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My Life is Going to Shit... (self.opiates)

dori_88 が 投稿

I woke up this morning at 2am to my dad demanding to know where I hid my pills. Finally by 3am, I let him know because goddammit I just want some sleep. Nope, yelling ensues, pills get flushed down the toilet, and it's now 5am and dad's telling me I'm a drug addict, not in pain and that everything is hopeless for me.

So many mixed emotions right now. He says if I really care about getting better I'll stop taking the pills and stop doing that, that I'll get off of my computer and not be online anymore.

So, I think I'll be losing access to this forum in the next few days to prove to dad I care more about him than drugs or something.

I'm just a mess right now.

How he knew I even had pills is beyond me but he must've realized I was feeling better so he figured I had extra medication - he was right. Ugh.

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[–]wolfmans_cousin 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (11子コメント)

I've read all your posts and your situation is so fucked up its difficult to offer any substantial advice or comfort. To be honest I do believe you have overbearing parents but you have a lot of issues your not confronting and are undoubtedly delusional about your part in this shitty puzzle. Can you please explain a little on how your almost 30 but you "can't work because of how your dad set up your taxes"? This boggles my mind.

[–]driving_slow_2 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Can you please explain a little on how your almost 30 but you "can't work because of how your dad set up your taxes"? This boggles my mind.

I busted out laughing

[–]i_sink_and_I_DIE 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (3子コメント)

literally laughed like a madman too - i would've run away from home 15 years ago if i were them

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I'm considering doing it now for real. I just need to be sure I can handle consequences like losing my health insurance, home, and life pretty much.

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Until you realize that you moving out is not losing your life but rather getting it BACK, you will never get anywhere.

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ya. Maybe I just need to run at this point. I don't know. I'll probably spend the next couple of days collecting myself and then maybe figure out a plan I can stick to.

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Edit: Sorry this information is to personal/close to home to have floating around the internet, I get that there are holes in it, but I'm not even comfortable sharing this little part of it so, I'm sure as hell not comfy sharing all the details.

[–]wolfmans_cousin 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

That's a pretty wild story, trying to respect your privacy but at the same time I can't help but wonder what the nature of his business is. Can't think of any besides maybe firearms that would interfere with a criminal record. Anyway..

Dude, your 28. He's giving you a minimum wage salary to use our identity on a 7 figure income, that's the worst deal I've ever heard. Time to pony up and be your own woman. Branch off and start your own path in life. How long can you live in his shadow being a puppet? When you lived independently was that on your own income or your dads pay?

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not guns - casinos.

[–]Phaedrug 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You need to speak to a lawyer ASAP and get the fuck out of that situation. Otherwise you're going to end up in prison for helping your dad.

[–]Ohpeeitz 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

What did I just read?....that story has more holes in it than my veins.

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I feel like everything really spiraled out of control for you when you got prescribed your fentanyl patches. I'm surprised your dad isn't trying to get you off of those, to be honest. I have a feeling he doesn't really understand how they work/what they are. Be prepared for him to call your doctor since, as you said before, you signed your patient's rights over to your parents. It's going to be difficult to be scripted any opiates further down the line since Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction can be made worse by them and in some cases can even be caused by them. I hope the best for you, I really do. I have been here for a year next month and have been following your story as a lurker for almost 5 years.

What makes me SO angry is that your dad is adamant that treatment is a "waste of money" and even after everything that has happened with your brother he IS SO BLIND that he REFUSES to see that you truly are POWERLESS to do this on your own!!! Ugh... I just want to FUCKING SHAKE HIM!!! I wish I didn't live in this miserably cold, frigid Midwest town because I would love to get together with you! I honestly think you would benefit from alternatives like Kratom... I know you are knowledgeable about opiates and honestly even with your tolerance Kratom would REALLY be beneficial for you! My girlfriend jumped off a 75mcg fentanyl patch after almost a decade of use plus 40mg oxycodone a day with Kratom and Kratom alone. PM me if you want to chat. All my love.

