Since the last year, I've lost a total of 56 pounds and I'm currently 145 pounds at my height of 5'1" and while I'm very happy for myself, I still feel down on luck with guys. I had a pretty humiliating experience at the bar last weekend, I had went out with two of my close girlfriends who are beautiful and thin and nothing like me. We were sitting at the bar when this guy approached me who I thought was so adorable and initiated conversation with me..we spoke for at least twenty minutes. Eventually he said that he had to leave and so I told him that I enjoyed talking to him and we should chill again - so that's when he told me that he was actually interested in my friend but was too nervous to approach her and wanted me to hook them up. So yeah I felt like a complete idiot, I mean I don't know how I thought a guy like that would ever approach someone like me and clearly I was proven right. But, I mean I told my friend that he was interested and they hit it off pretty well so there was a positive outcome. My main object for my weight loss was obviously my health but a huge motivator to even lose the weight was wanting to actually be seen and noticed. I wanted guys to approach me and actually think I'm pretty. I didn't want to feel embarrassed when I went out with my friends because I couldn't ever compare to their looks. I lost such a substantial amount of weight and nothing has changed. I'm still the odd one out. My goal weight is 110 pounds but I don't know if those 35 pounds will make any difference for me.

I'm sorry you had that experience, and I'm glad to hear you're looking on the positive side. You've done really well, and your body will be really thanking you for all the effort you've put in.

I think I know where you're coming from - there are all these logical reasons you KNOW you should be pleased about, when it comes to your weight loss, but in your heart, you can't hide from the fact you were hoping for a bunch of other stuff. Even though you know that there's loads of good reasons you should be pleased with your success, this stuff is still really important to you?

I can't fault that. Keep working on yourself. Go out, get your nails and hair done, get yourself a new outfit and get your grooming on point. And don't feel down that one guy you liked was after your friend. It's not a measure of your worth, or how attractive you are. It's just one guy that thought your friend looked hot, and that you might be a good road in.

You did great. Don't let it knock your confidence.

Sorry that some idiot knocked your confidence like that. Don't think of it as "a guy like him would ever approach someone like you". As a guy I guarantee that there are guys at any bar you go to that are just too nervous to speak to you. Try to enjoy the night and you'll be surprised how many more people will speak to you when you're less worried about pulling and just having fun in the moment.

You've done great to get this far. Don't let this derail that. Be your own plan A not someone else's plan B.

Seriously consider whether you're looking in the right place for the person you want to date. I wanted to find someone like me, who liked to play boardgames, binge-watch horrible TV, and bring Thai takeout to the park and watch the ducks. I figured that person probably didn't hang out at bars or parties because I didn't hang out there---and that's nothing against bars or parties, but they're very uncomfortable places for someone with an anxiety disorder, so I was never going to be able to be my best self in those places even if I did meet someone great.

Online dating was a great fit for me. It was fun, it was pretty easy to screen people, and it made it much more likely that I would meet someone else who was also a bit of a homebody. I didn't take it too seriously and just focused on having a good time.

Don't let your weight keep you from living your life. I didn't. I met my SO of nearly 4yrs completely by accident, probably only 25lbs short of my highest weight. He's been crazy about me since day 1 and we're still stupidly in love.

One guy, in one bar.

Your guy is out there, you didn't want that fucking douchebag asshat anyway. I mean he is a really and truly shitty person. I have a feeling he won't last too long with your friend.

If a guy talks to you so that he can hookup with your friend then he really is not the guy uou want to be with us it? I am now in my 50's and I have been in too many bars. The nicest people in bars or clubs tend to be too shy to talk to members of the opposite sex. Its not the easiest thing to do. It sucks when people judge a book by the cover. Maturity hopefully overcomes that, but some people never get past. I have dated and had some outstanding times with many "average" looking women. They have personality, wit, charm, which all turn into sexiness. Confidence & Attitude are qualities that are what make a woman attractive to me. I dong think bars are s great place to meet the man of your dreams, one night stands definitely. Google other ways to meet men? I met my wife on Craigslist and all I did was advertise for a dinner date. Our first date wss awkward and was probably a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10. Luckily she agreed to a 2nd date and that went much better. Many ways to get yourself out there. My father always told us, " Nothing good happens in a bar after 1100 pm" and looking back at my life, he was 100% right abiut that. Dont give up your prince is oug there.

While you definitely shouldn't let one night out get you down. The more weight you lose the more it shows, as you get smaller each pound makes a bigger difference in your appearance. I only had an extra 35 pounds on me to begin with and I've had countless people say I look like a totally different person now. I don't have any pics of my highest (+35lbs) because I was camera shy at that weight but here are pics of me at probably +25-30lbs and now to prove my point. Also keep in mind that your weight possibly had absolutely nothing to do with it, maybe he just really liked your friend's smile, laugh, hair or another of her countless features that differ from yours. We tend to automatically jump to the thing we're most insecure about, that's a normal reaction but don't let it drag you down.

You're looking at this all wrong!

1) Like others said already, he seems like a cuntnugget and you dodged a bullet!

2) It's not necessarily about your weight! You may have goals set to become thinner but that doesn't make you large in size now or unattractive. I bet you are just as stunning as the friends who went with you. It honestly comes down to confidence. Own your body. Own who you are and how you look. Embrace your beauty just as it is (continue your journey until you're happy). You could be a size 00 and if you aren't confident and don't love yourself, it shows. Men can sniff that shit out like dogs. There is nothing more attractive and beautiful than a woman, no matter the size, who loves herself and lets it show.

