and only $500 to your name is not a good place to start your marriage.

[–]trader27 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Wow is that really worth wiping out your entire life savings, no!!!! There are so many blogs online about how to have an amazing wedding under 10k and even less, I really never understood weddings that are 20k+ I have been to many "budget" weddings and I promise you the bride and groom are just as happy during that day and they are just as fun to attend.

[–]blues65 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Spending 40% of your annual income on what amounts to a party is really foolish. Instead of seeking advice for rebuilding years worth of savings maybe don't spend that much. You can go to the courthouse in most states and get married for a small fee. A small reception for family and friends afterward might cost $5k at most. My wife and I got married last October on a budget and spent less than $5k on everything. We had no alcohol and we got a BBQ place to cater the food for 65 people. You definitely don't need a "destination wedding".

There's no reason a wedding should cost that much especially when you clearly cannot afford it.

[–]hufferstl 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It sounds like you are already committed to most of the expenses on the wedding. At this point, I think the only thing you can do is talk to your fiance and tell her that because of the wedding you two(not just her, BOTH of you) have committed to, that your lifestyle for the next two years is going to have to seriously change. Tell her how important re-building that savings account is to you and that all unnecessary expenses are going to have to be cut. No more dining out, cut it all. I have been married for 3 years and though we talked about finances before I gave her a ring - I don't think I communicated how important our personal finances were to me. If we ever fight - it is about money(and lifestyle creep). Good luck and enjoy your wedding.

[–]lilfunky1 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

What's the best method for rebuilding my savings?

Earn a lot of money very quickly while spending nothing.

[–]PissinPippin 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Okay, definitely going to get downvoted here as the unpopular answer, but screw it, I'll play devils advocate for you. Yes it's a lot of money, yes it's only one day, but it's going to be something you (and her!) remember and cherish forever. Sure, I'm guessing there are things you can scale back on (beer/wine only, the fish option, maybe dial back flowers?). At the end of the day, you'll replenish some (not all) in wedding gifts, so you'll have a little cushion. After the wedding, sit down and put together a budget plan to get back on the right track. Make adjustments/sacrifices and it'll work out. Congrats on your upcoming wedding and best of luck, you'll be fine.

Source: recently married, spent roughly 1.5x times that (not something to brag about), still alive and well today

[–]1TipsyCoachman [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

And if he loses his job the day before the wedding? They are fucked.

[–]FeatofClay 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I used to run a website about destination weddings. I had one myself at a time when it was less of a popular trend and search engines weren't great. So I threw a bunch of links together, and then spent the next 10+ years hearing from people who made similar choices. I'm not an 'expert' but I think I have some perspective on this.

Remember: because it is a destination wedding, you do not have to do ANYTHING fancy for the decor, venue, food, drinks, etc. The whole point of this kind of wedding is that the location can do most of the work for you in making the event special and memorable.

The other best advice I have for people: plan this like you'd plan any party you were throwing. Consider what you would do for 4th of July gathering or a decent dinner party with friends. And frame your decisions like that.

The problem with "wedding" and "reception" is that suddenly people mentally go to a place of the finest china, expensive linens, formal trappings, fine dining, premium everything. People also feel compelled to include traditions that might mean very little to you in the long run but that you think are "necessary" because you saw them at the last 10 weddings you were at. Wedding vendors capitalize on this. Just step out of that mode.

Plan a party (not a wedding/reception) where you and everyone else will have a good time. Take advantage of your locale--recognize that it's a getaway for everyone already, and you don't have to pile on stuff to make it special.

[–]archie_f 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Don't. Been married 15 years, the wedding has had exactly squat to do with actual married life.

[–]toucan_sam89 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Dude, there's ALWAYS a cheaper way.

Potluck/homemade (just takes more prep)

Home Goods decor

DIY lighting/floral (use instagram/Pinterest for decor)

cheaper or NO ring until it won't hurt your financial situation

But most of all, MENTALITY. You two need to have a long chat about what it really is that is necessary and how you want to go about spending the first few years.