[–]dori_88[S] -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Ya I mean I'm willing to go to treatment, I'm just not sure it's going to help and I sure as hell don't want to get permanently labeled as an addict and having gone to rehab because I have these legitimate issues and I don't want to be screwed up in terms of treatment.

Like right now, I'm at my hematologists office getting IV fluids, nausea meds, zantac, and yes, pain medication IV. There's definitely a need for it, my bloodwork this morning shows slightly elevated pancreatic enzymes which means I now need to go on a clear liquid diet for the next few days.

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Believe it or not, treatment doesn't keep you from permanently getting opioids. My best friend went to treatment twice; once in 2010 and once in 2011, both times she received Methadone and as early as 2013 she started getting painkillers from her doctor again. Last August, so just 5 1/2 years later she got accepted into a pain clinic and has even been on the same insurance. So the doctor CAN use the monitoring system to look back 8 years but I guess not all of them will? Still, sometimes it's a matter of life and death, Dori. Sometimes you don't need rehab but you need something to change your state of mind. The longer you tell yourself that you "need" strong pain killers, the longer you're going to allow yourself to be under control. I don't know everything about your condition but I have some degree of medical training and "slightly elevated" levels does not warrant a dilaudid button.

[–]dori_88[S] -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

They're slightly elevated which is abnormal for me now. My pancreas is so damaged that even when in a flare my levels won't even elevate anymore. So the fact that they're even a little bit abnormal illustrates that something major is going on right now. The doctor here might send me down to the ER if the vomiting doesn't clear up, because it's been continuous for hours now.

[–]Sm0key914 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Honestly your life ain't that bad. You have your own script for opiates and you don't have too work because your father gives you a allowance. You also claim you have a trust fund with millions..

Move out and get a job?

[–]heyfreshhhhh 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Her father is using her name to commit fraud and doesn't even give her an allowance, so she is committing felonies for her dad for worse than free. While she is in denial about many things like her addiction, her parents are also controlling and sound nuts. Two wrongs don't make a right.

[–]Sm0key914 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ok and still she can move out and get a job

[–]Zev_Love_X 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Ohh fuck that. I would've never told him where those were. Why didn't you tell him to get out of your room and deal with this in the AM? And then he flushed them? Ohhhhh fuck nooo

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I tried but he kept grilling me and not letting me sleep. After about an hour I was like "fuck it" and he went into a rage. Good luck on me getting any sleep now.

[–]heyfreshhhhh 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (4子コメント)

You just recently said you're sticking to your scripts and now you're getting extra pills off the street? Something isn't adding up, Dori.

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I think her fentanyl patches skyrocketed her tolerance honestly. Ever since you got them u/dori_88 it's been a fast decline. Girl, if your parents aren't letting you allocate your money towards treatment, it might be time to fight the inner addict and threaten them into doing it.

[–]heyfreshhhhh 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Honestly I think she should just stick to her script and stop binging and stop buying extra. If she's in pain, she should be medicated, but stick to her script to avoid all these issues...

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think you're right. It's a struggle but I think the ER needs to come before buying pills it's just such a dehumanizing process when you constantly need the ER.

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ya I broke down this past weekend. I was unfortunately unsuccessful in trying to manage without.

[–]YourHeroinNeed you like water in my lungs 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Time to move out or follow his rules

[–]punkchic87My bright is too slight to hold back all of my dark 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sorry things are so rough for you right now. If you ever need a friendly ear, please please feel free to PM me, I can give you my email if it helps with staying off of reddit.

You seem like a genuinely good person who is in pain and suffering and I wish I could help you.

Don't struggle alone, please know I'm here to listen if you need it, I wish you nothing but the best and i'm sending postitive thoughts your way.

[–]tachibanakanadechemical queen 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (23子コメント)

How old are you?

Tell him to eat a dick if you're 18+. He needs to chill and leave you alone.

