Please, don't be the candy-ass, goody-two-shoe, fruit cake, jack-ass, punk bitch that he is.

• Cousin was good in HS; family is wealthy; dad was an ophthalmologist with his own practice who was in the USAF during Vietnam. My cousin came up easy and was a soft bellied, "nice boy."
• His mom, my aunt, was kept in her place at all times by my uncle and she worshiped his balls. He's an old man, now, but she still waits on him hand and foot. She should, as he gave her a great life, she gave up teaching after her son, my cousin was born, - sound familiar? - there was a time when doctors could make major bank and didn't have a million dollars worth of student loans.
• Remember overhearing at the dinner table on some holiday, years ago, as a kid, when he told her, "if you ever get fat, I'll divorce you." I remember other shit he said to her, but that kind of sticks out.
• His son, my cousin, graduated with all kinds of honors and was a bitch-kid.
• Goes to law school, because, well, he went anyway. No one really knows. Sure as hell don't go there to get rich, but he didn't want to be a doctor like his dad.
• Graduates and moves to Florida.
• Struggles before finally making some real money.
• Gets married to a big titted blonde after 9 months.
• Bitch takes 3 hours in the bathroom just to get the mail.
• Gets pussy drunk.
• Puts a ring on it.
• Tells my uncle, on the wedding day, that he doesn't want to get married and wants to cancel the wedding.
• My uncle tells him to cancel the wedding. Even offers to do it for him. He declines and gets married.
• She was high during the wedding.
• Dumb fuck didn't even notice. Was obvious to me.
• Less than a year later, she wrecked one of his cars.
• Got so high one night she crawled into the dishwasher to sleep.
• Realized he was going to die living with her so he had to get a divorce.
• Waited over a year because of pussy power.
• Was so happy that he didn't have kids with a nut bag.
• Back on his own again as a bankruptcy attorney. Killing it for the first time in his life. Making major $. Has great friends. Life is good for sonny boy.
• Meets a jewish bitch he was in a relationship with at law school.
• He want's to have kids. She already has one.
• Fucks her for a while, puts a ring on it.
• Tells him to become jewish. He's catholic, but only goes to church when people die.
• They make two spawn.
• Bitch has expensive taste. Stops lawyering once kids are born. He does his own fucking laundry even though she's home all day.
• He works 10+ hours a day, every day. Making over 350K a yr.
• Kids get older; spoiled fucking rotten; dad has no spine. They dance on the dining room table and shit. My uncle comes over and takes over. His grandkids love grandpa because he enforces discipline and rewards them for doing what the fuck they should.
• Kids are in school so she runs around all day buying hand bags and talking shop with other jewish women in Boca Raton.
• Checks up on him daily at his office to make sure he's not fucking the help.
• Bitch want's a new house; bitch get's a new house.
• Bitch want's new tits; bitch get's new tits.
• Cousin is working like a dog and becoming a lard ass, putting himself last and neglecting his health, eating out everyday because bitch can't cook for shit.
• Makes more money. Bitch doesn't like his friends. Cousin can't see friends anymore.
• Bitch needs another new house; bitch get's another new house.
• He has to tell her every morning she's beautiful before he goes to work.
• Bitch calls my aunt an alcoholic because she has a glass of wine when they go out to eat. She isn't a booze hound. My uncle wound't tolerate that shit, ever.
• Bitch doesn't like the kitchen so they have it ripped out. Spend like 100k and end up moving because she doesn't like how it turned out and guess what?
• Bitch needs ANOTHER new house; bitch gets ANOTHER new house. This one is 2.5 mil and has a mother fucking moat. A mother fucking moat that runs through the house. And a movie theater; not the homemade kind, the actual professionally-made kind.
• They go on vacation to Rome with the kids and my aunt and uncle, and my cousin tells my aunt he want's to die. Tells her he has life insurance and doesn't care if he lives or not.
• Bitch's mother-in-law tells my aunt, while eating, to go tell bitch that she is beautiful. Aunt is all wtf? Uncle has had enough shit and catches fight home early.
• Bitch now want's vacation house on the Island of Capri.
• Marriage is falling apart (care to guess, why?).
• Cousin tells my aunt / uncle they never did anything for him. They paid his way though school. Uncle hates his son.
• Uncle / aunt send gifts to my cousin for their sons birthday. They text photos of it in the trash and text back, "thanks"
• They will be divorced soon. Set your watch to it.

DON'T BE MY COUSIN; LIFE CAN BE AMAZING; PURSUE YOUR INTERESTS; GOALS; DREAMS; INVEST EARLY; BE HEALTHY, WEALTHY, WIZE. GO TO SLEEP WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND DON'T BE LIKE HIM. PUSSY IS ONLY USEFUL FOR 1 HOUR A DAY, MAYBE. DON'T FUCK YOURSELF.