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On the cowardice of (many of) us (self.GenderCritical)

tauhou が 投稿

I am frequently disturbed by my own cowardice at not saying in public what I really think about trans. And from what I've read, there are many here who are also 'too afraid' to do so. So we continue to let any critique be dominated by the right wing, and we continue to let the narrative spin on. Because of this, I think people like me are implicated in all of it because of our silence and cowardice. I have simply left feminist groups I was once in because of it, but have not said why. I wonder if others feel this way and are wrestling with this side of the equation.

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[–]Imayormaynotexist 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't speak up in front of strangers, mainly because there's not many situations where any of this would come up, but I don't hesitate to speak my mind in front of my family and friends. I know 100% that my family won't abandon me over it (in fact most of my family agree), and even those of my friends who don't fully agree with me respect my views. Because they're, you know, my friends.

Even my libfem sister eventually quietly admitted that she doesn't actually believe MtF are women just that all the ones she's met "have deep-seated body issues and this seems the best solution."

Having said that, I understand people who have incomes at risk would be less likely to speak out.

[–]lavenderamethyst 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Strategy often falls prey to the persuasiveness of urgency. Conditions are not safe for most women to come out. It is okay to prioritize your personal and professional safety as a woman.

.

From a previous comment of mine:

"There are real consequences, and I for one am not willing to risk my career or livelihood-- I haven't the economic privilege to do so. I meditate on this often, because the building pressure and ethical implications of my silence, especially in my field, is killing me. But for many, including many of the women who posted in the peak thread, and current questioning handmaidens, the most effective thing they can do while taking care of themselves is not to 'come out as terfs', but to stop giving them attention; stop responding; stop echoing phrases; stop listening; stop adding; stop affirming; stop engaging. Honestly, depending on how deeply one is entrenched, this is a radical move unto itself. Do we need outspoken women and allies? Absolutely! But this is where women of ability need to step up. Speaking out should not be yet another trauma visited upon women. But we can stop aiding transactivists, we can work on our speech patterns and formulate unassailable vocalizations, and we can support in spirit and in purse those women who are representing us outspokenly."

[–]tauhou[S] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I like your idea of, as I read it, starting with 'stopping', which I have done. That is, refusing to assent. I also have 'come out' in the sense of refusing, when I was still in the groups I have since left, to use language that erases women. Not refusing in some "I refuse!" way, but just going about my business using all the words we're told are verboten. Still, it often feels cowardly to me. So I guess it's something I'll keep chewing over...

[–]terfs-upBetter terf than serf 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This reminds me of the "grey rock" strategy someone here linked to a while ago, meant to be used in light of having a malignant narcissist in one's life.

Just don't feed them energy in either direction.

I think that's one strategy and I don't take it lightly that gender critical people are losing work and getting barred from their fields. In an ideal world, taking a strong stance for your ideals wouldn't be a sentence to poverty. However, I also know that there are people out there who would be GC in a second if only they were exposed to the normal ass people who already are.

I'm on the fence. I do think people should be open to the extent of their abilities/financial stability.

[–]womenhaveovaries 32 ポイント33 ポイント  (6子コメント)

nah. :-) Truly do not be so hard on yourself. Being afraid to speak up (against transgenderism) when transactivists will go to extreme lengths to get you fired from your job as well as prevent you from finding another, when your ability to pay your mortgage is on the line, is not the same thing at all, as someone who actively runs around demanding that everyone else worship transwomen as women.

I am officially retired now, and my limited income is now secure. There's really nothing anybody can do to get me fired from a job cos whoops, don't have one. Plus my house is paid for, with money in the bank, so I really have nothing to lose. And if some big ass man in a dress feels the urge to beat up a petite, obviously medically fragile old lady, then he is the one who is going to jail.

I am quite the fucking loudmouth. wheeeeee. I make them cringe every fucking time I see one and am always looking for opportunities to discuss trangenderism with non-trans. But you know, not a lot of courage required for me... :-)

Words are violent. I murder them all. With words. Yet they refuse to die. Maybe I should try harder.

[–]endofthelinerXX-Marks-My-Sex=Female 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sister!

[–]WrongToyPERF NOT PERV 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (4子コメント)

You know about the 70-year-old old lady who had some dude she could have given birth to wave his erection in her face in the Seattle Y, right?

Privilege goes to the male stating he has the right to erection in the women's, as opposed to women who have a problem with that or men who wish to man up about the obvious problem here.

It's not like men are threatened by FTT in this exact same way, ever.

[–]little_red_lion 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Do you know how threatening you sound telling an old lady that some dude waved his dick in another old lady's face? Do you think you could have said that in another way that isn't so offensive? Jesus.

[–]lonewomanbikerVULVA LA RESISTANCE! 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

it is offensive for the man to be in there naked waving his dong around, dripping on everything.....

I'm afraid that ship that cushioned our ears sailed long ago. I would back right out of there for my own safety.