[–]kaif_veenisIf you dissolve in water/citric/alcohol you'll go in to my veins 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (18子コメント)

Their house their rules.

[–]tachibanakanadechemical queen 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (17子コメント)

that's not how it works for adults. legally an adult can't have their computer, their drugs/medicine, etc. taken away from them even if it's in someone else's house.

[–]kaif_veenisIf you dissolve in water/citric/alcohol you'll go in to my veins 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (3子コメント)

You could also be kicked out of your home.

[–]tachibanakanadechemical queen 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

not if you've been living there for a certain amount of time. in some states, if you've been living there for a certain amount of time, you can't just be kicked out. you have to formally be evicted.

[–]needtopass00 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Well then she'll get 30 days notice and then kicked out. Not much better and she'll also have an eviction on her record. It's really hard to get an apt after that.

[–]PM_ME_OPIATESnahhhhh 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

3 days in some states

Even worse

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (12子コメント)

I'm confused. It's illegal to remove illegal contraband from your own home? Even if she pays rent, even if she's considered a "tenant", it's illegal contraband.

[–]tachibanakanadechemical queen 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (11子コメント)

If they're pills, prescribed to her, they're not illegal contraband.

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (10子コメント)

You haven't been following her posts and didn't read this one right. He knows about the 5s that are prescribed to her and he controls them. The ones he took are the 30s that she buys and he suspected her of having. AFAIK he's caught her buying extras at least one other time.

Edit: I know it's confusing because she said "medication" but she calls them that even when they're purchased and not prescribed.

[–]heyfreshhhhh 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (8子コメント)

he controls them

Adults shouldn't be controlling another adult's medication. Isn't that illegal unless the patient is incapacitated, which Dori isn't?

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (7子コメント)

She lets him though. She talks in other posts about how she shouldn't have but after her brother she felt bad so she did. I think it's more of her being afraid that they will cut her off the money that's in her name if she doesn't; but it's in her name to keep the Feds from seizing it in my summation so they can't, they're just manipulating her into making her think they can.

[–]heyfreshhhhh 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (6子コメント)

I don't get why her parents are so controlling when they rely on her not sending her dad to prison! I'd think that if her dad were depending on using her name for whatever it is he is doing, he'd treat her well and provide her a generous allowance. Something doesn't add up. Why should Dori help her dad commit felonies for worse than free?

[–]dori_88[S] -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Why should Dori help her dad commit felonies for worse than free?

That's kinda my attitude at the moment and that might be fucking me up. Ya know? Like a sense of entitlement because, what? He stole my identity? It's an insane situation.

But I think the bottom line is right, I'm addicted, I'm in a lot of pain, and I need to just stick to my script. I also need to get a job, dad swore up and down to me this morning that he was working as best he can to move things out of my personal name and into a trust and/or business so I can start to build my own life.

Which is progress? I guess?

In the meantime he wants to take away my bank account and restrict phone/computer access and be at every doctor's appointment. I might seek out a lawyer and see what I can do about the situation on my own, but I think my best bet is going to play nice with my dad and hey, it wouldn't kill me to just stick to my script as prescribed.

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I wish I could. I'm 28. It's disgusting. I'm trying to do my best and he chastized me for acting/being like a child but honestly what does he expect? I moved home this past summer following spine surgery and he's limited my life in so many ways. All I want to do is work but I can't do that because he has my taxes set up in such a way that if I do work I fuck things up. I'm rich or some bullshit but I don't get to see any of my money. He's restricted me and restricted me and restricted me that I have no freedom anymore. Now he wants to take away my bank account, computer, phone, basically everything, because he can and I can't do very much about it.

[–]MayorOfGonewild 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Point blank, you need to stop playing the victim here.

[–]tachibanakanadechemical queen 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Call APS. He can't do that and this seems like it should qualify as abuse, especially since you're injured.

[–]dori_88[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

yah ... at this point I'm thinking APS or something similar or running away and going no contact is going to be my best bet.