A wedding is just a party - you can throw a cheaper party while maintaining visual quality.

[–]NoMansLight 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

And to that point, there have been lots of studies showing that people who spend a lot on their wedding (let alone their entire life savings (wtf are you serious)) are literally the most likely to get a divorce.

Goodluck OP, showing her that you're such a huge pushover to throw away your entire life savings for a single party on a single day... I mean, what do you think is going to happen?

[–]YouveBeenGraveled 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Why not just cancel, and let your guests know why? I am sure people would understand if you decide to do a cheaper option.

[–]1TipsyCoachman 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

"Hi, we overinvited and although we know you have already made non refundable travel plans, we need to save a buck. Too bad, so sad!"

Their guests may have already made big, nonrefundable travel plans. I agree with you if absolutely no one has, but I doubt they know that. If cancel it is extremely rude, and will probably negatively impact quite a few relationships.

[–]YouveBeenGraveled 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You've got to make hard decisions sometimes. They could also just have a simple ceremony on the beach no food no frills.

[–]decaturbob 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

ridiculous to spend such money....elope and throw a party when you get back for your friends and family

[–]brockensteinII 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah, weddings man. Some people are sold on the lavish affair, the storybook wedding, they have an idea what a wedding ought to be. It's just not practical. It's not practical if you can afford it, there's arguably better things to do with the money. It's not practical if you can't afford it.

What's the best method to rebuilding your savings? Cut spending, increase income. No more dining out, or unnecessary shopping. Pay off your loans and devote that freed up income to savings.

And hopefully your future wife is onboard and doesn't want her cake and eat it to.

[–]slimrollins 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Like others said, cut the appetizer, go cash bar. Don't pay for stupid decorations or a band. Ask a friend to have a play list and a bunch of good wedding sings on a media player.

You may recoup some of your savings via wedding gifts of cash.

Canceling is an option. I can celled a wedding 6 months in advance due to cost. We eventually ended up spending about $40 on our wedding, $35 for the license, $3 for parking at the courthouse, and $2 for a bagel and cream cheese after the ceremony. It was a glorious day.

[–]illHangUpAndListen 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

IF you want a destination wedding, fly to Vegas for a weekend and call it a wedding.

[–]orsalite 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Start over with the planning. We've had a 60 places wedding (only 40 people showed up, so we ate leftovers for a while) at a small venue (just the party, we got married at the courthouse) and I believe we spent less than $2000, including a $200 cake. No photographer, no DJ (I made a playlist on an ipod), the food was buffet style, there were 1 or two people at the venue serving drinks at a bar. Party lasted about 3 hours, and that was it.

[–]franny61390 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

First things first - cut the cost of the wedding as much as possible. I know it is already planned so you don't have the option to cancel entirely - but this wouldn't be the end of the world either.

Best method to rebuild savings is pretty obvious - lower expenses and raise income. Thankfully with your fiancee back to work this should be fairly straight forward.

I highly recommend combining your incomes and expenses once you are married. You work together to bring in the family income and decide together how best to spend it. This is huge in a marriage. It is not yours and hers anymore - it is ours.

While you are trying to build back up your savings stop eating out, going shopping and spending on things you don't need. Once you have some savings (a couple grand) I recommend paying off your credit card, WF load and your jewelry loan - you don't need that crap.

[–]pcbzelephant 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Skip the big wedding if you can get any money back you already paid. My husband and I did a simple wedding with 60 people(we didn't want a huge wedding!). The total cost was 4k and we had food and a open bar. We did the wedding at a park for $100(that included the minister who married us), had the reception at a golf course which was free to rent with food and beverage purchase(which was $30 a person so $1800 for that), my aunt and me decorated and got it all at hobby lobby for $150 including my bouquet, the dress was $200 on clearance and alterations were $75, husband tux was $100, invites did myself for $100(including stamps), dj was $400, photographer was $850(that included a disc of the pictures and 50 printed out in a album) and the cake was $250. Also everyone said it was the most fun wedding they had been to because it was so laid back. We also didn't do a honeymoon until 3 years later on our anniversary. To us having savings and buying a home was way more important than a wedding. also the rings were $3.5k but I didn't include those since we bought them like a year before the wedding and I also think he spent too much on my ring but it's what he wanted to spend and he had the money! Also we ended up getting about 10k in cash from relatives and friends(my parents gave us 5k of that though) and we also got a lot of stuff for our home. So we actually came out ahead. Good luck and maybe skip the wedding and do a courthouse wedding or do a smaller wedding with less then 80 people.

