I'm on an alt right now, obviously, but I do post on Reddit a lot. I also have swim practice about 2.5 hours total per day. Other than that I do homework. I was in a high achievement program in middle school and got into a stem-focused high school where they had advanced courses. I was able to take APES and AP Bio in sophomore year, then APUSH, AP Lang, AP Calc AB in junior year. This whole time I was getting all A's except for math which has always been a slight struggle area. In junior year I would essentially wake up at 6:30 to go to school, get home and work for 1 hour, go to swimming, get home and work for a few more precious minutes, go to calc tutoring, get home at 10:30 or 11, finish my work, and go to bed. It was exhausting. Then senior year I had an even harder course load. AP Lit, AP physics (e&m and mechanics at the same time) AP calc BC, AP comp sci. I didn't have tutoring anymore but I still worked hard and managed to pull a 4.0 after having a B+ in calc but cramming for the semester final and getting 100%.

I never took standardized test prep classes or anything because I was just generally pretty good at them and though it would be unnecessary. When I got my scores back, I thought to myself, these aren't perfect but it isn't worth it to try to get perfect scores.

Now I am at a loss. What should I have done differently? Swimming left me no time for extracurriculars. Was that the mistake? Should I have gotten a tutor earlier in junior year to prevent me from getting that B and B+ and bumped my GPA up that many more hundredths of a point? Should I have tried for a perfect SAT or ACT? I would have been able to but I just never thought it would be worthwhile.

Now I'm here. I didn't even apply to UW because they didn't have men's swimming. I will probably wind up at Cascadia or Bellevue College like all of the others who didn't try even one tenth as hard as me, who aren't as smart as me, who had free time to party and go out and have relationships and friendships that I missed out on. I always saw myself as somehow superior to them at some level. Like all of my hard work would pay off and I would be their boss some day and all of the stuff I sacrificed or missed out on in my childhood would somehow be repaid later in life.

Do you know what happened when I visited uChicago? Our tour guide told a story about how he was failing his math class at the school and his teacher helped him and worked with him after hours and in the end, he improved his grade to a C and was going to pass the class. But then the teacher gave him an A in the class for working so hard. That story was nice to hear back then. But now I can only feel hatred towards him. He didn't deserve to get in to that school. He didn't deserve that A. It feels like the exact opposite of what he described has happened to me right now. I was working hard yet get nothing, he has the liberty to be a dumbass and gets in and even gets a fucking A for the intellectual equivalent of a "most improved" trophy.

I'm posting in drama of all places because I always would browse here on my main. You guys probably will cyberbully me but you are good at making that funny which is what I need right now.