[–]rawas1978 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is very confusing, OP. I mean if you are almost 30 years old, how come you live at your parents? Why can't you work because of taxes?

And how can he restrict your money? you said you are rich.. Your parents should not be able to block your own bank account? There are just so many weird stuff in your story, no offence: Im just curious to know the details

[–]Nowistimetopretend 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Can't belive you told him. So he saw you were happy and thought it was drugs? I don't know what's more ironic, that or the fact he was right. Whenever I even act slightly less miserable I get accusations flung at me..

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (5子コメント)

He came at me with a lot of empathy, "we need to get you help, we'll figure this out, we'll get through this, etc., I think you're on pills it has me up at 2am, after your brother, I'm so worried." and then when I told him he flew into a rage and now I'm dead to him now.

[–]Nowistimetopretend 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (1子コメント)

No your not dead to him man, he's just mad because he cares. If you were dead to him he wouldn't care at all.

[–]dori_88[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yah, it just seemed so Mr. Jeckle & Mr. Hyde ya know?

[–]Phaedrug 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

You're not dead to him because if you got the notion you could send him to prison for the rest of his life. Take some responsibility and do something about this situation.

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Well I definitely don't want to send him to prison for the rest of his life. I just need out of the situation myself, but I don't know to do that other than to cooperate with my dad. Which, is what I've been doing. It's just a long, slow, and agonizing process. It's hard as hell and sucks but I've just been sucking it up, ya know?

[–]Phaedrug 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Please talk to a lawyer. This could have severe consequences for you as well.

[–]Joltzzzz 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ugh. Dori, so sorry you've got drama right now. Nothing like stress to aggravate a pain/health condition, too. Your parents are obviously just worried. Seems like you have little choice right now... right now you need your parents support & health insurance. Once this blows over, try to stick to your script for awhile so you can start laying the groundwork for independence, whatever that means to you. If I had access to millions I'd personally buy & manage some real estate - a few doubles, living in one unit and using the others for income... basically, tho, w that cash you have options. Besides, a pain condition is usually a buzz kill, anyway cause the opiate script jacks up tolerance and between pain & tolerance it gets damn hard to chase dat buzz.

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (9子コメント)

What are you going to do if your dad contacts your doctor?

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (8子コメント)

I get to find out in person. He's coming to my next appointment. What's probably going to come out of that is the following:

  • Continuing the Fentanyl Patches
  • Removing the Oxycodone
  • Replacing it with something for breakthrough like Opana or Dilaudid and only 15 - 20 tablets of those medications.

That would for those times when the pain really does suck not just when I feel I need it. Worst case, they put me just on the Fentanyl alone and call it a day.

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (3子コメント)

So there's no chance of your dad asking if fentanyl is as addictive as oxycodone and then telling the doctor about you buying extra pills? I would never allow my parents to attend my appointments, living with them be damned.

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Ya unfortunately, I don't know how to tell him, "no," I tried telling him those appointments are my business and I can't be treated like a pediatric patient. It's difficult ya know? But I don't think he's going to cause a discontinuation of my medication because he understands the situation to a degree. He claims he just wants to hear the talk/how those appointments go and not say anything. We'll see. I'll work on it with him.

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

He also claimed to be all understanding and empathetic when asking where your extras were then, as you said, went all "Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde" on you. What's to say he won't pull the same shit tomorrow?

[–]heyfreshhhhh 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Right? Why is she letting him go to her appointments? She puts herself under more and more of their control and then gets (understandably) upset and complains about it...all this can be prevented by NOT giving him so much control and NOT giving him MORE control. WTF.

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I just don't get it. Opana and Dilaudid are even more addictive than Oxycodone; is your dad not aware of this? I don't see him allowing you to get a script of either of those while refusing you to continue your script of Oxycodone. What part of him thinks that you're going to stop buying street Oxycodone just because you're being scripted a different opioid, especially an even stronger one? For somebody who's already had one child died of an overdose, he is EXTREMELY uninformed. Either that or you're ignorant to what is really going to happen.