[–]ISFPainter 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Justice of the Peace and honeymoon at home. Sorry. You can always renew your vows in 10 years and throw a better party. Please listen to the other posters. I have been married 32 years and I never regretted spending myself into a hole. Weird thing was we still received gifts from people that loved us and knew we could not afford a wedding.

[–]samwell00778 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

We had our wedding for 6k. Loved it. Went to Puerto Rico and spent another 2k. It was a blast. Cut back and enjoy being married. Have a talk with each other and get on the same page and make adjustments.

[–]anothertokengirl 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It sounds like you are going to waste your money no matter what, so to rebuild your savings, first you cancel the honeymoon, then you both need second jobs and you aren't eating out or spending money on entertainment for a long time. You made this bed. You get to lie in it and be poor for a really long time. Sorry, dude.

[–]uuucnklaign 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

We spent about $20k on our wedding, but my income is almost double yours and my wife's is only a little less than mine. Have a cheaper wedding.

[–]92Lean [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

You can't afford the wedding. A wedding is just a party.

How much are you spending per person to attend this party?

[–]Undene [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Save on the wedding. Use that extra money for a nice honeymoon. Go on a cruise or a guided tour in Europe (or something). There's absolutely no reason you should have to spend $20k on a wedding.

Now if you want to, by all means do. But there are other alternatives that you can utilize.

[–]rxneutrino 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (5子コメント)

What I've learned is that adding the word "wedding" to any product will increase its price tenfold.

  • Regular DJ plays for 4 hours at a local bar: $300. Oh you want a wedding DJ? $3000.

  • Regular customized cake from local grocery store: $50. Oh you want a wedding cake? $800.

  • Regular bouquet of flowers at the grocery store: $20. Oh you want a wedding bouquet? $200. Oh you want flowers for all the tables at your wedding? $2500

  • Regular nice white dress at high end department store: $200. Oh you want a wedding dress? Start at $2000.

  • Etc.

I see you're doing a destination wedding. Did you sign some type of "all inclusive' agreement? If not, PLEASE shop around and find less expensive alternatives. Call in favors. Ask family and friends to help with setup/prep. The reason that businesses get away with price gouging for weddings is that people feel like they have to purchase "wedding" products.

[–]ABSOLUTELY__BASED 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Traditional wedding dresses and cakes are completely different from department store dresses and Costco cakes, bit of a false equivalency

[–]rxneutrino 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I understand that the traditional products are more expensive. That's exactly why I'm proposing choosing non-traditional products instead. In my view, the added cost does not result in added value.

The attitude that no alternatives exist to traditional wedding products is just false.

[–]skeever2 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If you have no savings and no emergency fund, it's pretty stupid to blow the last of your money on a fancier cake.

[–]ABSOLUTELY__BASED 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

It all depends on how much value is placed to tradition and wants.

It'd probably be better for OP to spend $20k on something he likes than $18k on something he doesn't, since I'm guessing the bulk of the cost is coming from the destination and not the consumables and decorations

[–]elenionancalima2 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah, but it still an extra $2000 in his pocket for their future. It's still not good, but better than $0.

[–]nyet-marionetka -3 ポイント-2 ポイント  (6子コメント)

I was going to say cut back on the wedding, but I see your fiancée is a woman (fiancé is masculine) so I presume you're the groom. So she probably is driving a lot of the costs and it may be easier said than done.

Nevertheless, cut back on the wedding. We spend an insane amount on weddings. If you cripple yourselves with debt going into the marriage you're more likely to get divorced. You could still be paying for this wedding in 5-10 years, and possibly after the marriage is over.