[–]little_red_lion 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I would too. It absolutely is offensive and a form of sexual harassment. Unfortunately we may well lose all safe private areas. In my state of a man was in a woman's locker room I would have to leave. But the way wrongtoy wrote that sounds just like what MtT write all the time. She didn't need to say it like that.

[–]WrongToyPERF NOT PERV 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm identifying that someone waving an erect penis is intrinsically more a threat to someone without one just sitting there.

The only ones actually benefiting are males who wish to retain their penises and their privilege to get hard around women. Apparently 70-yos.

It's not like a female can display a spontaneous erection, ever.

[–]little_red_lion 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (5子コメント)

My job is not in any way threatened by anyone. But, I would be quiet if it was. The possibility of job loss is def a legit reason to not speak up. I was hesitant for awhile, because my social circle is filled with pro-trans parents of my kids. But I just couldn't take it anymore and I let it all out after Adichie. So far very few people have engaged with me on social media, but 4 friends have come to me and said that they agree with me, they either didn't want to say anything and thought they were alone, or they hit peak trans over the last few months, between the Women's marches and Adichie. Hopefully others will come around soon. Most people don't know what to do with me politically because I am a Marxist and open about it, so they think I must be pro trans. They are confused. But I feel better being honest, I have more confidence about it. ETA: only one person has engaged in person, and it's someone who is also a rad fem ( she doesn't call herself that but those are her views) and she was very supportive. So you never know.

[–]tauhou[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I feel a bit like I'll just cross a line one day and bust out in a blog post or something. Well done you, anyway. I was thinking, too, about all efforts that go on around normalising abortion, women 'coming out' etc. and how, hmmm, is ironic the right word? ... it is that some of the same libfems who will be all for people not being shamed into silence over abortion are eager to silence women's opinions over the erasure of women.

[–]little_red_lion 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's true. I def felt that it was a sort of coming out on social media. Among my family, I was surprised. My mother has always been very much into women's healthcare and women taking care of themselves. I couldn't believe it when she basically told me I was being a bigot. I thought she would be on our side. Now it's like the damn has broke. My whole FB is just rad fem stuff. Hahaha

[–]WrongToyPERF NOT PERV 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Silence is not consent. But people are silenced to keep their jobs, and loved ones can't defend them. It is an actual factual situation that if it hasn't happened to you yet, eventually will.

[–]little_red_lion 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Didn't I say above that if my job could be threatened I wouldn't speak up? You don't know me and you don't know my job so don't tell me that I should be quiet because someday it might be. Of course silence isn't consent. But those of us who do feel safe should. If anything so that people who can't know that they arent alone. Slow your roll.

[–]WrongToyPERF NOT PERV 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm merely pointing out that just b/c anyone is less threatened now job-wise doesn't mean they won't be later. It actually factually happens. That was my point, that being safe now does not at all does not at alll ensure being safe tomorrow.

[–]Amareldys 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Be brave when you feel brave. It is a start

[–]things_to_know 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

So, I mean, this is really the crux of one of the largest issues, in my opinion. I don't think it's a surprise to anyone that echo chambers, aggression, and the silencing any voice of dissent aren't particularly conducive to societal development, but at the same time, these are traps that people fall into time and again. Evidently, in order to actually be heard, one has to fling themselves into the opposition, hoping for the best.

That being said, you can't personally take that all on yourself. I feel that both sides have the responsibility to bring themselves to the table to talk, but if anyone feels that can't do that because they might be threatened or attacked, that doesn't reflect on them as much as it reflects on the current state of things.

It's important to fight for things you believe in, but it's also important to know your limitations. There are many different ways to fight for a cause and get your voice heard. Hopefully this doesn't come off as egotistical, but if I could offer advice I'd recommend trying to just find one or two people of opposing viewpoints to converse with. Personally, I've found that people in things like math, physics and chemistry tend to look at things more objectively, but that could just be my personal bias. Either way, openly debating with two people might not seem like much, but I think having any sort of discussion with people from a group that might otherwise not give you a chance to say anything is a great step forward.

[–]WrongToyPERF NOT PERV 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Because, consequences. Like getting disappeared from Facebook or from Reddit. Like losing your job. Like being smeared as "racist! sexist! anti-gay!" when you're totally not.

Just because minor FTTs are insisting in high school that they are men doesn't mean that they are. If they actually are, that would mandate their housing in male prisons if convicted as they'd equally insist, correct? Like, they would commit crimes at exactly the same rate as biological males because they identify, correct?

The first FTTs who insist on being transferred to San Quentin or any male prison ever, call me.

[–]endofthelinerXX-Marks-My-Sex=Female 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Don't be forced by anyone to comment when you don't feel secure enough to do that.

Like "womenhaveovaries", I'm retired as well but also live in a pretty conservative area, so even if I did discuss it, I think I could at least get women to understand the radfem view, or at least the biological facts. The only person close to me who disagrees (somewhat) is my millennial grandson. My own son agrees w/me, though; he's 57 and was raised around my activism.