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

well the overall dosage of medication comes down if I get 15 5mg opana tablets that's about the equivalent of 150mg of oxycodone versus the 300mg I normally get. Ultimately, the doctor could just prescribe 10mg of Oxycodone with 15 pills. It's all the same thing at the end of the day. I just think calling it something different helps my dad get past the "popular street drug" attitude and into the "medical need" attitude part of it.

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I don't know man, "oxymorphone" would sound pretty damn scary to me as an opiate-naive person. You already were scripted the oxycodone as it is, so it's not as though you were JUST getting them off the street.

I don't know how else to tell you that you're either in serious denial or trying to pull one over without sounding like a bitch.

[–]dori_88[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

No, now I'm confused, I totally know I'm at fault here, with my bad behavior, but like I'm just relaying what my dad has vocalized to me but, I don't know what he's really thinking ya know?

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Actually Dori, now that I think on it, you're not a minor, therefore unless you allowed your dad to be PoA (Power of Attorney) on your bank accounts, they're joint accounts and he can't close them without you. Are they in your name with him as PoA? If so, does he have you considered a "vulnerable adult?"

[–]Oxytocinendorphin 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Does he have access to your cell phone bill? Maybe he's reading your texts.....In any event I can relate to your situation on many levels. You got this!

[–]kingofthegypsies26 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Been lurking for quite a while, but never felt the need to speak up. HOWEVER....you do need to grow up. Get yourself into rehab and quit complaining about "how bad" you've got it. You sound like a spoiled brat with major daddy issues. FFS ~ get some help.

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (5子コメント)

You're not a lurker; you're a well-known user who doesn't wanna get flamed and looked at differently for your opinion 😉

[–]kingofthegypsies26 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Why could that be, unless....long lurkers feel the same and are just kissing her ass in "public." And exactly whose side are you on Princess P? You stated that her dad had the right to seize her illegal pills because she's a tenant. I think you secretly love that Dori's house of cards is falling down! 😂

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I meant legally has the right. As far as morally, I honestly think everyone is guilty in this situation. I feel for Dori, I really do; but I also believe in tough love and that she needs to be forced to see the truth of her situation in order to start getting on the right path in her life. I understand chronic pain. I have a nasty (in all senses of the word), horrific chronic skin disease (hidradenitis) as well as cervical spine issues, facet joint issues, lumbar spine issues, tenosynivitis in both wrists, interstitial cystitis, plantar fasciitis and if you can believe it even more painful health problems but I have to stick to my script along with occasional herbal remedies or else I'd be fucked at the end of the month. I don't want to fuck up my tolerance and being a stay-at-home mom who relies on her husband's income, I can't afford to buy pills off the street and I can't afford to be short on pill counts or fail UAs. I DO however experience the same temptation on the daily to take an extra pill, I just have the self-control not to because I literally CANNOT do it.

Dori is different. She doesn't get UAs or pill counts which makes it easier to deviate from her script and she even gets an (albeit small) allowance every month. The only money I get ever is birthday or Christmas money from my Grandma. I really do think it would help for her to go to treatment at this point because I don't see things getting any better for her and I think, as sad and sick as it sounds, that her parents benefit from her situation in a multitude of ways.

[–]kingofthegypsies26 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Totally agree with the above! Sorry I came off as rude...I'm in the same boat you're in. I do apologize. I'm just tired, been cleaning house today, although that's no excuse. One reason I do think I'm so hard on Dori is because I see myself in her. Although I'm much older, I just wish I could shake some sense into her. It's none of my business though, and I wouldn't have listened to anyone when I was her age. I wish the best for her and I hope you have a good afternoon, PP! 😊

[–]Princess_PoppyShine on me baby, cuz it's raining in my heart. 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You too and it's cool, I totally get it! 👍

[–]heyfreshhhhh 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Why is it so hard for people to get that while Dori is at fault for some things, her parents are also behaving badly? Two sides can be wrong, you know?