I've been feeling pretty shitty for the past couple of days for some reason. I think it was most likely because most of my attention was withdrawn from the present moment into my monkey mind. I spent a lot of time thinking about how I don't belong anywhere, how I don't fit into any group or category. Somehow though, underneath that sadness, I was aware of this peace in the background. It's like even though I felt shitty, I was aware of the fact that how I felt in those moments couldn't possibly last forever. As if my thoughts and feelings were just dark clouds floating by in the sky of my consciousness.

Anyway, It hit me this morning (on the way home from a night shift) that the fact that I don't fit into society isn't a bad thing at all. Not being able to identify with any group of people is actually liberating because it gives me freedom to be what I am regardless of what society thinks.

I am a solitary man, that's just how it is. There's no use in fighting it. Since I rebel against society and i am all for freedom, it's only natural that i'm not going to fit into any box and i'm going to have a difficult time coming across people I truly connect with. I actually don't mind spending most of my time alone and the only time I feel lonely is when i identify with a thought in my mind that says something like "it's bad to be alone" or "Normal people don't spend this much time alone". From now on, I'm going to make a conscious decision to just let those thoughts be and allow them to float by like clouds in the sky.

This realization actually helped me come up with a title for this rap album I've been working on but couldn't come up with a name. I am now going to call it 'Solitary Man'. I might share with you guys the first song off it in due time.

Peace!