You have lost 56 lbs! You should be happy with your accomplishments! Show off how far you have come and stand tall with confidence! You deserve to!

Also, any man you're going to pick up at a bar like that, is probably not the kind of guy who deserves a woman who has the ambition and drive to lose 56 lbs. I mean honestly, girl, include the 200 lbs of asshole that he was and you can safely say you lost 256 lbs!

I don't care if you look like a model -- if a guy approaches you and talks to you for the sole purpose of using you to get to your friend, he's a jerk. That's about him, not about you.

Honestly, don't worry. This is coincidence.

You're feeling great thanks to your amazing progress. You had a less than perfect night which sucks, but don't let it stop you.

Just because you perceive your friends as beautiful doesn't mean you are not. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder​.

Stuck with it and message me if I can help.

X

If it's any consolation I've had no luck with the ladies post-weight loss either. I feel like I'll never meet anyone at this point. There are worse fates, though. :)

I've gotta agree with these other replies, that guy sounds awful. Did he really think the winning strategy was "talk to her friend instead of her, then tell said friend you didn't really want to be talking with her?"

.. Really?

I don't believe in "the one," but I agree with the other posters. Keep taking care of yourself, and a good guy will come along who is just as into you as you are into him.

first of all, any guy who does this needs to be told off. i know it's common, but like what happened to you, it's really disheartening and kind of mean.

secondly, echoing that the kind of guys who meet people at bars and clubs maybe aren't the kind of guy who would be into you. by which i mean, a lot of them are douchebags. also, yes, on your frame 35 pounds will make a very big difference in your appearance as well as your confidence. you've done amazing so far, you've got this.

Just to confirm something, you are definitely NOT the idiot in that situation! I'm sorry that dude made such a pleasant interaction into awkward city. Your progress is fantastic and I hope you stop comparing yourself to your buddies because your own achievement is inspiring and you should be proud of your own self. You deserve it!

I'm a male. That's really awesome of you to hook them up anyway! That shows you have good character. That guy might be alright. He just had a focus, maybe you could follow up with him and be like how did it go ect ect. Maybe will realize the better option is not what he was after in the first place.

Weight is just one aspect of attractiveness. Your hair, make up, posture all play a role. Maybe you could post a pic and see if there's something else you could look at. It will happen if you put in effort.

Maybe next time you see a guy. Try to sit next to him with your friends..and just toss him a compliment and offer to buy him a drink..I would be charmed and definitely put some effort into talking to a lady like that goes after what she wants. Confidence is a two way street. Very attractive.

My go to ice breaker. Is "what is a perfect day like for you?" You can tell a lot about a person based on their ideal day. Sounds cheesy but it worked for me.

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Hey! Of course it makes a difference. But besides the visual difference, when we become more confident after we lost weight, that's when people really look twice. Why don't you try approaching a cute guy next time, instead of waiting to be approached? I also recommend changing something in your look, like getting a haircut/color you've always wanted, a tattoo or piercing, or just getting some new clothes you thought you couldn't wear before. Show off your personality! Then people who are similar to you will be naturally attracted. People aren't as attractive as they are thin, ok? You're doing great!

Don't let one bad experience get you down! You want to find someone who loves you at any weight.... not your goal weight. Bars are fun and cool place to flirt.... but rarely are places that people are looking for more than a hot piece of ass. The more confident you feel about yourself the more guys will notice you!

Great job on losing weight!! Keep it up 😀

you were brave enough to put yourself out there and go for it with a guy. whether he wanted to hang with you again or with your friend, he bailed. you don't want to deal with a "nice guy" like that

So obviously yes to echo what everyone else said.

But I thought I would also let you know to keep going and stick it out and soon you will have more attention than you'll probably be comfortable with. I'm 5'1.5" and didn't start getting any attention whatsoever from guys until I hit 130. Then I started to get attention from pretty decent looking guys at 120. And now that I'm at 115 it is almost overwhelming (because I'm not used to it). I'm also aiming for 110, but am a little scared at this point how bad it will get. I'm learning the art of the "resting bitch face" let's just say!

Stick it out and keep losing and you will have plenty of men to choose from. ;)

You need to come to a place mentally where "someone like you" is amazing, beautiful and so kick-ass fabulous that you have the ability to lose FIFTY SIX POUNDS. That's almost 40% of your current body weight. Just because you have skinny friends who are possibly conventionally attractive does not mean that the difference between you and them is "pretty vs. ugly".

Once you get there, you'll maybe look at the situation differently. As an outsider I read it as you talked to a nice guy for twenty minutes who ended up saying that he was using you to get to your friend, which is shitty. He is shitty. I probably wouldn't have bothered to help him get with my friend. I'd tell my friend what happened and my friend would think he's shitty too.

hey op, don't feel down. You're making progress, and approaching a healthy weight.

If you really want to meet guys, get on tinder. Use pics of you sayyyy 15 lb's heavier. You'll get matches. And you know if they're into you at a less desirable point than you currently are, you should be GOLDEN.

Is your friend intentionally using you as a wingman (wingwoman?) and are you aware that that is exactly what happened? I'd say spend less time in the bars for beautiful people and try to form relationships with people that have shared interests. I am shorter than you (4'11"), and when I was 145, the guys were swarming. Part of that might be personality/confidence related, but I'm betting the bigger part is that I run in geek social circles, and they tend to be slightly less focused on looks (and as a bonus, the guys I meet are usually pretty intelligent, interesting, and share common interests). The experience you described here sounds terrible, and I'm sorry that happened to you.