You don't make enough to justify $20k in debt for one day, especially since I'm betting the interest rates are not the best. Credit cards??

Edit: before caffeine. I see you can pay cash. Still it is not worth it. Would you like to have a house in the next 10 years? That $20k would go a long way towards a downpayment. Is your job 100% secure? $20k is a nice amount to have on hand when you get laid off.

[–]Lord_of_The_Thing[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Yes, she is driving the cost of this thing so it's a bit tougher. Thanks for understanding. You must be married!

We wouldn't be in debt, that is, if I use my savings like I plan to do. But if any emergency pops up I'm screwed.

I can cut costs but not much and I don't have much time left as my wedding is in May.

[–]nyet-marionetka 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Well, I'm married, but I was the bride. We got it done for $5k, but that was over a decade ago. Still $20k seems exorbitant.

I don't know what to tell you. I think you need to post more detail on your expenses, current and anticipated. And what your and your future wife's earning potential is likely to be. Then others will be more able to come up with a savings plan.

Make sure you're using good birth control because a surprise baby would really mess things up. :/

[–]AlluvialPlane 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

We got it done for $5k, but that was over a decade ago.

We were <$5k and were far more recent than a decade ago. We also make far more than OP. OP's relationship with money is abysmal and comments he's making about essentially sidelining his best judgment because his fiance wants a party isn't speaking well for his long term relationship prospects.

[–]borderwave2 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

We were <$5k and were far more recent than a decade ago

Without being too specific what city did you have your wedding in? Backyard BBQs at someone else's house in the midwest are pretty cheap. Renting a public park in Charleston cost us $15k and that was using the cheapest vendors and minimal decorations.

I find that people who have sub $2k weddings tend to either have 10 or fewer guests or they get a lot of free stuff/services from people that aren't' accounted for.

[–]brockensteinII 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Well it is pretty easy to spend other people's money. It just begs the question, how far does her financial irresponsibility go? Because money problems can be murder on relationships, not to be a pessimist or anything.

It sounds like you're kind of up a creek. Very close to the wedding. Spendthrift fiance. And you maybe waited too long to raise red flags or have a serious discussion about finances. And I can't imagine your fiance would be thrilled to have all her hopes and dreams for her wedding dashed by Mr. Almost Responsible.

I don't envy your predicament.

[–]eperdu [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

It's highly critical to say the fault lies solely with the bride to be and that she's financially irresponsible and a spendthrift. Relationships (and weddings) are not one-sided. If this amount is being spent it's because it was agreed upon by both parties. It's highly unlikely she just decided to throw a $20k party and didn't talk to him at all. He states that he 'thought' it was one price which means he's been aware the whole time of the costs. It may be his savings but unless she has free access to his bank accounts, he's been writing the checks.

It takes two to do all this and he was fully aware of the process from his comments and he had chances to say no and didn't, so you can't say it's just her fault and problem.

[–]LineBreakBot -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You might have incorrectly formatted line breaks. To create a line break, either put two spaces at the end of the line or put an extra blank line in-between lines. (See Reddit's page on commenting for more information.)

I have attempted to automatically reformat your text with fixed line breaks.

My updated wedding proposal came back yesterday, and it's nearly twice what it was originally. It's just over $20k! That's my whole savings.

My fiancé was laid off twice last year and has only started back work this
Week. I've had to pay for about 98% of this wedding myself including covering our monthly bills.

After my final payment, I'll be left with about $500 in my savings.

What's the best method for rebuilding my savings?

Last years Gross income: $51k (tipped wages)
Cell phone: $66/mo
Wells Fargo interest free loan: $44/mo (with about $240 left on loan)
Kay jewelers loan: $150/mo (1 year interest free with $1640.17 left on loan)
Visa Credit Card: $20/mo ($200 outstanding balance)
Vehicle Insurance: $37/mo

That's it for my bills. My fiancé covers her own rent and bills (now that she's working). We use my income for dinning out, groceries, shopping etc.

Thanks guys.

I am a bot. Contact pentium4borg with any feedback.